Okay, so I've been doing some reading, in between the craziness, and it seems I really need to take better care of myself.
However, I don't have the foggiest idea what that looks like.
Really.
I mean, I get that I probably should exercise more and sleep more and eat better, but really, what does it look like to take care of ME?
Any insights?
Friday, September 10, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
On Resource Management
I've had three different instances with three different people in the last couple of days and they've helped me realize something very important.
My time is precious. And it needs to be managed as closely as I manage my money. The thing is, though, that it needs to be managed, marshalled, protected even more than my money. Because, while I can make more money, I cannot make more time, no matter how hard I try. The same is true of my energy. And it applies to my family's time and energy too.
Suddenly, it seems easier to say no to things. I generally have no difficulty saying no to things that are money-wasters. So why do I have trouble saying no to time-wasting activities? Mommy-guilt is the short answer.
But I'm working on rethinking things. The truth is that, when we're over-committed, the family doesn't function well. We're all stressed out, short-tempered and life isn't good.
See, here's the thing. Our church has a number of fantastic opportunities for our young people. There's youth group that meets every Sunday evening. There's Scouts, including Venture Scouts that welcomes girls 14 and up. There's Wesley Bell Ringers for high school kids, from 9th grade up, or Asbury bells for junior high kids. There's a children's choir and Praise Band. With those activities, we could have one family member at church all day on Sunday and every day during the week.
The youth go on a mission trip every summer, usually to an orphanage in 3rd World Mexico. The Bell Ringers (Wesleys) go on a tour every summer. Those trips last 7-10 each. And they cost money. Money that has to be raised, generally through church fundraisers. And it's my kids who have their hands out for this or that.
Lately I've been feeling a bit pestered by the youth leader. She's very single-minded about youth events, and there are a lot of them. This is a good thing, at times. Our youth program needs someone with a passion for youth. She has their best interests at heart. But she's also, as I said, single-minded. And she's disorganized to boot, which drives me crazy. Because of her focus, she doesn't seem to understand that the rest of the world does NOT revolve around youth. She's one who will say "Yes, but this is important," as if other things are not.
Now, it's possible that, because of my guilt, I may be interpretting things incorrectly, but I generally feel like there's an expectation that "good" kids from "good" families in this church do all of these things. I've even had another mom essentially express that to me when I mentioned that I thought it was just too much.
And that's ONLY church activities and ONLY for Tristan. I have two more kids; kids who are involved in other activities. Tristan is in Jazz band at school, and he loves it. He's good at it too. He likes to play rec soccer and he's been writing his own music. Shannon swims and plays tennis. Alana ice skates and plays soccer. All three kids play at least one instrument and take private lessons. These are all things that the children enjoy and are (usually) passionate about. This is where my time and energy should be spent.
That doesn't even take into account Bruce and I. He works hard to provide a very good living for us. He's involved with Scouts and he helps out with youth activities from time to time. I'm active in my United Methodist Women's circle, I volunteer in the church office twice a month, and at school once a week. I substitute teach when I can and I recently started working at Dream Dinners.
I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Shannon last spring. She'd heard a passionate plea for donations to the American Heart Association, talking about how research they'd funded had saved a child's life. Bless her heart, my girlie was ready to give all of her money to them so they could keep saving babies. We talked about how there are many, many, many worthy causes, groups, organizations, and charities all doing magnificent things in the world. And it's truly wonderful that they all exist to do those things; things that they are passionate about. But we, as individual people, simply can't give to all of those groups. We have to pick and choose the ones we care the most about and give to those. And that, just because we choose to give somewhere else, it doesn't mean we think less of the charity we're saying 'no' to.
Suddenly, the light has gone off and I'm seeing how this applies to my time, energy, and talents. These organizations are all worthwhile, but they're not for everyone, and they may not be for my kids or for my family. I'm just going to have to embrace being 'that' mother; the one who says NO and denies her children all of these "fantastic" opportunities. And I'm going to have to learn to deal with the attempted guilt-trips; the "oh but it's so much fun"s and the "but it's such a great opportunity"s, and the out-right attempts to manipulate me. Funny, I feel the manipulation in my gut, but, for some reason, I don't recognize it as such, so I don't respond appropriately in the moment. Gonna have to work on that, but heck, I've been dealing with my mother and MIL for years. This really should be easy! :D
Bottom line: My family's time is a resorce, a precious resource and we need to choose wisely how we're going to spend that time. Period. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I should spend it.
No guilt. Resource management at it's finest, for the betterment of this family.
My time is precious. And it needs to be managed as closely as I manage my money. The thing is, though, that it needs to be managed, marshalled, protected even more than my money. Because, while I can make more money, I cannot make more time, no matter how hard I try. The same is true of my energy. And it applies to my family's time and energy too.
Suddenly, it seems easier to say no to things. I generally have no difficulty saying no to things that are money-wasters. So why do I have trouble saying no to time-wasting activities? Mommy-guilt is the short answer.
But I'm working on rethinking things. The truth is that, when we're over-committed, the family doesn't function well. We're all stressed out, short-tempered and life isn't good.
See, here's the thing. Our church has a number of fantastic opportunities for our young people. There's youth group that meets every Sunday evening. There's Scouts, including Venture Scouts that welcomes girls 14 and up. There's Wesley Bell Ringers for high school kids, from 9th grade up, or Asbury bells for junior high kids. There's a children's choir and Praise Band. With those activities, we could have one family member at church all day on Sunday and every day during the week.
The youth go on a mission trip every summer, usually to an orphanage in 3rd World Mexico. The Bell Ringers (Wesleys) go on a tour every summer. Those trips last 7-10 each. And they cost money. Money that has to be raised, generally through church fundraisers. And it's my kids who have their hands out for this or that.
Lately I've been feeling a bit pestered by the youth leader. She's very single-minded about youth events, and there are a lot of them. This is a good thing, at times. Our youth program needs someone with a passion for youth. She has their best interests at heart. But she's also, as I said, single-minded. And she's disorganized to boot, which drives me crazy. Because of her focus, she doesn't seem to understand that the rest of the world does NOT revolve around youth. She's one who will say "Yes, but this is important," as if other things are not.
Now, it's possible that, because of my guilt, I may be interpretting things incorrectly, but I generally feel like there's an expectation that "good" kids from "good" families in this church do all of these things. I've even had another mom essentially express that to me when I mentioned that I thought it was just too much.
And that's ONLY church activities and ONLY for Tristan. I have two more kids; kids who are involved in other activities. Tristan is in Jazz band at school, and he loves it. He's good at it too. He likes to play rec soccer and he's been writing his own music. Shannon swims and plays tennis. Alana ice skates and plays soccer. All three kids play at least one instrument and take private lessons. These are all things that the children enjoy and are (usually) passionate about. This is where my time and energy should be spent.
That doesn't even take into account Bruce and I. He works hard to provide a very good living for us. He's involved with Scouts and he helps out with youth activities from time to time. I'm active in my United Methodist Women's circle, I volunteer in the church office twice a month, and at school once a week. I substitute teach when I can and I recently started working at Dream Dinners.
I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Shannon last spring. She'd heard a passionate plea for donations to the American Heart Association, talking about how research they'd funded had saved a child's life. Bless her heart, my girlie was ready to give all of her money to them so they could keep saving babies. We talked about how there are many, many, many worthy causes, groups, organizations, and charities all doing magnificent things in the world. And it's truly wonderful that they all exist to do those things; things that they are passionate about. But we, as individual people, simply can't give to all of those groups. We have to pick and choose the ones we care the most about and give to those. And that, just because we choose to give somewhere else, it doesn't mean we think less of the charity we're saying 'no' to.
Suddenly, the light has gone off and I'm seeing how this applies to my time, energy, and talents. These organizations are all worthwhile, but they're not for everyone, and they may not be for my kids or for my family. I'm just going to have to embrace being 'that' mother; the one who says NO and denies her children all of these "fantastic" opportunities. And I'm going to have to learn to deal with the attempted guilt-trips; the "oh but it's so much fun"s and the "but it's such a great opportunity"s, and the out-right attempts to manipulate me. Funny, I feel the manipulation in my gut, but, for some reason, I don't recognize it as such, so I don't respond appropriately in the moment. Gonna have to work on that, but heck, I've been dealing with my mother and MIL for years. This really should be easy! :D
Bottom line: My family's time is a resorce, a precious resource and we need to choose wisely how we're going to spend that time. Period. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I should spend it.
No guilt. Resource management at it's finest, for the betterment of this family.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Ramblings on depression
I've been dealing with some nearly-debilitating back pain with no apparent medical cause, so I started googling, wondering just what my back pain might be trying to tell me. The answer, over and over again, was depression. Not the "too sad to smile" kind, but the overly-perfectionistic paralyzing kind. It all fits, but I'm unsure what to do about it. I can see, at least on some level, that my thought patterns are not helpful, but they seem so very logical, which makes it hard to combat them. Does that make any sense at all?
And now that I'm paying attention, I'm realizing just how many many negative messages I'm sending myself each day. The laundry in piles = BAD MOM! And, why not? A good mom, an organized mom, would NOT have baskets and baskets of laundry waiting to be folded. A GOOD mom would have dinner planned and prepped every night. Really...how hard is that? Especially since we have the means to purchase anything we'd like to eat. And on it goes. Very logical (at least to me) and very harmful.
It's truly paralizing, and it's particularly challenging when I start thinking about expanding my activities....how can I even *think* about crafting or scrapbooking or a new business venture when I can't even gain control of my current obligations?! (This goes back to "do your chores before you can play" from my childhood, only it's not working now because, honestly, with a husband, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a 3800 sq ft house, school/church/friend/sports obligations, my chores are NEVER done so I NEVER have "permission" to play).
But I truly have NO idea how to combat any of this. How can I argue with or refute those claims? In my mind, they're gospel TRUTH.
Some of this I've done to myself. Shannon (age 12) was asked to put a load of laundry into the washer. She didn't know how because I've never taught her. It's MY job to do the laundry. I don't like the kids to fold the clothes because they do it "wrong." And (generally) I like to fold things soon after they come out of the dryer so they don't get all wrinkled, which means *I* do it. The same general idea spills over to other areas....they only vacuum the middle of the floor, never moving any of the smaller furniture. Heck, half the time they vacuum AROUND a candy wrapper without picking it up! It's just easier and faster if I do it myself, rather than the arguments that ensue when I want them to help out. I think I have the foundation of a plan, though......the kids are pretty fair-minded, so we're going to have a discussion about how I'm out-numbered and so we all need to pitch in some more. Here's a list of chores....pick some!
I have the beginnings of a plan to combat the depression, but again, it's overwhelming (that's a theme lately).
*Eat breakfast
*Take my vitamins/supplements
*Exercise (I don't wanna!)--I'm walking Alana to school, so that's about 1 mile round trip, and it's OUTSIDE which is good.
*Journal
*Books on meditation
*Figure out the minimum requirements to make me feel like I'm in control of the house/chores (the key is "minimum," but it's still HUGE. *sigh*)
*Water, with lime, to help with the detoxing process my body seems to be doing (I've got zits in my zits!!)
*Solid bedtime routine
There's more, but I've forgotten it all. See? Even my depression remedy plan leaves me depressed! ARGH!!!
And now that I'm paying attention, I'm realizing just how many many negative messages I'm sending myself each day. The laundry in piles = BAD MOM! And, why not? A good mom, an organized mom, would NOT have baskets and baskets of laundry waiting to be folded. A GOOD mom would have dinner planned and prepped every night. Really...how hard is that? Especially since we have the means to purchase anything we'd like to eat. And on it goes. Very logical (at least to me) and very harmful.
It's truly paralizing, and it's particularly challenging when I start thinking about expanding my activities....how can I even *think* about crafting or scrapbooking or a new business venture when I can't even gain control of my current obligations?! (This goes back to "do your chores before you can play" from my childhood, only it's not working now because, honestly, with a husband, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a 3800 sq ft house, school/church/friend/sports obligations, my chores are NEVER done so I NEVER have "permission" to play).
But I truly have NO idea how to combat any of this. How can I argue with or refute those claims? In my mind, they're gospel TRUTH.
Some of this I've done to myself. Shannon (age 12) was asked to put a load of laundry into the washer. She didn't know how because I've never taught her. It's MY job to do the laundry. I don't like the kids to fold the clothes because they do it "wrong." And (generally) I like to fold things soon after they come out of the dryer so they don't get all wrinkled, which means *I* do it. The same general idea spills over to other areas....they only vacuum the middle of the floor, never moving any of the smaller furniture. Heck, half the time they vacuum AROUND a candy wrapper without picking it up! It's just easier and faster if I do it myself, rather than the arguments that ensue when I want them to help out. I think I have the foundation of a plan, though......the kids are pretty fair-minded, so we're going to have a discussion about how I'm out-numbered and so we all need to pitch in some more. Here's a list of chores....pick some!
I have the beginnings of a plan to combat the depression, but again, it's overwhelming (that's a theme lately).
*Eat breakfast
*Take my vitamins/supplements
*Exercise (I don't wanna!)--I'm walking Alana to school, so that's about 1 mile round trip, and it's OUTSIDE which is good.
*Journal
*Books on meditation
*Figure out the minimum requirements to make me feel like I'm in control of the house/chores (the key is "minimum," but it's still HUGE. *sigh*)
*Water, with lime, to help with the detoxing process my body seems to be doing (I've got zits in my zits!!)
*Solid bedtime routine
There's more, but I've forgotten it all. See? Even my depression remedy plan leaves me depressed! ARGH!!!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So much to say and do!
I don't even know where to start.
School starts in a few days. Shannon, as a new 7th grader, starts on Friday with all the other 7th graders. They'll all have a chance to get their schedules sorted, find the bathrooms, figure out the lunch routine, etc, wihtout the crush of the 8th and 9th graders there. Monday, Tristan (9th) and Alana (3rd) start school, while Shannon gets a day off. Tuesday is the first day everyone will be in school.
So, this week, I'm trying to get us ready for all of that. And I'm having a hard time with everything I need to accomplish, including wanting to have some play time with the kids. And that gets me frustrated.
I'm having trouble sleeping, and back pain forces me out of bed in the morning. It also forces me out of this chair, which is a good thing, but really, this pain is getting worse and I'm very, very frustrated. In addition, I'm breaking out all over my body. I've got zits on my chin, my chest, and my back, with no apparent cause. From past experience, I know that this means I'm de-toxing from something, but I have no idea what it is.
So I google. and it seems that depression can cause back pain. Huh. That's interesting. So, I take the depression quiz and it comes up that I'm on the border between mild and moderately depressed. Again. Can I just tell you how much I HATE this?! I hate that depression is part of my life. I hate the way it seems to follow me around, waiting for that chance, the moment of weakness, to strike, to bring me down, to make me less than who I want to be.
And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to think about it; having to assess where I'm at. Why can't I just be normal? why can't I just move through my life and enjoy it? Why can't I just be myself without this monster lurking around every corner?! WHY?!?!
I know what I need to do. Part of me actually *wants* to do it. But a bigger part of me just wants to go back to bed.
School starts in a few days. Shannon, as a new 7th grader, starts on Friday with all the other 7th graders. They'll all have a chance to get their schedules sorted, find the bathrooms, figure out the lunch routine, etc, wihtout the crush of the 8th and 9th graders there. Monday, Tristan (9th) and Alana (3rd) start school, while Shannon gets a day off. Tuesday is the first day everyone will be in school.
So, this week, I'm trying to get us ready for all of that. And I'm having a hard time with everything I need to accomplish, including wanting to have some play time with the kids. And that gets me frustrated.
I'm having trouble sleeping, and back pain forces me out of bed in the morning. It also forces me out of this chair, which is a good thing, but really, this pain is getting worse and I'm very, very frustrated. In addition, I'm breaking out all over my body. I've got zits on my chin, my chest, and my back, with no apparent cause. From past experience, I know that this means I'm de-toxing from something, but I have no idea what it is.
So I google. and it seems that depression can cause back pain. Huh. That's interesting. So, I take the depression quiz and it comes up that I'm on the border between mild and moderately depressed. Again. Can I just tell you how much I HATE this?! I hate that depression is part of my life. I hate the way it seems to follow me around, waiting for that chance, the moment of weakness, to strike, to bring me down, to make me less than who I want to be.
And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to think about it; having to assess where I'm at. Why can't I just be normal? why can't I just move through my life and enjoy it? Why can't I just be myself without this monster lurking around every corner?! WHY?!?!
I know what I need to do. Part of me actually *wants* to do it. But a bigger part of me just wants to go back to bed.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A Quick Fly-By
1. My reunion was really fun.
2. Mom only made me slightly nuts while we were up there. She made up for it by driving me crazy once I got home.
3. The kids are on their way to insulin pumps. In true kid-fashion, they've chosen two different pumps.
4. There's only 4 weeks left of summer! AHHHHHH!!!! So much I still want to do with the kids and the house!
5. Max is now 8 months old and will be spayed tomorrow.
6. My kids like variety in their lives.....the girls are taking tennis lessons, music lessons and swim lessons. Tristan wants to play soccer again, plus music and swim lessons.
7. Me to Alana "Let's go to the library this afternoon." Alana "NO! I don't like to read books during the summer. (and in her most condescending tone) It's a VACATION!" Yeah, her teacher is going to love me.
2. Mom only made me slightly nuts while we were up there. She made up for it by driving me crazy once I got home.
3. The kids are on their way to insulin pumps. In true kid-fashion, they've chosen two different pumps.
4. There's only 4 weeks left of summer! AHHHHHH!!!! So much I still want to do with the kids and the house!
5. Max is now 8 months old and will be spayed tomorrow.
6. My kids like variety in their lives.....the girls are taking tennis lessons, music lessons and swim lessons. Tristan wants to play soccer again, plus music and swim lessons.
7. Me to Alana "Let's go to the library this afternoon." Alana "NO! I don't like to read books during the summer. (and in her most condescending tone) It's a VACATION!" Yeah, her teacher is going to love me.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Honorable Mention!!
I'm surprised, truly. I didn't think my poem was all that great, but it earned an Honorable Mention, and since they only give 1st place and one HM in each category, that's pretty good!
So now I'm being brave and posting the poem for your enjoyment. Please be gentle.
First, the photo and a little context. This is a picture of a smelter and its smoke stacks that used to stand in Murray, UT. The smelter was torn down years and years ago, leaving only the stacks. It took at least a year of wrangling for the city to be able to take the stacks down. They were crumbling and full of pollutants that needed to be managed, but there was opposition, too, from people who saw them as a symbol of Murray, a part of history that needed to be preserved, etc. They eventually came down, and now there's a TRAX station (commuter train) and a state-of-the-art hospital in the area where the smelter used to be.
And now the poem. Like I said, please be gentle....
Progress
Against the back drop
Of the pristine Wasatch Mountains
Murray’s smoke stacks
Pierce the sky
Concrete spires in the Church of Progress
Now mostly forgotten relics of a bygone era
Once industrious, belching acrid smoke into the atmosphere
Producing our progress
Devil’s horns marking our time
And our exploitation of this precious land
Now silent; watchful
Now gone; forgotten
We know better
Or do we?
Progress at a price
Paid by our planet
Paid by our community
Do you know your neighbors?
Do they care for you?
And you for them?
“Preserve the past”
Some say.
“Hold on to our history.”
“Make room for newer, bigger, better”
Say others
In the end, the stacks live no more.
Progress
And we are as isolated as our snowy mountain peaks.
So now I'm being brave and posting the poem for your enjoyment. Please be gentle.
First, the photo and a little context. This is a picture of a smelter and its smoke stacks that used to stand in Murray, UT. The smelter was torn down years and years ago, leaving only the stacks. It took at least a year of wrangling for the city to be able to take the stacks down. They were crumbling and full of pollutants that needed to be managed, but there was opposition, too, from people who saw them as a symbol of Murray, a part of history that needed to be preserved, etc. They eventually came down, and now there's a TRAX station (commuter train) and a state-of-the-art hospital in the area where the smelter used to be. And now the poem. Like I said, please be gentle....
Progress
Against the back drop
Of the pristine Wasatch Mountains
Murray’s smoke stacks
Pierce the sky
Concrete spires in the Church of Progress
Now mostly forgotten relics of a bygone era
Once industrious, belching acrid smoke into the atmosphere
Producing our progress
Devil’s horns marking our time
And our exploitation of this precious land
Now silent; watchful
Now gone; forgotten
We know better
Or do we?
Progress at a price
Paid by our planet
Paid by our community
Do you know your neighbors?
Do they care for you?
And you for them?
“Preserve the past”
Some say.
“Hold on to our history.”
“Make room for newer, bigger, better”
Say others
In the end, the stacks live no more.
Progress
And we are as isolated as our snowy mountain peaks.
Submitted
and I'm so nervous! What if they hate my work? Other people are reading my story and my poem and that scares me senseless!
See, I'm pretty thin-skinned about this right now, so that's part of it, but let's be realistic.....If they hate it, I'll NEVER KNOW. I just won't win the competition. I'll never see any critiques or comments, never know if they hate my main character.
Side note/thought: Since I wrote in first person, maybe that's why I'm so nervous? The story is mine, and it's about ME. Not really, of course, being set in a mining town many many years ago, but still....I put a lot of me and mine into it.
In spite of all of this churning, I'm really proud of myself for doing it. I took a HUGE leap and I liked it! LOL!
See, I'm pretty thin-skinned about this right now, so that's part of it, but let's be realistic.....If they hate it, I'll NEVER KNOW. I just won't win the competition. I'll never see any critiques or comments, never know if they hate my main character.
Side note/thought: Since I wrote in first person, maybe that's why I'm so nervous? The story is mine, and it's about ME. Not really, of course, being set in a mining town many many years ago, but still....I put a lot of me and mine into it.
In spite of all of this churning, I'm really proud of myself for doing it. I took a HUGE leap and I liked it! LOL!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Writing again
and it feels REALLY good! I've never done much fiction writing, so this is a stretch for me. I'm glad, however, that I did NOT enter the non-fiction category as the photo cue would've thrown me for a loop.
It started to throw me for a loop in the fiction category too, but I think I've got a pretty good story going. We'll see what I think of it in the morning.
It was fun to let it ruminate for a bit, and then the writing bug got ahold of me and that was that. I started with scrawlings in a notebook....setting, time, charactors, and so forth. But what could be the problem my charactors have to overcome? And how? And how do I flesh it out in just 4000 words?!
My WIP is decent, I think, though it feels a bit cheesy. Perhaps that's the constraints of the time and word count? There's so much more I'd like to do with it! Now it needs a title. Ugh!
It started to throw me for a loop in the fiction category too, but I think I've got a pretty good story going. We'll see what I think of it in the morning.
It was fun to let it ruminate for a bit, and then the writing bug got ahold of me and that was that. I started with scrawlings in a notebook....setting, time, charactors, and so forth. But what could be the problem my charactors have to overcome? And how? And how do I flesh it out in just 4000 words?!
My WIP is decent, I think, though it feels a bit cheesy. Perhaps that's the constraints of the time and word count? There's so much more I'd like to do with it! Now it needs a title. Ugh!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I'm officially nuts!
I'm entering a 24-hour writing contest tomorrow. You enter in any of three categories (fiction, non-fiction, and/or poetry). Then they give you a visual writing prompt (as in, show you a picture). The entry is due back 24 hours later.
I'm debating which category to write in. I think fiction will be flooded, but I haven't really produced any poety since the kids came along. Non-fiction would probably have the fewest entries, but what if I know nothing about the picture? I'd have to do a bunch of research in my 24 hour period and that time has other obligations in it.
Hmmmm......
I'll keep you posted!
I'm debating which category to write in. I think fiction will be flooded, but I haven't really produced any poety since the kids came along. Non-fiction would probably have the fewest entries, but what if I know nothing about the picture? I'd have to do a bunch of research in my 24 hour period and that time has other obligations in it.
Hmmmm......
I'll keep you posted!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Summer Craziness yet again!
Every year, I tell myself that THIS summer will be different. Um, yeah, I need to just shut up and enjoy the insanity because that's what it is! LOL!
Over Memorial Day, we went camping with our friends from church. We went to Palisade State Park, near Manti, UT. It was a lot of fun, but it was COLD. I was very grateful for the heater in the trailer because it dropped into the 40s at night. The days were pleasant enough, though, and the water was nice. The kids waded and played in paddle boats, canoes, and a lake kayak. It was a really laid-back trip, with no "must do" hikes or things to see, just books to be read, fish to be caught, and gossip to be had. LOL! Tristan caught a 12" rainbow trout. The irony there is that he doesn't like to eat fish. So he gave it to another of the boys who enjoyed it for dinner.
The last week of school followed, with kudos all around for the kids and their teachers. Shannon and Alana both won several awards, and I'm very proud. Shannon read more minutes over the course of the year than most of her class combined! So she won a $50 gift certificate for a college savings plan. Tristan did well, too, but they don't give as many awards at the junior high.
We also had the 6th grade party at a local park with bouncy blow up things (a bungee run and a water slide), plus grilled hot dogs and fixin's for lunch. That was a lot of fun and I'm so glad I was able to help out with it.
The week before, we'd had field day, with slip 'n slides and other fun outdoor games. The fire department came and doused the kids from the ladder truck, and I was in charge of popsicles for the entire school--500 to be exact! The local grocery store just happened to have them on sale that week, so we got all 500 for less than $35! SCORE!
The last day of school was awards and 6th grade graduation. Shannon is no longer an elementary student. It's bittersweet, that's for sure, watching her grow up.
So, let's see, then we went to the Outlaws for the weekend. You know how much I enjoyed that! But, we stayed in a hotel because MIL had been all worried about getting the house ready for our visit. We "did her a favor" and let her "relax and enjoy our visit" by staying in a hotel. She, in turn, wanted us to "share our opinion" about whether or not they need weekly help to come in and clean for them. I've actually been saying that for a while now, but, being an outlaw, my opinion really doesn't matter. FIL doesn't want to spend the money. My opinion, which I'm sure you're DYING to hear:
1. Yes, they need the help, though I think MIL would be rude, annoying, and probably racist, thus chasing away the people hired to help.
2. The house is getting to be too much for them. MIL is 83; FIL is 79. MIL is not in the best of health and she's not very mobile. Plus, she's losing her eyesight. I'm not sure FIL even sees the dirt anymore. I really think they need to downsize to something that's smaller and all on one level.
3. The biggest problem, though, is the overwhelming amount of STUFF! I've mentioned this about a zillion times before and it's still true. They need to get rid of about 75% of their junk.
A few anecdotes for your reading pleasure....
They cannot seem to comprehend even the basics of gluten-free eating. FIL suggested a sandwich shop and a pancake house for lunch. Um, HELLO?! I know some of the intricacies can be challenging, but how hard is it to understand that Shannon cannot eat wheat?! No bread; no pancakes. DUH!
At one point, MIL was sorting through a crate of papers on the desk. There was an old yellowing coloring book, but it had never been used, so she couldn't get rid of it. There was an old birthday card, signed by "Bill." No idea which of the 10 residents of the house it was for, and MIL couldn't remember anyone named Bill. So, I said, "If you don't know who it's to, and you don't know who it's from, then it's time to get rid of it." Oh, no! See, you can use the covers for projects! Um, with your failing eyesight? Really?! *sigh*
And the final thing, lunch on Sunday. MIL had been gunning for us to take her out all weekend. I told her that we generally don't go out much because it's hard to find restaurants with options for Shannon. She said she'd pay for it. Okay, um, how nice, but money is definitely NOT the problem. So round and round we went trying to choose a restaurant. How about Olive Garden? They don't have much for Shannon. Well, she can have salad. Gee, thanks. Chinese is out because most soy sauce is fermented with wheat. But can't she eat it if it's cooked? *snerk* MIL and FIL don't like Mexican much, so that was out too.....besides, MIL makes racist comments in Mexican restaurants. I mean, the nerve of Hispanics working there!
We finally settled on Johnny Carino's. Yes, it's Italian, but they have an entire page of gluten-free options. They GET IT! This is COOL! MIL had to comment on how expensive it might be, blah, blah, blah, and this is when FIL suggested that Subway might be a better choice. Um, NO! So we order and all is going well. Our waitress was on the ball with Shannon's needs, and generally lunch was pleasant. We paid for it, since there are 5 of us and 2 of them, and they split an entree while we ordered an appetizer. It just seemed like the thing to do. So, FIL "generously" offered to get the tip. Are ya ready for this?
The bill was $85 (not bad for 7 people at a fairly decent sit down restaurant).
FIL left......$7.00
Yes, a $7 tip on an $85 ticket.
And, yes, we added to it.
Really, because of the hotel, I didn't have to spend too much time with MIL. She rambled on here and there about stuff I don't care about, like reality TV shows and other random crap, but she wasn't horrible this tim earound. I'm really, really, REALLY hoping we've set a precedent with the hotel thing and we can do that every time we go up there. I'm also hoping we pick weekends that are NOT baseball tourney weekends, so the hotel is cheaper. LOL!
Then, we were home for 3 days, and the kids and I were off on another adventure! The Junior High Youth Group does a mission project up Pinecliff (our local church camp). I went so I could help Shannon with her food needs, and that meant that Alana had to come too, and we took Max, just for the fun of it! The mission project is basically cleaning up the camp to help get it ready for other camps throughout the summer. We cut down brush, dug boulders out of the parking lot (making it easier to mow), used said boulders to line the driveway and parking lot, picked up pine cones, and did some painting. That was Wednesday through Friday afternoon.
On Friday afternoon, more junior high kids arrived from around the state to participate in the junior high retreat weekend. Bruce drove up on Friday and took Alana and Max home. I was in a cabin with 6 girls, including Shannon.
I really don't think I'm cut out for the camp counselor thing. I don't think I'm very good at it, and much like last year, I don't feel like our cabin bonded very well. Time will tell, I suppose. The girls were sweet and fun, and maybe it's just that the three that I didn't know were introverts. *shrug* I keep finding myself in that position, and I probably will for awhile. I'm not comfortable sending Shannon up there by herself just yet as she struggles with being assertive about her food needs. For instance, she doesn't want to go first, even when told it's okay, because that's "butting" and that's bad. Sometimes, though, to avoid cross contamination, she NEEDS to get her food before everyone else!
The weather was absolutely frightful for the weekend, alternating between pouring rain, drizzling, and wicked winds. At 3:15 am on Saturday, our cabin door blew open and it would NOT stay closed. I finally put my luggage in front of it, but even then, it popped open a few more times. Several of the girls were up before 5:00, unable to sleep. We made the most of it, and we were extremely grateful for the space heaters!
So now I'm home, feeling like a tornado has gone through my house and we've got a busy week this week too. We're not traveling again until the weekend of the 10th, but then we've got another pair of back to back adventures.
This week, we have Shannon's birthday party on Wednesday, and then on Thursday, a coworker of Bruce's is coming for dinner. His daughter is a bit younger than Shannon and is also diabetic, so we're getting the girls together and sending them away to camp together in August. I'm looking forward to all of it, but my house needs HELP!!! LOL!
Over Memorial Day, we went camping with our friends from church. We went to Palisade State Park, near Manti, UT. It was a lot of fun, but it was COLD. I was very grateful for the heater in the trailer because it dropped into the 40s at night. The days were pleasant enough, though, and the water was nice. The kids waded and played in paddle boats, canoes, and a lake kayak. It was a really laid-back trip, with no "must do" hikes or things to see, just books to be read, fish to be caught, and gossip to be had. LOL! Tristan caught a 12" rainbow trout. The irony there is that he doesn't like to eat fish. So he gave it to another of the boys who enjoyed it for dinner.
The last week of school followed, with kudos all around for the kids and their teachers. Shannon and Alana both won several awards, and I'm very proud. Shannon read more minutes over the course of the year than most of her class combined! So she won a $50 gift certificate for a college savings plan. Tristan did well, too, but they don't give as many awards at the junior high.
We also had the 6th grade party at a local park with bouncy blow up things (a bungee run and a water slide), plus grilled hot dogs and fixin's for lunch. That was a lot of fun and I'm so glad I was able to help out with it.
The week before, we'd had field day, with slip 'n slides and other fun outdoor games. The fire department came and doused the kids from the ladder truck, and I was in charge of popsicles for the entire school--500 to be exact! The local grocery store just happened to have them on sale that week, so we got all 500 for less than $35! SCORE!
The last day of school was awards and 6th grade graduation. Shannon is no longer an elementary student. It's bittersweet, that's for sure, watching her grow up.
So, let's see, then we went to the Outlaws for the weekend. You know how much I enjoyed that! But, we stayed in a hotel because MIL had been all worried about getting the house ready for our visit. We "did her a favor" and let her "relax and enjoy our visit" by staying in a hotel. She, in turn, wanted us to "share our opinion" about whether or not they need weekly help to come in and clean for them. I've actually been saying that for a while now, but, being an outlaw, my opinion really doesn't matter. FIL doesn't want to spend the money. My opinion, which I'm sure you're DYING to hear:
1. Yes, they need the help, though I think MIL would be rude, annoying, and probably racist, thus chasing away the people hired to help.
2. The house is getting to be too much for them. MIL is 83; FIL is 79. MIL is not in the best of health and she's not very mobile. Plus, she's losing her eyesight. I'm not sure FIL even sees the dirt anymore. I really think they need to downsize to something that's smaller and all on one level.
3. The biggest problem, though, is the overwhelming amount of STUFF! I've mentioned this about a zillion times before and it's still true. They need to get rid of about 75% of their junk.
A few anecdotes for your reading pleasure....
They cannot seem to comprehend even the basics of gluten-free eating. FIL suggested a sandwich shop and a pancake house for lunch. Um, HELLO?! I know some of the intricacies can be challenging, but how hard is it to understand that Shannon cannot eat wheat?! No bread; no pancakes. DUH!
At one point, MIL was sorting through a crate of papers on the desk. There was an old yellowing coloring book, but it had never been used, so she couldn't get rid of it. There was an old birthday card, signed by "Bill." No idea which of the 10 residents of the house it was for, and MIL couldn't remember anyone named Bill. So, I said, "If you don't know who it's to, and you don't know who it's from, then it's time to get rid of it." Oh, no! See, you can use the covers for projects! Um, with your failing eyesight? Really?! *sigh*
And the final thing, lunch on Sunday. MIL had been gunning for us to take her out all weekend. I told her that we generally don't go out much because it's hard to find restaurants with options for Shannon. She said she'd pay for it. Okay, um, how nice, but money is definitely NOT the problem. So round and round we went trying to choose a restaurant. How about Olive Garden? They don't have much for Shannon. Well, she can have salad. Gee, thanks. Chinese is out because most soy sauce is fermented with wheat. But can't she eat it if it's cooked? *snerk* MIL and FIL don't like Mexican much, so that was out too.....besides, MIL makes racist comments in Mexican restaurants. I mean, the nerve of Hispanics working there!
We finally settled on Johnny Carino's. Yes, it's Italian, but they have an entire page of gluten-free options. They GET IT! This is COOL! MIL had to comment on how expensive it might be, blah, blah, blah, and this is when FIL suggested that Subway might be a better choice. Um, NO! So we order and all is going well. Our waitress was on the ball with Shannon's needs, and generally lunch was pleasant. We paid for it, since there are 5 of us and 2 of them, and they split an entree while we ordered an appetizer. It just seemed like the thing to do. So, FIL "generously" offered to get the tip. Are ya ready for this?
The bill was $85 (not bad for 7 people at a fairly decent sit down restaurant).
FIL left......$7.00
Yes, a $7 tip on an $85 ticket.
And, yes, we added to it.
Really, because of the hotel, I didn't have to spend too much time with MIL. She rambled on here and there about stuff I don't care about, like reality TV shows and other random crap, but she wasn't horrible this tim earound. I'm really, really, REALLY hoping we've set a precedent with the hotel thing and we can do that every time we go up there. I'm also hoping we pick weekends that are NOT baseball tourney weekends, so the hotel is cheaper. LOL!
Then, we were home for 3 days, and the kids and I were off on another adventure! The Junior High Youth Group does a mission project up Pinecliff (our local church camp). I went so I could help Shannon with her food needs, and that meant that Alana had to come too, and we took Max, just for the fun of it! The mission project is basically cleaning up the camp to help get it ready for other camps throughout the summer. We cut down brush, dug boulders out of the parking lot (making it easier to mow), used said boulders to line the driveway and parking lot, picked up pine cones, and did some painting. That was Wednesday through Friday afternoon.
On Friday afternoon, more junior high kids arrived from around the state to participate in the junior high retreat weekend. Bruce drove up on Friday and took Alana and Max home. I was in a cabin with 6 girls, including Shannon.
I really don't think I'm cut out for the camp counselor thing. I don't think I'm very good at it, and much like last year, I don't feel like our cabin bonded very well. Time will tell, I suppose. The girls were sweet and fun, and maybe it's just that the three that I didn't know were introverts. *shrug* I keep finding myself in that position, and I probably will for awhile. I'm not comfortable sending Shannon up there by herself just yet as she struggles with being assertive about her food needs. For instance, she doesn't want to go first, even when told it's okay, because that's "butting" and that's bad. Sometimes, though, to avoid cross contamination, she NEEDS to get her food before everyone else!
The weather was absolutely frightful for the weekend, alternating between pouring rain, drizzling, and wicked winds. At 3:15 am on Saturday, our cabin door blew open and it would NOT stay closed. I finally put my luggage in front of it, but even then, it popped open a few more times. Several of the girls were up before 5:00, unable to sleep. We made the most of it, and we were extremely grateful for the space heaters!
So now I'm home, feeling like a tornado has gone through my house and we've got a busy week this week too. We're not traveling again until the weekend of the 10th, but then we've got another pair of back to back adventures.
This week, we have Shannon's birthday party on Wednesday, and then on Thursday, a coworker of Bruce's is coming for dinner. His daughter is a bit younger than Shannon and is also diabetic, so we're getting the girls together and sending them away to camp together in August. I'm looking forward to all of it, but my house needs HELP!!! LOL!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Struggling Again. *sigh*
I'm having a rough time again, and I can't pinpoint why. So I retreat and hide and do stupid stuff that doesn't really solve anything, all the while pretending to the outside world that everything is just fine.
Ugh. Think I'll go to bed.
Ugh. Think I'll go to bed.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
My morning "routine"
The topic of morning routines came up in conversation recently. I generally get up and ready before I take the girls to school, so that I can at least pretend to be ready for the day.
Realistically, however, as we wind toward the end of the school year, my morning looks like this:
6:40 Alarm goes off. Push snooze. Repeat every 7 minutes until Alana makes me get up or 7:10ish, whichever comes first.
Stumble into bathrobe and slippers, glasses are optional.
Wander bleary-eyed into the kitchen, wondering once again why I haven't taught the kids to have my coffee concoction ready and waiting.
Make coffee concoction. Sip nectar of the gods and wait for caffeine to penetrate the brain.
Remind children to wipe up milk, put away cereal, rinse their breakfast dishes and put away the milk. Wonder why I have to say the same. exact. thing. every. stinking. morning......
Stumble up the stairs and into the shower. Jump in and out of the water stream as it gets hot/cold because the children are rinsing their blasted dishes and/or brushing their teeth.
Get out of the shower, referee yet another "discussion" about who used which toothpaste when and where is it now?!
Insert contacts. Hopefully into the correct eyes.
Moisturize, anti-wrinkle, anti-dark circles (drink more coffee).......make up, lotion, hair....
Tell Tristan, like I do EVERY morning, to leave the paper neat and tidy, preferably NOT in a puddle of milk.
Ask Tristan if he's sure he'll be warm enough in just a sweatshirt. Ignore the rolled eyes.
Throw him out the door to his ride at 7:20.
No, Alana, I don't know where your shoes are.
No, Shannon, I haven't seen your jacket. If it were MY jacket it'd betossed on the chair nearest the door hanging in the coat closet.
Remind Alana that she needs something other than gogurt, 3 wheat thins, butterscotch pudding and a CapriSun in her lunch. Make her a peanut butter sandwich, in spite of her adamant declarations that she will NOT eat it.
Drink more coffee. Wish I could mainline caffeine.
Put girls in the van around 8:20, give or take.
Stop van in driveway so Shannon/Alana can run back in to grab lunch/backpack/jacket/homework/science fair project/show-n-tell.
Drop girls at school at 8:30, give or take.
Remind them to look both ways before they cross the street. Love you, have a good day, *muah*
Return home. Drink more coffee.
Realistically, however, as we wind toward the end of the school year, my morning looks like this:
6:40 Alarm goes off. Push snooze. Repeat every 7 minutes until Alana makes me get up or 7:10ish, whichever comes first.
Stumble into bathrobe and slippers, glasses are optional.
Wander bleary-eyed into the kitchen, wondering once again why I haven't taught the kids to have my coffee concoction ready and waiting.
Make coffee concoction. Sip nectar of the gods and wait for caffeine to penetrate the brain.
Remind children to wipe up milk, put away cereal, rinse their breakfast dishes and put away the milk. Wonder why I have to say the same. exact. thing. every. stinking. morning......
Stumble up the stairs and into the shower. Jump in and out of the water stream as it gets hot/cold because the children are rinsing their blasted dishes and/or brushing their teeth.
Get out of the shower, referee yet another "discussion" about who used which toothpaste when and where is it now?!
Insert contacts. Hopefully into the correct eyes.
Moisturize, anti-wrinkle, anti-dark circles (drink more coffee).......make up, lotion, hair....
Tell Tristan, like I do EVERY morning, to leave the paper neat and tidy, preferably NOT in a puddle of milk.
Ask Tristan if he's sure he'll be warm enough in just a sweatshirt. Ignore the rolled eyes.
Throw him out the door to his ride at 7:20.
No, Alana, I don't know where your shoes are.
No, Shannon, I haven't seen your jacket. If it were MY jacket it'd be
Remind Alana that she needs something other than gogurt, 3 wheat thins, butterscotch pudding and a CapriSun in her lunch. Make her a peanut butter sandwich, in spite of her adamant declarations that she will NOT eat it.
Drink more coffee. Wish I could mainline caffeine.
Put girls in the van around 8:20, give or take.
Stop van in driveway so Shannon/Alana can run back in to grab lunch/backpack/jacket/homework/science fair project/show-n-tell.
Drop girls at school at 8:30, give or take.
Remind them to look both ways before they cross the street. Love you, have a good day, *muah*
Return home. Drink more coffee.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Adrift
That's me. But first, I need to back up a bit. And I can already tell that this post will be a rambling mess, so bear with me.
Backing up.....Sunday's sermon was on John 21. Jesus has been resurrected, and he's appeared to the Disciples, but now he's gone again and they're a bit lost. It's been a rough week in Jerusalem, and it's still probably dangerous for anyone of Jesus' followers. The Disciples aren't sure what to do next. They've spent the last 3 years following Jesus, learning from him, and teaching about him, but now they're lost. They don't know what to do next. So, they return to what they do best; what they did before Jesus. They go fishing. They fish all night and don't catch anything. As morning comes, a stranger appears on the shore and tells them to cast their nets on the other side of the boat.
I don't know about you, but I'm not sure my reaction would've been theirs. These guys grew up in boats. Fishing was their livelihood. Truly, it was their life, and here's this unknown person saying "cast your nets on the other side." Dontcha think they would've thought of that already?! And yet, they do it. And the net is full to bursting. The Bible says there were 153 large fish, but the net does not break. (Side note: According to my minister, 153 is the number of known fish in the world at the time of Jesus, so there's symbolism there too). The stranger, of course, is Jesus, and he cooks breakfast for them on the shore of the lake. They are then sent out into the world to teach and preach.
The point of the sermon wasn't about fishing though. It was about how we perhaps need to things differently in our own lives; cast our nets on the other side of the boat.
A couple of days later, I was at a business meeting with my Creative Memories Consultant friends. A story came up about a dog. This dog LOVED to play fetch with a tennis ball. His owner would throw the ball, and the dog would bring it back, but the dog didn't want to give up the ball. Owner would eventually get the ball back and throw it again. And, of course, the ball would get pretty nasty. So the owner got out a new tennis ball and threw it. The dog went bounding after it, but when he found it, he had a problem.......he's still got that nasty ball in his mouth and he can't pick up the new ball! The dog has a choice to make. He can hang onto the familiar, well-used but worn-out ball, or he can drop it and pick up the shiny new tennis ball.
One of the morals of this story is that we often have to give up old habits, habits that have served us well in the past but aren't working so well now, in order to move on to new and better things.
These two stories, coming so close together, seem to be a message to me, but I'm not sure just what to do with that message. And here's where I'll get rambly...
In the Bible story, the disciples go back to what they do best, but then are told to do it in a new way. One lesson I'm hearing is that I need to go back to what I do best, but do it differently. That begs the question, what do I do best? And I really don't know the answer. There are glimmers of answers coming through, but perhaps because I've never felt truly *good* at anything, I'm rejecting all of them. So my own lack of self-confidence is getting in my way, and it's frustrating. I can't seem to see things clearly....the self-doubt and criticism is like a fog obscuring my way.
Another lesson I'm hearing loud and clear is that I need some new habits. I think I've known this for awhile, as I've felt stuck for a rather long time; stagnating and unsure of my future path. But I continue along my way, doing the same old thing, and waiting for some lightning bolt from heaven to tell me what to do next. Maybe this isn't a lightning bolt, but the message seems pretty clear.
Sorta. What habits do I need to change? What habits do I need to let go of so I can create new ones? Will just ANY new habit or activity bring about the change in my life that I'm seeking; the change that I'm sensing is right around the corner? Or does it have to be just the "right" habit/change? There's that perfectionism creeping in....if it's not the RIGHT habit, it won't work! Or is any change better than the stagnation I'm feeling now?
Then there's another lesson in the dog story. The silly dog won't even let go of the ball so it can be thrown again! The dog LOVES to chase and find the ball, but he won't let it go. Is he afraid that his owner won't throw it anymore? So he's got to cling to it with all his might? What about me? What am I holding on to? What am I clinging to that's preventing me from enjoying that same activity?
Told you....rambling.
This last 18 months has been really, really hard. Those of you who pay any attention to me at all are well aware of this. Tomorrow marks one year of gluten-free eating for Shannon. We've largely adjusted. I can scan an ingredient label like nobody's business, accepting or rejecting the product in a heartbeat! We've found suitable alternatives for most of Shannon's favorite foods. Some of them are expensive (her "granola" bars are $4 for a box of 6 and her crackers are $4.50 a box), but I'm grateful that we have the means to make it work. The other kids are sensitive to Shannon's needs, and careful about eating "forbidden favorites" around her. From what I can tell, she's accepted this lifestyle, though every now and then, she comments about missing one thing or another.
As a family, we're probably healthier. We don't eat out much. It's just too challenging and frustrating to find things she can eat. And, let's face it, I'm a bit of a paranoid control-freak about it. If I don't prepare it, how can I be *sure* it's safe for her? I imagine that will fade in time. It had better, because, at some point, the child will be on her own to manage all of this, unless I plan to go to college with her (hmmmmm........).
What I'm noticing, as I look back over the time since Tristan's diabetes diagnosis, is that I've lost that creative spark. I go through the motions with scrapbooks and sewing, but the spark just isn't there. I don't spend much time crafting, unless it's "scheduled," like my crops, or "tradition," like Easter dresses and grandma scrapbooks. I just don't feeeel like it. I don't feeeeel the inspiration that drives me down into the sewing room for hours at a time. Sometimes, there will be a bit of a nudge, but it's quickly shoved aside in favor of "more important" duties like laundry or cleaning out the pantry.
But those pursuits, including my writing, are an important part of me; a part of me that I'm losing. Or, more accurately, a part of me that I'm letting go. But I wonder if that's at the root of this uneasiness; this constant restless feeling. I just don't know. All of this is spinning around in my head and so very little of it makes sense.
We're so freaking busy right now, but I think I use that as an excuse. Wait, who am I kidding? I KNOW I use that as an excuse. And, of course, there's ALWAYS laundry to be done, meals to cook, cupboards to clean, walls to wash, closets to clean out, etc, etc, etc.
But I also KNOW that I MUST explore my creative outlets. Frequently. Or a part of me; perhaps even the best part of me, will die.
I can't let that happen.
Backing up.....Sunday's sermon was on John 21. Jesus has been resurrected, and he's appeared to the Disciples, but now he's gone again and they're a bit lost. It's been a rough week in Jerusalem, and it's still probably dangerous for anyone of Jesus' followers. The Disciples aren't sure what to do next. They've spent the last 3 years following Jesus, learning from him, and teaching about him, but now they're lost. They don't know what to do next. So, they return to what they do best; what they did before Jesus. They go fishing. They fish all night and don't catch anything. As morning comes, a stranger appears on the shore and tells them to cast their nets on the other side of the boat.
I don't know about you, but I'm not sure my reaction would've been theirs. These guys grew up in boats. Fishing was their livelihood. Truly, it was their life, and here's this unknown person saying "cast your nets on the other side." Dontcha think they would've thought of that already?! And yet, they do it. And the net is full to bursting. The Bible says there were 153 large fish, but the net does not break. (Side note: According to my minister, 153 is the number of known fish in the world at the time of Jesus, so there's symbolism there too). The stranger, of course, is Jesus, and he cooks breakfast for them on the shore of the lake. They are then sent out into the world to teach and preach.
The point of the sermon wasn't about fishing though. It was about how we perhaps need to things differently in our own lives; cast our nets on the other side of the boat.
A couple of days later, I was at a business meeting with my Creative Memories Consultant friends. A story came up about a dog. This dog LOVED to play fetch with a tennis ball. His owner would throw the ball, and the dog would bring it back, but the dog didn't want to give up the ball. Owner would eventually get the ball back and throw it again. And, of course, the ball would get pretty nasty. So the owner got out a new tennis ball and threw it. The dog went bounding after it, but when he found it, he had a problem.......he's still got that nasty ball in his mouth and he can't pick up the new ball! The dog has a choice to make. He can hang onto the familiar, well-used but worn-out ball, or he can drop it and pick up the shiny new tennis ball.
One of the morals of this story is that we often have to give up old habits, habits that have served us well in the past but aren't working so well now, in order to move on to new and better things.
These two stories, coming so close together, seem to be a message to me, but I'm not sure just what to do with that message. And here's where I'll get rambly...
In the Bible story, the disciples go back to what they do best, but then are told to do it in a new way. One lesson I'm hearing is that I need to go back to what I do best, but do it differently. That begs the question, what do I do best? And I really don't know the answer. There are glimmers of answers coming through, but perhaps because I've never felt truly *good* at anything, I'm rejecting all of them. So my own lack of self-confidence is getting in my way, and it's frustrating. I can't seem to see things clearly....the self-doubt and criticism is like a fog obscuring my way.
Another lesson I'm hearing loud and clear is that I need some new habits. I think I've known this for awhile, as I've felt stuck for a rather long time; stagnating and unsure of my future path. But I continue along my way, doing the same old thing, and waiting for some lightning bolt from heaven to tell me what to do next. Maybe this isn't a lightning bolt, but the message seems pretty clear.
Sorta. What habits do I need to change? What habits do I need to let go of so I can create new ones? Will just ANY new habit or activity bring about the change in my life that I'm seeking; the change that I'm sensing is right around the corner? Or does it have to be just the "right" habit/change? There's that perfectionism creeping in....if it's not the RIGHT habit, it won't work! Or is any change better than the stagnation I'm feeling now?
Then there's another lesson in the dog story. The silly dog won't even let go of the ball so it can be thrown again! The dog LOVES to chase and find the ball, but he won't let it go. Is he afraid that his owner won't throw it anymore? So he's got to cling to it with all his might? What about me? What am I holding on to? What am I clinging to that's preventing me from enjoying that same activity?
Told you....rambling.
This last 18 months has been really, really hard. Those of you who pay any attention to me at all are well aware of this. Tomorrow marks one year of gluten-free eating for Shannon. We've largely adjusted. I can scan an ingredient label like nobody's business, accepting or rejecting the product in a heartbeat! We've found suitable alternatives for most of Shannon's favorite foods. Some of them are expensive (her "granola" bars are $4 for a box of 6 and her crackers are $4.50 a box), but I'm grateful that we have the means to make it work. The other kids are sensitive to Shannon's needs, and careful about eating "forbidden favorites" around her. From what I can tell, she's accepted this lifestyle, though every now and then, she comments about missing one thing or another.
As a family, we're probably healthier. We don't eat out much. It's just too challenging and frustrating to find things she can eat. And, let's face it, I'm a bit of a paranoid control-freak about it. If I don't prepare it, how can I be *sure* it's safe for her? I imagine that will fade in time. It had better, because, at some point, the child will be on her own to manage all of this, unless I plan to go to college with her (hmmmmm........).
What I'm noticing, as I look back over the time since Tristan's diabetes diagnosis, is that I've lost that creative spark. I go through the motions with scrapbooks and sewing, but the spark just isn't there. I don't spend much time crafting, unless it's "scheduled," like my crops, or "tradition," like Easter dresses and grandma scrapbooks. I just don't feeeel like it. I don't feeeeel the inspiration that drives me down into the sewing room for hours at a time. Sometimes, there will be a bit of a nudge, but it's quickly shoved aside in favor of "more important" duties like laundry or cleaning out the pantry.
But those pursuits, including my writing, are an important part of me; a part of me that I'm losing. Or, more accurately, a part of me that I'm letting go. But I wonder if that's at the root of this uneasiness; this constant restless feeling. I just don't know. All of this is spinning around in my head and so very little of it makes sense.
We're so freaking busy right now, but I think I use that as an excuse. Wait, who am I kidding? I KNOW I use that as an excuse. And, of course, there's ALWAYS laundry to be done, meals to cook, cupboards to clean, walls to wash, closets to clean out, etc, etc, etc.
But I also KNOW that I MUST explore my creative outlets. Frequently. Or a part of me; perhaps even the best part of me, will die.
I can't let that happen.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Another anniversary
We passed another milestone this weekend.
Shannon's been diabetic for a year, since March 21, 2009.
It seems a little weird to think about it as we're still adjusting in many ways. Recently, we've had to adjust her insulin to carb ratio for various meals because her sugar was spiking at specific times during the day. But now, with the weather improving, she's become more active, and we had a devil of a time getting her blood sugar high enough last night so that she could go to bed! (It has to be above 100 before bed because blood sugar naturally drops during the night and diabetics don't have the 'reserve' sugar in the liver for the body to cover that drop).
Every now and then, it hits me once again that this craziness is my life....usually when I'm sweeping up used test strips or grousing at the kids for leaving their used needles around (while they each deny responsibility....some things never change!). It seems so surreal!
Other times, I'm amazed at just how much knowledge I've accumulated over the last year, particularly about gluten! Did you know, for instance, that most orange soda is made with malt and is therefore NOT gluten-free? Yeah, me neither, at least not a year ago! Meals out are a challenge, so we don't go out very often, which really isn't a bad thing. Mexican is usually okay, as long as she avoids flour tortillas. Asian is out because the most popular brand of soy sauce for restaurants is fermented with wheat (Kikkoman. LaChoy is safe). There are a couple of noodle restaurants that have gluten-free options (Old Spaghetti Factory and Noodles & Company). Who'da thunk that it would be the pasta joints that would be so accomodating?! I can't remember the last time I bought a can of condensed soup....they're ALL made with wheat starch or barley or something. That's been a big challenge for my cooking since many of my "old standbys" start with cream soup as the base. I've found decent substitutes for most of the casseroles, though.
I checked out more gluten-free cookbooks from the library and I've put a hold on a couple of others, trying to find more recipes to draw from for baked goods. Today I'm going to make a batch of GF chocolate chip cookies, and I need to make a loaf of GF bread for lunches too. I haven't decided if I'm going to try a new recipe or go with the standby. Maybe I'll try the new one and if Shannon doesn't like it, I can make her regular loaf this evening?
