Ok...what have i been doing???
can u believe it??
IM SICK FOR THE DAMN LAST 2 WEEKS OF HOLIDAY~!!!!
ANOTHER **** ** THING HAPPEN DURING HOLIDAY......

I MIA COZ IM SICK~!!
cant use laptop..cant use much hp...
my mum jus keep scolding me if i sms...
say the radiation bad for health..
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
its true lar..but im alrdy fever also not my hp's fault....
T.T
wah.........i cant do anything for being sick leh....
all i can do it take medicine and rest....
den?????
wat can i do??????
T.T

Im trying to start doing the things im suppose to do lor....
hope its not too late lar...
been waking up to think what have i not done....
what have i missed out....
what am i suppose to do....
OUTDATED TO THE MAX~!!

some say i not responsible...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
like i know i will fall sick like tat....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

SUPER HATE MY LIFE NOW....
CANT SLP NOW...
Thats y i so bo liao blog.....

back to my emo times i suppose...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



Sry if i didnt go online or go for any events im suppose to go...
Life's hard for me....
Hope someone understands.....

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz





Stupid HOLIDAY~!!!!!!


What kind of holiday is this?????

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I cant believe i don't even have one day free whole day to slack~!!! :(

whats wrong with my life....haix...

too busy...i don't mind the dancing though....

And the only time im free is in the morning...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I CANT GO FOR MY CHALET ALSO~!!!!

Its on 16,17,18...and im working on 16,

training and dance on 17,

training and dance on 18......

Y MUST CLASH SIA~!!!!!

BEFORE EXAM ALRDY PLAN CHALET LIAO LEH~!!!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Priorities my things????

SCH IMPORTANT LAR~!!!

thats y so **** *** lar~!!!!

T.T

hate it..

Ok...cham liao CHAM LIAO CHAM LIAO~!!!!

my priorities ar~!!!!!
all confuse liao....
what im suppose to do...
What i need to do first....

Now...i can only think of...work and study for exam....
my proj???shit sia...haven touch yet....
so what have i been doing???

SLACKING..
WATCHING ANIME..
GOING OUT...
STUDYING FOR EXAM...
WORK WHEN IM FREE....

i duno if im doing the write thing sia...
finally logon to my email account...
total gt 422 emails didnt read....
and some of them from sch one....
some from lect....say i didnt do my work...
haix...

feel damn cham last few weeks...
work like shit...
study like mad...
slacking like crazy...
what can i start doing sia....

i even list out what im suppose to do liao lor...
but then...most of them alrdy outdated...
cant help it liao...
gt a feeling will retain this time....
i not nvr do my work k...
i gt do one lor...:(
jus not as hardworking as some ppl in class ma...
stuck somewhere ler lor...
hanging on a rope...duno to climb or to fall...

*bang my head on the wall....
have to start doing something...
but all i can do now is study....
den? work lor...
den? eat slp lor...
den? watch anime lor...
zzzzzzzzz

hate my life now....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ITS BEEN SOOOOOOO LOOOONGGGG that ive blog..
hahahahaha...:P

let see wat i can rmb....

camp den i nvr blog ler...camp is my dance so called "bonding" camp...and it really bond lar...and gt a thrashing out session...so called lar...everyone really cried and talk about everything about NRA sia...can see everyone really love the club...so touched...:)
It was like....27 June...and now is aug ler..haha..and i stil can rmb...:P

den is july....i only rmb i keep on work...den do alot of things lar...keep on chat...keep on look for friends...hang out with alot alot different ppl...hmmm...cant rmb much ler....alot of things happen....have to see calender to rmb....i rmb go out with yuling and alot of things happen also...hmmm...cant rmb much ar...cham..my memory super bad nowadays...:(

den july 1 post only...haha...that post is coz my friend from work..LING LING~! :) she super ki siao girl..haha..funny one...den she also facing same problem as me before i have a break up...haix...that time super torturing period lor...thats y i know how she feel...keep on try to convince her to be busy...go find friend....dun think so much...if not like me...so silly...keep thinking...keep hurting....dun wan to think or feel also cannot...sure will feel and think one...wats worst is i cant slp somemore...make my life super miserable lor~!!! those guys are jerks lar...only know how to ignore...duno how to talk things out....haix....well..its over for me ler lar...so i now talk about it still ok..only abit bitter bitter...:) but im still ok..:P

