Done with finals for my Year2 Semesters 1. Holiday time for 3 weeks. Sad to say..had to end my finals and begin my holiday by falling sick with food poisoning. Up till today, the stomach still feels weird and I have to constantly watch what I eat. NO oily, spicy, fried food for me till I'm fully recovered.
Not much updates though. Been too sick to do anything. ^.^
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Upcoming Events!
--> 3rd - 6th Oct = CF camp in Cameron
--> 10th Oct = Confirmation date
--> 16th Oct = GA 611 3rd anniversary
ONE AFTER ANOTHER
One after another of what? Miracles? Sad events? Exciting events? Boggly events? Worried events? Depressed events?
All of those...one after another just come pouring in since my last entry. If I dont pour it all now, I'd probably forget it. So, since it's still fresh in my mind, might as well share with you peeps.
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Well, a few weeks ago, Elisha introduced me to this guy, KY (Kai Yan) through msn, asking me to pray for him, as he has an interview the next day. So, I actually typed out a long prayer. Since that day, KY and I do chat on msn, checking on the progress of his search for a new job and the interviews. He did promise Elisha and me that he'll treat us crabs if he managed to change his job. So, I'm sure Elisha prayed a lot. As for me, when I see him online, then only I remember praying. Things did look on the bright side. Yesterday morning, Elisha broke the super happy news to me that KY managed to get the new job. He'll be resigning on Thurs and start work on..I can't remember when. Hooray!! Crabs here we come!!
But one thing that amaze me is this. He's not a Christian. And he asked Elisha to pray for him, which then was shared with me. It is indeed a miracle to me as I have always known that PRAYERS work miracles. I could even tell KY, PUSH = Pray Until Something Happen. And I guess he believed in it just as much as I did. I really thank God that I can actually experience PUSH and see the Holy Spirit working through prayers.
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Today, 2 great miracles happen to me. Recently, I stop going to church on Sundays if I attend youth on Sat. However, this morning, I HAD to go to church because my CGL asked me to. A new friend, Er Yean, will be coming to church, hence, me and Victoria have to accompany her since Elisha has gone back to her hometown on a urgent matter.
I didn't feel like going when I woke up. I lazily got dressed, feeling extremely tired. As I walk to Jaya to get a cab, I had a morning talk to my Papa. It went something like this,
" Lord, I admit that at the moment, I honestly dont feel like going to church at all. The only reason I'm going is because Elisha asked me to and I'm just doing what she wants me to do. So, since I'm already on my way, I ask that You let Your Holy Spirit touch my heart during service, let me see a soul being saved, a miracle to happen."
So, went to church, not that heavy hearted but a heart trusting Him. Outcome? Enjoyed the worship as I felt His presence. Witness a soul being saved. Brave enough to say a prayer to her (supposed to be a sinner's prayer, but I kinda freaked out and said a thankful prayer).
After church, went for lunch with some church youths who'll be in the musical drama for Christmas..more bout this some other time. Before we left the restaurant, Jacky left his keys on the table. So, I took it and didnt give it back to him. When I reached church, wanted to change, I wanted to return it back to Him, but since I didnt see him, I thought I placed it in my pocket. But later on, I realised I lost it. I thought it fell into the toilet bowl and being flushed away. I was so worried, as he said the keychain to him is very important. Hanna told me to pray in the Spirit to reveal to me where the keys were..and I did. But nothing.
Then, time for dancing and still no keys found. Feeling so desperate, I talk to my Papa again. I told Him, "Well, now is dance practice time. You know how worried I am about the lost keys. When I joined the dance team, I told You before I'd give my all not only during performance but during practices too. So, now that I'm so worried bout the keys, You 'kau tim' this problem for me. Either we can find it back, or if it's lost, I ask that you give me the courage to face a very angry Jacky."
During practice, I have to admit, it was kinda hard to focus. But I just gave my best shot. After practice, at the lobby, I kept apologising to Jacky. And miraculuosly, he saw his keys. It somehow suddenly just appeared out of nowhere. Amazing isnt it? Felt so relieved.
