May 25, 2011 · 12:34 am

On Being Careful

A couple of months ago I was given a new job opportunity that has greatly increased my responsibilities and profile at work.  Around that same time I ran into an old friend at the gym.  This guy and I were in the same singles ward about 8 years ago.  He is around my age, still single, educated, has a decent job, and is an overall nice and quality guy. (I will stop you right now and let you know that he nor I are interested in each other.  Besides him being too short for me, it just isn’t like that between us.)

Anyway, we ran into each other and were talking for a couple minutes about our lives.  I mentioned my new job and instead of saying “congratulations” or “that’s awesome” he says:  “Be careful.”

What?!!?

He follows that up with “you don’t want to end up like (insert name of famous well-loved successful but single Mormon woman).  We want you married sooner rather than later.”

I wish I had a super smart comeback to say to him but instead I froze up and think I said something like, “don’t worry, I’m good at work/life balance.”  His comment nagged at me all night and I have thought about it many times since.  First off I was offended on behalf of (famous well-loved successful but single Mormon woman) whose name gets used all too often as a cautionary tale.  As if we can presume to know that she “choose” her super successful career over marriage–and then stand in judgment over her.  It is unfair and unkind.

Then I started thinking about the implications of what he was saying.  Inferring that being a successful woman in the workplace diminishes my opportunities to get married.  I have heard the statistics (although I have no idea if the statistics are real or not but I have heard them) that the more educated a woman is the less likely she is to marry.  I have heard the same kind of sentiment expressed about successful working women.  What I don’t really know…is it true?

I assume these statistics/assumptions stem from women who have pushed off marriage and children in order to climb the corporate ladder.  But honestly, I don’t know too many that fall into that category.  I know plenty of single women that are working, doing well in their careers, getting promoted, and enjoying what they do but most are still actively hoping and seeking a relationship that will end in marriage and motherhood.   And before that future is realized (if it is ever realized) what are we supposed to do in the mean time anyway?

I am just so baffled.  I realize my friend’s problem isn’t with me having a job.  Is it that I’m doing well at it?  I would think a guy would be thrilled to date a woman who is doing well in her career.  Right?  I mean, think of the 401K she has already started!  The down-payment their combined incomes could procure!

Is it an ego thing?  I know some men worry they can’t provide a woman what her Dad provided for her family so is worrying that he can’t provide what SHE can an extension of that insecurity?  Is it that a man needs to feel needed so is more attracted to the kind of women who, well, need him more?  It is true that I don’t “need” a man to financially provide for me.  But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to have one to rely on.  And to take my car in to be serviced.  And do anything that requires advanced power tools.  (See, I’m needy!)

I just don’t know about this subject.  It is easy for me to excuse his comments as ridiculous and to exclaim that any guy who has a problem with or is intimidated by my success isn’t the right guy but it still troubles me.  Is is possible for the career you didn’t choose to prevent you from having the life you’d choose in an instant (if the right opportunity presented itself)?  Deep down I just don’t believe this to be true.  I can’t believe it.  I do suspect however that all the presumptions and prejudices we develop around jobs, circumstances, appearance, etc. just make it that much harder to find the right person.  To be fair, I am not innocent of making unfair judgments about, for example,  never married guys in their late 30’s/early 40’s.  I automatically assume they are commitment-phobic or socially challenged.  Yeah, not fair–true sometimes–but still, not fair.

So, friend from the gym, maybe I do need to be careful.  But so do you.  I suspect no matter what our circumstance, it would behoove us to be a little more careful with our judgments and assumptions. Also, about your problem with successful women…get over it.

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May 23, 2011 · 8:32 pm

The Plan

In recent months I have learned something about myself.  To accomplish some goals, I must have a hook.  Specifically I am talking about the kinds of goals that I want to achieve…but don’t really want to do.  Like losing weight.  Or dating.