so after that is sch work and work...den go out with friends...hmm...Oh ya....NAPFA...haha..stupid napfa...i jus wan to go play play only...den injured my back~!!!! BACK LEH~!! die liao sia....:( so sad lor...back pain i cant even move properly lor..walk sometimes pain...but now ok ler...jus bend foward will pain...sad lar...I still wan to dance one lor...hai...so trying hard to recover lor...haix...den nvr really go sch ler lor..sad...:(

coz i recall before napfa when i alws hang out with my classmate...(the same old gang of guys..haix..) den sort of suddenly notice sch alot of cool guys actually...haha...think last time gt bf nvr notice....haha...:P den abit ki siao...keep on look at guys...haha...well...im single and free..:P but then also gt see couple leh....ouch* and i mean it lor...everytime see couple will recall...the gd things actually...gd memory about last time...but then not sad leh...duno y..:P jus recall only...den hope i can create more sweet memories also...:)

wan to be pampered again..wan to be love again ma...:) i think all girls wan the same thing lor...and very simple only lor...:)

Ill take my time now...now waiting for exams...but i still gt work...during NDP some more...aiyo...:P can see fire work at my work place..so still ok...:P

So long nvr blog...alot of things wan to change but no time...:P will start chaning blog skin again~!! hope i gt time sia...haha...:P exams first...:P

Paper from 15 aug to 22 aug last paper...:P wish my luck~!!!


KF trying to fall in love again...:)

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Trace family tree - Family history

F *** those guys who alws ignore girls can?? everytime gt problem jus ignore ignore IGNORE....slp alrdy wake up den no more ler lar...issit??? BULL SHIT CAN???ITS CALL RUNNING AWAY~!!!COWARD... girls will alws think alot one k...CANT HELP IT ONE OK~!!! NOT JUS GIRLS...SOME OF THE GUYS ALSO ONE~!!u know y they alws think so much?? COZ THEY CARE~!! THEY FEEL MORE DEEPER THEN THE OTHER PERSON~!! understand can anot?? be considerate lar...listen..talk things out...IF U DUN EVEN THINK ITS NECCESSARY TO CARE ABOUT OTHERS...PLS DUN GET INTO A R/S...U R NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH~!! JUS CARE ABOUT UR OWNSELF...

i know i dun have the right to say others...NO ONE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY ABOUT OTHERS...there is no right and wrong in a r/s...there is only willingness..coz love is blind lor...totally blind....i cant believe until now i still love someone lor...haix....

zzzzz... y does it be the person who is serious alws trying to save the r/s??? zzzzzz

cant u see ppl is trying hard to cherish and save the r/s???
pls dun say no point lor....NO ONE IS PERFECT~!!DUN ALWS THINK THERE IS SOMEONE BETTER OUT THERE WHEN U R NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE SERIOUS THIS TIME~!!

R/S TAKES TIME AND GO THROUGH ALOT OF QUARRELS AND PROBLEMS ONE K...NOT JUS 1 PROBLEM...DEN "ASSUME" WILL HAPPEN AGAIN DEN SAY NO POINT GIVE CHANCES....IT TAKES TIME CAN~!!! CAN TAKE YRS LOR~!!! AND NOT JUS "orr..no more feeling..no point..waste time..."DEN BREAK...

If really no feelings...really really dun wan to hurt others...PLS TALK THINGS OUT CAN???MAKE SURE THE OTHER PERSON "UNDERSTAND"...KNOW WAT IS HAPPENING... at least let the person be at ease...

Pls stop hurting ppl's feelings...TO THOSE WHO R NOT SERIOUS IN R/S PLS THINK CAN???THINK ABOUT URSELF FIRST CAN??...U THINK OTHERS WILL BE SERIOUS WITH U NEXT TIME???WHEN SOMEONE LOVE U SO MUCH ALRDY AND TRYING TO SAVE THE R/S NOW...AND ALL U DO IS IGNORE?? ITS CALL RUNNING AWAY K~!!!

