Epitaph

There wasn't anything to do at work, so I left early, rather than keep the chair warm. Upon entering the freeway I found myself almost in the middle of the fast lane with this thought in my head: "Dear God, If you didn't want me to run, you shouldn't have let me out. Love, Elaine"

This is what I want for my epitaph.

I just finished applying for the bar, take 2

Rant Fest

Aint no such thing as a private choice. Sorry. Even our thoughts affect each other. On the other hand, I don't want to hear about your private choices unless you are in my life.

I love my brother who is gay and I think we should make many laws protecting beautiful gay folks like he is because they have been mistreated. But I don't think that means I should be pressured to believe the definition of marriage should change. Let them have all the rights associated with marriage. I'm just not ready to call marriage anything but between one man and one woman. Quit judging me for that. I  am an advocate for legislation that mitigates some of the horrible discrimination of the past in this area. It is not right to bully anyone, ever.  

Also, I am pro-life. that DNA in her body isn't HERS, it actually is NOT part of her body, it is someone else's DNA. It isn't her right to destroy it because it isn't truly her property, yes I said property because it is the same attitude we used to have about slaves. They are property. We have a right to them. No, we don't..Abortion is about the right to life, not the right to privacy, and the obstetrician is hopefully treating that "parasite" or "clump of cells" as though it is a new life, coming into being. I am a feminist but I don't believe abortion helps women, not even necessarily in the short term. We need support and better awareness and services related to adoption, not all of our media time pushing the idea that if you believe in life you therefore do not stand up for women's "rights". I am a pro-life feminist.

Population control: I am number six of eleven. I was neglected but I believe I was the exception. In general I think large families are the only thing that truly teach us how to coexist. Even in my experience our large family produced two doctors, two attorneys, a couple of engineers, an accountant, a contractor, a couple of nurses, a physicist and a couple of computer science gurus. We know how to coexist, we KNOW how to share a small house, meager resources, we KNOW how to share a bathroom. We are understandably confused by narcissism and the inability of most to look past their own noses. Large families are what society needs to learn how to play, no also WORK well together, to sacrifice for the greater good, to understand resources are finite, that if my friend comes to play today, all my siblings friends can't come on the same day, that parents are not perfect or immortal...all in all that we must work together if we are to survive. If society understood that working together is NOT a suggestion but a necessity, our society would be a lot different. Those things aren't understood well outside of the HOV lane.

Two things I know: 1) God is real. 2) I am not Him. Some spiritual "thoughts" that bug me: "God is within you, the power is within you." That along with "follow your truth and let everyone else follow theirs" and "everyone is right" and "evil is not real, only mental illness is real". There are so many lies/ half-truths. These "spiritual" sayings are shortly followed by efforts towards more individualism,  encouragements to walk away from our loved ones because they are "toxic", and the sooner and the more completely the better. Send these "toxic" people away as fast as you can, send them away from you so they will not disrupt your happy place. Send them to a therapist who will talk to them once a week and charge them lots of money and eventually put them on pills that really don't change the core issue that needs to be addressed. Send them the message no one loves them quite enough to listen, not even for half an hour, not without sending the bill. The core issue, in my opinion, with some of the mental health crisis, is that no one, not even loved ones, are willing to hang in there with someone for five minutes or five years, whatever it takes. The ideal being pushed on us to just look the other way but don't create conflict. That is the worst advice ever. That is called apathy at best, abandonment at worst, it isn't working, and I doubt it will. Sorry I KNOW there are real mental health issues, I have a few, my loved ones have a few. I am a nurse, I have studied the constitutional issues that go along with mental disability law. I know it is not this simple. But a lot of it really is.

There are things worth fighting for. This is as close as I have come to a full on fight. We are all shriveling into our corners, hoping someone else will do it.

End of a long study day. I needed to vent and I'm tried of smiling and waving.. If you made it to the end, thank you. Sorry if I overwhelmed or you don't agree. I'll still love you if you'll still love me.