Notes from Under the Wave

My parents took me to Disneyland when I was six.  While in Florida, we went to the beach.  I’m not tall now, and I really wasn’t tall then.  I remember being buffeted by the waves and thinking this whole playing in the surf thing isn’t much fun.  And then I went under a wave instead of over it.  The pull of the water picked me up and set me back down and when I stood up again, the wave had receded and I was standing there quite pleased with myself.  My father was in a panic, of course, but I had just picked up a philosophical touchstone.

Every impossible thing gets easier if you quit fighting it.

Surrender.  Let it pick you up and set you down.  Hold your breath and watch the murky world under all the drama going on above your head.  It’s magical down there; everything happens in slow motion.  You might not be in control, but you aren’t out of control in the same way as you are when you’re unprepared and gasping for air.

See?  A lifelong philosophy for managing difficulty.  Go under it.  It’s such a good plan… until you’re looking at your life and thinking “how the f*ck do I go under this?”

Ah, the difficulty of philosophy that works in theory and is a thorny bitch when it comes to practice.

Notes from Under the Wave

#3 Revisited

Everything Costs Something.

Don’t think you’re going to get out of this for free.  Your ideals cost.  Giving them up costs.  Your integrity is expensive.  So is losing your integrity.  It costs to try.  It costs to give up.  Some of these costs you pay in lump sums, up front, in gold.  Other costs are like credit cards.  They take a percent in interest for the privilege of deferring that lump sum and then you’re eighty and you realize that you’ve paid millions for a hundred dollar decision.

You will pay.  Get it out of your head that this doesn’t apply to you.  You will pay, and you will pay dearly.  The question is what do you want back for the payment: safety or bravery?

#3 Revisited

things I am hoping to remember

Here are a few obvious questions I’ve found very helpful in quantifying the trustworthiness of people in my own life. The first three are the “yes” questions; if Person X is completely trustworthy, you’ll answer yes to all three. The second three are the “no” questions — if Person X deserves your trust, the answer to all three will be negative.

The “yes” questions:

1. Does Person X usually show up on time?

2. When Person X says something is going to happen, does it usually happen?

3. When you hear Person X describing an event and then get more information about that event, does the new information usually match Person X’s description?

The “no” questions:

4. Have you ever witnessed Person X lying to someone or assuming you’ll help deceive a third person?

5. Does Person X sometimes withhold information in order to make things go more smoothly or to avoid conflict?

6. Have you ever witnessed Person X doing something (lying, cheating, being unkind) that he or she would condemn if another person did it?

These questions might seem trivial. They’re not. As the saying goes, “the way we do anything is the way we do everything.”

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/10/o.find.dependable.people/index.html

things I am hoping to remember