NOT SERIOUS NOW NVM STILL YOUNG...NEXT TIME DEN SERIOUS??? BULLSHIT LAR K...EXCUSE ONLY...

4th day

Morning 6am...i wake up again..altot i only slp for like 1 hour...i still stayed awake...until my
lesson time...which is 1pm...this 7 hours..i could be slping and resting myself for today's
lesson...but don't know y...think due to wat happen before i slp...i jus cant seem to get my mind of the question...

Is he really going out wtih someone new alrdy?

I jus cant help thinking that he may be looking for someone new alrdy...but he is in the middle or exams...from the way i know him...he really will concentrate on studies...but when he reach home..is another thing...maybe he will start to chat with friends...start to search for contacts online ba...i nvr really see him or ask him about wat he usually do...coz he super dun like me asking about his stuff...and i tried my best not to ask too much altot i wanted to ask everytime...haix...tats y like this..ill start to anyhow think wat he will do..this and that...So...wat i alws do....watch anime...chat with friends who alrdy in sch or wake up...until its time for sch...ive been on bed...all the way..coz my laptop is on my bed...i jus totally trap myself in the room...haix...All i do is cry and cry...think today is the day i cry the most ler ba..feel most worst today...

So after that jus prepare to go to sch...but something gd happen though...saw one white car suddenly stop in front of the bus stop where im waiting for the bus to go to sch...kian wei..my sec sch friend..altot nvr same class before...but know him through friends...then he said he jus went to eat with jie kai..den he also going to sch so long pang me also...:) i know this friend actually through friends but i forgot who...but he is close with my old friend...which is my nursary friend sia...haha..longest friend i know...but lost contact...then i ask kian wei for his number and jie kai's number...so at least can ask them go out eat supper..:) long lost friend leh...hai...but guy again...well...i mostly have guy friends ba..girls all duno go where ler...all missing...haix....

well..after that i reach sch too early...classroom is still lock...den in the end i jus go down to the square and sit and wait...after that jus go to class...all of them say so shock to see me in class
alrdy...haha..well..im alws late one...no time sense...well..in class...lect give back our paper lor...Ecads...gt C+...hai..i tot i can gt at least a B one lor...i really gt study leh...well...more like memorising lar...but tot can gt better results..oh well...its over..have to prepare for other studies ler..after that class...my close friends...jo, kenneth, rui xiang..all wan to pon lesson...den i sian lor...i wan to go one...coz after tat i meeting my friend yuling..alws wan to meet her coz i can alws feel better with her...i dun feel so lonely..:) jus like when im in class with my classmates and those close friend of mine...

Yuling complaining about her frindge too short..well its really too short lar...so i tried to help her cover her short frindge...lucky can cover..if not i also worry she depress again...haha...so helped her cover...den ask her tie up her hair...den we wait for bus tgt...miss 1 bus...haha..but then we still can talk ma...so stayed awhile...so when i took the bus...saw sec sch friend..chin hao...haha..he sitting beside his classmate..SHE SO CHIO LOR...confirm chin hao like one...haha...:P but i still talk with him..haha..talk until reach interchange...haha...:P so after that just went home...its around 7 plus i guess...half way my sis sms say she buying pizza hut and KFC back home..:) glad she sms..if not i emo again...haha..yeah...KFC and pizza hut..seems like ive been eating alot of western and fastfood...and chips..eaten like 3 packets of LAYS for this week..:P..dun worry..i wont be getting fat so easily..:) napha coming also...oh ya..talking about napha...check the sch mail...MY NAPHA IS ON 24 July...hmm...still gt 1 month for me to train...:P...well..before that...STUPID CAMP AND WORK CLASH~!! haix...i jus realise today...so stupid..den i haven pack my things...so sad lor...no mood to pack...duno which one to go....haix...well..after that same thing..jus watch anime...chatting with friends...

