Loverealnotfake

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009

Rewind

plans for the wk:thursday=shopping with bffriday=dinner with zhps clinquesat-mon=malaysia trip with parents+bfknock my head and tell me straight in the face that i should be revising for the exams...i promised after the malaysia trip i will..

wanxin put aeroplane...she did meet me for only a while!!!!!like one hour spent at PS Mac?she should reflect her actions..her time was supposed to be reserved for us to catch up today but yah she plan something with her bf!!!!!so yah i m ignored..reached at 3.30pm..saw her and went straight to Mac..sat down there n chat n then she had to go...damn her...if u are readin this,pls the next time i m meeting u better dun put aeroplane...shopped arnd PS..nothing attractive...basement was even worst...Marks&Spencer was not that hopeless..chocolate,tibits,shower gel and other necessities were bought all by me ALONE!!!i spent like 70++ on those stuffs..Carrefour turned out to be quite hopeful too..as usual...home essentials were bought..and after buying those things it turned out that i m to actually carry it home ALONE..retail therapy did cheer me up for that moment but the part of carrying it home all by myself made me depressed once again...i want to be independent so i decided not to call for help...took the MRT back...stopped by CP to find denise..then dad called and ask whether i m coming back for dinner..YES I AM OF COURSE!!told him i was already in SK,parted with denise...bused home...i noe i m lazy..CP isn't that far away from my hse n i decided to bus home!!!lazy bum will be the one in gary's mind when he is looking at this...cousin is agn bugging me to teach him or help him with his hw!!!!but i m depressed...so i m not going to be of any help and asked him to ask Bert..since Bert was unusually home at such an early timing..peilin is out and there is no one to fight with me for anything in the room therefore i can have everything in the room to myself...i should learn to get used to the ,i should learn to be more independent and not rely on you to get everything done,i should learn everything back from scratch and get everything right,i should learn to be less wilful more caring more understanding...i thought and assume that bf is coming over for dinner tonight but other than the few messages and one call that he gave me today,he has not contacted me...

i am bored,depressed,contented,wilful..no matter what,i just wish for him to be here..

friday turned out to be very perfect..perfect surprise,perfect dinner and of course with the perfect people..met up with bf,mike and melissa after sch..drew the cardboard as fast as we can despite the fact that we drew it real last minute..mike drove us over to collect our ice-cream cake and headed over to singapore flyer..the best thing was that elaine wasn't there yet..her dad was late in fetching here therefore everything was delayed..when she came the first thing she saw the cardboard we drew...mike being the gentleman and single guy of the day passed the flowers to elaine...and she thought that was the end..since it was a private capsule we have already asked the staff to decorate everything for us...when she stepped into the capsule,her face was ultra classic...sang her the bdae song..the ride came to an end..dinner at Furama...mike drove me,bf and pei there since melissa had to leave due to some family issues...arrived there earlier than the rest..prepared another cake to smash her..bf n pei got the cameras ready...finally we caught an unglam side of elaine..the very first moment she stepped in the cake was smashed at her face..i was very kind cos i brought extra bottle of make-up remover and tons of cotton wools for her...the girls went to the restroom with her and helped her with removing the cream and all...re-did her make up for her..finally it was dinner time..perfect buffet dinner...after dinner,the waitress bought the ice-cream cake out and the classic bdae song agn..finally she cut a proper cake...some went home after the dinner and all while we stayed at the pub downstairs for a drink...made her drunk...once she stepped out and waited for mike to drive the car over,she vomitted like hell...and i promised i will never make her drunk agn...sent her home...after that was home sweet home...
my depression is half cured..all thanks to bf..i am supposed to meet wanxin at 4pm and the place is town!!!!!and it is already 3.38pm but i am still at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!she is going to complain like mad since i am meeting her for the first time after 2 years..we got tons to catch up...

just now i got a call from an unexpected person...and i will be meeting that unexpected person tmr..

