A picture of grief and pride

This is my brother, Pete's, brigade. I can't wait until he's home and out of harm's way...but by then Shawn will be in Afghanistan. I just pray that I feel all the pride and very little of the grief.

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It's a Girl!!

We had our half-way ultrasound appointment this week, where they measure the head and bones, check the flow of the blood through the umbilical cord, and look for certain parts. Shawn was such a little kid, pointing and asking questions and pacing around in the room. The baby wasn't exactly cooperative, rolling over to face her back to us and going to sleep. But toward the end, we were able to get a good picture of her bottom, and those parts were nowhere to be found! It's a GIRL!!!

There's suddenly this new sense of pressure and fear about raising a daughter, especially in times like these. I'm starting to think about the things I want to be sure to teach her about being a girl and a woman and having respect for herself and compassion for others. I want her to be proud and secure but careful and cautious. I want her to be a woman of God and not be focused on men, but I also want her to be good to men and know what qualities to look for in a man. I want her to be successful but not so driven that she loses sight of the tiny things in the world.
Most of all, I want her to know, to really know, that from the moment we learned she was coming into this world, we loved her.

For Tina

My little gymnast

We went to our 12-week check up today. I was really worried because 3 years ago today, our son died at 12 weeks gestation. I was convinced there would be nothing good about today's appointment. Silly logic, I know, but I just couldn't believe we'd make it past 12 weeks (never have before). But low and behold, as soon as the doctor started the ultasound, little baby was doing kicks and jumps like my uterus was a trampoline. Of course, as soon as we started trying to take her measurements, she tucked her feet up and curled into a ball. (She's head down in these pictures)


Then, as if she was suddenly tired and ready for a nap, little baby put her hand up to her face and started sucking her thumb. The picture isn't the greatest (the stills are never as good as the live pictures), but you can see her hand near her mouth.


The best part is that the doctor said that we are officially out of the woods...we're gonna have a baby! Shawn and I are both scared, but happy. We're definitely overwhelmed with all that this means for us and all the planning and getting ready. But I'm so head-over-heels in love with Shawn and now with this baby that I'm ready for whatever my little family brings me.

He's HOME!!!

Homecoming yesterday was awesome. Even though I just saw Shawn 9 weeks ago on R&R, I was so emotional when their plane landed (they had a live feed piped in so we could see them flying in, landing, and disembarking) and then bawled when he walked in the door to line up in formation. We endured the longest welcome home speech I've ever sat through (though it probably only lasted about 10 minutes total) and then I held Shawn's sign up so he could come to me since I can't move very fast these days. When I finally had my arms around him, I fell apart. It was soooo wonderful to feel the relief and comfort of his embrace again. We came home for a few hours until his fever (he's been fighting the flu for the past week) kicked back in and I sent him to his sister's so I don't catch what he's got, especially with the pregnancy. I'll see him again in a couple of days, which is difficult, but it's just nice to know he's home for a little while. Next mission is scheduled for November and is expected to last a year, after which he'll be retiring. I think it's time, after 24 years, don't you? Enjoy the pictures.
Oh, by the way, my professional photographer never showed, never called, and didn't answer her phone when I called to find out where she was. Luckily, my friend Ashley was there (her husband came home already) and was the great photographer who took all these wonderful pictures. As far as that photographer goes, not very professional, if you ask me. Oh well, it worked out in the end, but I won't be hiring her for anything else.

Shawn's big ole head

Well, the baby has Shawn's head. And apparently my will to survive. I've been on and off bed rest and some days there's more to worry about than others. Why can't I be like most women and just have an uneventful easy pregnancy? My mom is convinced two things will happen - the baby will give me all the worries in the world throughout the pregnancy and then be a complete sweetheart after birth because she got it all out in the womb. Or this is just a sign of things to come! And just to be clear, we don't know yet if it's a girl or boy, but I've just been calling the baby "her". Here's the latest ultrasound picture:

So far, so good

Things have not been easy during this pregnancy. I've had lots of spotting, and been totally convinced that I've lost the pregnancy on several occasions. But somehow, God has allowed this baby to be strong enough to keep on growing. I'm 8 weeks exactly and today I got to hear the heartbeat for the very first time. I sobbed - it was the most beautiful sound in the world. I continue to pray, thanking God for this blessing and asking for his continued presence with this baby to allow her to grow and thrive.

Baby Bentley needs prayer

I'm just about 7 weeks pregnant now. I've been having some complications already and for some reason, my body is trying to miscarry the baby. I've already had two miscarriages in a row and so I finally have a doctor who is willing to do whatever we can to help give this baby the best chance possible of making it. I ended up in the ER on Sunday after bleeding on Friday and again Sunday morning. Everything was okay on Sunday and I had my follow-up appointment today and everything was going fine. I'm now on some medication that will hopefully God-willing keep anything more from happening. And my doctor will see me once a week and keep track of my blood levels.

So I'm just asking that if it's in your faith to do so, please pray that our baby makes it this time. I know he or she is a fighter so far, but I'm just praying that baby makes it. This baby is so very much wanted and loved and I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring her into the world. So fingers crossed, prayers said...wanna meet my baby in February!

R&R Mission Accomplished

Due in February!

I love R&R

Too busy to write, so here's a picture to SHOW you how R&R is going: