Adventures in Mother Land

This summer saw us celebrating my parents' 50th anniversary.  Their anniversary was in July, but since Tristan left for Europe that day, they pushed the celebration to early August.  There was, of course, lots of drama and phone calls and stress and insanity leading up to the event, but really, I'll skip most of that and give you just the highlights.

As a friend said "Honey, you're saner than you have a right to be...."

I designed the invitations for this shindig.  I made 6 different ones, in various styles and colors, including a joking one that said "50 years ago they got hooked," complete with a fish and a fish hook.  Sadly, that was NOT the one they chose.  There were issues with the colors and why does it look like it's going off the page?  And, and, and....but all in all, that part went pretty well.

Except, see, mom wasn't hosting her own party.  That would be rude.  But a note about not bringing gifts was NOT rude and HAD to be on the invitation, despite my being the "hostess" and not wanting it there.  *sigh*  I put it in tiny print at the bottom.

Oh, and the wording....."Mom and Dad appreciate your presence and/or your cards and good wishes.  They request no other gifts please."  So, at least it was coming from THEM, but we had to have the "and/or" because otherwise people might feel obligated or pressured to come and we wouldn't want that.

*sigh*

Then the RSVPs.  My sister and I had already agreed to have just ONE of us handle those--me--for fear of miscommunication and lost RSVPs, double RSVPs and the like.  It just makes sense, right?  Well, mom got all worried that Sis would be upset that I was handling it.  Like we never talk to each other.

As it was, I forgot to put a few people on my list and a few RSVP'd to her rather than me!

*sigh*

So, people started calling and emailing to let me know they were coming, or not.  And then the out of town relatives decided they were coming.

And, as my sister said, "the crazy train left the station!"

See, it never entered my mother's head that people would actually TRAVEL for this.

I kid you not, she never imagined that my aunts and uncles would want to be there.

She really and truly never thought they'd come.

This led to dozens of phone calls about who was staying where and which hotels to direct them to and on and on and on.  And, of course, since *I* was hosting but I don't live there anymore so I didn't have all the information, I was supposed to play this ridiculous telephone game!  Thankfully, that took care of itself because my aunts and uncles called my parents.

But, see, my parents live about 10 miles out of a small town.  A small university town.  Which is 10 miles from another small university town.  These two towns are so small that the universities actively work together to coordinate events like Mom's/Dad's weekend, Homecoming, rivalry games, graduation, move-in weekends, and the like because there is not enough hotel space in these two towns to accommodate out of town folks if they didn't.

And this particular weekend was move-in weekend for one of those universities.  So all the hotels were full to bursting.

PANIC!!!!!

Or not.  LOL!

Sister lives in a bit larger town about 30 miles down the road.  So that's where lots of aunts and uncles stayed instead.  That's also where we wound up having several meals, but I'm getting ahead of myself.....

Relatives.  I love them.  I'm thrilled that so many of them were able to come.  I saw folks I hadn't seen in over a decade.  But now we have to PLAN things.  The reception was from 2-5.  And then we had to have dinner at 7:00 and a brunch the next day at 10.  At first mom wanted all of these at the same place and got rather testy when I suggested perhaps another venue might work.

Eventually, with everyone staying in the farther town, we moved the dinner and brunch to that farther town.  My family took a hotel room for Saturday night so that we could give our kids an escape route.  They'd been on their best behavior, essentially being shown off like China dolls, all through the reception, and now we're supposed to go to dinner with 25 of my closest relatives.  MY relatives.  But these are strangers to my children.

So, after dinner was over and we're all chatting away, I handed the keys to Tristan and he took his sisters back to the hotel to swim and watch movies and such.  When I had mentioned that they might do this, mom got pretty irritated, but I finally decided that I was just going to ignore her irritation and take care of my family myself.

And now I have to go back to cover a few things......

Candy Boxes.  Oh good heavens!  Mom found these fun gold boxes so she bought them and put them together to give out as favors.  She put Hershey's Nuggets in them, the ones wrapped in gold, of course.  And then got a bit irritated because my sister doesn't like chocolate, and chocolate doesn't like me, so neither of us eat it.  Okay, whatever, there will be 70 other people at the party to enjoy the goodies.

Mom wanted these tied with teal ribbon to match her wedding color.  Okay great.

But this is my mother we're talking about, so it's never that simple.

Sis and I were tying them just like you would a package, with a little twist on the bottom, and we were whipping through them.  Mom HATED that.  "But there's a twist on the bottom!  Let me show you how to do it RIGHT!"

Why does it matter mom?

