.

the blaring screen, meaningless programmes,

slouched postures and piercing blank looks.

barking commands, everyday chores,

worked so hard over the years; is this what it’s for.

young hopeful, shattered dreams,

the seam of light beneath his door.

hates this place, wishes for more,

his lone white shirt hangs beside their shapeless togs.

explaining the world, quoting the masters,

slumped in his swivel, lamenting the weather,

is he who philosophies better off?

years gone by and dreams forgotten,

everyone’s stuck in this rut, this rut.

how do we escape the fate that binds us all?

Tuesdays are dissertations days; 5 hr exhaustive sessions with the tutor in his office, after which I will almost always pass out in my room straightaway.

He feeds us Freud, Lacan, Deleuze- his favourites, and says it’s tough; we are like Primary 1 children with no formal knowledge of philosophy, but we’re supposed to pick these all up in three months.

I kind of personally like Walter Benjamin and am reading on him.

And so it begins, the final lap, the final year. 1x dissertation, 1x thesis to the end of formal education.

There were several things that made me quite sad this week:

1. Random things have reminded me of a friend who passed on from a ‘very rare type of cancer’ (as quoted from dr. choo b.b.) a few months ago. We weren’t particularly close, but we did share a few of those very long and memorable conversations while waiting to board our flights back home. He lived a very inspiring life like she who passed on last year; is it a coincidence that such beautiful lives must come to such tragic ends?

2. Death happens so often around us, you’d think we’d have gotten used to it by now. But I still can’t imagine having to go through such a loss at this point of my life; I think it must be impossibly and insanely difficult.

3. On a lighter note, I’ve started wearing my mom’s engagement solitaire pendant. I’m a bit paranoid about losing it, but it’s soo pretty so how can I leave it in the box! I wonder if my dad would still recognise it, or whether I should put it away when I go home.

We had our second visitor, Benben, last week; although we didn’t spend too much time sightseeing together, it was fun! The Amsterdam red light district was surprisingly beautiful at night, and the siew yuk fan was so good!

I spent 4 full days in school last week (that’s twice the amount I’d normally spend) to finish up a presentation we had on Thursday. I don’t know why we’d needed to spend so much time on it, but nonetheless, it went very well so I shan’t complain. In the midst of the very frustrating moments, there were very funny ones I’d like to remember, like when my groupmate said he was going to ‘subscribe his gf at the townhall’ (he meant register).

We’re at the start of our mid semester break, 1 week away from interim crit and 2 weeks away from Copenhagen. People have started partying and going all over the Netherlands, but we’re taking it slow with lovely leisurely brunches every day.

Between the most serious conversations we have about styles from vogue and gq (courtesy of benben!), I like it that we’ve got the luxury of time, and are in the perfect frames of mind, to brainstorm for an awesome design business plan. We’ve already got a list of business heroes all within the design field, but the question is, how do we get ourselves up there?

I like this picture of the Delft town square, there are so many things going on!

1. It has gotten unbelievably windy, rainy and cold in the past week. Resisting the forces of cross winds and trying to stay on the bicycle has become a whole new skill by itself.

2. Our first visitor last weekend confirmed that the Chinese restaurant in Rotterdam is indeed one of the best around. We compared notes about the exchange student lifestyle, and found many similarities.

3. We hope to be going to Bali early next year! An awesome brief and a very profound, well dressed man will make an exciting studio next semester.

4. Catching up and exchanging girly gossip over msn has never felt sooo fun! I hate that I have to skip this year’s, but I promise I’d equip myself with many many new recipes for future Christmas/ birthday parties!

5. If I’m doomed to be mediocre at something, I’d rather not do it at all.

6. I really like the copper rust building that I posted up a couple of posts ago. It’s incredibly beautiful, and it sums up what I’d like to try to achieve in this current design project.

7. Cherry red nail polish has never looked so good!

8. There was a personality test I took last week that seemed to give an amazingly accurate reading of me. On one hand, I’d like to say, yes that’s it, I should be capitalising on my strengths; on the other, can I will myself to be the complete opposite?

9. Chanel Spring Summer 2010 was awesome. How ah, can I be 76, and still design with the mind of a fresh new designer x the wisdom of an old timer.

10. In a Mika mood, tralala.