^ Some Jazz Bar

I don't quite uds the entire song but seriously he gives me the most intense feels just from the pain in his voice. been feeling rather lousy recently, no idea what's really wrong with me.

http://storylineblog.com/2016/03/03/let-a-friend-go/

< I believe friendship should be as natural as possible. If you’re struggling with maintaining a relationship that is, despite your efforts, puttering out, don’t beat yourself up about it. It may be time to consider letting go of the relationship. >

sometimes just feeling so damn done, it's tiring to try so hard to keep someone around, keep the friendship running, keep the friendship the same. sometimes I ask myself why can everyone else be so much more understanding towards me than I am towards you, I wonder if I should better myself. but tbh, if you don't even bother at the slightest things, you can't tell what upsets me and you're just all lip service, I don't see the need to try too hard either. 

on another note, feeling so blessed by the one person who takes all my early morning nonsense and always giving in to me, letting me be the biggest burden ever. it's because people like this that I'm reminded that I'm still blessed despite the downfalls.

Vietnam (26/12/15 - 01/01/16)

Day 1

soaking in the star wars @ airport craze (with tc and Kenneth who came to send us off!)

ma plane buds

crisis #1: chin's luggage became a casualty

first meal in Hanoi~~ Pho! :)

happiest when I've meat :D

Day 2

day 2 enroute to Halong Bay! 

on the transporting boat to our cruise~

visited this damn cool cave - Sung Sot Cave

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yepz your typical Halong Bay shot #1 (from Sung Sot)

post hike @ Titop Island 

with the girls <3

typical shot #2 (post-hike)

happy hour cocktail to celebrate rrel's birthday~! 

usual night activity - lepaking with cards

pweety cruise room!! 

Day 3

quote my insta caption: 8am kayaking more like 8am freezing

with jy! the person who fought the kayak war with me HAHA

selfie-ception?

super like this damn step shot

at the top deck with my favouritest girl! 

with our tour guide Tung (Cruise)!

Day 4

love tour lunches the food is really daeeeeebak

cruising Tam Coc~

freezing our asses off in the wind

cues light at the end of the tunnel quote

Day 5 

some chapalang rojak thing we sat down and tried on impulse (which was really good!) 

got this thing for train tracks

this was the view we got on the other side of the train track! 

another one of my faves

Day 6

emo (or step) moment in the local prison

me trying to balance out my life LOL

cafe time! :D

NYE dinner - steamboat! 

us at the countdown by Hoan Kiam lake~! 

Day 7

time to go home~~~

Extras HAHA

featuring our favourite pho + lime HAHAHA

Hoan Kiam lake - a must-visit in Hanoi

night view #1

night view #2

and last but not least, featuring our favourite Bahn Mi! :D

yeapz that's it. 
so thankful that we managed to make this trip work. so blessed to have all of you in my life. 
much loves <3

sometimes it just takes that little bit to feel the worst about yourself.
and it takes so much to get back up, back on track.

but when you look at how vast the world is, take the attention away from yourself.
and appreciate the sights in front of you.

it's alright if you wouldn't be here, just give me some time to accept it. 

winter's half gone and I haven't been doing much other than planning for my 21st. 
which was what I intended to dedicate this hols to, so it's fine.

but I started thinking bout how scary that I'm turning 21 and honestly talking with the helea people recently made me think ahead into the future. 21 isnt old but it isn't exactly young either. 