Because WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?

My sister says "They'll think 'Oh how cute!  CANDY!' They won't think 'Oh my goodness!  I can't eat this yummy chocolate because the ribbon was tied wrong!'"

Gotta love my sister.

And later that evening, sister commented that she was glad we'd left the finished favors at the church because mom would've spent that evening "fixing" them.

The Reception.  It went really well, mostly.  We ran out of some of the food and Mom wasn't happy that some of the cake wasn't cut, etc, but no one really noticed.  And if they did, they were too polite to say so.

Setting up for the reception was quite the exercise in patience.  Mom had rounded up lots of photos of them when they were young, wedding pictures, photos of us as children, our weddings, our kids, etc.  But then she had a right fit because the photos were all different sizes and such.  She had to re-frame Sister's wedding photo because it was matted and therefore larger than mine and what would people think?

Read that again.

This is what goes on in my mother's head.

At first, I thought she was worried that Sister and I would interpret things that way, so I made a joke about knowing she always loved Sister best.

But no.

She was worried that her FRIENDS AND FAMILY would see photos and decide that she favored one or the other of us and/or our children based on the size of the photographs and frames.

Really.

I told her she had a shallow bunch of friends who weren't worth worrying about.

Mom re-framed more pictures.

*sigh*

Good child/bad child.  Growing up, I was the "good" one and sister was the "bad" child.  Now, my parents never outright said these things, but it was there.  I was a rule-follower and Sister would ask Why? and test the limits.  I did well in school.  It came naturally to me.  Sister's brain is wired differently.  She learns differently and so she struggled.  I would buy the cheap thing, even when I wanted something else, where Sister would buy the one she really WANTED.  There are things about her personality that I truly envied and now that we're adults, I emulate her in many ways (while still following the rules, of course!  :-D)

This sort of thing is damaging to both children.  Those expectations HURT.  Sister stayed married to a jerk for an extra year because she didn't want to be "the family F* up" again.  I grew into persistent and paralyzing perfectionism.  And it could have destroyed our relationship.

But we've worked our tails off, separately and together, to move beyond that.  We love and appreciate each other for our differences.  She's my biggest fan and cheerleader and the first to tell me I'm being an idiot.  She'll often say "If that's what you want to do, go for it!  What's holding you back?"

I adore her.

But it appears that Mom is still casting us in those roles.  Everywhere we were supposed to be, Mom would chastise Sister about being on time.  She would tell her what time to leave and "don't be late," while commenting to me that Sister is *always* late.

Guess who was late?

Yep.  Mom (and Dad).

Except for the time she made us an hour early.

*sigh*

Grand Canyon Adventures

What an amazing trip!

Tristan wanted to do this trip as a family before he left home, and since that time is growing shorter and shorter, we took Spring Break (first week in April) and did it.  We actually left on Easter Sunday, in the afternoon, after a meal of steak and all the fixings here at the house.

Our first stop was the KOA in Cedar City.  Not a bad little spot, and they have really nice tent sites too (something that is sometimes lacking at RV parks).  It was a bit on the expensive side (about $60), but it would still be far cheaper than a hotel and perhaps more comfortable than one of the Forest Service campgrounds in the area.  We stopped at the Walmart there to get Alana's birthday gifts, and to replace our egg crate pad with a memory foam one.

Shannon took this shot of Alana on the playground at the KOA

It seems you're never too old to want to dig to China

The kids had a great time on the playground at the KOA.  I loved hearing Alana holler "Faster, Tristan, Faster" as he pushed her on the merry-go-round.  For two kids who often seem to hate each other, this was a wonderful first night.

Max, with Shannon, on the ledge at the overlook

 The next day, we headed further south.  The drive was spectacular. It's a barren landscape, but breathtaking too, with the painted desert rising to the east and the views stretching for miles and miles and miles.  We stopped at the Le Fevre lookout on Highway 89 to stretch our legs and get a good look.  

We stopped at Jacob's Lake, the gateway to North Rim (1000 feet higher than South Rim, and closed until at least May 15), and then turned toward South Rim.  Our next stop was Navajo Bridge.  It seems logical that there would be a bridge out here, but this one is pretty special.  It was completed in 1929, opening the way for faster travel between northern Arizona and southern Utah, shortening the travel time and providing vital connections in this region.  For it's era, it's an engineering marvel, and the foot bridge that parallels it was enough to send me scampering to the side to read the historical information and stop at the visitor's center.  The visitor's center, restrooms (pit/vault toilets), picnic tables and surrounding displays were created during the 1930s by the CCC and the WPA.  I find all of this absolutely fascinating, of course!