Both of these accomplishments are hard and uncomfortable.  Both require a significant amount of effort on my part.  And in order for me to make either happen, it really helps to have some kind of incentive motivating me.  I like having a plan (if I need solitary motivation) or a challenge (if I can wrangle someone else into my plan with me.)  I like rewards and breaking goals down into small trackable steps.  I like creating elaborate spreadsheets to report on my success and to keep myself on track.

This blog was born out of a “plan”.  I knew I needed to drum up some motivation to get myself excited about online dating.  I thought writing about my journey would give me added incentive and at the same time provide support and accountability.  Like with all of my “plans” it worked…for about 2-3 months.  Sadly, I can’t live off of plan-based motivation forever.  If, after the initial months, my own natural motivation and excitement doesn’t kick in, it is really hard for me to continue.

The silence on this blog is telling of the lack of motivation I’ve been feeling lately.  Work has taken over a lot of my energy but there have been several times in the last couple months where I’ve had gentle but clear reminders that I need to be dating.  But as I have said on this blog before, in my world right now there are only two ways I date: set-ups and online.  Both require significant effort and I just haven’t been able to wrangle the motivation to make it happen.  That is until now.  Folks, I have a plan. (Actually, it’s a challenge.  Read on…)

A friend of mine has also felt a desire to put herself in a position to date but like me has been dragging her feet.  So we came up with a plan/challenge together.  We both join an online dating site and earn points for our level of activity on the site.  We get points for the first communication, a little more if we are the initiator of the communication, points for emailing, and big points for dates.  She decided to do eharmony and although I was not at all successful on eharmony when I tried it last year I am willing to give it another go.  Why not right?  Whoever gets the least points at the end of the 3 months will have to pay for the winner’s membership to eharmony.

Sounds fun right?  Should I figure out a way to get motivated without requiring a highly conceptualized challenge?  Sure.  But for now I am just sticking with what works.  I’ll make sure to report in my point totals here.  And, of course, I promise to share any great stories with you too.  Stay tuned.

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December 30, 2010 · 6:04 pm

March 12th

I didn’t intend to take a blog break but the past few months have been a little crazy for me and there hasn’t been much excess time for blogging (or for accumulating the kinds of stories I tend to blog about here.)  I have just been busy with work, with travel, and with the holidays.  All good excuses to be single-minded (pun intended) but as the new year creeps toward me I am reminded of some goals I put on the back-burner for the past couple months.

I have learned with goals that I need motivation.  I need a reward or something to work toward.  It is why the whole “number 3 will be the one” concept worked for me.  Obviously that didn’t turn out as my friend Laurel predicted (although she is now arguing that she really meant it was the number 3 guy I “dated”–meaning more than one date–in which case I still have numbers 2 and 3 to go).

This week a friend of mine at work got engaged and when we were chatting about her reception I jokingly asked if I could bring a date.  I never bring dates to weddings because, well, I don’t know why.  You are probably going to laugh at this but it feels serious somehow.  Like I am inviting friends or family members in to see who I am spending time with and to make judgment calls on if the guy is good enough or right for me.  I don’t like the pressure.  But you know, maybe a little pressure would be good for me.

So in talking with my engaged friend I decided to seriously take on the challenge.  March 12th is the date of her reception and I will bring a date to it.  It can’t be a friend or a cousin pretending to be my date (besides, they are all married and that would just be weird).  It has to be a legitimate date.  And not a first date either.  He doesn’t have to be my boyfriend or anything but it is preferred that he is someone I am choosing to be out with and not someone I randomly ask the day before just so I have a warm body standing next to me.

So there you go.  I thought I would let you in on my plan since if I didn’t I wouldn’t hold myself accountable.  I will probably go back to online dating in the next few weeks but if any of you have someone you are dying to set me up with then now is the time.  Good plan?  Good.  2011, I am ready for you now.

