Tag!

My friend Jennifer "tagged" me way too long ago and I'm just now setting my answers. I love blog tag games, but I must say this is my first to actually complete. Well, I say "complete," but I haven't technically completed it yet! I'm supposed to tag 8 other blogs, but it's really late/early, so I'm not making any promises of bloggy-tag-game-thingy completion.

1. What is your favorite Bible verse? How did it become your favorite? (If you don’t have a single favorite, please share one of your faves.)
A fave: Isaiah 1:18
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." 

We are studying Isaiah in BSF this year. I've read this verse a million times, but when I read it for the first time during the Isaiah study, it hit me anew... I know how difficult (as in nearly impossible) it is to get blood out of clothing. I think God did that on purpose so that simple minded, mom-laundry-lady, me could understand. As much as I try to remove the stain of blood out of clothes, I know there is  virtually NO way to make it completely clean (or is it my detergent?) Anyway, To know that my sins are as red as blood and he makes them WHITE, is both a miracle and the perfect picture of mercy.2. What is currently on your nightstand? Are you reading a good book? Are you into Sudoku or crosswords? Do tell!
A glass of water, 3 ponytail holders, 4 bobby pins, a lamp, a basket of diapers & wipes. Reading Radical by David Platt. I don't do Sudoku or crosswords. Mostly because I don't know what Sudoku is and crosswords become coloring pages to certain people I live with.
3. If you have a Saturday where there is nothing on the calendar (Yeah, I know you’re laughing right now!!), how would you most like to spend the day? Are you a homebody? Are you a compulsive cleaner? Would you go shopping? Meet a friend for lunch?
In theory, I'd tend to my house. In dreamland, I'd get a massage, pedicure, facial and return to a tended-to house.  In reality, I'd probably stroll Target and go to eat with my mom or a friend(s), and complain about how what I really needed to have done is clean the house. 
4. I’ve recently finished Dr. Kevin Leman’s book The Firstborn Advantage. Do you think there is anything to “Birth Order?” Do you see any birth order characteristics in you, your hubs, and/or your kids?
I see alot of my traits in my son (we are both first borns). But, he's my kid, so that could be way we are kind of the same. I honestly don't know enough about birth order characteristics to know if my kids fit the bill. 

5. Do you plan to grow old gracefully or fight it every step of the way (within reason – i.e. age-fighting moisturizers, covering gray hair, etc.)?
When I was a teen, I was diligent in  using all kinds of anti-aging serums, lotions and potions. However, now, I just use whatever I find on sale. So, I'm growing oldER, but I'm not sure about the gracefully part. I kinda sorta, but not really, but kinda sorta don't really care.

6. Do you like Starbucks? And are you a fan of their seasonal coffees?
I do not like Starbucks. I love Starbucks. I think it's an experience. Really, it had better be awesome coffee + an experience because every time husband and I go, I have to give them an arm to pay for it all! I'm not brave enough to order a seasonal coffee because if I didn't like it, I'd be kicking myself that I spent aaaallll that money on a drink I didn't like. 
7. How do you decorate and/or prepare for fall?
I accept pumpkin or banana nut breads from anyone who will bake them and then give them to me. The pumpkin bread looks gorgeous on my kitchen counter. 

Week 3ish: Homeschooling is... it's uh... well, it's...

Wanna know how homeschooling is going?

I must preface this by saying that it's getting better! The first 2 weeks were ROUGH! At the end of week 1, I couldn't even pretend it was fun.

Week 2, we had a good 15 minutes somewhere in there.

Week 3, a tiny piece of sunshine peeked through the clouds (or was that because we were at the park?)

Week 4, that part starts tomorrow.

I hadn't planned to start school until Sept. 6 because my 2 older girls would be going to Mother's Day Out that week. But, superT was so excited to start, that I decided to make all his dreams come true and start a week early.

