UWE's Indian Michael Jackson

For reasons like this... Maybe I was better off studying in UK... LOL

The Desk Rage Ultimatum

After going through a series of extreme prejudiced racism in my office. I feared I was going to succumb to something I just came to know as 'Desk Rage'.

Desk Rage, by professionals, is defined as: 'The peak of office employee stress levels which ultimately starts with the screaming of vulgar language within the workplace. It can often times lead to assaulting fellow employees, abusing office equipment and/or stealing of company property, abusing sick days and ultimately poor production at work. A possible side effect is that the employee continues to take out his or her rage at their residence in the form of kicking small animals and drinking heavily.'

I seriously LOL-ed at this.

Teaching a New Dog Old Tricks.

After giving it sufficient thought, I decided that the way I was, *though people disgree with me for many different reasons*, perhaps was the only way I could handle myself best at.

As a tortoise retracts into its shell, I, as a bear, would be better off seeking out solitude in my cave. Over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking, why do I need to utilize the 'seeking attention path (which is commonly recognized as "I need to get it off my chest")' when all my life, growing up in high school, no one really cared about anybody's problems. Hence, we always just kept our personal problems to ourselves.

With such, I've decided to put on my old shoes and no longer explain or dote over why I am sad or angry or disappointed or fedup or yada yada yada etc etc etc. Whether I show or do not show it is a completely different story. But at the end of the day, I will refuse to talk aboout it.

This is because, out of dire honesty, I am sick and tired of getting ignorance or annoyance as a responsive feeling towards everything I say whenever I say it. I will stick to this preset set-up till people can learn to stfu and hear me out before they try to act smart and prove to me that they really really DO understand me better than I do myself.

Besides, I'll definitely manage, for I've grown up like this. In a world where I was literally alone, no one genuinely cared, and even if they say they did, you definitely know they weren't being honest about it. It is just a line you tend to use when somebody isn't in his right frame of mind. For example, the most common line used at a funeral would be "if there is anything I can do for you, just let me know". Meh, I say call his bluff. People only know how to repeat used lines and claim it as their own. No originality whatsoever.

At the end of the day, I won't die from shutting up. As much as the world thinks that I will explode when my temper reaches its threshold, I still feel more like my true self. I believe the past does not equal to the future, but I can't deny that it has molded me into my present. Hence, I am who I am, an individual standalone.

Had enough of complaining how Edward Saw doesn't smile? While, prepare for an endless amusement. I will smile through my hurt and pain, through my tears and sorrow, just to make all of you happy. =)

Narrowminded Prejudice

*Blogpost removed as it clashes with my newfound beliefs*

Deceptive rationale

Is it right for one to force himself to control the way he feels because of factors such as:
i) disrupting the normalities that were formed through repetition and culture.
ii) internal-external conflicts due to a decision with nearby related parties due to the unwritten rules that we have chosen to co-exist with.
iii) distortions in the plans and promises made in the past-present-future.

And for what it's worth, allow the world to proceed as it is without being affected by me at the cost of my happiness and desires? Need such a selfless act be necessary for the well-being of everyone else?

When I Stand In The Rain, No One Knows I'm Crying.

Quote from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Kunu: "When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail."

Yeah well, how easy is it to actually fuck the lemons.

Ever had a particular period whereby everything just seemed to go wrong for you? I just had my own personal dosage of a relatively periodic series of unfortunate events.

Saturday night, well... That one's a little more personal. Something I have been trying to live with while lying to myself and the people around me. Every now and then, that problem just reoccurs because of 1 aspect every human being has: stubborness and possibly from me as well. No, I have not been happy, AND if you think I am sad, I am most probably a lot sadder than I think you think I am.

Sunday marked the release of the referral results. Eventhough I managed to pass my Financial Management exam, I still ironically failed the overall, hence I'm walking towards a general degree. Recently I went for two seperate convocations to cheer my friends on. GOSH, the pride on their parents face is just priceless. Sigh, not only do I fail as a boyfriend and occasionally a friend, I even fail as a son and a child. My parents already set very low expectations for me and I cannot even achieve them.

Monday I roamed from 7-11 to 7-11 looking on the notice board for places to rent out, but I kept on ending up with crap or losing rooms to other people, especially the better bargians. Ended up staying around Kelana Jaya till 11-ish just looking for a place, but at the end of it all, my effort was in vain. Thankfully Rue was there to fetch me around, otherwise it would have been bitterly miserable.

Tuesday my phone's motherboard decided to give way. Half the keys didn't respond to me numb-like fingers pressing and pounding on them hence I had to hand it over to Nokia for repairs. The best part? UK warranty does not cover Malaysian repairs, nor does motherboards sound cheap. Yet another lemon life has decided to throw at me and funnily enough, I failed to dodge it.

On an overall note, I mother-fucking hate my job. Perhaps it is because I refuse to mingle around with my fellow finance people. Problem is, they are twice my age and I am seriously not interested in their topics of conversation. Day after day after day after day after week after week, I eat lunch alone, I spend my weekdays alone. At any point when any of my friends actually plan dinner or a movie or the sort post-working hours. I am honestly very happy and I actually count the minutes looking forward to it. Pathetic as it may seem, thats how I live now.

Giving leeway for irony to slap me harder on my face, I do not even know why I am typing so much when obviously speaking no one bothers to read my blog. The fact I'm not a girl with 36-26-34 body sizes definitely does not the situation hence I am actually better off talking to the fucking wall.

I miss my piano. It is the only think I have ever had in my life that truly understood how I feel and hugged me through it all. I really hate my job even more. I feel like I have no time for... For what honestly.

Everyday I stand on the train all the way into the heart of KL and look at my reflection in the mirror. I look haggard, I look worn out, I do not even look happy. For some apparent reason I am still typing eventhough I know for a fact no one reads this semi-abandoned blog. I wonder what life has in store for me tomorrow, another argument? Another backlash? Who cares, I might as well get run over by a 18 wheeler for all I care at the moment.

=)