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November 27, 2010 · 6:06 pm

Blind Dating

These days it is kind of hard to have a truly blind date.  The age of the internet has changed everything and I am not sure it is for the better.  In my experience, most single people (men and women) are hesitant to accept a blind date without first checking them out online first.  A google search used to be standard but nowadays facebook is where it is at.  You can look up their profile, check out what pictures you can get access to, see how many friends they have (and see if you have any in common), see what they “like”, and on the off-chance you have access to their wall–take a gander at the kinds of things they say and are interested in.

I have known men and women who will or won’t go out with someone based on their facebook profile.  Maybe the picture doesn’t speak to them or they think they have too few (or too many) friends.  It is really easy to make quick judgments on people and super easy to dismiss them–often for superficial reasons.  And yet at the same time it is nice to not have to go into a blind date completely cold.  To have an idea of what you are getting into and to temper your expectations.

So yeah, these days it is rare to have a completely blind date.  From time to time though, they still happen.  Case in point, number 3.  He was a true blind date.  I tried to look him up on facebook but he wasn’t there (turns out I was spelling his name wrong) and we only talked on the phone for about 10 minutes before he set up our date.  I really had no idea what to expect.  Add to that the anticipation of him being guy number 3 (who as you may remember was supposed to be “the one”) and this date started to remind me of back in the day when I used to go on true blind dates all the time and experienced the excitement of the unknown. Up until the guy knocks on your door he can be anyone as you have no basis to form your opinion yet.

Number 3 turned out to be great.  Very friendly and nice.  He was shorter and slight which is never a good combo for me physically but he was not unattractive.  Regardless of that though, it was pretty clear that neither of us was into the other one romantically.  As far as blind dates go it was a good one as I didn’t end it either hoping he would call me again or worried he would call me again–I knew I wouldn’t hear from him again and that was how I wanted it too.  So it was good even if he was not the guy after all.

In this case the blind date was easy (although not fruitful) but I get why people don’t love to go on them.  You have to get used to rejection when you go on a lot of set-ups.  It is hard to not let it get to you even when the guy is no one you want either.  It is SO much better to have a conventional situation where you meet someone in real life, you exchange pleasantries/are attracted/become friends, and then an invitation to go out is extended.  I haven’t run a survey or anything but I am willing to bet the success rate on relationships started that way are much higher than set-ups or online dating.  In my life now however, this doesn’t happen all that much–not that it happened tons before.  I am just not around a lot of single men so I have to rely on set-ups or online dating if I want to get “out there”.

I prefer set-ups to online dating because at least you have a real life connection in the form of a friend, family member, or co-worker.  But it is hard to rely on set-ups because, well, people are really bad at them.  I get a lot of people who say they want to set me up, a smaller number than that who actually think of a person they want to set me up with, a much smaller number who will then give my information to the guy, and a very very small percentage of that who will follow-up to make sure the set-up actually happens.  Being a matchmaker really does take some work and most people just don’t have the time or inclination to follow through.  So in my experience, they rarely happen which makes me think I should go online again.  Does it always have to come back to that?

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October 15, 2010 · 8:22 pm

A night out with my past, part 3

To catch up on the whole story, start with part 1 and part 2.

This was all many, many years ago (like 10-15 years I’m talking.)  Fast forward to now…

B. and I reconnected on facebook a couple of months ago.  I had heard over the last few years that he divorced and was having some struggles but I didn’t know what his current status was.  I found out he was living in a town I happened to be passing through that weekend (another coincidence!) and so we made plans to meet up and reconnect.  The whole day leading up to our meeting was comical.  I was very nervy.  I hadn’t seen him in at least 10 years.  What would he be like?  Would we have anything to say to each other?  What will he think of me?

So we met…and in many ways, it was great.  He looked good and we were immediately comfortable with each other and had a natural and great conversation right away.  It was comforting to realize I didn’t make up the connection we had–it was there as it always was.  It was so great to catch up but also a little sad too.  We no longer believe a lot of the same things or have the same lifestyle as he has taken his life down a different path spiritually.  In many ways it was hard because the energy and life force I remember him having wasn’t as strong.  The man I had always referred to as “the one that got away” didn’t become who I thought he would.  The image in my head of the life we could have had together was altered and I saw things a little more clearly.