10.03pm...saw him online...but i cant chat with him...i duno wat to say to him...duno if he will reply...i feel so sad lar...straight away cry when i see him online...T.T...i jus cant help it leh...i alws gt this stupid hope that he will talk to me some day...he may find me back some day...he may love me some way...but i jus cant help it that ill cry coz i duno wat to do...im stuck in between...like stuck on a cliff neither i can climb up or fall from the cliff...

DEN HOR...Ben come chat with me...hai..i knew mus be something happen then he come chat with me one lor...and i guessed it right...he know about me and ian alrdy...oh well...ive been waiting for him to tell the others also...in case he say im crazy..go around tell ppl...haix...duno him ler...i totally dun understand wat he want...and i really really...haix...dun understand wats wrong
also...well...talk to Ben...CRY DAMN LONG LAR~! hai...coz he reminded me...but he also very
nice....haha...i know he trying to make me feel better also...but then in the end i still cry..hai..well..at least after talking to him...i know wat he mean...totally give up...totally let go...well...i tried..Cried alot...haha...even cried in front of my mum...den listen to my mum nag again...haha...well...after tat is jus plain crying...den go bath and cry more...i think its the longest time i cry sia..:) oh well...after tat chat again..haha..online..duno wat ill do without
chatting and talking with friends...ill feel completely lonely..:P bad habit...but hey...
THIS IS ME...:)

I wont say ill forget...but ill rmb it in my heart..:)
Ill jus say..thank u...for those memories...:)

Its 3am in the morning...well..today i didnt went to sch coz i over slp...and in the end i end up crying again...wth...this time is coz its wed...its the day that i alws meet him before work...its the only day i can go meet him...Urgg...cant help it...den i tried to do something but i jus cant stop crying...i hate it...but cant help it...really miss those days...in the end..finally managed to use internet then i go online..chat with friends..finally feeling better...watch some anime..den prepare for work...

Before work...i sms ling ling, mon mon and kai ruo if they r working...coz with out them...i think ill be super bored...but they so sweet..still said they will c me at work..so i wont be bored..:) well..so at work..been talking to them coz manager and alot other supervisor not around...den manage to sneak to each other and chat...:)

Working really keeps myself busy...keeps my mind busy..if only i can alws be like this...so i wont feel hurt anymore...they really help me alot..g friends at work...or i may think of him again..coz i am working there becoz of him also...he introduce me the work...hai...really everything remind me of him...hai...well...after work..went to eat chicken wing with ling ling..she alws wan to eat things one..:P but she nvr gets fat!!not fair..haha..:Pwell..talk to her about relationship things and about my views...can feel that she understands alot of things..:) she is more stronger then me....altot both of us felt the same hurt from relationship...well..not really same...but its still hurt...hurt cannot be compared ok...so pls dun be so cruel to compare ppl's hurt of losing someone u love...haix....

After tat..took train home..coz lingling staying at yishun...den i continue down to my area by train...super long trip...but at least gt sometime keeping me company..:) and old friend sms me also...:)lucky due to him i didnt really cry after i reach home..haha..well..not tat i wanted to cry...but saw something i cant believe..and super confuse...

HE..put his msn nick...IN WHITE FONT..which is invisible actually ... "hmm...wan to see u everyday:D..." ..this paticular nick...he used it when we jus gt tgt...it feels like HE has someone alrdy...and its only been 3 days since we break up...CAN U BELIEVE? T.T...i hope im just over reacting....but a small part of me hope it is for me...haix....I feel so stupid...i told some of my friends online...they told me to ask him myself...but u see..if i ask...he may not tell me...or let me know...he may even jus say.." Y u so KPO.." thats his 'SPECIAL' weapon to shut ppl up...whats worst...what if he really gt someone else...haix...I hate myself for being like this...BUT I CANT HELP IT~! i still care about him...but i dun wan to be so weak...SO CONFUSING....but one thing is for sure....

I still care about every little thing about him...
I still love him....

OMG..i cant believe i wake up so early...5.23am...y cant i fall aslp again~!! haix...cant help it leh...i wake up so early jus to recall about him...wah...i dun wan to think about him...but maybe its the radio...the radio is on even before i go to slp...coz i need some distraction...so on radio to slp...since i gt the whole room to myself as my sis are not here...den i heard this song...the lyrics goes like this..."Tonight, it is the night, I'll fall in love with u..." haix...the 1 song that make me cry a little...but then suddenly stopped...duno y also...stupid emotions of mine...come and go...but i still feel the hurt inside..if only the hurt can go also...as i listen...all the memories of him came back....

