Because I'm Selfish ...

I want to be happy.

I want my girls to be happy.

I want to live a stress-free life.

I want to skip through a damn flower filled meadow with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Okay, I realize that the stress-free part is a little far fetched.

But, a girl can dream ...

So much for motivation ...

Things didn't really pick up yesterday. I did make dinner, I spent thirty minutes on the treadmill and I showered. Yay me!

That's just how some days are or aren't rather.

Today, I was in a better mood. I made plans to do chores around the house. We'll see how that goes. I did make carrot soup and put it in the crock pot so dinner would be ready when I got home from my DBT group. Which, by the way, was a very good session.

More on that later.

I'm in the mood for ... nothing

At the moment anyway.

Hopefully, as the day goes by, that will change. But, as for now, I'm content to just sit here and do, well, nothing.

I did fold the towels in the dryer and I flopped the wash, I loaded the dishwasher (I still need to wash the pots, pans and cooking/prepping utensils) and I ate breakfast.

Now, it's noon and I'm sitting on my bed kind of watching an ANTM marathon I've seen before and writing this.

I'm hoping to motivate at some point ...

So ...

I keep stating over and over how THIS time, I'm really going to start blogging again and over and over, I do not stay true to my word.
WELL ..
THIS time, I'm not making any kind of commitment.
In all seriousness, I'll be lucky to remember that I even have a blog. And when I do remember, you might want to forget what you've read. 

I Think I Need My Meds Adjusted

My jaw has been getting pretty tight lately which could mean that my anti-anxiety medicine isn't working the way it should be.  It could also mean that my anti-depressant has stopped doing its job correctly.  With medicines like the ones I take, they start to become ineffective after you've been on them a while.  I've currently been on my sanity cocktail for more than five years.  This is far longer than the other two medications I was on previously. 

I have been getting more and more agitated lately by the most mundane things.  Mark says I need to keep things simple but, unfortunately, that is not my way.  I freak out, I cry, I get obsessive, I get very anxious, I feel claustrophobic in relatively open spaces. 

Yesterday, I completely spazzed because when I got home from Target, I realized that I had bought regular bounty and not the select-a-size kind.  I became frantic and absolutely HAD to go back and get the right kind NOW!!!!!

When Vanessa was in the hospital and they took out the central line in her neck, the nurse put the heart covered band-aid  on upside down.  OMG! I was beside myself wanting to fix it but because of sterilization, I could not touch it.  I was so relieved when they took it off.  

And, don't even get me started on my single most OCD issue - matching.    Symmetry and grammatical correctness are close seconds.  There have been so very many times that I wanted to correct people's statuses on facebook but I stop myself because I don't want to be unfriended. I delete and rewrite mine if I see an error after I publish.  I will most likely find something in this post that bothers me and I will have to fix.

Hopefully when I see my Head Doctor next week, we can figure some things out.  But until then, its on with the crazy.

There Should Be A Font For Sarcasm

How many times have people gotten themselves into trouble by using sarcasm with other people who just don't get it? I've done it a lot.

I don't get people who don't get sarcasm - I don't trust them. They're usually the people who ruin all the fun for the rest of us. The helicopter parents, the whistle-blowers, those damned morons that said Pluto couldn't be a planet anymore and the ones that came up with "political correctness" (Vertically-challenged preadolecents??? No, they are children - children I say!).

In the arena of writing, we have italics which work pretty well but not always clearly.  They are multifunctional, often seen in publications, books, bibliographies and such to donate titles, scientific nomenclature and proper names, to draw attention to a particular part of a text in order to show emphasis or contrast, to identify foreign words.  Even more confusing, sometimes italics are used instead of quotation marks. (See what I did there?)

In other mediums such as texts, im's, some email programs especially those sent from your cell phone, facebook statuses, conversations, etc. there is no way of using italics and many ways of getting into trouble because you cannot.  Also, if you are in the middle of talking/writing sarcastically about something that grammatically needs italics, you're screwed. 

You can use ALL CAPS to indicate sarcasm but to me that can also  signify yelling in text format.

Which leads me back to the need for a sarcasm font.

Simply put, we need one.

Good Advice

My mother told me to take just 15 minutes of my day and write.

Just write.

About anything I want.

Or, about nothing in particular.

The "nothing in particular" is most likely the route I'm going to take.

I tend to "tangent" - which, is probably why my mother suggested that I do this in the first place.

To "tangent", is to be talking about one thing and in the next couple of seconds, be talking about something completely different.

My mom and a select few are used to this.

But, to the un-learned (pronounced, un-learn-ed), it gets pretty confusing.

For example ...

In one breath, I'll be talking about what I had for dinner the night before which will lead me to something one of my kids said during dinner which will lead me to think of my pregnancy with said child which will lead me to remembering that I craved mustard during that pregnancy which gets me to the color yellow which is the color of lemons which I always put in my iced tea which reminds me that I need to clean the filter of the Kuerig so that I can make iced tea which makes me realize that I need to do the dishes and the next thing you know, I'm talking about a hail storm that occurred in the south of France last Tuesday.

See what I mean?

So, here I am writing, about nothing in particular.

Because my mother told me that it was a good idea.