Myth: Women with alot of children are supermoms.
Reality: Some are.
My reality: I'm not, but lots of people have the misconception mentioned above because of the kids. Oh, they also think I'm crazy, which may or may not be accurate. I have four children. I just miscarried my fifth about 2 weeks ago. My husband works full-time as a youth pastor. I work from home running my own business. I desperately desire to know the hearts of the students in our youth group. So far, I've really only had time to adequately know one. ONE. Makes me want to cry.
For whatever reason, women equate full plates in the lives of other women as direct evidence they are superwomen. (Of which, who doesn't have a full plate???)
In reality, those are just tired women. (Tired women who do ridiculous things like stay up till 2 am blogging for no reason).
One day at VBS last week, my friend Amanda W. and I were both late getting to our assignments. Naturally, it was our kids' fault. Of course. I knew I was late getting to my first graders, but I gingerly dropped off my youngest to the nursery ladies, took a deep breath and chatted a bit. Amanda asked me a question I've heard a million times, "How do you do it?" She wanted to know "how I remain so calm."
First, bahahahahaha!
Second, there is not a simple answer. Or at least, at 12:34 am as I write this, there is not. But, the more I think about it, the more I want to talk about it. This post will go on entirely too long, so feel free to quit reading now.
Second first and foremost... I learned something last summer studying the Bible through Lysa Terkeurst's book
Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl.
I am equipped for my calling. God gave me four kids and all the other stuff our family is made of, therefore, He has equipped me to handle it.
NOTE and I mean, NOTE: This still doesn't make me Supermom. Just makes me Equipped Mom. As are you, if you are a mom and reading this. Or, anyone for that matter.
He gives us what we need in the times we need it (whether it's for 1 kid or 4!). And some days, when you don't know how you deal with your circumstances, you just do. You wake up, you do, and then you go to bed. Remember, His mercies are new every morning.
Second second, there are burdens that come with blessings. (Again, Lysa's book). In other words, what you see something you wish you had or admire in someone else's life, remember the phrase "the burden of the blessing." Lysa had mentioned that there are women who have written her and said they wished they could write like her. Speak at conferences like her. Lysa's response was that while she is grateful for her writing and speaking, the reality is that she spends long hours away from her family, travels like crazy (alone), and has to miss things her kids are involved in. There are burdens in her blessing.
Do you know that I
feel inadequate for the tasks at hand, but I
know that I'm not?
I am blessed to have four children... the burden is that they absolutely drain me of everything I've got everyday. Especially when I do less than brilliant things like give them paint and paintbrushes at my dining table. I wash at least 10 loads of clothes every week. Probably more like 14 because of all the towels. We spend alot, and I mean, alot of $$$ on food every month. Very expensive car note kind of alot. They are all young enough that there are times when they all cry at the same time and need something "right now, right now, right now." I sweat. My husband and I rarely go out together alone because it can be such a handful for someone else to care for all 4 when you are not used to that. My home continuously looks like it's been ravaged by wild thieves. Seriously, there have been times when I've left home, returned, and wondered if someone broke in and ransacked the place. I mean, SURELY we didn't leave it looking like this???? (I know, I know, my kids will never remember mom always having a clean house. They'll remember what we did together. I KNOW! My theory is that if we discuss this little house issue, you'll know what to expect when you drop by).
I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids AND earn an income while working from home. But doing this is really hard. Some days it's impossible. By the time the kids go to bed, I'm so, so very tired. On a given day, I've had 12 or so hours of playtime, school for my son, housework (well, some days...), etc. Wonderful, yes. Exhausting, absolutely. And when I'm ready to crash, my work day must start. Not only that, but my work day must start despite the dishes in the sink, the clothes that need to be folded (remember the 10 loads?!?!), homeschool needs to be planned, blah blah blah. Work must be done, so the rest waits.
And piles up. Most weeks it piles up so much that I can get back to square one on my own. If you ever drop by my house and there aren't said piles, it's because my mom came over and spent a FULL day helping me get back to some kind of sanity. True story.
Third, I am blessed that my husband is a youth pastor. But, because of the ages our children, there are many days when I'm not able to be "that" youth pastor's wife. What I mean, is I can't be there! I get really hard on myself when I think of all I want to be doing for our students, but I just can't. My days are full. And, to get childcare for our kids requires 2 adults! Those are arrangements that just can't be done all the time. When I was in high school, I always admired the youth pastor's wife. No matter the church, it always seemed like the youth pastor's wife was fun, spunky and cute. And there. I rarely feel fun because I am still on mom duty at our events (looking after our kids if they could come). I most definitely don't feel spunky. If I ever come off that way, let me just tell you, it's the coffee. And cute? Well, I did just get some bright yellow flip flops (thanks, mom!), so we'll leave this one alone.
Last week, we had VBS in the morning, swim lessons in the afternoon, and a kid at baseball practice in the evening. And I had to cook. I don't cook. Hate it. And it was crazy. And I didn't get to work much. I have so much to do I don't know where to start, so I blog (brilliant use of time, I know).
Let me just lay this out there- I don't do it "all." I don't cook for my family (thank you, husband, who likes to do that kind of thing). I don't have
even a somewhat tidy home (just so we can continue with the expectations here... my home is not decorated with anything except for toys, laundry and hand me down furniture... PLEASE do not expect some chic space! I remember a client who had to drop something off at my house once. She said, "This is it? This is beaumontbuzz?" She was woefully disappointed "it" wasn't more.).
I fall asleep at the computer when I should be working. I still have the
thank you notes from my last baby shower (and she's 15 months old now). My bedroom floor is COVERED in clothes.
I don't volunteer much. I
haven't listened to a week's worth of voicemail. I've had to
apologize to my kids because I yelled at them when they were really just being kids.
My husband used the phrase "gripped by Grace" this past Sunday with our students. How do I stay calm with the craziness of my life? Sometimes I don't. I lose it from time to time. But as my oldest child began to grow at the speed of light, my perspective changed. This busy season of life raising young children will be over before I know it. My business may or may not wait. The laundry will wait (trust me! I've tried seeing if it would just go away and it doesn't). The dishes will wait (and they'll wait ALL over the countertop). We'll be late to places. My kids will have wrinkled clothes because they got them from the bottom of a pile. Their hair will be crazy because I chose not to fight the don't-comb-my-hair-because-it's-corporal-punishment battle. I'll forget at home whatever I needed to take wherever we were going. I'll miss professional opportunities. I won't be everything to everyone.
But, my kids? They won't wait. They'll grow up and they'll be gone. One day too soon. I stay calm (mostly) because I'm gripped by God's grace. I didn't say I was graceful. I don't do alot of things right. However, I finally accepted that this is the way things are. Accepting aspects of life you cannot change has alot to do with it for me. (Mom, please remind me of this when I call to fuss about stuff). I know that life is what it is and it's because of God's grace that I have what I have. And it's because of God's grace that I
don't have what I
don't.
I always tell my kids, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Life isn't even kind of perfect. It's never promised to be, so why do we expect it? It's hard. Alot of days there's no way to balance everything. But, when I abide in His grace, I can do it. (Remember Philippians 4:13?) That's my secret. Grace. I accept His grace, let Him pour it over me. We get there when we get there. We do what we can do. We fuss and re-adjust.
I BibleGateway.com'd "give you grace" and read this, the perfect verse for exactly how I feel on the end of a day/ start of a new one that was filled with things left to do and imperfect completion of things checked off as done-ish.
Acts 20:24
"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has
given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s
grace."
Grace. God's grace. It's given to you, given to me, and covers all myths, imperfections, and late night blog posts.