my wkends was spent well..friday was elaine celebration,saturdae was town with bf n clinque,sunday was T3+perfect dinner..but my emotions is still extremely unstable..i wonder why..if anyone had the reasons pls tell me..alot of pictures was taken on the past few days..i have a close to perfect life isn't it?doting parents,loving bf n best clinque but i said that i m super duper wilful..bf has been trying his very best to tolerate my unreasonableness..which turned out to be quite silly..i want to treasure the time that we shared cos i know he have to leave in like 2 weeks time..2 weeks isn't that long..dad doesn't allow me to stay out late at night and he want me to be home early...i can't spend my night out slacking with him,and school has not been ending early..weekend seems to be the only avaliable days that i can stick with him from morning till night..can someone simply cure my depression or whatever it is..i have been crying myself to sleep for the past 2 to 3 nights..and i wondered why seriously...

it has been almost a month since the NS guy who was a temasek poly graduate pass away..i reallie don mean to post such a negative entry here but if u r in a super gd mood or feeling veri sad/emo already,pls skip this post and read it some other time or just like it go into history...i happened to chance upon my friend's blog which included his gf's blog..her entries really made me cry..it isn't like touching movie or drama series whereby the male lead died and the female lead moved on with her life..this is a true story..the two of them looks really very compatible with each other and everyone of their pictures made me sense the love between them..it wasn't the fact that she wrote there "baby and me" let me know that she was hsi gf but the love in their eyes and the love between them makes me realised they were a couple..it really hurts to see how much she love him and those photos/memories/messages that kept her strong after he left her..she mentioned how much she wish that he was here with her..she wanted nothing else but just him to be there with her..she was hoping that it was a mean joke,a prank played on her..it really hurts to know that your loved one died n you could see him/her for the last time..and the worst and most cruel fact was that you are waiting for his calls and messages and someone whom you don't know called you and told you that he was dead..it is so cruel for her...she had asked him whether could he not go for the Brunei training but he did not have a choice..if he had a choice,i guessed he would have also said that he will not go,and he will stay with her and all these would not have happened..who knows what will happened in the future?all of our futures were uncertain..no one could give a definite answer on the future..we could have planned everything so perfectly,but what if heaven decided that this should not be the plan,and heaven changed the plan for us unexpectedly?would we be able to adapt to the change?would the change be a nice one or a cruel one?everyone wished that all their planned future will be the actual future but not everything in life is so smooth-sailing...there will be unexpected changes here and there..if everything was so perfect it isn't life..in everyone's life,there is bound to be obstacles..i don't understand why heaven had the heart to break such a loving couple's bright future?they could have gotten married,give birth to a few kids and lived happily ever after..but now they are separated in two different worlds,nothing and no one can bring them together..the future which they planned are gone..the future is like a mess made up of broken glasses,if u wan to clear the mess but u might end up getting hurt by the sharp edges of the broken glasses..it hurts me to read all her entries..i don't even wish to put myself in her shoe to think about everything she is going through in her perspective,that is all becos it hurts even to see what she is going through as a stranger..she is trying to put up a strong front...she want everything to go back to normal,whereby he was there with her but at the same time she knew this won't happened..they have been together for 4 years..in this 4 years,many things could happened between them but their love held them together,no matter what they went through,in their heart,they meant alot to each other..it hurts too much to let go of such a long relationship..in my heart i aso pray hard for her that her life will be normal once again..all these made me realised that not everything is so smooth going in life but it hurts to learn of the hurtful truth and look back on the happy past..
all these make me think about me and bf..we are in a long distance relationship..many asked of our future plan..we always have an answer to those questions..but i wondered if those answers to those questions regarding our future asked will really be our future..many things will change isn't it?we changed from just being normal friends with saying hi/bye into friends who exchanged sms,met up after school,hang out till real late in the night,you would send me to my doorstep with a good-night..and now,we are a couple..every one of our friends knew we were an item..some reminded us of the obstacles that will come our way,but at the same time encouraged us to hold on bcos it was love&fate that got us together..i realised sometimes i liked the way our relationship is,the way we were there for each other,the way you were there despite how wilful i am,the way you reminded me to take care of myself when you are not by my side..i love your phone calls late in the night and those occasional messages you will send..i can never get to sleep without your calls..no matter how late it was,you made an effort to call me despite you have morning classes the next day..i love the way you surprised me with the things that was on my wishlist..you always knew what i was thinking,what i was going to do..you knew what every little circle on my calender meant..you knew the ways to cheer me up...you will do every little thing to make me smile..i just want a future whereby there is only us,our families and our friends and there is no one else to interupt our peaceful life..i realised that i have gotten used to alot of things after being with you..i realised i became more independent,i will even shop around town when you were studying overseas and i had nothing better to do,i will order a cup of ice-blended mocha and slack my wkend away at the Starbucks near my house and then shop at the supermarket and walk home..these things was not what i used to do during wkends..in the past,i either work my wkends away or go out shopping with clinques..but now,i realised i don't want such a happening life..though i will still want to meet my friends for shopping and gossips session but i also want some time to be on my own..i want some private,quiet moments..i have decided how my life will be for the next 6 months before you are back..i will study hard,meet up occasionally with my friends for shopping and gossips sessions,work during the wkend,be home for dinner almost every day,take Bajojo for puppy-training,read up more on healthly lifestyles,dog-training except for those days when i am working..and on my off days i will spend my days either sleeping or bring a book and head off to Starbucks order my ice-blended mocha and spent the whole afternoon there..and i admit there were times whereby i wished you could continued to study in Singapore rather than going back to Hongkong or going for further studies in Australia..but i realised this was the test that our relationship was put to..we were together for only like 2 weeks before you headed to Aus for studies..from the start i knew this relationship was not going to be easy..i even asked myself if i had the courage to be in a long distance relationship but then i decided i should give it a try..i should give myself a chance,give you a chance and who knows now we have already been together for more than 10 months..for the past 10 months,i didn't purposely made myself busy in order not to think of you because i knew that won't work..every single thing that i did reminded me of you,your calls,messages and emails made my days,i can't do anything right on those days that i don't see your messages when i woke up and usually that is because your lesson started too early and you forgot to bring your phone out..don't worry i know all your reasons for not calling,not messaging and not emailing..on those days without your calls/messages/emails,it will leave me anticipating for something,it made me have a tendency to peep at my phone to check if there is any unread messages or missed calls and when i spotted your messages/calls,there will be a big smile plastered to my face,no words could describe the joys and happiness of receiving your messages/calls/emails...
for every single thing you have done for me and despite every little things that you did to make me angry,i am still so in love with you..nothing can change the way my eyes lit when i see you,nothing can change the way my heart beats when i see you,nothing can change the way i wait for your calls,nothing can change the way i think of you,nothing can change the way I LOVE YOU..