Alana at Navajo Bridge

Bruce and Shannon peer down at the Colorado River below

We arrived in the park in the early afternoon, and were immediately amazed at the views.  There really are no words to convey the feelings, the vastness, the shifting light and colors.  It's a 5000 foot deep canyon that goes on and on and on.  Tributaries carve out side canyons, leaving buttes and "thrones" and "temples" behind.  Photos don't do it justice, either.  It truly is one of those places you need to see for yourself.  

Shannon and Max

There was so much we could see and do, and we did as much as we could in our time there.  We used the shuttle bus system to get out to many of the viewpoints.  We hiked along the rim, though "hiking" might be stretching it just a bit as the trail is mostly flat and, in many places, paved.  We explored the Tusayan Ruins (Ancestral Puebloan, inhabited a bit earlier than Mesa Verde).  We took an afternoon mule ride, through the forest and out to one of the overlooks (the one that goes down into the canyon took two days and more money than we wanted to spend, especially considering my fear of heights).  We saw a California Condor, elk, deer, various rodent critters, and lots of ravens.  We hiked about a mile down into the canyon, and back out again.  I got quite caught up in all the history of the area and read every plaque they put up, plus all the brochures and more!  There's an active cemetery in the park, and an old Uranium mine (that's now a Superfund site).

One tired puppy dog!
She was quite grateful to be left behind to rest while we went to dinner.

Bruce is officially fired as "Child Safety Officer."
(Though Bruce tells me this photo was staged to scare me)

Abyss Overlook, on our mule ride

Our Mule Ride--Bruce, riding Twinkie, Tristan riding Junky, Shannon riding Blizzard, me riding Marci (who needed a muzzle because she has a tendency to wander off the trail looking for snacks), and Alana astride Tater Tot

I really did go down into the canyon on the Bright Angel Trail

S'mores, Easter-style, with Peeps and small chocolate bunnies

These two bull elk were lying under the trees at Desert View, near the Watchtower, and less than 10 yards off the paved trail.  Some people never even noticed them, and Max didn't really know they were there, but they sure knew she was nearby!

Alana at Powell Point, where we took a break for lunch one day

We decided this rock looked like a lion

Hermit's Rest, at the end of the road.  

One of the films at the Visitor's Center was shown on this spherical screen

Alana is now a Grand Canyon Junior Ranger!

Quick Fly-By

(In order to get the full effect of this post, you must read it out loud, very fast, barely stopping to take a breath.  Serious stream-of-consciousness ahead) 

 

Remember that time when I said "I'm sorry, but I won't be available to volunteer," and the person said "Yes, you will because I said so," and I said "Yes?"

 

Yeah, me neither.  LOL!

 

The Buffalo BBQ is this weekend.  My parents will be in town this weekend.  So, I told the lady in charge of volunteers that I wouldn't be able to help out this year (like I have for the last *5*).  Her response?

"Well, that's not a good enough excuse.  You can still come.  You WILL be here to work a shift."

"I'm sorry.  I won't be able to help this year."

 

"Yes, you will.  That's not a good enough excuse.  I expect you to be there."

 

Well, I won't be.  

 

She kept pushing too, telling me that it wasn't a good enough excuse and I would, in fact, work a shift and that's all there is to it.

 

Really?  You think so, do you?!

 

Oh, well....all righty then.  NOT!

 

Totally got my back up and pushed some serious stubborn buttons and I'll be there when HE!! freezes over.  But I was polite.  I told her she was welcome to put me on the schedule, but I would NOT be there.  

 

Who the HE!! does she think she is?!  SHE gets to decide that a) I need an excuse, b) said excuse isn't good enough, so c) I WILL be there?!  Funny, last time I checked, I was a grown-up who didn't answer to YOU!

 

And that has further cemented that I'm done with this fundraiser for good.  It's for Boy Scouts and Tristan's pretty much quit, so I was debating about whether this year or next year would be my last year.  Guess what?  LAST year was my last year!  ROFL!

 

Oh, and my parents are coming and my mother is already driving me crazy.  At least I'm giving my sister a break, right?

 

We're getting new siding, so my house looks like it fell out of the ghetto.  Inside isn't much better since I've had to remove everything from the walls to keep it from being forcefully knocked down.  Yeah, those 5 spoon cases and the mirrors by the door?  UGLY empty spots right now.  And probably will be that way until Monday or Tuesday of next week.  

 

We also put a window in the laundry room.  Yay!  