That was a terrible, horrible, no good idea. The girls were into EVERYTHING ( 2 weeks later and my house still has remnants of the disasters from week 1). I had little workbooks for them that looked just like the stuff superT would be working on. That helped a little. But, then, heaven help us, if I had to stop teaching ONE MORE TIME for potty issues, making a snack, breaking up a lil' disagreement, or clean up a spill, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. And superT, too. In the midst of me trying to tend to the superGirls, he kept saying, "What next, Mama?" and "I'm done" and "Are you ready yet, Mama?" and "Is this school?" and "MAMA!" and "Can we get started yet?" and "This isn't fun."

I was so unorganized. And tired. And super super discouraged.

However, I did manage to squeeze in a little something fun so at least I'd have a cute picture or two to remember our terrible, horrible, no good idea of starting school a week early.

My peep Carrie made these cute "About Me" sheets for her kids to fill out on the first day. All I had to do was ask and voila, the file for this cute project was emailed! And now, we have a great memento for our 1st day of kindergarten! He was quite proud of his paper. Take note of the red hair he put on his self portrait! He drew himself in blue because that was his favorite color of the day.

We ended up calling week 1 our practice week and decided to start "for real" on the following Monday.

Then I realized that Monday really just wasn't any good either.

Tuesday came and I dropped the superGirls (only the bigger girls...kept superbabygirl with me) off at MDO and off to Gigi's house we went to have our 2nd 1st day of school. And that ended up being a little tricky, too, because Gigi & Pawpaw's house has alot of toys & a bigger tv than at our house. superT was very distracted. And I still had no idea what I was doing. So, Wednesday we decided to have Dad drop the superGirls off at MDO and we'd get the whole day at home. That was better, but did you know that when it comes to actual work time for kindergarten, school doesn't take very long? We had to work on what to do after we were done with all our lessons for the day. He was a little bored. But, we did have fun learning that early-day people chewed on animal skins to make them soft enough to be clothes. And, I learned a few tricks on what makes superT tick! Kindergarteners (at least mine does) must have something to do while doing things that require him to listen for long periods of time (long as in 10 minutes). He generally can sit through a story with no problems, but for some reason, during the day, he needs activity to be read to. Drawing, building, snacking, etc makes the world a better place for those 10 minutes! 

Week 3: In the past 2 weeks, I've learned a few really important things: 

• The freedom in homeschooling is both hard and freeing (duh). It's hard because no one is telling you what to do. It's freeing because no one is telling you what to do. 
• With kindergarten, I really don't have to use too many textbooks and so much can be taught in the car, taking a walk, or hanging upside down off the couch. 
• If I don't like something a book teaches, I don't have to teach it! Who knew?
• While I don't have to have an official schoolroom, I do need a place- somewhere- to display things we are working on. A regular kindergarten classroom is wall to wall with pictures of reminders of what's being taught. Surely I can come up with a little bulletin board somewhere.

Likewise, as I approach week 4, I'm still figuring out a few really important things:

• My son (and me, too) is having a little trouble getting past his preconceived notions of what school is. For instance, kindergarten really only takes about an hour to complete reading lessons, math, etc. We'll be "done" and he keeps asking me what else we are going to do. We'll move on to something he doesn't feel like is "school" and gets frustrated because we're not doing "school." I keep telling him that a great thing about homeschooling is that we can learn anywhere and that it doesn't have to go on all day. 
• I'm on the search for creative play toys (most of his stuff is either a car or superhero) to make "centers" (his request).
• How to stay organized? I am usually organized for the first day, but then it's all downhill from there.
• How to do some of the things that put sparkles in my eyes when I thought about homeschooling- fun field trips (by the way, I absolutely could not convince my son that a trip to SteinMart this week was a field trip), creative projects, and beautifully photographed moments. [On the horizon- a Laser Tag day next week (thanks Carrie!), learning to paint like Eric Carle, and a least a few snapshots). 
• I have to lower my expectations and loosen up a bit. One of the things I think that was so tough the first week was that I was putting alot of pressure on myself to do this and that and wound up frustrated which spilled over to superT. He would get frustrated in my own frustrated moments (at myself, not him).

Now that week 4 is about to start...

.... I realize that I just might survive, and might even like, being a homeschool teacher. Maybe I'm being partial, but I have the best kids ever in my class.

New Blog Layout

I am way too concerned with playing around on my blog. It's got a new look. Again.