How u alws wakes me up by teasing me...
How u alws hug me when u see my eyes open...
How u alws hug me when im beside u when u r slping...
How u alws called me "baby" in my ears when im close to u...
How u alws called me in the morning to wake me up...
How u alws msg me to check if im on my way to sch...
How u alws msg me once in a while to tell me how r u...
How u alws tell me if i want to meet u i can just go find u...

All these things...hai...all gone now...i think he forgets about it alrdy...thats y he can slp soundly everynight without me beside...not like me...every night ill jus recall about it...hai...really miss those days...

well..now is morning 6.17am..i cant slp...and i duno wat to do...think ill jus play some games inside my laptop and hope the time pass by so i can go sch and meet my friends...i almost forgot about work...im working today...esplanade...the place he introduce me to work...haix...

everything i do...it jus reminded me more about him....i really miss him...;(

2nd day..sad..

Tuesday...lesson start at 12pm...
but duno y i wake up at 7.09am..start to think of him...and i even msg him something so stupid but its something that i tell him...but i can only sms him im jus joking with him and wish him all the best with his exams...hai...well....Then i just chat online..watch abit video to keep my mind busy...Cant help it but i still cried abit...Coz i suddenly wake up...den i feel sudden emptiness...my emotion is alws very strong lor...duno y also...even if i wan to control...still will cry...

well...only awhile then i chat with my friend online who are either in sch alrdy..or those jus wake up also...one of them also suddenly wake up...but coz he is disturb by his mum...haha...well..at least gt someone to talk to..:) After tat i went back to slp...wake up and slp again...until im late for class..:P late by an hour leh...:P well...im alws late since im in yr 2...coz of bf again...haix...well...my world alws revolve around my bf...since im pri sch...:Pcan say im a silly girl who step into relationship too early...and stepping out of it...really is very hard...but ill try my best....:)

In sch...well..lucky the lect very nice...he still mark my attendance..but my classmate all tease me again...:P i feel gd around a group of friends..altot alws kana bully...but at least they care about me..:) i think i really forget about all this when im with my bf...tats y i nvr really liked to go to sch last time...well...now no more bf...really lonely...but at least still have friends like them around..so im still fine.. :)

Actually..back to sch also reminds me of him...coz we started before sch reopen also...and we still sms in the middle of the class...he also come to sch to fetch me...he will sms me how sian his class and falling aslp during lectures...all the small small things he have done...all comes back when im in class doing my tutorials...well...i kind of try not to do sch work at home...coz it also remind me of him....haix...i know..every little things...also remind of him...i tried...but
still will rmb...i sucks at rmb important things and only rmb the sweet things of love...that is the worst...coz it hurts....and ill alws think about wat to do...wat to buy...jus becoz of bf...or for bf...ill alws do my things and do things alone...coz i know after all this...ill be able to see my bf...ill be able to see the one i love...get hugs to have some comfort...im jus like a pampered little girl...but i really have to get use to do things alone now...which is kind of hard...coz i dun like the feeling of lonely...and i dun wan to disturb my friends...which i think is bad to disturb them...but now...is different...:) im glad i talked to them...glad to disturb them also...:)

KK...abit off track...haix...make myself sad again...haix...well..back in sch...late den i met someone that i have not seen in 3 yrs time...my friends brother...xiu xuan is my friend her younger rother jianming...:P i cant believe he look so mature suddenly...but still skinny..haha...they whole family all skinny one...so gd lor...well..den chat with him on bus...realise he working 2 jobs..den still studying in NP yr 1 only...well...he tell me about his schedule and from mon to sun...i can tell u...he is a workaholic...only have 1 hour traveling time and no time for rest...unless is after his work..which is either after 10pm or 11pm...cant believe he keep himself so busy...well..he suddenly remind me of my bf also...coz he said he saw me at habour front shopping center..which i only go with that some1 well...i jus told him we not tgt anymore...den he tell me to find more work lor...earn more money...at least make urself feel useful and hardworking...haha...:P so after tat...i reach sch...den sit at front row leh..hehe...i still gt listen in class..altot im chatting with 7 or 8 ppl on msn..:P den break..at first wanted to go SIM eat..hai...remind me of him again...coz when he comes my sch we will go SIM to eat...hai...well...in the end jus go nearest canteen eat only..coz no time..only 1 hour break...


