Eat, Drink, and Behave

Poor veggies.  They have to be the geeks of the food world.  They often end up pushed to the side of the plate, far away from more delectable offerings, like the unpopular kids who aren’t invited to sit at the cool table in the school cafeteria.  And they are no doubt the teacher’s pet, too.  Ask any nutritionist, parent, or average pre-schooler, and they will tell you that veggies are among the healthiest foods one can eat.

Yet, no one seems to actually want to eat them.  I somehow doubt that in the history of the American penal system, a death row inmate has asked for a last meal of Brussels sprouts, chard, and turnips.  Our culture seems to have a love-hate relationship with vegetables.  Unless the veggie being served is French fried or doused with ranch dressing, we want nothing to do with it.

Recently, we’ve seemed to have given up on trying to convince kids to eat their veggies outright, resorting instead to trickery.  Note the popularity of such cookbooks as The Sneaky Chef and Deceptively Delicious.   And this attempt to hide veggies doesn’t stop with kids.  The author of The Sneaky Chef also has a book called The Sneaky Chef: How to Cheat on Your Man (in the Kitchen!): Hiding Healthy Foods in Hearty Meals Any Guy Will Love.  Apparently, left to their own devices, men cannot be trusted to eat anything from the produce section.  I know some parents who love these cookbooks and feel like this is the only way to get their kids (and their husbands, evidently) to actually ingest a vegetable.

But tricks (or “illusions” if you’re Gob Bluth) only further malign those nerdy veggies.  If I make a chocolate cake and dump in some pureed beets and no one is the wiser, isn’t that just perpetuating the myth that veggies are yucky?  My kids are going to like chocolate cake no matter what; convincing them that beets are actually pretty tasty is harder, but ultimately the challenge will pay off.   After all, who’s going to puree all that cauliflower and hide it in their mac ‘n’ cheese after they leave the nest?  (Hint:  It sure as hell won’t be me).

There’s also the question of whether deceiving  your children at every meal will lead to trust issues and, eventually, rebellious vegetable consumption in the teen years.  By the time these kids are in high school, they may be hiding a bag of spinach in their sock drawer or skipping school to hit the salad bar at Whole Foods.  But I’ll leave it to the child development specialists out there to sort out what damage might be wrought from parental vegetable trickery.

That said, no matter how you prepare it, present it, or sing its praises, a Brussels sprout is never going to be anyone’s culinary prom date.  Cheesecake, cookies, and a thousand other hip foods are always going to be the homecoming queens and quarterbacks.  But that doesn’t mean you have to bully those poor veggies like you are Nelson Muntz.

Like the plot of many a bad teen movie, veggies really just need a good makeover.  Take off the glasses, change the clothes, style the hair, and voila!—from frumpy to foxy in less time than it takes to peel, puree, and hide a bunch of sweet potatoes in your pancakes.   The problem with veggies is that people tend to overcook them (“cooked to death,” my grandmother would say).  Not only does overcooking destroy many of the nutrients, it also often leaves you with a slimy, grayish, and utterly unpalatable mess.  There is a time and place for cooked-to-death veggies (Southern-style green beans, for example), but one of the veggie commandments should be “Thou Shalt Not Kill.”  It’s also important to stay away from most canned vegetables.  Some taste great and are convenient, such as beets and tomatoes, but many are downright horrid (canned peas, I’m talking to you!).  A much tastier—and just as convenient—option is frozen veggies.

What follows are some recipes for a few of the most shunned members of the vegetable clan.  None of the recipes are difficult or time-consuming, making them great for busy home cooks (and who isn’t a busy home cook?).  Slap them on a plate with a simple grain dish (rice, couscous, potatoes) and an easy-to-prepare protein (chicken, tofu, eggs), and you’ve got dinner on the table without the hassle of dragging out the Cuisinart or duping your family.

Bodacious Brussels Sprouts

1 lb. bag of frozen Brussels sprouts, thawed and halved

1 TB olive oil

1 TB butter

¾ C water (or vegetable or chicken broth if you have any), divided

2 TB sugar

2 TB cider vinegar

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Heat the oil and butter in a sauté pan or large skillet over medium-high heat.  Add the sprouts and sprinkle with salt.  Cook, stirring occasionally, until they start to brown, about 5 minutes.
2. Add ½ cup of the water or broth and bring to a boil.  Lower the heat, partially cover, and simmer until the sprouts are just tender and the liquid has been absorbed, about 10 minutes.
3. Add the remaining water or broth, sugar, and vinegar.  Simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the liquid has reduced to a syrup, about 5 minutes.  Season with salt and pepper and serve.

Note:  You can also use fresh Brussels sprouts, but you’ll need to wash and trim them first.  The frozen ones taste just as good and are much easier to deal with.

Beets You’ll Want to Eat

1 lb. beets, tops and tails removed, scrubbed clean

2 TB butter

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Steam the beets using a steamer basket until they are easily pierced with a knife.  Depending on the size of the beets, this will take from 20 to 45 minutes.
2. Remove from heat, and when cool enough to handle, peel.
3. Slice or chop into whatever size you like and place in a large bowl.  Toss with the butter until it is melted, season with salt and pepper, and serve.

Note:  If you have more time, you can roast the beets in the oven at 400 degrees for 30 to 60 minutes (again, the time depends on the size of the beets) or until they are tender.  If you have less time, you can use canned beets and just heat them in the microwave.  Proceed with the rest of the recipe.

Caution:  Beet juice stains, so be careful when handling them and don’t dress your kids in their new white outfits from Strasburg Children when serving.  Also, don’t panic the next time you change a diaper.  Your kid isn’t bleeding internally—again, beet juice stains.  Everything.

Little Trees

1 lb. broccoli, washed, stemmed, and cut into small pieces

1 TB butter or olive oil

Squeeze of fresh lemon juice

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Steam the broccoli using a steamer basket until just tender. 5 to 8 minutes.
2. Place it in a large bowl and toss with the butter and lemon juice.  Season with salt and pepper and serve.