Anxiety: Beggar of Simplicity

A few days ago I was struggling with anxiety. I couldn’t understand where it was coming from and was bothered by the fact it was disrupting my already hard to come by sleep at night. The only other time I recall taking notice of anxiety was back in late 2014-early 2015 right before I was laid off my job. Back then I didn’t question what was making me anxious and panicky; I just knew I was tired of my job. On top of being sexually harassed every single day I reported to work, I felt trapped, stuck, and stagnant and as if I was wasting my life away. It never dawned on me to dig inside in an effort to find the source. Unlearned lessons are lesson repeated, right? Back to present day. Over the last two years I have been going through an entire metamorphosis of sorts: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, etc. No part of my life has remained untouched by changes.

The other night I decided I was going to have to work things out and demand answers from God, my higher self, spirit, pray, meditate with my crystals, burn some lavender and ylang ylang, and anything else I needed to do to be okay and find answers to this anxiety thing because I didn’t like the way I was feeling. Eventually I calmed myself down and quietly asked, “What is causing this anxiety?” The answer softly replied to me was, “Money and love.” I knew exactly what that meant. Then I asked myself, “What are your heart’s truest desires?” The things that were causing the anxiety were nowhere in the answer to that. I was stressing over things that in the end didn’t even matter to the essence of who I am, things that could easily be resolved if I stopped worrying about them and followed the promptings of my heart and soul, if I started working in my purpose. When I asked what my heart’s desires were, the answer was: A home, candle making, creating bath and body products, yoga, and traveling the world helping and empowering women and girls. My heart’s desires are simple, pure. That put me at ease. The anxiety was caused by what I thought I should have but feared I would never have or have enough of. I have now started making myself enjoy and live in the moments I currently reside in and take everything one day at a time while working to provide my heart with what it wants: simplicity, beauty, and peace. The money will come, and the love was always there in many different forms. I am complete. I came here complete. Now it’s a matter of remembering who and what I was when my soul decided it was time to occupy earth and utilize the inherent power of my soul.  

When The Women Gather

I thoroughly enjoy spending time with the matriarchs of our family and just wise older women in general. My mother taught me how to be a lady along with so many other things, and I love her so much for that. I promise I could write an entire book about my mother and her ways. Truly I am the wisdom of my mother. I have an aunt, my mom’s older sister, who I will forever cherish. She was one of the only aunties I have who spent one on one time with me. She always had a dresser full of expensive perfumes that she used to let me try whenever I went over, and she bought me my first bottle of “grown up” perfume. Her style was so classy, chic, and understated. I loved watching my mother fix my auntie’s hair, and the style was always the same: a jet black mid-back length weave with a side part. Simple, classic, understated. I inherited a refined sense of style and love of beautiful healthy hair from her and my mother. I was allowed to sit in the living room and watch my mother transform her sister’s hair as I listened to them talk about life. I don’t recall any gossip about anyone, and that’s what set them apart from many other women to me. I was allowed to stay around when she visited because they weren’t talking “grown folks” business which was usually code for sex and gossip about other family members. Something magical happens when the women gather. The women in my family have a way of healing one another simply through doing women things like hair, exchanging makeup tips, complimenting how fine the other is, exaggerating about how naughty our children are, and just simply lying under each other. We learn so much from each other about life in general by simply being free to be who we are when we are together. Our gatherings are love in motion. It’s a beautiful thing to experience and be a part of.