Eben Mishkin

I think one of the most frustrating things is that I can get reviews like this one and still have no one even mark my book as 'want to read.' I've made all of one sale so far this month across all platforms and I think it happened before the review went live.

Not Perfect but Better

Well, finally made my first post ever to AO3. A 33 page one weekend rush of anger at how "Twin Peaks: The Return" ended. I did a lot of impressions of Fix-it Felix at my partner.

Let’s talk about focus.

I’ve met a fair number of people in my time who are just trying to do too much. They’re working on an idea that they want to be a book and a movie and who knows what else because it is so amazing. And all they want is just a little help with this magnificent idea they have from other people who get it.

There is some variance in this. While there is the obnoxious easily recognizable neophyte whose definition of “get it” is amazement at its perfection plus some tiny idea they can steal as their own to make it pop even more. There is also the person who exudes a bit more experience, really does want to work, but still doesn’t understand that getting and doing everything isn’t the way it works.

An idea is not the same as a story. A story is not the same as a book. A book is not the same as a script. A script is not the same as a movie deal. These and so many other steps in the process are individual endeavors. And if you try to do them all at once, none of them will turn out any good.

To borrow from what I hope is relatively common experience, it’s like studying for the SATs. While your final score is given to you as a lump sum, when you’re getting ready for it, you don’t study in a lump, going randomly back and forth between problems of different types. I remember when I was in Kaplan, which at the time was the biggest study prep institution, there were actually separate classes for the Math and English portions. Most of us had signed up for both, one right after the other, but you had one hour devoted to each and only that particular one.

This is the same thing. You work on one thing at a time because a large portion of the execution is fundamentally different. If you try to do an English problem like a Math problem you’re probably going to mess up. And it’s going to be worse if you try to do a Math problem like an English problem.

So let’s start with your about. It’s about an X who Y’s. It’s about a teenager who has cancer. It’s about an underfunded gentlewoman who needs a wealthy husband. It’s about an alien who tries to blend in as a human. Do you want it to be a book or a movie?

Why does it matter? Because your development approach is nearly exactly opposite. The cliché is, “The Same BUT Different.” You need both.

But film development emphasizes the first, sameness, because it’s fundamental goal is reaching as large an audience as possible. Breadth is what makes producers the most money. If a thousand people see it and say, “eh,” that makes more profit than if a hundred people see it and adore it for the rest of their lives. This is because of how Hollywood has arranged its business model. They get the most money per movie in the first two weeks. As time progresses, the studio gets a smaller percentage of the profit. So what they’re looking for is something that can appeal to the greatest number of people with the least amount of effort in a great initial push. That means complexity and depth are low concerns. If a fan says to a friend two years later, “This movie changed my life, you should watch it,” it’s too late.

Book development emphasizes the second, difference, because it’s fundamental goal is reaching an eternal audience. Yes, large initial sales are important, but if that same fan says to another friend twenty years later, “This book changed my life, you should read it,” relatively close to the same amount of money goes into the publisher’s coffers. They want breadth but they’re really looking for depth. They want something unique so the reading public has to get this book because they can’t get that experience anywhere else. The profit motive is based on the long haul not the short term. This is the real reason that ebooks are taking over. Because it means that perennial best sellers can be kept eternally in stock at almost no cost but people are buying them in the same numbers, leading to greater profits.

So you’ve got your starter idea. It’s about a teenage alien that tries to blend in with humans as they die from space cancer. How do you want to develop it? Do you want a movie? Do you want a book? If it’s a movie, then you’re trying to hit all the standard emotional tropes of this idea. You want someone to look at that idea and know 100% what they’re going to get. If it’s a book, then you’re trying to twist it into something unexpected yet inevitable, the reader should be pleasantly surprised by what they’re going to get. These are not compatible goals.