After practice, went to 'wu liao' with the guys playing basketball / football.Had so much fun with them although I once again be the rose among the thorns..muahahaha....
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Hmm...there's more to share...but my roommate starting to nag at me already. Having my final paper tomorrow and one more chapter to focus on. So, till next time...GOD BLESS!!!
WARNING!! SUPER EMO POST!
Lately, just can't helping depressed without reasons at all. It comes & goes just like the rain. There are times when one can predict when the rain is coming by the sound of thunders or the strokes of lightning, but there are times as well when one can never predict the timing of the rain. The same goes with this feelings of depression. At times, it can be predicted. The trigger to it can be known. But most of the time recently, the trigger is no where to be found and is difficult to be predicted.
Most people are afraid of the thunder and lightning. Some just don't even bother what's going on around them. But very few who actually would stop what they are doing, going to the window, and appreciating the noise of the thunder and enjoying the brightness of the lightning.
When it rains, most people who are not prepared for it, they get wet, sometimes dirty. Everything is in a mess. But very few unprepared people will enjoy being drained wet and dirty, being as messy as possible. In fact, they find joy in being such a situation. For most people who are prepared for the rain, they couldn't bother much. They just think of themselves, trying to keep themselves dry and keep proper. Very few prepared people who would actually share that comfort, spreading their blessing of being dry. They dont mind getting a little wet, just as long as the person who's being drowned in the rain is saved from their misery.
Rainbows sometimes come after the rain. Not most of the time after a rain that one can actually spot a rainbow. Spotting 2 rainbows at the same time, is even more difficult. When there's a rainbor, most people just move on with their lives without noticing the rainbow. Only very few people who would pause a while, search for that rainbow, notice it, hence, take a moment there to enjoy the view of the rainbow, wondering how it got there, taking the time to be grateful for that short moment the rainbow appears.
The same goes with our life. Whether the rain is like feelings of depression, whether the rain is like problems in our life, whether the rain is like traumatic events that haunt us, whether the rain is like the past we want to let go. Sooner or later, the rain would stop. No matter how heavy or light the rain can be, it is the rain that gives life to the plants in the forest that is being taken care of. We tend to always complain that when it rains, it's so troublesome. But why cant we instead, thank God that it rained? To see the other perspective of rain? Are our minds too crowded till we have tunnel vision? Even when one has tunnel vission, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Otherwise, it wouldnt be called a tunnel.
Speaking of all this, at this point of time, I admit, i'm having that tunnel vission. Not seeing things in many different angles. Just looking at it at one side of the angle. Bring me out of that tunnel. Let me see that there's many ways to get out of that tunnel. Dont just leave me there in the dark, not knowing where to go. The light will always be there, I know. And I know that I have to search for it. But will you be there with me to go through this dark and scary tunnel? Will you care enough not to just leave me there and getting myself more lost in that tunnel? Of all the people that i know, I want you to be the one going through it together. But do you want to be that person? All I need now from you is a response. A word, a sentence, any clear indication that you will be that person to go through it together with me no matter how heavy or light the rain may be.
Most people are afraid of the thunder and lightning. Some just don't even bother what's going on around them. But very few who actually would stop what they are doing, going to the window, and appreciating the noise of the thunder and enjoying the brightness of the lightning.
When it rains, most people who are not prepared for it, they get wet, sometimes dirty. Everything is in a mess. But very few unprepared people will enjoy being drained wet and dirty, being as messy as possible. In fact, they find joy in being such a situation. For most people who are prepared for the rain, they couldn't bother much. They just think of themselves, trying to keep themselves dry and keep proper. Very few prepared people who would actually share that comfort, spreading their blessing of being dry. They dont mind getting a little wet, just as long as the person who's being drowned in the rain is saved from their misery.