It's been a challenge, and it's stretched me in ways I did not want to be stretched. As a mother, it breaks my heart to see my children suffer. I'd take it on myself, in a heartbeat, if I were given the choice. That's been an amazing lesson for me, and for the kids. I know they sometimes think Mom is an idiot, but they know deep down just how much I love them. This has brought us closer as a family, as we work together to manage the challenges that come up. I think, too, it's shown the children just how strong they can be. They're learning to make choices that will impact both their short-term and long-term health, and I hope that those lessons will carry over to other areas of their lives. They're learning to deal with some pretty heavy emotions. They're learning that they are not alone, as our family, friends, and neighbors encourage and support them.
These are all great lessons, but I can't help but wish they were learning them another way.
Shannon's been diabetic for a year, since March 21, 2009.
It seems a little weird to think about it as we're still adjusting in many ways. Recently, we've had to adjust her insulin to carb ratio for various meals because her sugar was spiking at specific times during the day. But now, with the weather improving, she's become more active, and we had a devil of a time getting her blood sugar high enough last night so that she could go to bed! (It has to be above 100 before bed because blood sugar naturally drops during the night and diabetics don't have the 'reserve' sugar in the liver for the body to cover that drop).
Every now and then, it hits me once again that this craziness is my life....usually when I'm sweeping up used test strips or grousing at the kids for leaving their used needles around (while they each deny responsibility....some things never change!). It seems so surreal!
Other times, I'm amazed at just how much knowledge I've accumulated over the last year, particularly about gluten! Did you know, for instance, that most orange soda is made with malt and is therefore NOT gluten-free? Yeah, me neither, at least not a year ago! Meals out are a challenge, so we don't go out very often, which really isn't a bad thing. Mexican is usually okay, as long as she avoids flour tortillas. Asian is out because the most popular brand of soy sauce for restaurants is fermented with wheat (Kikkoman. LaChoy is safe). There are a couple of noodle restaurants that have gluten-free options (Old Spaghetti Factory and Noodles & Company). Who'da thunk that it would be the pasta joints that would be so accomodating?! I can't remember the last time I bought a can of condensed soup....they're ALL made with wheat starch or barley or something. That's been a big challenge for my cooking since many of my "old standbys" start with cream soup as the base. I've found decent substitutes for most of the casseroles, though.
I checked out more gluten-free cookbooks from the library and I've put a hold on a couple of others, trying to find more recipes to draw from for baked goods. Today I'm going to make a batch of GF chocolate chip cookies, and I need to make a loaf of GF bread for lunches too. I haven't decided if I'm going to try a new recipe or go with the standby. Maybe I'll try the new one and if Shannon doesn't like it, I can make her regular loaf this evening?
It's been a challenge, and it's stretched me in ways I did not want to be stretched. As a mother, it breaks my heart to see my children suffer. I'd take it on myself, in a heartbeat, if I were given the choice. That's been an amazing lesson for me, and for the kids. I know they sometimes think Mom is an idiot, but they know deep down just how much I love them. This has brought us closer as a family, as we work together to manage the challenges that come up. I think, too, it's shown the children just how strong they can be. They're learning to make choices that will impact both their short-term and long-term health, and I hope that those lessons will carry over to other areas of their lives. They're learning to deal with some pretty heavy emotions. They're learning that they are not alone, as our family, friends, and neighbors encourage and support them.
These are all great lessons, but I can't help but wish they were learning them another way.
Friday, March 19, 2010
I need a little push to start journaling or blogging again, and I think there are things I need to discover about myself, but I’m not entirely sure what they are. So, I’m shamelessly stealing from a “guided journal” I bought. Well, I guess, since I bought it, it’s not stealing is it? Though I am inviting you, my 3 dear readers, to steal it and blog or journal yourself, so…..
Anyway, the book is called "The Woman’s Book of Confidence," by Sue Patton Thoele. From the inside front cover “Let us not wait until tomorrow—or eternity—to accept who we are. Let’s do it right now.”
And that’s the journey I’m on. I’m not the person I thought I would be when I imagined my life (who is?), and really, when I take off the “Mom” and “Wife” hats, I’m not entirely sure what’s left. There’s some good stuff there, for sure, and I want to delve deeper into that. As my kids get older and don’t need me for every little thing; as they enter school and are gone for hours at a time, I find myself with that time on my hands, and I wander a bit aimlessly. Sure, there’s laundry to do (always and forever….seriously, I can’t ever die because the laundry will NEVER be done…..I digress), bathrooms to clean, floors to mop and vacuum, walls and windows to wash, and so forth, but I just have the feeling that there’s something more to my life; something more I’m meant to be doing. Or maybe I’m just bored out of my head with the minutiae that occupies my days. Either which way, there’s more for me out there and I want to find it!
Another quote from the inside front cover “Use these pages to record your inspirations, your motivations, your victories, even your failures. Learn to love the skip of your own step, to gain confidence in the words that only you can hear. Learn to be the best you can be, right now”
The first section or chapter is titled “Reclaiming Childhood Dreams.” The introduction says, in part, “Many of the hopes, desires, and dreams we had as children were indicators fo the special gifts we brought into this life. If we have lost track of our dreams, we can reconnect with them now by encouraging ourselves to look back and explore them.”
Question 1: What make-believe did you revel in when you were little? Where did you go in your fantasy world?
It’s been fun to ponder this question. I remember pretending to be a princess, but not very often. The most vibrant and active make-believe took place in The Old West, probably inspired by watching “Little House on the Prairie” all the time. I loved that show (still do, much to my husband’s amusement). My sister and I would pretend we were settlers on the plains, harvesting grasses and the like, fashioning tools from sticks and vases or dishes from mud. We were attacked by fierce mountain lions, battled raging wildfires, and battening down the hatches in the face of tornadoes. Or, we’d hang out on my double bed, pretending it was a covered wagon headed west. Sometimes the bed became a ship, used to escape mean and nasty step-parents under cover of darkness.
What stands out to me in these memories is the sense of independence, and, too, the sense of being alone in the world with no one to protect us. Of course, we were pretending to BE adults, so maybe that’s where that comes from. Or maybe that’s what I perceived adulthood to be about, independent and alone? Hmmm…..must ponder that one some more. I often felt a sense of accomplishment, going about my “chores” in that little house out west. It felt good to be taking care of my imaginary kids (sometimes played by neighbor children). I remember thinking that the pioneer life was so. Much. WORK! LOL! And I suppose it was.
Anyway, the book is called "The Woman’s Book of Confidence," by Sue Patton Thoele. From the inside front cover “Let us not wait until tomorrow—or eternity—to accept who we are. Let’s do it right now.”
And that’s the journey I’m on. I’m not the person I thought I would be when I imagined my life (who is?), and really, when I take off the “Mom” and “Wife” hats, I’m not entirely sure what’s left. There’s some good stuff there, for sure, and I want to delve deeper into that. As my kids get older and don’t need me for every little thing; as they enter school and are gone for hours at a time, I find myself with that time on my hands, and I wander a bit aimlessly. Sure, there’s laundry to do (always and forever….seriously, I can’t ever die because the laundry will NEVER be done…..I digress), bathrooms to clean, floors to mop and vacuum, walls and windows to wash, and so forth, but I just have the feeling that there’s something more to my life; something more I’m meant to be doing. Or maybe I’m just bored out of my head with the minutiae that occupies my days. Either which way, there’s more for me out there and I want to find it!
Another quote from the inside front cover “Use these pages to record your inspirations, your motivations, your victories, even your failures. Learn to love the skip of your own step, to gain confidence in the words that only you can hear. Learn to be the best you can be, right now”
The first section or chapter is titled “Reclaiming Childhood Dreams.” The introduction says, in part, “Many of the hopes, desires, and dreams we had as children were indicators fo the special gifts we brought into this life. If we have lost track of our dreams, we can reconnect with them now by encouraging ourselves to look back and explore them.”
Question 1: What make-believe did you revel in when you were little? Where did you go in your fantasy world?
It’s been fun to ponder this question. I remember pretending to be a princess, but not very often. The most vibrant and active make-believe took place in The Old West, probably inspired by watching “Little House on the Prairie” all the time. I loved that show (still do, much to my husband’s amusement). My sister and I would pretend we were settlers on the plains, harvesting grasses and the like, fashioning tools from sticks and vases or dishes from mud. We were attacked by fierce mountain lions, battled raging wildfires, and battening down the hatches in the face of tornadoes. Or, we’d hang out on my double bed, pretending it was a covered wagon headed west. Sometimes the bed became a ship, used to escape mean and nasty step-parents under cover of darkness.
What stands out to me in these memories is the sense of independence, and, too, the sense of being alone in the world with no one to protect us. Of course, we were pretending to BE adults, so maybe that’s where that comes from. Or maybe that’s what I perceived adulthood to be about, independent and alone? Hmmm…..must ponder that one some more. I often felt a sense of accomplishment, going about my “chores” in that little house out west. It felt good to be taking care of my imaginary kids (sometimes played by neighbor children). I remember thinking that the pioneer life was so. Much. WORK! LOL! And I suppose it was.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Rest In Peace, sweet Ginger
I had to make the decision today to put Alana's guinea pig to sleep. The vet said she was critical and gave her less than a 50/50 chance. She said that these 'prey' animals tend to just roll over and give up when they get sick and really, that's what Ginger was doing.
Shannon's devastated. I hated having to be the one to make the choice, but when I asked the vet what she would do, she said she'd put her down. It just all came on so suddenly. Sunday she was fine, held and loved by the girls. Yesterday afternoon, she was lethargic and today she was almost non-responsive, not eating, not drinking, the works.
Thing is, she was a YOUNG pig, less than a year old and it seems like such a shame. I had pigs as a kid that lived for years and years, no health problems, nothing. The vet says they're just not as hardy as they used to be; too much inbreeding.
Shannon's home sick today, so she's sipping cocoa and crying. Alana will find out when she gets home from school. Don't know if I should clean up the cage and everything and put it all away or if it would be good for Alana to help me with that.
*sigh* Adulthood really sucks sometimes!
And all of this happens just as I'm vowing to stop whining and complaining on my blog! Really, I stood there the vet's office, trying to decide what to do, knowing in my heart that the treatment plan she was proposing would not work and we were going to lose her no matter what, but not quite wanting to admit it. I thought I was prepared to lose her, but when the time came to decide, that was really, really hard. I found myself wondering why *I* was in charge of this. Well, because I'm the mom, that's why. But, wait, when did I become the responsible grown-up? Is there a way to undo that? Because, at times like this, I really really really want someone else to be in charge.
Shannon is pretty upset, and that, in turn, upsets me. Ginger was a sweet animal. Inquisitive and fun to have. She loved brocolli, even though it really wasn't good for her, so we limited what she'd eat. She was okay on carrots, but spinach and parsley were favorites too.
Alana's not home from school yet, but I think she'll handle this better than her sister. I told her this morning that Ginger wasn't looking good and I was worried that she wouldn't make it. Alana told me if Ginger died, we'd get another guinea pig.
We'll have a piggy funeral this evening, though I'm not sure where we'll put her to avoid sprinkler lines. I'll get one of those stepping stone kits for the girls to make too.