Ok, you really REALLY want both. You pick one to start. Hollywood and New York do have a symbiotic relationship. Movies that Hollywood thinks are going to be blockbusters do get book tie ins. There is, unfortunately, a decent chance you will not be asked to write the book version of your movie. It goes the other way, too. New York sells Hollywood its best successes to be made into movies. There is, unfortunately, a near certainty that you will not be asked to write the movie version of your book. There are exceptions, it does happen, but they are rare. One of the things to remember in these situations is that you are playing the numbers. And while you do have to be a little deluded just to move forward, it is worth keeping in mind that there is diminishing chance of returns for ever greater effort. Only about 2% of books are profitable. Only about that same percentage of profitable books get picked up for movies. Only about that same percentage of arrangements has the same writer for both projects. So, to give the benefit of the doubt, that’s somewhere on the order of a thousandth of a percent chance. It’s not zero. But it’s not a good business model.

So, pick the one that’s more important to you. If you really want to write a book, write a book and play the much better odds that you can get someone else to make it into a movie. If you really want to make a movie, write a script and play the much better odds that you can get someone else to make it into a book. If you’re very lucky, that someone else will also be you but you have to have that fist element first. And whichever one you pick is going to be years of work. So pick right and concentrate. The other choice is going to be a distraction.

I am strongly considering abandoning my moral concerns, just giving up my principles, and crawling back to tumblr. Hit me again, Ike, and this time put some stank on it.

Though I am also strongly considering the possibility that I do need to eat sometime today. That just means I have to consider what to eat. Which is a whole debate on its own.

And I am also strongly considering the fact that I have sharp objects "hidden" from myself in the drawer that I might just rather use than thinking about any of this.

AND I am also also (wik) strongly considering that I shouldn't have this many issues controlling my mental health and should maybe try harder to look into another PHP/IOP as much as a third time in would feel like a total failure.

So... perhaps no one, most especially myself, should be taking my considerations too seriously. Bleh.

It's funny. The way the Joker is funny. My partner and I had a talk about my work this last weekend. More specifically my work output. And how it wasn't cutting it.

We agreed that it would be much better for me to sacrifice some quality in order to go faster. I'm not exactly writing high art. I'm really not writing to have it completely done in this coming draft. So I can fix whatever is wrong. And just, it needs to be done. I'm late. So very late. This book should have been DONE in 2016, instead of me worrying I won't finish in 2019.

And here I am, not working.

The fundamental problem with this book is that it feels so very far beyond my skill. Which was the other thing we talked about: dumb it the f#@% down. I'm not writing the literary equivalent of a rubik's cube either. My book is supposed to be closer to a romp than a riddle. It just needs to... I don't know... communicate the right things which are hard.

Every time I try to nail down what it is that I'm trying to say it feels off. Is it a buddy story? Yeah, totally, because the real spine of the plot are my main characters becoming friends. But is that what the adventure is? No, not really. It's a whydunnit. Because that's the revelations I want to work with, the uncovering of my main character's soul and sins - which is why he is such a misanthropic SOB. But that's theme more than plot. So what's the plot? An evil witch trying to sacrifice children to an elder god while my characters try to stop her. And I don't know... the connection feels loose, like a jiggly plug. So the power keeps going out of the story.

Like it all connects.

James wants to fight Helgapel because he wants to redeem himself from his past mess ups. Helgapel's main weapon is using ghosts and memories to drag James' past mess ups out so Zephyr can witness them. James tries to keep Zephyr at arm's distance because he wants to hide his past. Zephyr accepts James as he is, so they're able to cooperate and throw off Helgapel's magic.

There's just... it doesn't... I dunno... groove, man. I see it but I don't grok it. And I don't know how to fix that.

It's one of those things where if I went back in time to 2014, I'd probably tell myself to make fundamentally different choices. Which makes me wonder if that's what I need to do. Which would mean I've wasted the last three years.

I am listening to The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. And my ears perked right up when she gave an acronym. Probably because of having gotten so much DBT which never met an acronym it didn’t like. But I particularly liked this one.

D.I.G. deep.

D for Deliberate. Be deliberate in figuring out what exactly it is that you want. Center yourself however that is done and be aware of how you feel and what you need.

I for Inspiration. Pick something that will inspire you. Specifically settle on something that will inspire the feelings you need, something that will drive and satisfy that need.