I met him because I wanted a do over.  I have always wished for a redo of certain situations or even years of my life and while one night out with the past is not a redo at the very least it can provide a different ending.  Ultimately, I think my main goal for the night was to show him how awesome I turned out.  Based on some things he said at the restaurant, I am not sure I ever had to prove that–I think he always did think I was awesome.

Upon further reflection, I believe this night was less about proving anything to him, him being the same, or some romantic notion of a lost love restored (although what a great story that would be!) and way more about what I needed to learn.

  • That my past as well as the people from it are colored by my flawed impressions and memory.
  • That the me of now is not fundamentally different than the me of 15 years ago, I just see myself a little more clearly now.
  • There is no need for me to regret the past or wish things had gone differently.
  • I am better now because of who I was then but that doesn’t mean who I was then wasn’t pretty great.
  • Finally, I can choose to not give power to past experiences or failures–they don’t have to determine my future.

I would be lying if I said I hadn’t ever thought I missed the boat, that I missed out on certain blessings because of my choices.  My vivid recollection of my interactions with B are indicative of how I saw that relationship–something I could have had “if only”.  If only I was the better version of me then I would be happily married to the man of my dreams, probably with some awesome children running around.  That is a hard burden to carry but I have felt it for many years with this and some other relationships I’ve had.  I have been dumb, scared, insecure, air-headed, hasty, stupid, and weak.  But more and more, I believe in a God that is not holding these things against me.  Who would never deny me the desires of my heart because of my inexperience or weakness.  Sometimes it just takes a little time, perspective, and a night out with my past to know it for sure.

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October 14, 2010 · 9:05 pm

A night out with my past, part 2

(In case you missed it, read part 1 here.)

That fall semester was B’s last.  My feelings for him remained unchanged but we had no more direct communication.  He graduated and moved away.  5 months later my roommate ran into him at church as she was in the same city as him for the summer.  He flipped through her planner and there was a picture of me in there.  He pointed this out to her and she asked “what ever happened with you two? I always thought you made a cute couple.”  As she recounted to me, he acted a little put out and said he didn’t want to talk about it and besides “she never called me.”  When my roommate told me about this exchange, you can imagine how I felt.  I had convinced myself that he just didn’t like me.

A year and a half passed before I saw B again.  In that time I thought about him often.  I think I liked him more than was healthy for the amount of time we had actually spent together.  I had built him up to be some sort of super-human guy that I  let slip through my fingers.  After graduation I moved across the country.  One Sunday I was sitting in church and noticed a familiar face at the sacrament table.  Turns out, B started grad school in my new city.  I approached him after church, he asked for my number, called me that weekend, and just like that we picked up where we left off.  I was elated.  OBVIOUSLY we were meant to be right?  Think of all the coincidences and chances.  I just knew I had found my guy.

Well, judging by the existence of this blog you all know things didn’t turn out exactly as I thought. Over the course of the next year, we went through periods where we would go on dates but the flow of our dating was always interrupted by something.  We never developed into a couple.  He liked me enough to keep asking me and I liked him so much that ultimately I found it difficult to deal with him as an equal.  I was young and insecure and I constantly second guessed his interest in me.   The other girls he dated or even just talked to were older and sophisticated and beautiful and I was jealous and felt like I couldn’t measure up.  It has always been a frustrating experience for me to look back on because I realize now how silly I was–how much time I wasted and how little I understood about how the world works.

Despite the fact that our relationship never developed into anything serious, I still felt really strongly about him. I remember one time when I saw him again after he was away for a couple of months.  I saw him out of the corner of my eye at church and I physically shook for 20 minutes with nerves and excitement.  So yeah, I loved B.

