unglam moments while studying snapchatted by le bff -rolls eyes-

so today I went over to qy's house to study, our usual weekend routine. was rather on task even though I was tired as hell #proudofmyself planned to finish my to do list and go ball with the guys around 815-830 until 10pm or so. 

so things went according to plan, I shut down my laptop just slightly before 815pm? but I kinda sensed that she was a little sad about some stuff. so I asked her if she wants to talk about it, she said no but I guess I probed her to. 

so we ended up having a htht but the weirdest thing was that the focus shifted from her to me, then I ended up in a monologue and I teared. feels kind of good to let it out but sigh, problems that can only be repeated over but not solved.

"idk. don't like to see you suffer quietly."

thankful for a best friend in you, no matter how much we bicker, disagree and annoy each other :') 

sometimes I wanna call you, but I know you won't be there.

^ this.
is me right now.

feeling majorly fked because I had a fall on Friday. even though it was on my side and my hip bone hurt a little after the fall (not anymore), I think the more serious thing is that it triggered the slipped disc again? I thought I was lucky cause I didnt fall on my butt but no, life doesnt work this way );

the pain doesnt feel like it's gonna go away very soon, so I finally got down to making an appointment after finals. major sigh. like 99.99% of me doesnt wanna go to the doctor's because well, I'm just afraid of being told I cant ball anymore. for real. 

but from now till finals end, it's just gonna be tape, salonpas and gritting my teeth to endure this. 12 days to go, come on Mel you can do this.

sometimes I wonder why I let ball be such a big part of my life. but, it already is, cant help it.

I wish you'd care more.

five days to finals.
fever.
fml.

just ended a grueling night of studying, time check 3.15 am.
I think it's nights like these that really make me appreciate being at home, because I can colonize both the dining table AND kitchen table to do my work. nowadays I really cannot comprehend why some people stay in hall through the weekends and all like ?!?!?!?! 
but it's because I'm really blessed with good weekends :') 

love it when I see my notes have so much add-ons. maybe this is how I convince (or deceive?) myself that I've been actually doing my work HAHA. 

surge of positivity today hope it lasts :)) end of y2s1 I'm nearly half done with uni??? 

went for lunch with mama today hopefully I haven't been neglecting her too much and won't do so in the next 2.5 years. thankful for all the love she showers upon me every weekend with super good food and fattening me up with bubble tea when I refuse to go out with her (because "need to study"). 

white sands actually has legit food outlets open ohmy I always thought the whole mall closed for renov but apparently they renovated part by part. 

really need to pick up on blessings along the way to keep the positivity moving. hate those days where I just feel hopeless and on the brink, shoooooooooooooo. really like how I'm feeling rn :))

happiest part of the night? KNOWING TMR'S SATURDAY :))) hasn't been too long since I met my favourites, considering that last Saturday we balled at night and then had supper, Monday I met them for brekkie before heading to school, then met them again after school for mookata and Tuesday we balled in the morning and had brekkie. is it I overly attached ); or rather, is it we all overly attached ); LOL. but I'm super excited to meet them tomorrow evening again! after mugging in the day that is.

and finally used my first S/U option of my uni life. 안녕~ (at least I can type/write really basic Korean w/o googling anymore heh) 

the pain in my body has been acting up quite a bit these days, been feeling a burning sensation in my knee since 2-3 days ago but I believe in 以毒攻毒 so I'm just gonna heck it and ball tomorrow until I really cannot take it. my anat prof mentioned how exercise can trigger an addiction like drugs can and I think I'm pretty much addicted to exercise. balled on Tuesday on an empty and the lactic acid build up was insane but I loved the aching feeling so damn much. really really makes me feel alive :) 

love how the guys are also just not caring about their injuries and just balling, okay that's not a good thing cause we'll all regret in the future. but we're all broken here and there it's a miracle we've not stopped balling on a weekly basis. amusing how I was telling Sibin bout all the injuries incurred this year and she went like "Walao y'all seriously一个两个 injured here injured there", "Seriously you guys need to chill", "You people don't update me about injuries at all" HAHA sounds like bin姐 alright. miss her omg cant wait till she comes back cant believe it's been one academic year for her already. making plans with her making me damn excited for girl time finally :') 

countdown: 21 days to winter, 42 days to Vietnam!

SO STOKED YES MEL LEGGO. 회이팅~

Sometimes you're not always the guilty party. Don't blame yourself all the time. Sometimes it's okay to blame others for once.

sometimes I just need this. so damn much.
it's amazing how people can just find the right words to put your feelings into place.
it'll be even more amazing if.....
sigh.

then, can it be this once that I blame you for all these? 
I'm really on the edge. just this once.

in two ways.

1. need to get my shit together. week 13's approaching. not even near being prepared for finals. need to set my priorities straight. know what I want to achieve.
2. need to decide if I'm still gonna hold on to that ideal within. or settle for something that might seem sub-par at this moment in time.

decisions.
whatever was I thinking when I couldn't wait to grow up?
really feeling on the brink.

很久很久以后我们才知道，

当一个女孩说她再也不理你

不是真的讨厌你。

而是

她很在乎你，

非常非常在乎你。

我听见雨滴落在青青草地

我听见远方下课钟声响起

可是我没有听见你的声音

认真呼唤我姓名

爱上你的时候还不懂感情

离别了才觉得刻骨铭心

为什么没有发现遇见了你

是生命最好的事情

也许当时忙着微笑和哭泣

忙着追逐天空中的流星

人理所当然的忘记

是谁风里雨里一直默默守护在原地

原来你是我最想留住的幸运

原来我们和爱情曾经靠的那么近

那为我对抗世界的决定

那陪我淋的雨

一幕幕都是你

一尘不染的真心

与你相遇好幸运

可我已失去为你泪流满面的权利

但愿在我看不到的天际

你张开了双翼

遇见你的注定

她会有多幸运

青春的段跌跌撞撞的旅行

拥有着后知后觉的美丽

来不及感谢是你给我勇气

让我能做回我自己

也许当时忙着微笑和哭泣

忙着追逐天空中的流星

人理所当然的忘记

是谁风里雨里一直默默守护在原地

原来你是我最想留住的幸运

原来我们和爱情曾经靠的那么近

那为我对抗世界的决定

那陪我淋的雨

一幕幕都是你

一尘不染的真心

与你相遇好幸运

可我已失去为你泪流满面的权利

但愿在我看不到的天际

你张开了双翼

遇见你的注定

她会有多幸运

FINALLY got myself to the cinema to watch this highly raved about movie last Friday. 

And the result? Having them intense feels even up till now. Oh and I cried pretty badly. I think this movie is generally thought to have similar vibes to 那些年 and/or 等一个人咖啡. But I think it's most similar to the Thai movie "Crazy Little Thing called Love" except that I watched that when I was half asleep and didn't have that much feels. 

It's been a long while since a movie could give me so much feels. And it's been a long while since I cried over a movie! -inserts thumbs up- Super glad that I ditched that #wheregottime thought and allocated some chill time for this show. And honestly this movie cannot be watched with people you aren't comfortable with especially if you think you'll cry. Great movie great company Mel is happy :) 

如果你真的喜欢一个人是不知不觉的。
那个晚上，我向流星许愿，希望他的愿望里，也有我。

她会有多幸运。