I'd be graduating in bout 2.5 years and that what even??? going into the workforce. wow.

it's funny how when we were young we thought 21 meant being an adult i.e. having your shit together and I'm turning 21 and I can't even decide on what modules I'm gonna be taking._.

uni's a wonder, it's puzzling how I can feel so so so lousy bout myself once I'm there, NUS kids got their results today and I'm really dreading checking mine?? it's like I feel like I have my shit together but then it doesn't always turn out that way, then again I can't say that I'm not made for studying cause I'd be wasting my parents' money, or my money actually.

started to do some simple sums with my aunt 2 weeks back, and came to the realization that I'd be in a $50k debt the moment I graduate (what even???????) but yeah, which I aim to repay in hopefully 5 years. HOPEFULLY. sometimes Singapore's so competitive I wonder if I can survive in the private sector, heading off overseas sounds so so tempting. if I'm cut out for that. 

on a lighter note, met up with helea peeps the past few days, makes me feel reaaaally thankful that they're still in my life. apart from being close to the pri sch gang, the next longest group of friends would be the helea peeps. met up with siowying and rachel and nua-ed around sy's house the whole day, just wanted to spend some time together cuz rach's gonna be flying off for exchange next week! with them it feels really comfy, don't have to find a random topic to talk about, silence is fine :') then met up with weiting ruizheng and mingquan, it's been a long time since the 4 of us met and it feels like nothing's changed, that feeling is the best thing ever :') truly blessed.

have been meeting other dhs friends as well, and although I've said this so many times, I think being in dhs is really one of the greatest blessings in my life, meeting so many genuine people and people who would make the effort to care for me and keep me in their lives. genuine people who don't make me feel like I'm a thorn and won't bat an eyelid when I request for help. 

attending Ms Sel's wedding in the midst of finals #yolo

fangirl moments ;) he's so so so so so friendly I cannot even.

and one more dhs person I'm thankful for is Eugenia, thank you for telling me that you're my dhs senior when we met through seag, and keeping this friendship till now, being the one in the entire seag circle that I can talk to about anything at all, I love how I'm pretty #nofilter around you and I don't know why you're so sweet but I'd gladly accept it :)

met up with F today, thankful that we managed to squeeze in a meal slot cause we're so horribly busy this hols, him so much more cause of his heavy committee load. at least mine's not stacking up so much this hols. but I'd probably suffer more during summer. Headed to the airport for a meal, been long since I went to the airport for fun LOL. 

also I think I overdid it with his iphone camera LOL

and on another lighter note, VIETNAM IN 3 DAYS WOOHOO. 
can still remember us counting down from 100 days LOL. 
oh but I haven't started packing #wheregottime 

post exams has been very very disheartening.

got myself more tangled up with emotional issues and responsibilities. 

honestly now I really hate being around my phone because phone = responsibilities

some problems from the past re-surfaced. led me to expose the weakest side of myself. 

really hope this will tide over soon. feeling so vulnerable, so bare.

further messed things up, pushed people away, threw chances out of the window.

I just want to have some time, to myself. to be myself. 

I had enough of people telling me what to do. I'm so done with this.


sometimes I wonder, what if I hadn't made that decision one year ago?
how would things be right now? 
would I be this upset at so many things now? 
it's a domino effect. I know it. 

maybe it's just me believing too much in horoscopes,
but I think Capricorns have this nature of upsetting themselves so so often.
every single day I key in those digits, only to remind myself of the pain.
or am I reminding myself never to make such a mistake again? 

原来你是我最想留住的幸运，原来我们和爱情曾经靠的那么近；
与你相遇好幸运，可我已失去为你泪流满面的权利。

부디 후회 없는 채로 두 눈 감을 수 있길.

痛。

很痛。

非常
非常
痛。


可是我够坚强。

unglam moments while studying snapchatted by le bff -rolls eyes-

so today I went over to qy's house to study, our usual weekend routine. was rather on task even though I was tired as hell #proudofmyself planned to finish my to do list and go ball with the guys around 815-830 until 10pm or so. 

so things went according to plan, I shut down my laptop just slightly before 815pm? but I kinda sensed that she was a little sad about some stuff. so I asked her if she wants to talk about it, she said no but I guess I probed her to. 

so we ended up having a htht but the weirdest thing was that the focus shifted from her to me, then I ended up in a monologue and I teared. feels kind of good to let it out but sigh, problems that can only be repeated over but not solved.

"idk. don't like to see you suffer quietly."

thankful for a best friend in you, no matter how much we bicker, disagree and annoy each other :')