I don't know how to guide them through their grief. I want to make it go away. More accurately, I want it to be gone so I don't have to watch them hurt. But I don't want to rush them or discount their feelings of loss and sadness either. I've read several online articles on the subject, but I still feel woefully inadequate.
*sigh*
Thursday, February 25, 2010
WARNING: Whining Ahead
I hate this time of year. Really.
I'm tired. The weather's crappy, or teasing us with *almost* nice weather and then going back to crappy.
Did I mention I'm tired? As in, could sleep for several days, tired.
Blah.
Tomorrow's payday. Yippee! Money comes in.....and money goes out. But, hey, at least it all balances. Job is secure, payroll is made, utilities are paid, mortgage, food, and even clothes for the kids who won't stop growing! Yes, I am grateful, even when there doesn't seem to be any money left, that there was enough to begin with.
So, because tomorrow is payday, it is also grocery shopping day. I have a love/hate relationship with this. I LOVE finding deals on food. Things like the "manager's specials" in the meat department where things have been marked down because they're nearing their 'use by' date. I buy and I freeze and we eat. I love combining a coupon with a clearance deal and getting things for next to nothing....
I found, in the clearance section, the Laughing Cow cheese wedges for $1.50. And, I had coupons for $1.00 off two, so they were $1.00 each. And they didn't expire until December 2010. No idea why they were in that bin, but there they were. I bought 4 because I really really really like that cheese. It's the only exception to my no "pasteurized processed cheese food" rule. LOL!
Now, inside these little treasures, I found another treasure.....a coupon for $1.00 or $1.25 off the purchase of the little mini gouda cheeses. You know, the ones that come wrapped in wax? Yeah, those.
Guess what I found in the clearance bin the other day? Yep, mini gouda cheeses for $1.50 each. Go me! I got 4 of them for less than $3.00 and I still have a couple more coupons!
This excites me. Yes, yes, my life really is *this* boring.
Now back to my love/hate relationship with grocery lists. I plan meals two weeks at a time. Lately, I have zero imagination and even less motivation. I can't seem to figure out *anything* for us to eat. Tristan doesn't like red sauce, fish, or shellfish. His vegetable consumption is limited to canned green beans and raw carrots. He has, however, recently stopped disecting his food, parsing out just *exactly* what's in it like an archeological dig. Alana is at that "vegetarian" stage, so she's not eating much meat. And Shannon is on a gluten-free diet.
Many people subscribe to the "serve what I want and the kids have to suck it up" school of thought. I understand this, however, it just doesn't sit well with me. How would I like it if someone told ME that I must eat something I don't like?! So, I save the spaghetti, salmon, and shrimp for nights when he's not here, which is usually once a week or so.
Throw in the time constraints of busy evenings, plus the fact that 5:00 pm is probably the point at which my energy is at it's lowest. I don't WANT to peel potatoes or make rice or brown this or cook that, thankyouverymuch!
Bruce gets home from work at 6:00 at the earliest. Often I don't start dinner until then, which means we're eating at 7:00, and the kids don't get to bed on time as a result. I've *got* to do something about that, getting dinner on the table earlier, but per the last paragraph, 5:00 means ZERO motivation for me. Really, I want to take a nap!
I'll figure it out, I suppose....and the coupons are calling my name.
I'm tired. The weather's crappy, or teasing us with *almost* nice weather and then going back to crappy.
Did I mention I'm tired? As in, could sleep for several days, tired.
Blah.
Tomorrow's payday. Yippee! Money comes in.....and money goes out. But, hey, at least it all balances. Job is secure, payroll is made, utilities are paid, mortgage, food, and even clothes for the kids who won't stop growing! Yes, I am grateful, even when there doesn't seem to be any money left, that there was enough to begin with.
So, because tomorrow is payday, it is also grocery shopping day. I have a love/hate relationship with this. I LOVE finding deals on food. Things like the "manager's specials" in the meat department where things have been marked down because they're nearing their 'use by' date. I buy and I freeze and we eat. I love combining a coupon with a clearance deal and getting things for next to nothing....
I found, in the clearance section, the Laughing Cow cheese wedges for $1.50. And, I had coupons for $1.00 off two, so they were $1.00 each. And they didn't expire until December 2010. No idea why they were in that bin, but there they were. I bought 4 because I really really really like that cheese. It's the only exception to my no "pasteurized processed cheese food" rule. LOL!
Now, inside these little treasures, I found another treasure.....a coupon for $1.00 or $1.25 off the purchase of the little mini gouda cheeses. You know, the ones that come wrapped in wax? Yeah, those.
Guess what I found in the clearance bin the other day? Yep, mini gouda cheeses for $1.50 each. Go me! I got 4 of them for less than $3.00 and I still have a couple more coupons!
This excites me. Yes, yes, my life really is *this* boring.
Now back to my love/hate relationship with grocery lists. I plan meals two weeks at a time. Lately, I have zero imagination and even less motivation. I can't seem to figure out *anything* for us to eat. Tristan doesn't like red sauce, fish, or shellfish. His vegetable consumption is limited to canned green beans and raw carrots. He has, however, recently stopped disecting his food, parsing out just *exactly* what's in it like an archeological dig. Alana is at that "vegetarian" stage, so she's not eating much meat. And Shannon is on a gluten-free diet.
Many people subscribe to the "serve what I want and the kids have to suck it up" school of thought. I understand this, however, it just doesn't sit well with me. How would I like it if someone told ME that I must eat something I don't like?! So, I save the spaghetti, salmon, and shrimp for nights when he's not here, which is usually once a week or so.
Throw in the time constraints of busy evenings, plus the fact that 5:00 pm is probably the point at which my energy is at it's lowest. I don't WANT to peel potatoes or make rice or brown this or cook that, thankyouverymuch!
Bruce gets home from work at 6:00 at the earliest. Often I don't start dinner until then, which means we're eating at 7:00, and the kids don't get to bed on time as a result. I've *got* to do something about that, getting dinner on the table earlier, but per the last paragraph, 5:00 means ZERO motivation for me. Really, I want to take a nap!
I'll figure it out, I suppose....and the coupons are calling my name.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
It's Ash Wednesday today. The beginning of Lent, the 40 days (not counting Sundays) before Easter. It's a time for Christians to reflect and prepare for the biggest event of the Christian calendar, Easter. The 40 days is quite Biblical, though there are disageements amongst Biblical scholars as to the absolute truth of the number. Seems, in Biblical times, 40 was a sort of slang for a really long time, like we say "a bazillion," and may or may not have meant exactly *40.* The Jews wandered in the wilderness for 40 years after escaping slavery in Egypt. Jesus went out into the wilderness for 40 days after his baptism, before starting his ministry.
Traditionally Catholics gave up meat and other things during lent, to fast and prepare for the coming Easter events. Over time, that practice has waned, but I think it's an important spiritual discipline so it's one I participate in. This year, I'm giving up junk food, chocolate, soda, and added sugar (yes, I know that soda and chocolate are "junk food" but I'm expanding on my previous years of "just" giving up soda and chocolate...there's a theme here even if I'm the only one who can see it!).
I'm also giving up computer games. So I say goodbye to Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook, after acheiving a score over 400K last week. And I say goodbye to all the fun solitare games and puzzles and so forth on MindJolt through Facebook. Whatever will I do with myself now?
This season is also a time when I get bitten by Spring Fever, despite what the weather is like outside. And Protestants have been pushing the "take on something" rather than the "give up something," so with that in mind, I'm taking on writing and blogging and journaling. I'm saying goodbye to the time-sucking games on this machine and saying hello to yoga and walking and sewing (Easter dresses!) and scrapbooking. I'm turning toward the promised renewal of spring after this winter of rest and hidden growth, hoping that growth will manifest itself outwardly just like the new growth outside.
Traditionally Catholics gave up meat and other things during lent, to fast and prepare for the coming Easter events. Over time, that practice has waned, but I think it's an important spiritual discipline so it's one I participate in. This year, I'm giving up junk food, chocolate, soda, and added sugar (yes, I know that soda and chocolate are "junk food" but I'm expanding on my previous years of "just" giving up soda and chocolate...there's a theme here even if I'm the only one who can see it!).
I'm also giving up computer games. So I say goodbye to Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook, after acheiving a score over 400K last week. And I say goodbye to all the fun solitare games and puzzles and so forth on MindJolt through Facebook. Whatever will I do with myself now?
This season is also a time when I get bitten by Spring Fever, despite what the weather is like outside. And Protestants have been pushing the "take on something" rather than the "give up something," so with that in mind, I'm taking on writing and blogging and journaling. I'm saying goodbye to the time-sucking games on this machine and saying hello to yoga and walking and sewing (Easter dresses!) and scrapbooking. I'm turning toward the promised renewal of spring after this winter of rest and hidden growth, hoping that growth will manifest itself outwardly just like the new growth outside.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tragic news today
A young man at Tristan's school killed himself over the weekend.
There's really no easy way to type that out. It seems so succinct, almost too succint, and yet, it's also precisely what happened, in black and white.
Nathan Flint was his name. He was a 9th grader. Tristan had Jazz band and symphonic band with him. I've seen him many times at concerts. I may have even had him in class a couple of weeks ago when I subbed at the school.
Tristan reacted with shock. I tried to tell him gently, but there really is no way to soften that news. He and his dad were on their way to Scouts, and Tristan did quite a bit of crying over it. He chatted with another adult at church, and by the time he got home, he was back to the macho-man "I'm fine, Mom." *big sigh*
You and I know, from our adult perspective, just how senseless this is. What a horrible waste of a wonderful life. He was a talented guitar player in Jazz band. Clearly, from the reactions I'm seeing in the neighborhood and school, he was cared for, but it would seem that he couldn't see that for his own pain.
My heart breaks today for this young life, taken far too soon, and for his grieving mother, who's now left alone.
I pray that Nathan has found the peace he sought, and that his mother will too.
Here's his obituary from the local paper. Tristan cut it out of my paper this morning before I even got up. I'll be buying another copy of the paper today.
There's really no easy way to type that out. It seems so succinct, almost too succint, and yet, it's also precisely what happened, in black and white.
Nathan Flint was his name. He was a 9th grader. Tristan had Jazz band and symphonic band with him. I've seen him many times at concerts. I may have even had him in class a couple of weeks ago when I subbed at the school.
Tristan reacted with shock. I tried to tell him gently, but there really is no way to soften that news. He and his dad were on their way to Scouts, and Tristan did quite a bit of crying over it. He chatted with another adult at church, and by the time he got home, he was back to the macho-man "I'm fine, Mom." *big sigh*
You and I know, from our adult perspective, just how senseless this is. What a horrible waste of a wonderful life. He was a talented guitar player in Jazz band. Clearly, from the reactions I'm seeing in the neighborhood and school, he was cared for, but it would seem that he couldn't see that for his own pain.
My heart breaks today for this young life, taken far too soon, and for his grieving mother, who's now left alone.
I pray that Nathan has found the peace he sought, and that his mother will too.
Here's his obituary from the local paper. Tristan cut it out of my paper this morning before I even got up. I'll be buying another copy of the paper today.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I've lost my mind!
Completely and totally, I think.
We got a puppy.