after typing for so long,i realised this has been such a long and emotional entry..on a positive note,dad has allowed me to go out with bf today despite the fact that we were supposed to go to grandmother's hse on sunday when daddy was back..and i told bf i wan to go to T3 with him,and we are going there..elaine's bdae photos will be uploaded into the album once everyone sent me those that they have on their cam and the details will be updated again when i have the time since i can hear my bed calling for me now..
heading off to bed,wishing for a sweet dream and a nice date later..

Labels: who would bear to let go of their love?

I&E was finally over..presentation on monday was fine..went to support the Beard Papa..fetched cousin from sch..hm n completed some tutorial...met up with bf for dinner..forked out $400 for elaine bdae..part of it was for the singapore flyer private capsule,the other was for the CHLOE bag that we are going to buy for her..
elaine i noe this is not a surprise since u already noe wad we are getting for u plus the private capsule..
sch ended at 1 today,fetch cousin n met mum at cp...went hm changed and met pei,elaine n hannah to town...town with these crazy peeps was so fun as usual...bf came down to find us....edward came down to find pei aso...they went off for private moments...hannah went back for project meetings...stayed on with elaine....waited for mike to come n fetch us...dinner at changi village..had a walk at changi beach..
mike was being nice and sent us home...chatted on the phone with bf...he was asking abt my mood swings recently...i was quite surprised as he asked that qns..went arnd to find bf W900i phone...i found the white one finally...my mood swings really make me like a pregnant lady whose mood swings is so unexpectable...