I remember the last date we ever had.  I remember being on this date thinking this was the date – I needed to make something happen.  I remember us sitting down and trying to have a deeper conversation but for whatever reason I couldn’t feel comfortable.  I think it was a mix of insecurity, inexperience, and intimidation but I just couldn’t connect the way we did in the beginning–back when I didn’t care so much.  When the date was over I remember thinking I blew it and thought it might be the last time.  That same week he started dating a stunningly beautiful new girl from church.  They dated for two years.  He didn’t marry her but did get married to the next girl he dated.

Ultimately I was happy for him and had hope for him and his life but always felt like he missed the boat with me…actually scratch that, I always felt like I missed the boat on him.  If only I had been more confident, prettier, smarter, skinnier…

To be concluded in part 3…

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October 13, 2010 · 3:13 pm

A night out with my past, part 1

In my second post on this blog I alluded to B, the guy I wrote the detailed journal about–the one I thought I was meant to be with.  Well, during my blog absence I had an unexpected interaction with B that I of course want to share but perhaps it is best preceded by a little trip down memory lane…(FYI: this story is so long–can’t help myself–so I am breaking it up into 3 parts.)

I didn’t love B the first time I met him.  In fact, I thought he seemed a little arrogant.  (I am aware this sounds like the set up to a romantic comedy but it is the truth.)  We were set up the summer before my junior year of college and at the time he called me, I had just started “hanging out” with an old friend of my roommate, we will call him John.  Roommate decided John and I should date as we were both tall and…well, that was pretty much it.  John and I didn’t have much in common but he was cute and started paying attention to me when he came over so he was someone fun for me to think about.  I was never very good at the whole dating lots of people at the same time thing (still am not) and am pretty loyal in my affections so when B. called me on the phone to introduce himself, I wasn’t really feeling it.  But as I wasn’t really dating John (unless you counted me paying for Taco Time one night as a date) I couldn’t justify putting B off.  While on the phone we discovered that he lived really close to me…like next door.  He had just moved in so that is why we hadn’t met before but it was kind of a crazy coincidence.  We got off the phone and he walked over so we could meet in person.

Like I said, upon first meeting I wasn’t sure what to make of him.  He was loud and opinionated.  He felt really strongly about a R&B artist that I couldn’t stand and we had a nice long debate about that.  That night he asked me out for the weekend.  A couple of days before our first date he dropped by again to see me and we played a rousing game of Therapy with the other visitors to the house that night.  Our first date was a Saturday.  On Friday night John and I got together and he kissed me for the first time.  In fact, it was my first time not just with him but EVER.  Yeah.  So that is the set up to my first date with B.  I was very confused.  What did the kiss mean?  Am I exclusively dating John now?  Is this how normal people date or am I turning into a hussy?

My first date with B was fun.  Really fun actually which made me feel more confused and guilty.  I spent the next 3 weeks hanging out with John and going on dates with B.  My loyalty was first with John and I even broke a date with B once in order to watch basketball at John’s house (have never done anything like that before or since.)  Thankfully (although a little late) I started to see more clearly.  I liked John but he and I had our best times when we were with my roommate–alone we didn’t have much to say to each other.  B on the other hand was quality.  He had an energy about life, we had great conversations, and he seemed to like me.  Slowly my thoughts turned towards B and I realized I liked him.  A lot.  I knew I needed to break things off with John.

John and I “broke up” late one night after a party at my house.  I asked him to talk and so we went outside.  He put both of his arms around my neck and so as we were breaking things off we stood outside my house standing close and basically embracing.  Did I mention B lived next door?  In the middle of John and my discussion, I saw a car pull into the driveway next door.  I suspected whose car it was and my stomach dropped.  Coincidentally (or not so as I am inferring) B stopped calling me and asking me out after that night.

