Hatred

Erza...
I can feel the kindness from that name...

I can feel kindness, cheerfulness, and warmth...

I'm sure you'll continue to hate me...

But I can't help that... It's only natural.

But hatred will steal the freedom from your heart.

It will eat away at you from within...

I can't go that far...

I can't go before you...

You will be free from Jellal...

I will take your hatred and sadness... with me...

You are... free...

Jellal, Fairy Tail

我是一只小小兔子

This post is dedicated to Berry, whose life was robbed from her much earlier than it was intended to have been.

Berry

I have been very very busy with work, with such, I have had very little time to spend with Buttons, what more Berry.

Which is why I bought her in the first place. Because I owe Buttons that much, a friend, a companion, that I have robbed him off for the first 1 year he has been with me.

No living creature can live in solitude, especially animals. Which is why most specialist would advice buying pets in pairs, not in a singular manner.

And much to my dismay, even that has been robbed from him.

I bought her about a week ago from a Pet Shop in Sungai Buloh in impulse because she looked simply adorable when I saw her in lowyat forums, and even mroe adorable when I saw her at the petshop itself.

I brought her home a bit fearful of what Buttons might think of her, having said he has never had to share his territory with anyone before, and I know him to be very territorial. But to my surprise, he accepted her almost immediately.

He would follow her wherever she hopped and try his best to lie down beside her. It was truly a breathtaking sight. And everyday when I look at them, he would always try his best to manja with her. He'd always place his head underneath her tummy no matter what she was doing.

When anyone, even my mother asked me about her, I'd proudly tell them how Buttons loves her so much, takes care of her with an unconditional love, and always tries to be as close as possible to her.

KPMG has a fruit day every month where everyone in every department gets a free fruit from KPMG. Last month, they gave me an apple. I didn't really feel like eating it, so I gave it to Buttons, and the cute little boy ate it excitedly. So on Monday, KPMG gave me a pear instead. Knowing how much Buttons loves fruits, I decided to give it to him to share with Berry.

On Tuesday, coming home from work, I was a bit mortified to find Berry lau-sai-ing all over the cage. Thinking that it was minor problem, having said that Buttons lau-sai's once in a while, I didn't pay that much attention to it being a problem. I just cleaned up the cage, alongside with the two of them.

And even then, Buttons kept licking her to dry her up and sort out her fur with much affection indeed. She seemed a lot better, althought she was still lau-sai-ing a bit. So I covered the cage with a tower to keep them warmer from the air con. and the next morning I woke up to check on them before I went to work. Berry was still running around the cage. Assuming everything was fine I left for work with the two of them lying down side by side.

Yesterday, Wednesday, the 24th of November 2010, after work, she laid dead, eyes still wide open, staring in to the abyss, limp on the cage floor. And Buttons, probably not understanding death, was still licking her head. Probably not realizing why she wasn't responding to him anymore.

She died of a common rabbit intestine disease contracted from human contact. Most young rabbits don't have a proper immunity system built up to withstand such diseases. I was too used to Buttons, who was strong from the day I bought him, that I totally forgot about that fact. So indirectly, to my horror, I caused her death.

Not being able to bury her, having said I have nothing more than a concrete garden, and not wanting any other animals to eat her in her death. I bagged her up properly, said a little prayer for her, asking God to forgive me for my carelessness, and hoping to give her a better home wherever she may be now, I placed her gently, at the bottom of my rubbish bin angry that I couldn't give her a proper burial. Angry, if not for me, for Buttons at least.

Berry meeting Buttons for the first time.

Many times last night, I caught Buttons looking for her in the places she loves to hide in, not being able to find her. Towards the end of the night, realizing that she is no longer there. He reverted back to his old self, lazing and moping around. Very much different from the Buttons I took much happiness in watching throughout the past week with Berry. And I truly felt very sad for him.

To Berry,

You deserved much more than the short life you lived. For that chose this song, in dedication to you, though you were not a bird, you still deserved to fly much higher than you did.

我是一只小小小小鸟
想要飞呀飞却飞也飞不高

I'm a little little bird

who wants to fly but cannot fly high

Incompetence Becomes Me

Sometimes I wonder,

Why many around me like to correct me, eventhough at times, they themselves don't know what they are talking about.

When I say 'correct me', I speak from the perspective of my decisions, my judgments, my stories, my actions.

So much so it starts to get on my nerves many a time.

Am I truly a person that makes lousy decisions or judgments so much so I deserve to be always corrected?

Are my stories so nonsensical that they need to be rectified?

Are my actions so unbearable that people need to tell me I'm wrong?

Yes, I know for a fact I am not perfect.

I too, am subjected to flaws, human errors, and mistakes.

The only thing I find hard to believe is that I ONLY make mistakes, create flaws and succumb to human error.

So much so the things I say, the actions I take, the judgments I perceive, the decisions I conclude end up being ALWAYS wrong and needing someone to tell me so.

I truly belief, more often than not...

... More often than I have been allowed..

... I deserve the benefit of the doubt more so than to which I am given.

... One day when I begin to curl back and remain silent, thou shalt not blame me.

我是一只小小小小鸟
想要飞呀飞却飞也飞不高

Destiny

How does one know what is/isn't his destiny?

How does one know that, perhaps, he has done all he had been born to do?

Only he knows.

Maybe we would not have become who we are today.

Maybe we would not have been moved to the same action.

If we didn't meet the people we've met in life.

It is arrogant to believe you can know all things.

Perhaps you are right.

But perhaps, you are not.