i don't want to see you turning your back and leaving me alone here..i just hope that time could stop at this very moment..i wish we could skip the good-bye and let all these happy moments last as long as possible...i hate the days without you,the sense of insecurity,the quietness of my phone,the loneliness of my wkend..

i don't give a damn about you!not your freaking idiotic comments!!hearing your voice also made me feel so disgusted that all because you don't have a brain to think!!!

those words are in blue bcos i don't like blue and those words describes the person whom i don't like...mood swings like mad...bf is goin overseas real soon,exams are coming soon...why does every depressing things come together all at once?

on a positive note,made breakfast and WALKED over to bf hse dis morning...he was still aslp wen i reached..waited till he ate his breakfast then met parents n pei at Kovan..dad bought durians cos he drove there...i am meeting bf later for dinner at Furma..how many days since we last had dinner with only the two of us...and dad was willing to lend bf his car,how great...

in the meantime i should continue reading the materials sent to me online for the sch in Aus,complete some of my tutorials and study for the graded classwork next wk...

if i could made up my mind at this very moment,i would leave everything here and fly there with you...but this doesn't seems to work isn't it?i really need more time with you,becos the time we spent together is really very little and i really regretted not making up my choice after O lvl..though we were still not an item at that point of time..if i could turn back time,i would choose you at the right time becos you are the right one..

nothing much happened for the past 8 days except for some small disputes but i still love you..was browsing through secondary sch year bk...found a couple of very funny pictures...met up with hannah ytd..it has been "years" since i last saw her..reminded me of something!!!!
HAZEL TAN!!!!!WHEN ARE WE MEETING???
i have been having really bad mood swings these few weeks...the main reason was bcos i knew bf is goin overseas..in 2 weeks time?how i wish time could just stop at this very moment..bf surprised me with lilies on tuesdae after my lesson..lesson ended really earli so met bf at rivervale mall be4 fetching cousin..he came with lilies..we have been reallie keen in talking to each other these few days...through sms,phone calls,face-to-face talk and even emails...my mailbox is currently full..n he actually switch to send me mails through my hotmail a\c...i can't wait for the holidays..
bf did some research for me on the web AGAIN,regarding his school and wad business course does it offers...i still have not made up my mind whether to continue studying in Aus after my 3 years of poly life...bf have been encouraging me to study in Aus cos he claimed that we must be independent..if i am really going ahead to study overseas,i will miss my friends but in exchange i got 2 full years of experience studying overseas,learning to do everything on my own,living with bf for the 2 full years...i saw the courses that they offered and it was really tempting but i am not sure if i can survive 2 full years living my life in a unfamiliar environment without my family and close friends but only Bf..i still have like 1 & 1/2 years to decide..
parents was being nice to actually renew my horse riding membership in malaysia,my desaru club membership which was expiring this month n i thought they will not renew for me..but they did...daddy jus told me that he might be getting me a sup credit card...i m quite excited abt these cos both dad n mum has got quite a few credit cards n i was seriously waiting for them to sup me JUS ONE of their few cards...n they decided to sup me the best one which was the Citibank Platinum card..when i am officially 18 i will get my card...

being with you made me learned alot of things not only how to be independent but also learning to love a person without asking and demanding too much...you made me valued the way our relationship is..you made me learn to be independent so that i can do most of the things by myself and not depends always on others..you taught me the right way to love..you taught me not to be so wilful despite i was pampered since young...you tolerated all my wilfulness,my carelessness,my craziness,my unglam moments....you never complained about my flaws not even once..despite we do have quite a few small disputes but through these disputes i realised our relationship got stronger...it wasn't like the first few months when we got together...i shouldn't say that i am 100% secure when i am with you but i am sure that i am at least 95% secure when i am with you...the remaining 5% i still need some time to learn to also let go of that 5%...you know it is not easy for me to feel secure with anyone that easily but at least the feeling when i am with you is that i need not guess about anything as you promised you will tell me everything and not keep anything from me...that is what i like about our relationship that is because we keep nothing from each other...i hope we stay this way from now till forever...you are all that i think about at night...