SILHOUETTE MACHINE GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

SILHOUETTE MACHINE GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Panic & The Missing Books

I have scoured the internet and stumbled upon the cutest and most creative blogs on homeschooling. Did you know some homeschool parents have the WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR PLANNED OUT?!?!? And some have the brightest, cheeriest school rooms ever. Some make all their own alphabet sheets and post "printables," so you, too, can have cute alphabet sheets. Some even invent their own science projects. Heck, they probably invented science as a science. (And don't you just know they have cute little printables showing how they did it?)


All those blogs I've read are written by women who swear they don't have it all together when it comes to schooling at home.


But from the outside looking in, I beg to differ. I have read lots of great stories reflecting all the great things that happened in their home "today." And I get sooooo excited about our own discoveries and memory making that are on the horizon.


But, truth be told, at the moment (1:02 am), I'm feeling woefully inadequate to complete the task I feel called to. 


Now, I'm not saying that other parents out there haven't felt the same. I just don't read about this part of it. The really hard part... getting started.


So, I'm just gonna lay it all out there. That way, in the event one of the 10 people that read this might be considering homeschooling, and you feel overwhelmed, unprepared, scared, worried, nauseated, frustrated, nervous, doubtful, and/or 

fearful-you've-made-the-wrong-decision-but-you-know-what-you-are-doing-is-right-for-you-but-you-are-worried-about-it-anyway...

I want you to be able to relate.

Keep in mind our family situation:
4 kids with the oldest being 5. I run my own business. 2 of the 4 kids play soccer and another one thinks she does (that's 2.5 practices a week and 2 games). My husband works as a youth pastor and has recently taken up soccer referee-ing (= more games). 


I have had visions of sugar plum fairies coming to decorate my dining room to make it an inspiring place to learn. For the last year, superT (the kindergartener) has been talking about kindergarten at preschool. I do NOT want to bore him with wrought iron & china place settings in the hutch. However, the sugar plum fairies confused the work order and (surprise!) the dining room pretty much looks the same as it always has.


Oh! And because the dining room was cute and ready to go, I'd give a little bonus cheer to our space by having the surrounding rooms ALL picked up and cleaned. That way, we could easily learn our ABC's without the distraction of laundry, empty toy boxes, and fortified cereal on the floor. Let's just say I'll get to this part "tomorrow."


I have had visions of starting the first day with a bang! Like a my-mom-is-the-best-teacher-ever and homeschool-rocks kind of bang. It included all kinds of first day traditions that my kids will smile smugly upon for years. Good thing this is our first year and the kids don't know what to expect. They have no idea that we will probably only accomplish 2 out of the 2500 things I really wanted to do. 


I have had visions of having all school materials neatly laid out for easy organization to accomplish each day's lessons. They ARE neatly laid out waiting for tomorrow (or later today should I say). However, it's the word "all" that's the real kicker. Wouldn't you just know that I'm missing TWO major books? Yes, I should know this by now considering it's just hours before our first day. However, just hours before our first day is about all the time I've had to really read through our materials. 


I hear my doubters in the back of my head, "Are you sure you can do this?" 

No, at this time, I am not. 

I hear friends who have gone before me in the homeschooling waters telling me "remember it's just kindergarten." I get that. I know that it's ok to not get everything right. Low expectations = high satisfaction. My fear is that if I'm not "together," my son will pick up on that and get a) bored, b) frustrated or c) the desire to go to a different school. 


For the first time in my parenting life (not the last), I am experiencing the fear of failure. I mean, have I absolutely lost my mind? What if I'm the worst teacher ever and homeschooling doesn't rock? What if I don't get to take pictures? What if my younger children want to "help" a little too much and drive big brother crazy? And then, what if they all start fighting over school stuff and big bro throws his pencil down in surrender? (No, we haven't done that before at all.) 