Strive

Those painful memories are what can help us make it to tomorrow, and become stronger.

That goes for everyone.

Every human has that power within them.

Walk tall. And, I, too will keep walking tall, ever onwards.

- Erza, Fairy Tail

Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

17. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

18. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

19. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.

20. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.

21. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

22. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

23. Your pimp seems to often abuse you, forgetting that without you, he would not have a business.

24. You do all the real work, but the pimp has a higher stigma and more money, and really just has to "coordinate" the work for you. Sometimes, you wonder if you could just make more money pimping out yourself.

25. You get so brainwashed into the lifestyle, that you don't realize that life can be better, until it is too late.

26. Personal time, or a work/life balance, is meaningless to your pimp, all he cares about is satisfying the clients, despite how many times he tells you he loves you.

27. After a few years, you find that all your non-prostitute friends are no longer your friends, because you lost touch and your schedule and lifestyle was difficult to manage, and you find that you associate primarily with other prostitutes.

28. The turnover rate is ridiculously high. Everyone thinks they can do it for a few years, no problem, but after just a few clients railing you, many break under the pressure, or quit for a better life.

29. Most of the time, your job could be performed by a well-trained monkey.

30. You thought college was a waste of time.

N900 vs other lock-in devices

Officially, Whatsapp has refused to create maemo compatible version of Whatsapp.

I say no matter..

I believe there are many other free ways to contacts Iphoners and BBers using NORMAL IM protocols such as MSN, YM, AIM, Jabber/Gtalk, etc.

These are also available on Iphones, and I believe Blackberry and even Andriod, they are also free and are included by default on the N900 as soon as you take it out of the box.

I refuse to allow BBM and Whatsapp sucking me into believing in something as ridiculous as 'long term waste of money'.

I will go with what has worked long before those two phones even entered the market.

Warmth

It is because I am weak I always hide behind a suit of armor.

I could never take that armor off.

I always believed that the amor would keep me safe...but that wasn't right.

That chink between peoples' hearts that allows them to connect...

I was just blocking that up.

But Fairy Tail taught me the truth.

That's it's so much better to be close to people, to feel their warmth.

- Erza, Fairy Tail

Kindness

It's when people realise how lonely it is being on their own..

.. That they start to become kind

- Mirajane, Fairy Tail

Weakness

Nothing will change.

Weaklings will stay weak forever.

But weakness is not evil, since human beings are weak creatures to begin with.

Alone, you feel nothing but insecurity; that's why we form guilds, that's why we have friends.

We walk together in order to live a strong life.

The clumsy ones will walk into more walls than the others, and it may also take them longer to get there.

If you believe in tomorrow and put yourself out there, you can naturally obtain your strength.

That's how you will be able to smile and live strong

- Makarov, Fairy Tail

... And life goes on..

I'm finally employed again..

.. For the past week and counting..

Feels good being able to talk to my peers like I am 'one-of-them' again.

Goodbye to feeling hopeless and useless.

I have made it a point to try and love my job the best I can.

Obviously....

Normally, we know not what we want in life.

But that does not really matter.

What matters more is we are well aware of what we do not want in our lives.

The After-life

Back to the days of watching movies on my own.

I don't really mind actually.

It's always easier to buy individual seats.

And I do not have to wait for anyone thus timing will always be in my control.

The Horse and the Cart.

Everyday I sit down and wonder whether the decision of 'quitting/pausing employment to hopefully finish off my ACCA faster' ended as a wise one, or an utterly stupid one.

No, I do not regret pursuing ACCA.

But now I feel utterly useless.

Proudmoore

It is as much of a mistake to underestimate yourself as to overestimate yourself.

False modesty is as bad as false pride.

Know exactly what you are capable of at any moment, and act accordingly.

Any other path is folly—and could be deadly.

The Lightbringer

No one ever truly feels ready.

No one ever truly feels like he deserves anything.

Why?

Probably because no one really does.

We are, how should I say, inherently unworthy, simply because we are human.

And all human beings, are flawed one way or another.

But that does not mean we should be loved any less.

We are loved for what we sometimes can rise to, in rare moments.

We are loved because we strive daily to be worthy, even though, we understand that we can never truly become so.

Wrongnessism

Taken from DogHouseDiaries.

FFS...

I've had many aspirations while growing up.

Of which, the biggest dream of them all was to somehow get somewhere with my love for music.

Piano. Bands only want keyboardist, I'm considered old technology from their perspective.

Saxophone. The only instrument not present in a symphonic or a philharmonic orchestra.

Drums. One instrument that I never stood a chance of owning. Hence almost depleting whatever skills I had left since I quit GenoXidE in Sunnway back in 2003.

Even had the thought of pursuing a degree in music. But slowly, and reluctantly, I knew I had to come to terms with the fact that music is based more on luck than skill alone. Thus I settled for Accounting.

At the end of the day, fuck this shit, this is not a fairytale; dreams are meant for sleeping.

One

At this moment there at 6,417,652,321 people in the world.

Some are running scared.

Some are coming home.

Some tell lies to make it through the day.

Others are just now facing the truth.

Some are evil men, at war with good.

Some are good, struggling with evil.

Six billion people in the world.

Six billion souls.

And sometimes all you need is one.

- One Tree Hill

The 9 Most Annoying Types of People on Facebook

Got this from Samantha and found it rather cute, funny BUT true.

The Gamer

The Event Coordinator

The Desperate Marketer

The Horrible Photo Tagger

The Rash

The Quiz Taker

The Passive Aggressor

The Infant Profile

The Filterless