Rainbows sometimes come after the rain. Not most of the time after a rain that one can actually spot a rainbow. Spotting 2 rainbows at the same time, is even more difficult. When there's a rainbor, most people just move on with their lives without noticing the rainbow. Only very few people who would pause a while, search for that rainbow, notice it, hence, take a moment there to enjoy the view of the rainbow, wondering how it got there, taking the time to be grateful for that short moment the rainbow appears.
The same goes with our life. Whether the rain is like feelings of depression, whether the rain is like problems in our life, whether the rain is like traumatic events that haunt us, whether the rain is like the past we want to let go. Sooner or later, the rain would stop. No matter how heavy or light the rain can be, it is the rain that gives life to the plants in the forest that is being taken care of. We tend to always complain that when it rains, it's so troublesome. But why cant we instead, thank God that it rained? To see the other perspective of rain? Are our minds too crowded till we have tunnel vision? Even when one has tunnel vission, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Otherwise, it wouldnt be called a tunnel.
Speaking of all this, at this point of time, I admit, i'm having that tunnel vission. Not seeing things in many different angles. Just looking at it at one side of the angle. Bring me out of that tunnel. Let me see that there's many ways to get out of that tunnel. Dont just leave me there in the dark, not knowing where to go. The light will always be there, I know. And I know that I have to search for it. But will you be there with me to go through this dark and scary tunnel? Will you care enough not to just leave me there and getting myself more lost in that tunnel? Of all the people that i know, I want you to be the one going through it together. But do you want to be that person? All I need now from you is a response. A word, a sentence, any clear indication that you will be that person to go through it together with me no matter how heavy or light the rain may be.
MAJOR & MINOR MATTERS
Currently, still in the midst of finals. Another 3 more papers to go. One tomorrow, one on Friday and the last one next Monday. So far, for the past 2 papers, actually focused on different topics which did not come out in the finals. But I thank God I was able to remember a few things and was able to answer the questions. What ever the outcome is, I know that I have done my best. Not going to compare to others and stress myself out. In fact, I enjoy studying for finals this time. Guess I have found back the joy and motivation to study. Not to compete with my peers and being the best...BUT to gain more knowledge and being the my best.
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Another 3 weeks left till 1016. Can put it that the dance is a quarter ready. At least the ending part is done. Supposed to be the beginning, right? Well...when the inspiration came to me to this dance, I was not confident at all. I was afraid that I would fail in the sense that will not have the permission from David, no support from dancers...But how wrong I was. In fact, David encouraged me to do it..and the dancers, I thank God for each and everyone of them (Jacky, Justin, Phoebe, Rachel & Hui Mei)..not forgetting Jia Jun & Paul. They have helped me so much in helping choreograph the dance and being commited in it. Two people having the same vision for costumes, for the dance arrangements...that is so SUPERB. I can only testify of His amazing annointing towards us as we practice together, having fun. So, got to 'jia you' as there's not much time left.
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Hmm...one of my roommate will be shifting out this weekend. Happy? Sad? Neutral? I will have to say that I'msad happy. Why? Just recently, had a conflict with her. Better not say much here. A lot has happened and I have broken down because of this. But as long as I know where I stand, I'll be alright as I have friends going through it together with me.
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One day before my first paper, am glad that I went out to meet up with a few friends. Able to meet up with my best friend, Kerry, my godsister, Jein, my cousin, Cher and even Amanda, whom I've not met like since I was in Form 6. Had so much fun bringing up memories. Happy ones, sad ones, funny ones...it's just so great to catch up with them. Not forgetting, the initial reason I went was to meet my dearest godsister's boyfriend. Hmm..forgot his name already. Not good with names. Although I had to rush off, the moment spent together was sweet.