I was devastated.  Being the relationship newbie idiot that I was, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything to fix the situation and show interest in him.  To this point he had initiated every call, drop-by, or date.  The only time I had instigated anything was the time I went over to his house to tell him that I couldn’t make our date that night (thanks to that last-minute invite to basketball night at John’s.)  My roommates and all their boyfriends begged and pleaded with me to do something to show him interest but I just couldn’t bring myself to.  Fear of rejection has always been a very strong motivator/trial for me.

A few weeks later I got home from a roadtrip and in HUGE letters on our community white board my roommate had written: “B came by on Sunday.  He made his move now it is time to make yours.”  I couldn’t believe it.  These kind of things didn’t happen to me.  The next night I tried to steady my nerves (if you can’t tell, by this point my interest in him had grown to epic proportions) and sat by the phone attempting to dial his number.  It took me two hours to call.  (I am hoping that by sharing these details you will find my youthful nerves charming and not pitiable.)  He answered and we talked on the phone for about an hour.  It was an interesting call.  I assumed by initiating the call (even though technically it was in response to him dropping by) my job was done and I expected him to pick up the ball and run with it.  He didn’t.  He mentioned a couple of movies he wanted to see.  I thought he would ask me to see them, looking back I think he wanted me to suggest we see them.  But I said nothing about getting together and he said nothing about getting together and we ended the phone call without any plans to further our relationship.

To be continued in Part 2…

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October 12, 2010 · 5:45 pm

Oh. hello.

I know, I know.  I have heard from many of you that I have been slacking on this blog.  The past couple months I have been dealing with a lack of inspiration in several areas of my life which has bled into my personal one as well.  I think I got a little burnt out.  I know I got burnt out from the online dating thing.  It takes a lot of energy and I wasn’t feeling like I had that energy to give it anymore.  So I took a break.  I didn’t mean to take a break from this blog but that is just the way things worked out.  Forgive me?

There is not a whole lot to get caught up on.  I am still in contact with Slater.  He is out-of-state and we are both very busy so we don’t talk often.  I think he is a super quality guy but don’t have a lot of hope for that relationship.  I just think long distance is really, really hard especially if you don’t have a strong foundation to build on.

I still haven’t gone out with number 3, although that will be amended this week as I have a blind date in a couple of days–when do you think I should let him know he is the one? 🙂

I keep debating if I should go back online or not.  I came really close to signing up for a new service but got put off by the fact that it makes you choose your level of attractiveness.  Want to know the options?  Average looking, Good looking, Very Good looking, Stunning looking.  This is after you have to select your body type which is really just a nice way of asking how chubby you are.  I started to feel a little queasy and just couldn’t finalize the sign-up.

I am wondering if now is the time for me to work some other angles.  Set-ups being the main angle.  I have a few in the works which doesn’t mean they will happen but it is something.  I would love to find a way to go out into the real world and meet people to date but as I have expressed before, that is getting harder and harder.  All this to say though, I am back–I am thinking and trying and going to get myself back out there.  So stay tuned.

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August 3, 2010 · 11:10 pm

Number 2

I went out with number 2 about 3 weeks ago.  We will call him Slater as his voice has a Christian Slater-like quality to it.  Yeah, Slater works.

So Slater and I met.  I admit to getting a little nervous/excited by the time our date rolled around due to some great email exchanges and fun text messaging the week before.  We talked on the phone the night before our date for several hours and seemed to have a good rapport.  Meeting him for the first time took a little adjustment because I had gotten used to how he looked in my head and so having to adjust that to how someone actually looks can be strange.  My first impression was that he is not my typical physical type.  I usually go for tall and dark-haired and a little Mr. Darcy-esqe.  But there is so much more that contributes to physical attraction for me so I decided to reserve judgment until I really got a feel for who this guy is.

We had a fun date.  He is an engaging guy and is studying to work in an interesting field so there was plenty to talk about.  He is good at raising interesting conversation topics and asking questions which I appreciate. There was one troubling thing I learned about him though: He is considering dabbling in vegetarianism.  I don’t have a problem with the vegis but how can I date someone with no interest in, say, steak?