G for Going. As in: get going and DO something. Be active in accomplishing the inspiring task now.

The reason I in particular like it is because I feel like I will get hung up on one of these and not do them as a set. Like I’ll just start trying to randomly do things in order to accomplish whatever is on my to do list. Often interrupting myself because I feel like I have to be doing something else at the same time. Or I’ll just sit and try to figure things out forever without doing anything.

Really good video about how premise interacts with characterization.

Courtney DaCortenay binge-stuffed overbuttered popcorn into her mouth as she slumped on the dying family couch watching the latest flick in her personal anti-valentine’s day horror marathon. The woman on screen was just about to open the door that Courtney knew, KNEW, the monster was behind all slick-slime and glistening artophagous teeth. Her mother floated by behind the couch, flicking the fluff that erupted from the back of the couch arm and sighed as if Courtney had gotten all her popcorn from there instead of from an unbreakable microwavable bowl.

“How can you watch that stuff?” Her mother asked as the heroine screamed at the gnashing teeth.

Courtney paused her popcorn stuffing. “I like it, Mom. I’ll watch something sweet next month. But February has to die in screams and blood. And snakes. I think Saint Valentine did something with Snakes.”

“We’re protestant, dear. We don’t care about saints.”

Courtney leveled one finger and a full fist at her mother. She groaned as one fluffy piece of deliciousness fell, bounced off her pj’s / exercise outfit, and was lost forever beneath the horrid pastel blue of couch. The loss added extra vehemence to her accusation. “And yet, despite our lack of Catholicism, you’re here to talk to me about Valentine’s Day.”

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Alright, my first post for Elfebruary. A bit longer than I intended it to be but so it goes. Bindlesticks has been living in my head a couple of years now, so there will probably be more of her.

Lights and Fires


The advantage and disadvantage of being a mutt was that all manner of magics that were only supposed to effect one specific kith or the other still thought that Bindlesticks counted. As she wandered through a valley between a world where nothing had ever lived at all and a world where the dominant form of life were spiders the size of oversized SUVs – neither of which particularly seemed promising to Bindlesticks – a billow of what looked liked fireflies washed down the valley side and over her. The tiny twinkling lights surrounded her in a halo and there they paused as much as tiny twinkling dancing lights ever do, the halo spinning around her like she was the galactic center of their thousand-thousand stars.

Bindlesticks reached out to feel the dancing swarm and they brushed like an electric buzz over her fingers and through the twining ochre-brown branches of her arm. She resisted the urge to shake free of them and the buzz settled into a tickle that drew out her slow laugh. She stretched out her other arm, letting them swirl around and through her. She decided she liked it. She could be the tree at the center of their universe feeling the tickle of them. So she wiggled her rooty toes into the earth, settling in to be the galactic core for a while.

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Got a few items for my Skeksi Costume today:

Some 1/2" Schedule 40 PVC

And because I have more money than strength, a Rigid Tubing & Conduit Cutter to cut through the piping with as little physical effort as I can manage.

A contractor pack of pvc triple slip Tee connectors in the 1/2" size

A Morris Products 52311 PVC Pipe Spring Bender, 1/2" Size

And some twine to move the spring bender around inside the pvc piping

Just waiting on some Alice Pack straps, and then it's time to try and mold the harness / attachment / pack / brace / whatever you want to call it to myself. The trick is going to be setting it so it conforms to me so that the costume will move as I move while also making it a good place for the costume to sit.

I haven't quite figured out / decided if the armor which is going to hide my head should attach directly to the harness or should be attached onto the costume body. In "real" life the armor would sit on top of the body but as a costume, it's integral to hiding me and I don't want it to move. But I also figure that would mean building the harness up much higher if I did attach it. Which might not be a bad thing. I think it would force my hand into really just having my head poke up at nose level instead of all the way free, which might make it look better. I just know that means I won't see as well, which makes me a little anxious.

I definitely wish I was better at sketching, I feel like a good sketch would make for a better plan. But I can do what I can do and so it is.