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Am I getting thinner? Each time I return home, my parents will be commenting that I have lose weight. Only once did they say I put on weight (probably because of what I wore that time). However, yesterday, when I went out lunch with my mum(who came up for the weekend for a friend's wedding dinner) and elder sis, same comment was given. In fact, they said I was way thinner than before. Is it because they have not seen me for such a long time? The last time they saw me was on my birthday, which was 3 weeks ago. So, how can I lose so much weight just in that 3 weeks? If my dad sees I'm way thinner now, I'm done for. He is sure to nag at me, asking me to eat properly. Ever since both my parents and both my sisters saw me getting anxiety attack at my cousin's wedding last semester, they have been more concern over than they used to. My parents keep asking me to relax, taking my studies easy, don't stress myself out so much, eat properly, bla bla bla. In a way, I dont get pressure from them, and I dont pressure myself because of them. But in another way, dont really like my parents to worry bout me. Will leave it to Him.
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Relationship?? Been hearing a lot of stories from friends bout their relationship, who likes who, want to chase this girl, bla bla bla. One thing I learned though from a friend from the recent night chats we've been having... "Happiness comes with hurt & pain in the package". I find that quite true. Not forgetting this whole month, in youth, the topic will be Mr & Mrs Right. More to find out what's there in a relationship.
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My personal relationship with my dear prince. All I can say is that to me, we are drifting apart. Affection is missing, time spend together is getting less. My expectations for him are high, no denying that. Me comparing him to my ex, no denything that too. Lots have happened. But I do want to have faith that we can still love each other in spite of what we are going through. From the start, I do know that maintaining a relationship is not easy. But if we go through it together, I believe we'll be able to overcome this obstacle.
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Oh yeah...just want to apologise to my kor-kor for ffk-ing him at the very last minute. Had a feeling that I should stay on in church that night. At first, I thought I'd regret. But He proved me wrong. I told Him, "If you want me to be here, then You do something in my heart. Touch my heart as I obey You to be in church." And indeed, He did touched my heart. Although many was being healed through faith and prayer, standing there as a catcher, was refreshing to me. Just that simple act of standing there, being prepared to catch people, praying with the Holy Spirit, that is more exciting. =) Sorry ya, kor!! Hope you had fun!
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Schedule for this week. Tomorrow after paper, dance practice in church. Friday, youth prayer meeting. Either Wednesday or Thursday, suppose to meet with Kerry. Sat & Sun, as usual. That's all. God bless you peeps who reads my blog!!!
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Another 3 weeks left till 1016. Can put it that the dance is a quarter ready. At least the ending part is done. Supposed to be the beginning, right? Well...when the inspiration came to me to this dance, I was not confident at all. I was afraid that I would fail in the sense that will not have the permission from David, no support from dancers...But how wrong I was. In fact, David encouraged me to do it..and the dancers, I thank God for each and everyone of them (Jacky, Justin, Phoebe, Rachel & Hui Mei)..not forgetting Jia Jun & Paul. They have helped me so much in helping choreograph the dance and being commited in it. Two people having the same vision for costumes, for the dance arrangements...that is so SUPERB. I can only testify of His amazing annointing towards us as we practice together, having fun. So, got to 'jia you' as there's not much time left.
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Hmm...one of my roommate will be shifting out this weekend. Happy? Sad? Neutral? I will have to say that I'm
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One day before my first paper, am glad that I went out to meet up with a few friends. Able to meet up with my best friend, Kerry, my godsister, Jein, my cousin, Cher and even Amanda, whom I've not met like since I was in Form 6. Had so much fun bringing up memories. Happy ones, sad ones, funny ones...it's just so great to catch up with them. Not forgetting, the initial reason I went was to meet my dearest godsister's boyfriend. Hmm..forgot his name already. Not good with names. Although I had to rush off, the moment spent together was sweet.
-------------------------------------------
Am I getting thinner? Each time I return home, my parents will be commenting that I have lose weight. Only once did they say I put on weight (probably because of what I wore that time). However, yesterday, when I went out lunch with my mum(who came up for the weekend for a friend's wedding dinner) and elder sis, same comment was given. In fact, they said I was way thinner than before. Is it because they have not seen me for such a long time? The last time they saw me was on my birthday, which was 3 weeks ago. So, how can I lose so much weight just in that 3 weeks? If my dad sees I'm way thinner now, I'm done for. He is sure to nag at me, asking me to eat properly. Ever since both my parents and both my sisters saw me getting anxiety attack at my cousin's wedding last semester, they have been more concern over than they used to. My parents keep asking me to relax, taking my studies easy, don't stress myself out so much, eat properly, bla bla bla. In a way, I dont get pressure from them, and I dont pressure myself because of them. But in another way, dont really like my parents to worry bout me. Will leave it to Him.