I went to biblegateway.com and searched the word "prepared" and "equipped."
Prepared pulled up 79 references.
Equipped pulled up 4. (but try 'equipment' and you get all kinds of stuff)


In the last few days, I have been doing lots of casting. Casting my cares on Him. Praying, and even begging, God for energy, wisdom, and a closeness to Him. I don't feel equipped, nor prepared for this chapter in our lives. I feel stretched and burdened. I feel overwhelmed. I even feel a little embarrassed about the whole no-2-books thing. (Looks like we'll be starting History and Science next week).


More importantly, God told Abraham and He tells me the same today:
"Do not be afraid, for Iam with you..." - Genesis 26:24                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
And with that, I'm off to sleep. I start my new teaching job soon!

Not to fester up old wounds, but let's just recap today, shall we?

Day 4 of no television.


I wish I could be admirable and say this week is Operation No Television. However, the situation just isn't such. It broke. Just zapped off right in the middle of Max & Ruby (see, God DOES love me!) and hasn't come back on since. 


My husband and I have actually been discussing either cutting cable or getting rid of the tv altogether for quite some time now. The kids fight over it, we get lazy with it, and not much good enters the mind with it.   But, I didn't mean now. Not when all the kids are out of school. Not when I have a big event for work coming up. Not now.


But, since the tv did get cut NOW, we have decided to give this no-tv thing a go for a few days before we do anything drastic. Like buy a new one. Strangely enough, without television the kids have fought alot less (it's summertime, don't all siblings fight with that much time together?) and have not complained too much about it. I think that's because so much fighting revolved around blasted cartoons! Even with regulating what and how much they watch, the television is a constant source of strife for our kids.


Days 1-3 of No Television were not tragic. Today is Day 4.


Today's scenario:
4 kids (ages 5, 3, 2, 5 months). 
1 mom who works from home with a HUGE event coming up for her business ("her" being me...). 
1 mom who is getting ready to homeschool for the first time ever (same mom, right here) and still hasn't looked over the curriculum. (I'm going to ruin my kid. I just feel it.) 
1 dad (the guy I'm married to) who was unable to come home until time to brush the kids' teeth for bed (the usual for a Wednesday for us- no biggie.)
0 friends to come visit today
0 cups of coffee to help


Here is a rundown of Day 4's events in no particular order:


I sort of got in time to read my Bible this morning.
Played nickjr.com games with superZ (age 3)
Handed over games to superT (age 5) to help superZ so I could finish said sort of Bible reading


Sounds fine. But then, it turned 10:30 and I'm not sure what happened after that. Again, no particular order.


superZ and superK (age 2) made their own kool-aid with me supervising from afar (and I use the term supervising loosely). Did you know Tang turns into a jell-O of sorts when 1,000 scoops are given to 1 cup of water?
superK spilled her cup. Had to get new one. "I do it" and there goes water allll over the floor.
superZ spilled her cup. That's 3 in a span of five minutes. My floor was so sticky my shoe came off my foot when I walked across.


Diaper Explosion of 2010 with superL (5 months) thanks to the Bumbo (I'm not a fan). Gave bath.


During aforementioned bath, superZ discovered where I'd been hiding my craft supplies...


Squashed catfight between superZ and superK over a babydoll.


Squashed catfight.


Squashed catfight.


Playdoh turned Dodge Ball. 


My potty-training 2 year old used herself as the canvas for a marker masterpiece (it was lovely!). She then went under the dining room table and pee-d (not as lovely). Did I mention the markers are washable? Let's just say she left me colorful footprints.


All supers made a slide out of couch cushions, stood on top of our toy cubicle thingys and somersaulted off. Over and over and over.


Fed superL baby cereal for the first time today. "Oh, I wanna do it!" Poor baby had 3 spoons in her mouth pretty much at the same time. SuperZ spilled bowl of cereal (4th spill 'o the day).


SuperK overshot on the potty. (spill #5)


Supers literally started climbing the walls.

After the wall climbing incident, I tried ushering everyone outside. "But, we're wild monkeys!" Oh. Well, that explains it. Sent them outside anyway.


Came back in for dinner. Just slightly afterward, I was assessing the damage of our home from the day with no tv, lots of playtime, some mom work time, and no downtime. And, there's a knock on the door. 


I opened my door, offering they may enter at their own risk. 