 

But, that means we took down the shelves (and everything on them) and it's in bins wandering randomly through the house until the shelves are rehung.  Probably not until next week since the guy needs to put the trim up around the window on the inside.  *sigh*

 

However, I get new siding and we've replaced the bay window with double-hung so they OPEN to let in a breeze!  WOOHOO!  

 

MIL is still dying.  I wish she'd schedule it so I can make plans.  That sounds terrible, but there it is.  FIL does NOT want to let her go and I'm rather impatient about that, but then, I haven't been married to her for 59 years (thank GOD!).  Okay, I'm really not in a good place about all of this.  He keeps trying different treatments and I really wonder to what end?  She's 86.  Death is the natural, inevitable conclusion to our spin around this planet.  Let her die with some dignity.  Or maybe that's what he's trying to do?  If they can push the cancer back enough to let her leg heal, then she can go home to die?  Maybe?  I don't know and my attitude about it is awful, so I'm keeping my mouth shut.

 

All of the sisters have been out to see her now, including the oldest who last visited the West for our wedding.  In 1994.  No, I'm not kidding.  The brothers are making plans, though the oldest is procrastinating, wanting to wait until MIL is home/feeling better, which isn't likely at this point.  We've offered a plane ticket to SLC and then Bruce would drive him from there, but he hasn't made any definite plans as of yet.  

 

Kids are busy with end of year stuff.  Alana has her UpWithKids performances next week (the reason my parents are coming).  The Tuesday performance just happens to be at the exact time of her CRT tests.  *groan*  I'd have her skip the play, but it's the whole reason my parents are coming, so she'll just have to make up the tests.  I'm trying not to feel too horribly guilty about that.  

 

The older kids are busy with Bell Choir stuff, and AP studying and band/orchestra festivals and dutch oven cook-offs and such.  I'm subbing where I can and aching to do some real crafting stuff, while never finding the time (in between harvesting virtual crops).  *rolling eyes*  

 

I want to learn to make corsages.  Flowers for Sr Ball cost me $38!  Some of that was because it was the same weekend as National Scrapbook Day (oh, and CM is back in Ch 11 Bankruptcy) so I really didn't have time to do them myself, but I really would like to learn as it doesn't seem *that* hard, kwim?  

This post is seriously scattered, but then....so am I!  HA!  

 

And I didn't thaw anything out for dinner.  I'm thinking take out sounds really good right about now, though I need to run it by Bruce.

 

L-3 laid off nearly 200 employees (thank you Congress!).  Thankfully, Bruce wasn't one of them (and probably won't be unless they're closing completely), but it makes him nervous and stresses him out.  Add in his maternal angst, and his dislike of disarray and he's testy lately.

 

Okay.  Dinner.  Must figure out how to do dinner without breaking the bank.  

 

And another load of laundry so I have an excuse to watch NCIS-LA tonight while I fold.  

And the drama train continues.....

As I mentioned in my previous post, MIL's health is failing. 

She broke a hip a few weeks ago.  During the surgery, they discovered bone cancer.  It is also in her stomach and the lymph nodes.  I strongly suspect that it started in the stomach, but who knows?  FIL has opted for a round of chemotherapy because MIL can't come home until the break heals and it won't heal while the cancer is still there.  While this is probably not a choice I would make, I understand why he did, and I don't think there's anything "wrong" with it.

Enter the family and all of their opinions.  One SIL, the one who's married to the PITB-Presbyterian-Minister-BIL, has decided that FIL is verging on incompetent.  I need to back up just a bit and tell you about this family.  They live about 12 hours away from the Outlaws.  PITB BIL's mother lives about 2 hours from the Outlaws and 1 hour from us.  This family has visited PITB BIL's mother without calling us or the Outlaws on more than one occasion.  They probably see the Outlaws once a year, but complain about how the family doesn't make efforts to see them or stay connected.  Apparently that road is supposed to go one way--TO them.  It is especially hurtful to us because we HAVE made the effort to see them, and they still snub us when they visit BIL's mother. 

This SIL (PW SIL) came out to see her parents this week.  She seemed convinced that MIL is on her deathbed.  DH and I believe that MIL is dying, but probably not for a few months at least.   PW SIL has also decided that FIL may not be competent to care for MIL and make decisions for her.  She's basing this on two things.  First, FIL doesn't know what stage MIL's cancer is in.  I don't know that it matters once it's in the lymph nodes.  The doctor may not have told him.  He might not have asked.  So what? 