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Relationship?? Been hearing a lot of stories from friends bout their relationship, who likes who, want to chase this girl, bla bla bla. One thing I learned though from a friend from the recent night chats we've been having... "Happiness comes with hurt & pain in the package". I find that quite true. Not forgetting this whole month, in youth, the topic will be Mr & Mrs Right. More to find out what's there in a relationship.
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My personal relationship with my dear prince. All I can say is that to me, we are drifting apart. Affection is missing, time spend together is getting less. My expectations for him are high, no denying that. Me comparing him to my ex, no denything that too. Lots have happened. But I do want to have faith that we can still love each other in spite of what we are going through. From the start, I do know that maintaining a relationship is not easy. But if we go through it together, I believe we'll be able to overcome this obstacle.
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Oh yeah...just want to apologise to my kor-kor for ffk-ing him at the very last minute. Had a feeling that I should stay on in church that night. At first, I thought I'd regret. But He proved me wrong. I told Him, "If you want me to be here, then You do something in my heart. Touch my heart as I obey You to be in church." And indeed, He did touched my heart. Although many was being healed through faith and prayer, standing there as a catcher, was refreshing to me. Just that simple act of standing there, being prepared to catch people, praying with the Holy Spirit, that is more exciting. =) Sorry ya, kor!! Hope you had fun!
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Schedule for this week. Tomorrow after paper, dance practice in church. Friday, youth prayer meeting. Either Wednesday or Thursday, suppose to meet with Kerry. Sat & Sun, as usual. That's all. God bless you peeps who reads my blog!!!
INSTALLING LOVE
~ Got this from my kor-kor's blog, which was taken from someone else's blog. Find it super duper meaningful and just want to share it around as I learn to install Love in my life. ~
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Tech Support: Yes, Ma'am.... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart, ma'am?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running, ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support : With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components ." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry, ma'am. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non- technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
SILENCE = MISS
Today is that special day every once a month, adding the number of months of a journey with the prince. Leaving the princess with 4 confirmations from her Father by the next special day.
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Silence = missing you?? Yeah..you are darn right bout that. Didn't you know that silence is golden? In fact, from the very beginning, my silence has always meant that I miss you..but you never understood it till last night. Would it make any difference now that you are aware of it? I sure hope so.
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Currently choreographing a dance for 1016 (GA 611's 3rd anniversary). Dancing to the song 'Thank You' by Ray Boltz. A very meaningful song to me. What inspired me was my CG leader. She has done so much for me for the past 8 months and this is just a way of expressing my gratefulness to her. Not forgetting all the church full-time workers that have given so much to the Lord, including Rev Esther who gave up her wedding ring for the church development. I admire her act of giving that one important thing in life that symbolises her marriage with her husband. Thank you, Elisha! Thank you, GA 611!
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Silence = missing you?? Yeah..you are darn right bout that. Didn't you know that silence is golden? In fact, from the very beginning, my silence has always meant that I miss you..but you never understood it till last night. Would it make any difference now that you are aware of it? I sure hope so.
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Currently choreographing a dance for 1016 (GA 611's 3rd anniversary). Dancing to the song 'Thank You' by Ray Boltz. A very meaningful song to me. What inspired me was my CG leader. She has done so much for me for the past 8 months and this is just a way of expressing my gratefulness to her. Not forgetting all the church full-time workers that have given so much to the Lord, including Rev Esther who gave up her wedding ring for the church development. I admire her act of giving that one important thing in life that symbolises her marriage with her husband. Thank you, Elisha! Thank you, GA 611!