Seriously though, overall I would say the big negative about him is he lives out-of-state.  This is not a deal breaker or anything but it certainly is a stumbling block.

So Slater and I had a good first date and we have seen each other twice since.  He is leaving town for a week and then will be back here for a couple of days before he goes back to the state he lives in.  My guess is I will see him once more before he heads back to his life.  I have waited to write about him because I just didn’t know what I thought about the whole thing.  I have recently decided I like him.  I don’t know if it will develop into anything more but for now it is nice to date a good, interesting guy and so I will keep doing so until I feel it is not right.  We haven’t at all talked about the long distance thing and I am very curious to see how that plays out.  I have no idea what he is thinking in that regard.  Maybe he is just a nice interlude for the summer to remind me that good, interesting guys still exist and to set me up to meet number 3.  Who really knows what will happen.  I guess that is the fun of it all right?

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July 9, 2010 · 8:31 pm

Decision time

So I had to make a decision.  The 3 months I had paid and committed to were up on the online dating sites and if I wanted to continue I would have to fork over more money.  eHarmony was a no brainer–CLOSE.  I didn’t communicate with a single match the whole time I was on there.  This was the much more expensive site and so I am a little irritated that it bore no fruit.  But hey, at least I know now.  One funny thing from eHarmony, when I closed my account they of course tried to persuade me not to.  They gave a list of reasons why I should not leave and this was number 1: “Research shows only 1 in 4 American marriages are actually happy.”  Um…thanks for that eHarmony.

The LDS site was a little harder to decide about.  There were a LOT of mis-matches but I did get some dating out of it.  Ever since Clark though, I haven’t really found any one on that site I’ve been excited to talk to.  There were a few guys that I tried to communicate with but I just wasn’t feeling it and our emails faded out (read: I stopped emailing–and yes, I feel guilty.)  I wondered if perhaps (for now) I had tapped out that site.  I have a busy couple months ahead and I thought maybe it was best to take a break.  So I made the call and ended that membership too.

Now don’t be too sad, I do still have some irons in the fire.  There are two potential set-ups in the works.  And then there is one last online dating guy that I am still writing (I sent him my personal email before I left the site.)  This guy does not live in state and I haven’t mentioned him before because frankly, I don’t know what to think about him.  The first email he sent me was really funny and clever.  I clicked over to his profile and thought he was funny, a little cheeky, and seemed to be smart (in my experience really clever people are usually quite smart.)  From his pictures he is not my typical type but you never know so that didn’t really deter me but admittedly I made a judgment based on his profile that we are likely not compatible.  I guessed that I am probably not his type and vise-versa.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to write him back but then he sent me a second email that made me laugh so I responded.  We have been writing for a couple of weeks now.  He asks the best questions of any guy I have emailed on the site and emailing has gotten more and more enjoyable.

This email relationship is a little different from the one I had with Clark.  When I got emails from Clark I was all twitter-patted and was likely reading too much into our email connection.  I have gotten to the point with this new guy where I am really looking forward to his emails but still remember 1. we haven’t met and 2. we are likely not each others type so I shouldn’t get too excited. I think it has been a more healthy email relationship because I have been better about giving myself a reality check.  He is coming into town next week and we will be going out then so I am looking forward to meeting him.  I have no idea how it will be and don’t really have any expectations at all so it should be interesting.  Unless something unforeseen happens, he will be guy number 2.  Guess this means I will have to come up with a name for him…

So, you ask, where does this leave me?  I have to admit it feels a little freeing to not have my picture and profile out on the internets just waiting to be judged by any guy with a spare $12 a month.  But at the same time I know I still need to be “out there” and while I am not sure I know where “there” is yet I am pretty sure it is not home on my couch next to my knitting.  So I made a deal with myself, I am allowed to take an online dating break for the summer but if things aren’t progressing in my life, then in the fall (September) I will choose a site and start up again.  Does everyone feel good with this decision?

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