The second reason she states for FIL's incompetence is that he's "in denial" about MIL's condition.  He is still planning for her to come home.  We don't believe she ever will, but this is a process.  To me, it's analogous to not really seeing how much your own child has grown because it happens so gradually, but when you see someone else's child you're astonished by how tall they are.  FIL hasn't seen how much MIL is deteriorating because it's happened gradually over the last couple of years. PW SIL says "He's in denial and WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.  I'm a pastor's wife.  I see this all the time."  Yeah, okay sweetie. 

And there's the emotional part of this too.  The Outlaws have been married for over 60 years and FIL has been taking care of MIL for decades, really.  He's not ready to think about her not calling home, but he's a rational, reasonable man, so he'll get there.  He's doing the best he can and he's doing a pretty decent job under these difficult circumstances.

DH and I both said "Good luck with that conversation" to PWSIL.  That's not going to go well.  To make matters even more interesting, PITB BIL is arriving today.  He sees himself as a spiritual leader and expert and we should all listen to whatever he has to say, follow his advice, and live our lives the way he tells us to.  You can imagine what we think of that!  LOL!  He treats FIL with the same paternal arrogance. 

I'm popping the popcorn for this. 

She's ba-ack!

I know it's been, like, forever, ya know? 

(Okay, okay...no more channeling my inner Valley Girl)

I keep meaning to post and then I get side-tracked and I just never get here.  I have, however, made lots of little lists of things I want to write about and share and I'll get to them, I promise.

First, Lent.

It began last Wednesday, February 13th.  Yes, the day before Valentine's Day.  So, no, I have not had any Valentine chocolates.  And I won't until Easter.

Like years past, I've given up all junk food and all computer games.  Well, almost all.  Wine is not junk food.  Beer is.  Don't ask me why I think that way.  Maybe it's the carbonation?  And Words With Friends is, technically, both a computer game and a phone game, plus it's interactive, so I'm still playing it.  On my phone. 

The junk food has been relatively easy.  Every now and then I want something crunchy, but it's not in the house, so I have to make do.  I don't usually have chips in the house anyway, except the occasional bag of plain corn chips, so it hasn't been too challenging.  Same goes for candy.  I've had moments, like the Valentine party last week, where it might have been nice to pop a few M&Ms in my mouth, but then I got busy leading the activity and the feeling passed.

Computer games, however, are a completely different animal.  I have discovered that I have virtually NO self-control with them.  Zero.

There is a school of thought, backed by folks way more educated in said matters than I, that says that Sundays are like mini-Easters and, therefore, one can indulge on Sundays during Lent.  This is backed up by the way Lent is figured.  It's the 40 days before Easter, not counting Sundays. 

Now, I should know better.  I really should know myself a bit better by now, but I "allowed" myself to play some computer games on Sunday.  And I played and played and played.  I planted and harvested my virtual crops on FarmVille, and I fired off all those little bubbles on Bubble Safari.  I even cleared a few levels!  I worried that my friends would surpass me in FarmVille, getting to the next levels way ahead of me. 

And the next thing I knew, two hours had passed.  My back ached from sitting in the chair.  My foot was asleep, and there were two dirty bowls and a glass next to my laptop, since I couldn't be bothered to eat anywhere else. 

To add insult to injury, then I had to go through withdrawal again yesterday!  I got up and I automatically went to my games on Facebook.  Whoops! 

This, friends, is why I do this in the first place.  I really need these few weeks to reset myself as Spring approaches.  And this year, I think I need it more than ever.  The seasonal depression has been worse than ever, leaving me struggling to get out of bed and do even the most basic of care-taking.  I eat crap and play games all day in my PJ pants, finally getting dressed just before it's time to get the kids from school.  Obviously, this isn't good for anyone.  I hate it, but lack the will and motivation to do anything about it.  That's depression for you, in it's purest, most insidious form. 

Lent, in spite of it's deprivation and seriousness, is a sign that winter WILL lose it's grip on us eventually.  Spring WILL come.  And changing a few things in my life as I wait so impatiently for that renewal helps give me a jolt, a startle perhaps.  I have to find things to do to entertain myself.  Sure, I could wind up on the couch watching TV for hours, but that gets old after a day or two and I move on to something more productive.

Last week, between Wednesday and Friday, I read two books!  Granted, they were young adult fiction (Peter and the Starcatchers series), but I read instead of playing mindless games.  So far, there's no weight loss to show for the 'no junk' thing, but that's okay.  I did discover that my clothes do, in fact, weigh 2 pounds.  LOL! 

Now I'm back on the program, working to resist clicking that Bubble Safari link (I LOVE THAT GAME!) and I'm back to blogging.  Yay me!