She's a purebred chocolate lab named Max and she's about 10 weeks old. She's going to be trained to be a diabetic alert dog for the kids, alerting them (and us) when their sugar drops too low. She's been donated to us by her breeders, complete with AKC papers should we choose to register her. A friend is doing the majority of the obedience training, keeping her during the week and bringing her to us on the weekends. It's a tremendously generous gift, and that, coupled with Shannon's doe-eyes, overrode my objections to yet another animal in the house.
She really is cute, in a funny-looking, too-small-for-her-skin kinda way. But it's like having a baby in the house. She woke us up at 5:30 to go out, and then at 6:30 for good, and you know how much I just LOVE Saturday mornings (not!). I finally dozed off again and heard the carpet cleaner going! Right now, though, she's sleeping at my feet looking as innocent as can be.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Groundhog Day Desserts
Look ma! Two posts in one day! LOL!
Despite my earlier musings about Groundhog day, I decided it was as good an excuse as any to have a little fun with dessert. My dear neighbor was making lettuce wraps and Thai chicken from an alleged Cheesecake Factory recipe and wanted to share. Who am I to turn down free food? She cooked all day and it was YUMMY! And I get it...if you're going to go to all that work, it would be nice to share it with someone who appreciates it, as opposed to the moody teens and preteens that populate both of our houses.
So it was my job to provide the table (my house is bigger), beverages (Brazilian limeade) and dessert. I found this adorable little guy on Family Fun, but really, who are we kidding? Martha Steward, I am not, and that's without the gluten-free issues. 
But that gave me an idea! Remember "Dirt and Worms" with chocolate pudding, crushed Oreo cookies, and gummy worms? I ran with that.
First, though, I had to solve the gluten issue. Oreos are yummy, but they are definitely NOT something Shannon can eat. I thought I'd find some gluten-free cookies like that, but the more I thought about it, the more expensive that got to be. GF prepared foods are not cheap, so I choose carefully if I'm buying them.
In the baking aisle, it hit me! Chocolate! Shaved, chopped, shredded chocolate. Bonus, I already had chocolate chips at home (a side effect of my addiction to clearance shopping).
So, here you go. First I tried my Pampered Chef chopper. But it really didn't work. Probably because the chips were frozen (I thought that would make them more brittle and therefore more breakable. Notsomuch). After pounding forever, all I really had was a mess.
But I was not dissuaded just yet. I've got all manner of Pampered Chef tools, so I knew I had to have something that would do the job. I found this one, designed to shave little pieces of garlic. Turns out, it works pretty well on frozen chocolate chips too! In no time, I had a pile of chocolate shavings (and sore arms--this one you have to press and turn and the chips were still, after all, frozen).
Next, we must make the pudding. I had two different kinds, to serve a total of 12 people. My children, strange beasts that they are, don't like chocolate pudding. So I had some chocolate for the normal people and some vanilla with cholate chips for my odd bunch. I made up the chocolate pudding using what we call a "boing boing." I'm sure it has a more official and kitcheny sounding name, but I grew up calling it that, so there you have it. Descriptive, yes?
Chocolate pudding, check! Poured into little clear cups and awaiting decoration. On to the vanilla/chocolate chip pudding. But wait......this box says just 2 cups of milk where the chocolate box said 3. Sneaky folks at Jello! The boxes are the same size, but the chocolate pudding makes 6 servings, and the fancy pudding only makes 4. There are 11 of us. The math doesn't add up! Uh-oh!
But, once again, my shopping saves the day as I had a smaller package of vanilla pudding hiding in the cupboard. Phew! Crisis averted. (See, look, silly me thought that the same size box would make the same amount of pudding!)
Then it was time to make the sunshines. NO, those are not flowers, shilly people. I was kinda hoping for a "didn't see his shadow/cloudy day" result because I was going to smoosh marshmallows to make clouds. But nope. Sunshine it was.
Seriously, I wandered all over the store tying to come up with an edible (and affordable) sunshine. Dried apricots? Too orange. Maybe some lemon slice candies stuck together? They don't have the gel frosting I wanted to use. Hmmmm.....okay, so how about a gummy peach slice with a gum drop in the middle? That's getting expensive and slightly silly (yes, only slightly). Then I remembered the MOUNTAINS of scrapbooking tools, supplies, and paper I have here at home. Duh!
So here you have the final product. Pudding, with chocolate "dirt," a gummy bear "groundhog," some spring sprinkles because a.) I'm an optimist and they'll be blooming soon, and b.) Phil is often wrong about this whole predicting thing. Topped off with a sunshine on a toothpick.
On Groundhog Day
Okay, really? Really? This tradition has never made much sense to me. I'm sure there's some history I haven't bothered to look up, but still (note to self: find out origins of Groundhogs as weathermen).
First, I read or heard somewhere that people actually decide days ahead of time if the critter is going to see his shadow or not. So much for the creature doing any kind of predicting. Not to mention that he's on the East Coast and he's predicting something for the entire country?
I also read that he's been right about 40% of the time. He's got a 50/50 shot and he's wrong more than half the time. So why are we making a fuss about all of this?
Then there's the whole event. The critter is SLEEPING in his nice warm den, minding his own business, when some dude in a fancy coat and leather gloves reaches in there and pulls him out. And they're surprised when he bites?!
I'm not a groundhog, but my family knows that if they bug me while I'm sleeping and warm on a chilly February day, they're going to get bitten! And I don't even have overgrown teeth to do it with! Sheesh!
First, I read or heard somewhere that people actually decide days ahead of time if the critter is going to see his shadow or not. So much for the creature doing any kind of predicting. Not to mention that he's on the East Coast and he's predicting something for the entire country?
I also read that he's been right about 40% of the time. He's got a 50/50 shot and he's wrong more than half the time. So why are we making a fuss about all of this?
Then there's the whole event. The critter is SLEEPING in his nice warm den, minding his own business, when some dude in a fancy coat and leather gloves reaches in there and pulls him out. And they're surprised when he bites?!
I'm not a groundhog, but my family knows that if they bug me while I'm sleeping and warm on a chilly February day, they're going to get bitten! And I don't even have overgrown teeth to do it with! Sheesh!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Google can be hazardous to my housework
Let's just get this out of the way first.
I HATE JANUARY. There, I said it. New year, new leaf, aside, I really really REALLY despise January. It's cold. More often than not, it's polluted and hazy out there (more of a geographic accident than anything else, but still). I want to pull the covers up over my head and sleep until February 1st. And I probably could use the rest. But, alas, the rest of the world seems to think a month-long hiatus from life is a sign of some mental disorder. Nah. It's just January.
As if the weather weren't bad enough, everyone's running around making resolutions. Now, I'm all for improving oneself, but when I look back at my list of things to accomplish in 2009? Yeah, most of them are carrying over to 2010, and include such things like "catch up on my scrapbooking," "experience a state of fully-rested," "organize the laundry room," and, of course, "lose 20 lbs." That last one was found on a list from 2005 as well. *sigh*
But, I digress (and that's new how?)
You thought I fell off the face of the earth (the 3 of you who read this). Nope. Just fell into January. But it's February now, and I'm back!
Google can be Hazardous to my Housework
You thought I would say FaceBook or some game site, right?
Nope. Google.
It all started innocently enough. My darling middle child wanted to know about the giant coming out of the ground. Took me a minute too. She's referring to The Awakening , a sculpture formerly in Washington DC, but now in Maryland, not far from The District. See Shannon thought it was nearby and wanted to visit it again. Good thing I scrapbook so she'll know the facts of it someday or she'd be wandering around the West looking for a giant metal dude!
So, I googled it because I knew there had been a TON of conversation about the thing. It was only supposed to be in DC for a short time, on display for a sculpture exhibit or whatever. But, it's HUGE, and no one, including the sculptor, would take responsibility for it....at least not publically, so it fell to the National Park Service to deal with something it neither owned nor wanted! It's now been sold and moved and is apparently quite happy in its new MD home.
But, again, I digress.
I spent well over an hour looking at photos of it and finding news articles. I'd like to visit it again someday as I think it's pretty cool, so I'd like to know where it is now.
And that led me to a wonderful blog called "Odd Things I've Seen," or "O. T. I. S." and the afternoon was lost as I perused his wonderful site. It makes it even more entertaining because I, too, have seen some of those odd things, like Seattle's Underground (pleased to hear it's reopened after the Seattle earthquake in 2003) and the Hope Diamond.
This isn't the first time this has happened to me, either. I think "I just need to find out....." and the next thing I know I'm reading page 5 of a travelog (spelled that wrong) about the southwestern US, including Mesa Verde, Hovenweep, and Newspaper Rock!
All the while, the laundry sits in the washer, forlornly wondering if it will ever be dried, and the children will, once again, have to dig for socks in the overflowing sock basket in my bedroom.
*sigh*
So much for my housework-related resolutions.
But, dude, there's some good stuff out there!
I HATE JANUARY. There, I said it. New year, new leaf, aside, I really really REALLY despise January. It's cold. More often than not, it's polluted and hazy out there (more of a geographic accident than anything else, but still). I want to pull the covers up over my head and sleep until February 1st. And I probably could use the rest. But, alas, the rest of the world seems to think a month-long hiatus from life is a sign of some mental disorder. Nah. It's just January.
As if the weather weren't bad enough, everyone's running around making resolutions. Now, I'm all for improving oneself, but when I look back at my list of things to accomplish in 2009? Yeah, most of them are carrying over to 2010, and include such things like "catch up on my scrapbooking," "experience a state of fully-rested," "organize the laundry room," and, of course, "lose 20 lbs." That last one was found on a list from 2005 as well. *sigh*
But, I digress (and that's new how?)
You thought I fell off the face of the earth (the 3 of you who read this). Nope. Just fell into January. But it's February now, and I'm back!
Google can be Hazardous to my Housework
You thought I would say FaceBook or some game site, right?
Nope. Google.
It all started innocently enough. My darling middle child wanted to know about the giant coming out of the ground. Took me a minute too. She's referring to The Awakening , a sculpture formerly in Washington DC, but now in Maryland, not far from The District. See Shannon thought it was nearby and wanted to visit it again. Good thing I scrapbook so she'll know the facts of it someday or she'd be wandering around the West looking for a giant metal dude!
So, I googled it because I knew there had been a TON of conversation about the thing. It was only supposed to be in DC for a short time, on display for a sculpture exhibit or whatever. But, it's HUGE, and no one, including the sculptor, would take responsibility for it....at least not publically, so it fell to the National Park Service to deal with something it neither owned nor wanted! It's now been sold and moved and is apparently quite happy in its new MD home.
But, again, I digress.
I spent well over an hour looking at photos of it and finding news articles. I'd like to visit it again someday as I think it's pretty cool, so I'd like to know where it is now.
And that led me to a wonderful blog called "Odd Things I've Seen," or "O. T. I. S." and the afternoon was lost as I perused his wonderful site. It makes it even more entertaining because I, too, have seen some of those odd things, like Seattle's Underground (pleased to hear it's reopened after the Seattle earthquake in 2003) and the Hope Diamond.
This isn't the first time this has happened to me, either. I think "I just need to find out....." and the next thing I know I'm reading page 5 of a travelog (spelled that wrong) about the southwestern US, including Mesa Verde, Hovenweep, and Newspaper Rock!
All the while, the laundry sits in the washer, forlornly wondering if it will ever be dried, and the children will, once again, have to dig for socks in the overflowing sock basket in my bedroom.
*sigh*
So much for my housework-related resolutions.
But, dude, there's some good stuff out there!
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