The Waiting is the Hardest Part

The anticipated Storm of the Century nonsense never materialized. Looks like we got about 4.5 inches in our area, but we haven't gone out to measure because we haven't had to. Combine the enforced inactivity with the nebulous period between Christmas and New Year's Day and add to it the uncertainty about when Mom is going to succumb (setting in motion a funeral and at least a few days of sitting shiva) and I'm pretty much paralyzed. My sleep cycle is shot all to hell, understandably, so I dozed on and off today. At least I caught up on my medical files and laid out my weekly pills, and tomorrow I tackle my checkbook again.

The Long Goodbye

We spent the first part of Boxing Day getting our quarterly blood draw to determine our A1C (at this point an uptick would not surprise me considering that exercise is the furthest thing from my mind considering the circumstances) and replenishing our dairy supply as I found moldy bits on all my unused cheese yesterday. Then we headed to Mom's long-term care facility for probably the last time to say our goodbyes and have a nice long talk with my brother about What Happens Next. At this point we're all just tired and patiently waiting for the inevitable. We made it home before the big storm began, and as I type the snow shows little sign of stopping and I'm glad we have no plans for the immediate future. Tomorrow's going to be a good catch-up day for finances, more reading, and definitely more hot chocolate!

Have Yourself A Merry

We had a bit of a blue Christmas this year due to Mom's impending demise. I'd be very surprised if she lasts the night, but she's surprised us before. She hasn't been the Mom I remember in at least a year anyway so I've had time to get used to it, but on the other hand one is never truly prepared to lose a parent. I'll wait to hear from my brother on whether to visit again tomorrow for my final goodbyes (after I've already achieved closure and she's well beyond it but never mind), and in the meantime I busied myself by doing things I enjoy like reading comics (so many that my thumb joints are sore) and spending time with Robin.

Wholly Trinity Redux

As long as Christmas Eve falls on a blogging day, I'll keep putting up my Wholly Trinity for the holidays:

And You Shall Be Upheld in More Than This (about A Christmas Carol)

"I Hear People Singing, It Must Be Christmastime" (about holiday music)

"So That's How He Got the Crown of Thorns!" (about my love/hate relationship w Rankin/Bass)

I'll also be putting up my Christmas Carol Checklist on Facebook shortly. Have a peaceful holiday!

Winding Down

Work is done for the next week and a half, and all my alarms are now turned off. Heard from my brother that Mom is pretty much in final decline and headed towards hospice care, so we were right not to make any specific plans for the foreseeable future, as I'm unsure she'll live to see 2026. Not entirely unexpected, once you start refusing to eat your body doesn't have enough fuel to heal itself any more. I have all kinds of reactions all at once, but mostly acceptance at this stage, as I came to terms with things last year. I just don't know how much my life will change after she goes. But one step at a time.

Multiple Cramps

Well, I certainly didn't need the thigh cramp (charley horse) at 2:30 AM, nor the calf cramp in the other leg (which obviously was feeling left out) a few hours later after I'd gone back to sleep. I wonder if it's weather-related? Maybe age-related? Good job I'm working from home today, and I did get a lot of things accomplished in the day before most of the folks I support are taking off. One more work day before I get the rest of the year off as well!

Feeling the Effects

We swung by the farmers market for what turned out to be Yet Another Pair of Earrings (and another menorah ornament) before doing our grocery shopping, and as it happened I had to use the supermarket's bathroom as soon as we arrived. Second day in a row of intestinal whoseewhatsis. Don't know if I picked up something in Manhattan or New Jersey, but it's less than fun and I'm glad I'm working from home tomorrow. I'll probably opt to work from home on Tuesday as well, as I want to be on call in case something happens with Mom. But for now we're all just maintaining, which is about as much as one can hope for at this point.

Maintaining Mom

We visited Mom today. It does not appear she will ever get out of her bed again, but she's being made about as comfortable as can be, and reiterated that she's not suffering and not in any pain. She's coherent much of the time (mostly she still talks, and I realize that's where I get that from) and I held her cold hands a lot, turned my face away from her and wept repeatedly. I know the inevitable creeps closer, and most of the time I'm prepared emotionally, but it's still hard to be stoic when it's staring me in the face. Add to that an hour-plus drive each way, over the GWB (which could have been far worse considering holiday traffic) and my lack of sleep last night, and by the time we got home (we had to get Robin's prescriptions from the pharmacy, plus our usual post-NJ sushi) I was almost somnambulant. Thank goodness the exhaustion didn't kick in until I was no longer behind the wheel! I had to crash for a couple hours but I still feel like I could use more sleep, so good night all...

Galloping Towards the Shortest Day

Tough work week, especially two days in a row in Manhattan, but it's over now and I only have two more work days until our company's winter break from Christmas Eve through New Year's Day. I'm just so tired though. Visiting Mom tomorrow will doubtless take more out of me. I wonder if I'll be able to sleep through much of the break. These are the kinds of things I ponder at my age.

'Tis, I Say, 'Tis!

Oh, it's definitely the season. I was godsmacked that, of the four partners who have spaces in our office today, two of them had gifts for me! I'm now over $500 richer and have some lovely chocolates which I will need to eat extremely sparingly (not sugar-free alas) and a collection of nice-smelling upscale hand lotions. The latter two were certainly lighter than yesterday's candles, which was good because I had my backpack with me for the trek back to the subway. Amazingly, it was easy to get on the first train that came; unsurprisingly, I wasn't able to get a seat until 72nd Street. But by 125th the train cab was only about half full and everyone was able to stretch out and relax. Same with the local bus, I got the third one available but by the time it hit the northern part of my neighborhood there were only a few other passengers. It's still a gridlock alert day but you wouldn't know it by the public transit, it was wonderful! Maybe it's because we've had a break in the cold weather, and I didn't have to bundle up quite so much today. Tomorrow it's supposed to get up into the 50's, but with lots of rain and wind. I just hope we have enough of a break to open the windows awhile.