Not only did my sweet guests come in, but they came bearing gifts for the kids, folded the towels that had been sitting in the basket for 3 days, picked up the dinner mess, held the baby, and helped facilitate a clean up race in the living room.


Good thing because while I was letting them in, some kids were in the bath tub. They'd turned back on the water, filled it to the rim, and were sliding down the side of the tub. Yep, water water everywhere! I knew those giggles were far too loud...


While I'm washing the 542 towels it took to clean up The Flood, I will be thanking God for the memories we made today. And for the chance to renew my sanity on day 5 :)


I survived day 4. Surely day 5 can't be worse? Right? Right?

I'm gonna do whaaaat?

Shortly after my son (1st kid) was born, I was dead set on not going back to work. I wanted to stay at home with him sooooooo badly. I quit my job as an ad sales rep with our local newspaper with no idea how we were going to make ends meet. Quite frankly, I didn't really care. I wanted to stay home with superT just that bad. 


Bills had to be paid. 


Praise the Lord for entrepreneur friends. One such approached me about working in a boutique she was getting ready to open. She even said I could bring the baby with me! After several months of working in the shop, I began to take on some marketing responsibilities. The shop was located in a shopping center and I found myself talking with other stores, giving advice on various marketing ideas. I also met lots of women in our area with lots of questions about our area. 


Lightbulb went off. I saw two things: small businesses needing affordable advertising that targeted women in our area + women needing someone to answer who? what? where? when? type of questions. So, since I had no experience whatsoever running a website, I started one. It quickly became successful... and then I had another baby. And then another. (And I've had yet another, but at this point, she wasn't part of the story!) My business became very hard to maintain with all these babies at my feet (and in my lap and hanging on my shoulder). 


"I will really be able to get this business off the ground when superT starts school. I'll have lots of time to focus on it. The girls (I have 3) will all be at Mother's Day Out and he'll be at school. I can finally go out and get new advertisers, plan events.... and.... and... and... and lots of plans."


Several months ago, the Lord interrupted my plans with a little teeny tiny life-altering whisper. 


"Keep him at home." 


I couldn't even believe I was considering it. But, I was. And the more I prayed about it, the more I went from not believing I was considering it to actually longing for it. Homeschool. Me? Homeschool? 


Homeschooling was great for my friends that did it, but it wasn't for me. When would I work if I was teaching? Aaaaaaaannnddd.... (the age old question) what about him making friends? And sports? He can't be in school sports if he's not in school!!!


God gave me answers to all these questions. I'll have to write about that part someday.


I came to a point of confidence in my heart that homeschooling is what God has for our family at this time. Next year? Dunno. But for now, my husband and I are giving it a go. Strangely, my all-the-kids-in-the-class-want-to-sit-by-him-because-he's-so-funny-and-redheaded son is quite excited. I mean, we don't have a crazy jungle gym outside like the local elementary. His pesky sisters will be all up in his business. And, yet, God has shifted his little five year old heart, too. Matter of fact, tonight, he was looking through our school stuff and begging to start "now." "No, it's bedtime." "Well, can we start tomorrow?" 


So, that's it. Our new journey. I asked my son if we should give our school a name and "do you have any ideas?" "Yes. I know what we can call it. 'Homeschool.'" 


Right. Why didn't I think of that?

The Look for Affirmation

Lady: "T, are you playing baseball?" 
He knows he is playing baseball right now, but he looks to me for the answer he should give.


"Z, is that your babydoll?"
She's holding it in her arms. Yet, she looks to me for confirmation before giving her answer.


Simple questions to children. Simple questions that require simple answers. And yet, in wanting to ensure that they answer correctly, I'm given the look for affirmation as they prepare to give their response. Their faces tell what they are thinking. "Mama, did I get it right?" 


I'm currently facilitating Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa Terkeurst for a group of women. In the first week, we are facing our desire for acceptance and our quest to "get it right." God just wants us to desire to do right, but quickly forgives us when we repent for the times when we get it wrong.  