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FORGIVING MYSELF
In Youth yesterday, the topic was about 8 types of something in a relationship, which I only got a few points, such as acceptance towards the other partner, loving oneself before loving others, don't choose out of rebellion, love is not a rescue job, seek for a long-term and committed relationship, as well as the most important point of all is seeking for a partner who fears the Lord.
But what that triggered my heart to be uneasy was about a NO NO partner to find for. There are 3 situations that we should never find a partner being in. One of it was such a shameful and guilt-feeling experience that I have personally went through before. Not only that, remembering back my past, the feelings of being 'harmed' came into my heart, triggering the tap at my eyes. The sudden feelings of hatred came back, the sudden of feelings of being rejected came back.
However, I want to thank my Father, who loves me so much, who has deleted all those sins, giving me a new life, a position that NO ONE can ever take from me. I am indeed His precious princess. =)
Well, what I need to focus on for this issue in my life now is to forgive myself. I am already cleansed by His blood. The experience can never be forgotten but to be put into a positive perspective, which will not bring negative feelings any longer. How am I going to do that? At the moment, I have no idea. I thought with the help and support of others, I might be able to forgive myself, but what ever it is, it still roots down to myself.
So, as this process of forgiving goes on, I pray I will learn to take opportunities of forgiving myself in other small matters in my life.
But what that triggered my heart to be uneasy was about a NO NO partner to find for. There are 3 situations that we should never find a partner being in. One of it was such a shameful and guilt-feeling experience that I have personally went through before. Not only that, remembering back my past, the feelings of being 'harmed' came into my heart, triggering the tap at my eyes. The sudden feelings of hatred came back, the sudden of feelings of being rejected came back.
However, I want to thank my Father, who loves me so much, who has deleted all those sins, giving me a new life, a position that NO ONE can ever take from me. I am indeed His precious princess. =)
Well, what I need to focus on for this issue in my life now is to forgive myself. I am already cleansed by His blood. The experience can never be forgotten but to be put into a positive perspective, which will not bring negative feelings any longer. How am I going to do that? At the moment, I have no idea. I thought with the help and support of others, I might be able to forgive myself, but what ever it is, it still roots down to myself.
So, as this process of forgiving goes on, I pray I will learn to take opportunities of forgiving myself in other small matters in my life.
EIGENWELT
"What's Eigenwelt?", you may ask.
It refers to one's relationship with oneself, a mode experienced by 'being-in-the-world' individuals. To live in Eigenwelt means to be aware of onself as a buman being and to grasp who we are as we relate to the world of things and to the world of people ( Feist & Feist, 2006, Theories of Personality).
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As I was reading up for my finals, came across 2 interesting questions about this Eigenwelt. First, how is this other person a part of my life? Second, what characteristics of mine allow me to love this person?
This 2 questions sparked my interest as my mind was boggled about my relationship with the dear prince.
How is he a part of my life? Will put this in an illustration of a painter, painting to create a jigsaw puzzle. God, is of course the painter. The different colours are people and experiences existing in the big picture. Some people and experiences add colours to the picture, where as some may spoil the picture, which is then corrected to look beautiful. When the picture is dry and made into pieces of jigsaw, the pieces also represent people and experiences that we are much aware of as the colours are already dry. The pieces are the ones we choose to remember. Hence, the prince is one of the beautiful and bright colour painted in that big picture, and being some of the pieces of jigsaw.
What characteristics of mine allow me to love him? Honestly, I have no idea. It really is God's miracle wonder that allows me to love him. He may be childish, yet he's mature in thinking. He may be seen as an embarassment when he acts silly, yet it is such a joy that he puts a smile and laughter when he acts silly. One character that I can be sure of is patience. Acceptance too is another character that I'm still learning that allows me to love him for who he really is. Most importantly, it is love itself from my King, that allows me to love him despite of his flaws and downs in this relationship.