GUYS,we are going for Flyer next friday..anyone who can't make it pls contact either me,peilin,mike or jason....

this few days have been spend quite well..tuesdae was audit & IFA tutorial followed by a 4 hour break which was used to complete cost accounting tutorial n then it was XBRL competition..listened to our class presentation n then started to play Mario...left after voting and signing attendance for the second time..caught the express bus to Toa payoh..collected Dave's bdae cake n went to meet the rest..dave was blindfolded by mike n the rest...took the specially ordered cream cake n smashed on his face..since the buffet was supposed to be at 8pm,we played at the garden..dave was quite angry n therefore ran arnd chasing ppl with the ruined cake..no one was exempted from his second round of smashing...buffet wasn't that fab..the place was filled with super kiasu auntie,annoying family...but at least we sang him a proper bdae song n let him cut the cake without smashing it on his face..
costing tutorial todae wasn't fab at all..the tutor kept shooting me with questions..fine i am somehow quite used to it...met up with Elaine n got my stuff..went to the post office to collect a parcel that was for me..it was a vintage necklace with some history with i didn't bothered to find out since it was nice...
considering whether to buy a pearl or jade jewellery set for auntie...

too many things happened yesterday..it was the first time that we quarrelled n we broke our ten months quarrel-free relationship..fine..let the past rest...
let's start everything on a positive note..thanks for the yellow roses and home cooked pasta..

i was quite angry ytd and almost wanted to tell mum to cancel the surprise she booked but didn't in the end..i am still planning the surprise and i am intending to get more stuffs for the surprise..though yesterday you made me real angry but inside my heart,you are all i want and i need..and despite everything i still love you..i don't want to lose you then i realised how much you meant to me..i sweared you meant alot..

all i wanted to say was i love you.
skip the part of breaking up and living our lives apart please..

i realised last night that Carol was being such a sweetie that she actually helped me to NOT sign up for work for the nxt two wkend..so yah that y i m at hm..sch ended at 4 plus on friday..met up with Bf at AMK n bused down to NYP to wait for Pei n to realised that Edward was aso there waiting for her..her lessons ended n bused down to Toa Payoh Crystal Jade to meet up with family for dinner...three unexpected guests at dinner...it was supposed to be a FAMILY dinner..but Bf,Edward n Jolene(bert's gf) joined us..ordered too much food...had my favourite mango pudding with mango..hm sweet hm after that...jolene stayed over at our hse..

i got myself a new calculator cos i gave up hope on my old calculator...heading down to Dave's bdae chalet either tonite or tmr..

HAPPY 10 MONTHS.(QUARREL FREE)
let's keep it this way.

for the past few days i have been waking up a few ppl in the earli monrning...somewhere arnd 2 to 3am whereby i am still not aslp...
list of ppl i disturb:
1)peilin since she was jus beside me
2)bf since he volunteer to be disturb by me
3)elaine since last time she was the one disturbin me
4)choon hin since durin sec sch days he oways call me at werid hours

actually there isn't alot of ppl but onli four..had intentions to meet up with the clinques for prata at Jalan Kayu but not sure when..had intention to watch movie with them but again don't know when..ever since sch start i didn't really shop,wander arnd with bf n clinque..the last time i saw hannah n krystal was at desaru when we parted to head back to Sin..therefore yah i think i seriously should meet up with them real..like todae,thursdae,fridae...
wednesday have been reserved by bf for 10 months celebration...look at how first time pass...it will soon be a year..when bf sees dis he is going to think that i am complaining that he can't celebrate anni with me..dun worrie..i promised i won't be upset about all these minor things...i wan to maintain the quarrel free relationship as long as possible..

on a side note,i realised the weather difference in Singapore,Hongkong and Brisbane..wonder when bf goes back to brisbane,will he be able to take the weather difference since he has been staying in sin for like 2 months under the no winter no temperature lower than 28 degrees weather?

Labels: my eyes are only on you