Initially, I didn't think the beginning of this study pertained to me. RED FLAG! So, the DVD session for  week 1 might not have pertained to me. Day 1 from the study book may not have pertained to me. However.... day 2 had not been read yet. Day 2 talks about the times we feel unacceptable vs. what God says is acceptable. 


As the mom of a preschooler (or 4...), I can feel the pressure to be supermom all around me. Let me tell you, I am not, nor have the desire to be "supermom." I can promise you that my kids don't get sent to school with cute cupcakes on their birthdays, their hair is probably sticking up, we are ALWAYS late, and yes, that's cheetos love on my white skirt. 


Certainly I desire for others to think I'm doing a good job. But to be considered wonderwoman, I could do without. Too much pressure. 


I may not want to be supermom, but am realizing that I still seek the approval of others. I want my relationships to be at peace. I want you to be encouraged by me. I want you to have fun with me. I want to make you laugh. I don't care if you like my cookies, but I want to know that you like.... me. 


Here's the problem with me trying to make you happy with me: I'm flaky. You're flaky. We have emotions that bring us up and pull us down. You are not my Rock and I cannot be yours. I can be nice, share, listen to good music and teach my kids to play fair. All those good things- perfectly acceptable things- are unacceptable to the Lord when I bring to Him an unrepentant heart. It's like that song, "I'm coming back to the heart of worship... I'm sorry, Lord, for the things I've made it... When it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus." 


I feel like I bring Him my most. "My most?," you ask. My most. That's when I bring not-quite-my-all. I say I give Him everything, but I don't really. And, I don't even say I'm sorry for it. I don't humble myself and ask for forgiveness. When I get so busy that I'm not even aware of where I'm wrong, God uses His word to humble me. And in tonight's instance, bring me to my knees.
Isaiah 1:13-18

Stop bringing meaningless offerings!
       Your incense is detestable to me.
       New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations—
       I cannot bear your evil assemblies.
 ¹⁴ Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts
       my soul hates.
       They have become a burden to me;
       I am weary of bearing them.
 ¹⁵ When you spread out your hands in prayer,
       I will hide my eyes from you;
       even if you offer many prayers,
       I will not listen.
       Your hands are full of blood;
 ¹⁶ wash and make yourselves clean.
       Take your evil deeds
       out of my sight!
       Stop doing wrong,
 ¹⁷ learn to do right! 
       Seek justice,
       encourage the oppressed. ^[a]
       Defend the cause of the fatherless,
       plead the case of the widow.
 ¹⁸ "Come now, let us reason together,"
       says the LORD.
       "Though your sins are like scarlet,
       they shall be as white as snow;
       though they are red as crimson,
       they shall be like wool.




For me, to be a burden to someone is a thought I can hardly bear. I have four children. They are all young. We are a handful to be around if you're not accustomed to the chaos! Of my list of greatest fears, being a burden to someone is one of them. That's probably why my husband and I rarely go out together. I feel like having someone keep my children- all of them at once- would be a burden. So, instead, we stay up late after the kids go to bed. We get our time together and no one has to be burdened by the care of our kids. 


You can imagine the slap in the face I felt when I read that I am a BURDEN to God when I bring Him ritualistic sacrifices. When I "give" Him the things in my life that I "give" Him all the time... He hates it. Furthermore, when I bring Him sacrifices, but I don't bring Him a repentant heart, I am not heard by Him. Ewww.


But, there's a happy ending. When I DO bring a repentant heart, when I DO remove the sins in my life, when I DO seek to do right to please Him and not my fellow people, I am washed white as snow. 


I am renewed. 


I am forgiven.


I am acceptable.

New Life

I just love new life. A mama bird laid these eggs in our yard and sat on them, warming them, day by day. We checked on "our" eggs everyday, anticipating their hatching.  My children were FULL of questions, inquiring about the goings on inside the egg (of which, I didn't really know the answers...). For me, I was just as giddy as they were. I've never been able to watch eggs from the day they were laid to the day they hatched. Everyday that we checked on the eggs, God gave me little moments to teach my kids about His creation, His timing, and New Life.