Guess I'm just comforting myself with what's been going on recently in the relationship. =)
It refers to one's relationship with oneself, a mode experienced by 'being-in-the-world' individuals. To live in Eigenwelt means to be aware of onself as a buman being and to grasp who we are as we relate to the world of things and to the world of people ( Feist & Feist, 2006, Theories of Personality).
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As I was reading up for my finals, came across 2 interesting questions about this Eigenwelt. First, how is this other person a part of my life? Second, what characteristics of mine allow me to love this person?
This 2 questions sparked my interest as my mind was boggled about my relationship with the dear prince.
How is he a part of my life? Will put this in an illustration of a painter, painting to create a jigsaw puzzle. God, is of course the painter. The different colours are people and experiences existing in the big picture. Some people and experiences add colours to the picture, where as some may spoil the picture, which is then corrected to look beautiful. When the picture is dry and made into pieces of jigsaw, the pieces also represent people and experiences that we are much aware of as the colours are already dry. The pieces are the ones we choose to remember. Hence, the prince is one of the beautiful and bright colour painted in that big picture, and being some of the pieces of jigsaw.
What characteristics of mine allow me to love him? Honestly, I have no idea. It really is God's miracle wonder that allows me to love him. He may be childish, yet he's mature in thinking. He may be seen as an embarassment when he acts silly, yet it is such a joy that he puts a smile and laughter when he acts silly. One character that I can be sure of is patience. Acceptance too is another character that I'm still learning that allows me to love him for who he really is. Most importantly, it is love itself from my King, that allows me to love him despite of his flaws and downs in this relationship.
Guess I'm just comforting myself with what's been going on recently in the relationship. =)
HOW DOES IT TRULY FEEL?
how does it truly feel?
to be left out from plans,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be pushed aside when it's not convenient,
& to be taken in when it's convenient,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be rejected for your true self,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be talked about behind your back,
not knowing what is happening,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be 'detached',
when what you want is to be attached,
to the people you love & care so much?
hurt?
disappointment?
guilt?
alone?
sad?
or the other perspective,
happy?
glad?
joyful?
peaceful?
cheerful?
to be left out from plans,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be pushed aside when it's not convenient,
& to be taken in when it's convenient,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be rejected for your true self,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be talked about behind your back,
not knowing what is happening,
by the people you love & care so much?
how does it truly feel?
to be 'detached',
when what you want is to be attached,
to the people you love & care so much?
hurt?
disappointment?
guilt?
alone?
sad?
or the other perspective,
happy?
glad?
joyful?
peaceful?
cheerful?
3/9 - 6/9
3/9 - Monday
Was supposed to go back on the 11am bus...but somehow...it was fully booked...leaving me and the dear prince waiting till 12.30pm. After reaching Malacca, we went on a 'satay hunt'. Searched all over for the satay shop that the dear prince wanted to go to..and finally, we found it. Did nothing much though. Brought him to Jusco, played this japanese drum game till he missed his bus at 6pm. Accompanied him till 7pm. Went for dinner with just my parents. Had a superb time with them.
4/9 - Tuesday
Hmm...what did I do on Tuesday? Can't really remember. If I'm not mistaken, stayed at home the whole day. Didn't go anywhere. Dad cooked dinner. Finally got to eat his cooking after SSSOOOO long since he grew tired of cooking.
5/9 - Wednesday
Went out shopping with my sister. Bought a bag for the prince. Had dinner with her. Had fun sitting in the hot car while she drove.
6/9 - Thursday
Came back to PJ today. Followed Mo Han with Ker Li. Was such an interesting ride back. Kept laughing. Went for dinner at a RM5 chicken chop in SS3. And now I'm here. =)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My trip back to Malacca this time was such an interesting and memorable. Had a really great time although I didn't quite feel at home in the house...but it was my family who gave that homely feeling to me. Glad to have gone back although it was short.
Was supposed to go back on the 11am bus...but somehow...it was fully booked...leaving me and the dear prince waiting till 12.30pm. After reaching Malacca, we went on a 'satay hunt'. Searched all over for the satay shop that the dear prince wanted to go to..and finally, we found it. Did nothing much though. Brought him to Jusco, played this japanese drum game till he missed his bus at 6pm. Accompanied him till 7pm. Went for dinner with just my parents. Had a superb time with them.