One Saturday morning, we went outside and found this:

The eggs hatched! We watched in awe as two tiny baby birds got up, wobbled a bit, then took off! I'm pretty sure they had JUST hatched because this particular baby wasn't even standing yet. This discovery was WAY better than gifts under the Christmas tree. It was new life! 

And speaking of new life, we have more of that in our household! Baby Linley Anne was born on March 10. Thus, my excuse for 2 month blog drought. Because, now that there's another person in this house (that makes 6 of us), all I do is this:

 

(I spy a sleeping baby)

In addition to adding a fourth child to our family, there's much to talk about. I use this blog as a quick way to journal. (Because writing is so last century). Word has it that some people, aside from my mother, read it from time to time. So, for my other reader... I'm baaaack! A new chapter in my life has opened and I nervous & excited to share it with you (not you mom, because you already know. This is for my other reader.) See you soon!

A Tangled Mess

Can you make out what this picture is? It's one of those things that really makes my skin boil.

TANGLED NECKLACES.

I'm getting a little heated just thinking about them! I dub myself as a patient person. So, when I talk about losing my patience, you must know that whatever got to me was really bad. Bad, like tangled necklaces bad.


My girls decided it was ok for them to get into the ONE place that's off limits to them in my jewelry chest. The doors on the side- that's where the more delicate stuff is. Not expensive, just the stuff that would end up TANGLED if gotten into.  I've managed to redeem 2 necklaces from the pile. The rest is still just that, a pile. 


The whole time I was trying to work them out, I said over and over, "Ok, Lord, surely there must be a spiritual lesson for me in this." I said it over and over because I just wasn't seeing one. All I could see was a tangled mess.


And then, out of nowhere, I asked myself "Is this me?" 


We all have go through phases where we feel like a total mess, don't we? (Please say yes.) Honestly, I'm not in that phase at the moment. However, I have no doubt I'm about to go through one. Something about having a newborn can just make a woman feel completely inadequate for the job at hand. Have you ever had the following conversations with yourself? 

• "On one hand, I'm passive, but make me mad and I'll put you in your place." (unsettled anger will explode if left unattended)
• "I want to be her friend, but she gets on my nerves." (she really just needs someone to call friend)
• "I want that pair of boots, but, I don't need them." (and there's a family with no shoes down the street)
• "I like traditional furniture, but I also like clean, modern lines." (the most frivolous debate I have with myself even when I'm not in the market for furniture. Really, who cares?)
• "On one hand, I want to say 'God, I give you all of me,' but on the other hand, that means I'm not in control!" 
• "I want to spend more time reading my Bible and praying, but I keep hitting snooze."
• "I want to be a better wife, but I'm too busy to focus on that." (Uh, the husband came first.)

Sounds like a mess to me. Internally, I can be so wishy washy. Wanting to serve God with all my heart, let Him guide me in every step during the day. However, the ways I choose to spend my time or money reflect that I only want to serve God with some (or even most, but not ALL) of my heart. The way I deliberate over some decisions is ridiculous. I think deliberation, for me, is often a way for me to stay in control (read blog name: FALSEcontrol). Deliberation just prolongs the decision!


Here's what I gathered in the tangled mess saga. I am so much like the tangled necklaces. Some pieces of me have gotten straightened out. But, if I don't keep inviting God to work the rest out, then the rest of me stays all messed up. It takes time, patience, a focused eye, and careful maneuvering to untangle a pile of necklaces.  Rather should I say, to untangle me.


Why do we do some of the things we don't want to? Why do we let ourselves be characterized by undesirable characteristics? Paul said it well in Romans 7:15-20, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." (This passage always makes me laugh. I relate all too well.)


If we weren't the tangles messes that we are, we'd have no need for God. We'd be perfect. Seeing that we are not, and will never be, we can engage God to beg for His merciful, loving, sometimes painful, straightening out. One by one, our messy-selves will enjoy the blessing of being refined- untangled- by His hand. 


Tangled necklaces will always be just a pile of messy metal if we don't exercise the patience to (painfully) focus on one strand, freeing one bead, one knot, at a time. Not an enjoyable process, but rewarding in the end. 


The best part about being a tangled mess? Once a necklace has been untangled, it is ready to be used.