4/9 - Tuesday
Hmm...what did I do on Tuesday? Can't really remember. If I'm not mistaken, stayed at home the whole day. Didn't go anywhere. Dad cooked dinner. Finally got to eat his cooking after SSSOOOO long since he grew tired of cooking.
5/9 - Wednesday
Went out shopping with my sister. Bought a bag for the prince. Had dinner with her. Had fun sitting in the hot car while she drove.
6/9 - Thursday
Came back to PJ today. Followed Mo Han with Ker Li. Was such an interesting ride back. Kept laughing. Went for dinner at a RM5 chicken chop in SS3. And now I'm here. =)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My trip back to Malacca this time was such an interesting and memorable. Had a really great time although I didn't quite feel at home in the house...but it was my family who gave that homely feeling to me. Glad to have gone back although it was short.
AN ENDING TO A CHAPTER
wow...super long since i actually visited my own blog. in fact, i actually forgot my id and password..but somehow, managed to retrieved it with a little effort put in( thanks to naggings from my dearest korkor and some concern friends of mine).
anyway, here are some, or should i say, lotsa updates that you peeps want to know. will put it in point form though.
1. currently in year 2 semester 1 now..which is about to end in a month's time. having study break for a week, then finals for 2 weeks, then 3 weeks break till i'm in year 2 semesters 2. can't wait for the next semester.
2. this semester, less AA (anxiety attack) compared to last semesters. bout 2 - 3 times if i remember correctly..see that is good, right? *grins widely*
3. family doing ok. saving to renovate the entire house. kinda falling apart (thanks to the owner of the house next door which still has no occupants since..when i was in primary school perhaps?). parents doing ok. dad somehow working really long hours. managing lotsa cases. mum being promoted to be like a second hand 'woman' @ hmm...assistant to capt. paul in salvation army. suz been flying here and there. going to singapore this sunday. yen doing ok. getting thinner.
4. studies ok. doing much better than last semester. seems to have improved a lot. in fact, actually started revision in the middle of semester after mid-terms. am satisfied with the mid-terms results so far. will update my results when it's all out.
5. active in what i love most --> DANCING!! learning in church with the team. performed twice so far. enjoyed it a lot. learnt some hip-hop steps. learning to be under authority. am thinking of doing a dance for the church 3rd anniversary as a 'thank you' gift to most of them there.
well...guess that's bout it. any further questions?? just leave the question in my chatter box. =) adioz!!
anyway, here are some, or should i say, lotsa updates that you peeps want to know. will put it in point form though.
1. currently in year 2 semester 1 now..which is about to end in a month's time. having study break for a week, then finals for 2 weeks, then 3 weeks break till i'm in year 2 semesters 2. can't wait for the next semester.
2. this semester, less AA (anxiety attack) compared to last semesters. bout 2 - 3 times if i remember correctly..see that is good, right? *grins widely*
3. family doing ok. saving to renovate the entire house. kinda falling apart (thanks to the owner of the house next door which still has no occupants since..when i was in primary school perhaps?). parents doing ok. dad somehow working really long hours. managing lotsa cases. mum being promoted to be like a second hand 'woman' @ hmm...assistant to capt. paul in salvation army. suz been flying here and there. going to singapore this sunday. yen doing ok. getting thinner.
4. studies ok. doing much better than last semester. seems to have improved a lot. in fact, actually started revision in the middle of semester after mid-terms. am satisfied with the mid-terms results so far. will update my results when it's all out.
5. active in what i love most --> DANCING!! learning in church with the team. performed twice so far. enjoyed it a lot. learnt some hip-hop steps. learning to be under authority. am thinking of doing a dance for the church 3rd anniversary as a 'thank you' gift to most of them there.
well...guess that's bout it. any further questions?? just leave the question in my chatter box. =) adioz!!
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