During break...stupid classmates...still so childish..take my wallet dun wan give
back...bully..hai...well...den finally decide to eat yong dau fu..even though my friend tell me today yong dau fu not nice...:P so during eating...im seating with
hui fen and aundrea...stupid aundrea...keep on saying "sai sai sai" when im still eating...zzz...he jus say wat he wants sia...well..after that go back to class...met the other classmates...IS classmates..:) i give shaun a shock from tap on shoulder..haha...he very nice guy...feel so bad that day his birthday i didnt go lor..hai...coz sad day for me that day...feel horrrrrible that day...dun wan to spoil his birthday so i didnt go...:) well...den he told me about guo rong getting drunk on his birthday..and they gt video down..haha...i went to disturb guo rong ask him show me the video...its so funny...he drunk and he duno wat he said..haha...well..actually im reminded of some1 again...coz they place they went to drink is where we go tgt on sandy's birthday..its called "Drinking Place"...i really love that place...altot it is a clubbing place but at least it is where i play pool with him...drink with him...enjoying tgt...its so hurting when i recall
that i actually miss him playing pool with me...haix...

kk..back track...class...after that have to start doing my practical in class..which i totally no idea what to do...so i started to listen to music...chat in msn...den kenneth started laughing at me singing to myself...well...its a sad song la...i really like it thought..its title "huo hua" means fire flower...den after that really duno what to do i started writing my post on notepad first...then
i can post when i get home...so after that...nothing to do..met yuling at square coz she also waiting for time to pass..she showed me the kung fu video about her opponents..haha..she prepareing for competition...hope she can win all the competitions..haha..she is a nice friend...need to thanks her for alws making me busy...haha...and we actually shared a blog...:)

After meeting her...she went for training..which she jus went to see only...haha...so im suppose to meet mathew to pass him the camp form...so waited at atrium...den i didnt plan to go meet up with my classmate but in the end i still went and didnt go for my dance...coz i have no idea which class shld i go..the club to big...to many ppl..so ill jus pass this week ba...wait after camp then see
how...after i submit form..went to alumni building to meet ferry and jin hui...the stupid duo that alws make me feel damn embarrass in front of other ppl...hai...they can be really insensitive at times...and almost all the time...they ask me about my bf again...haix....i almost cried again...but duno how it seems they make it into anger...and i start scolding vulgar..i cant believe it myself also...jus start to scold coz they really hurt me...well...more of embarrassing me...and trying to
patch me up with someone else...and they call tat caring..haix...well..after tat they actually plan to stay overnight in sch to do their In House Project..they still so hard working..:P den they have to make video so thats y mathew came to help...den when they need to move the urniture...ferry actually knock over a plant...with those brown round stones use as fake soil..lucky its not real
soil..haha..well..its in a enclose room..dun think the plants are real any way...so they have to pick up the stones..half way thru..they give up..and threw the others away...coz the pot is full..duno how to put back also..haha....kk..so after tat...they took the video..and they also show us some other video about some presentation on "Edequete" duno how to spell...its about how to wear for work..attitute at work..about what to do when u go out to work...it was funny when they look so serious in the video and do some stupid things...

After all this...11pm...i went back..took bus with mathew...who actually stayed at Pasir Ris...and i actually took opposite bus to clementi mrt with him...talked to him on the way....and he also same as me...broke up jus the day before sch reopen...hai...so i almost cried again..but i controlled myself...mathew said my nose is turning red like im going to cry...but i said i cant help it...it jus comes when i feel this hurting feeling and empty feeling...UUURRRGGGG....i hate this...in the end i just take mrt back to bukit gombak and walk home...funny thing..i didnt cry...hmmm...and i went home and saw my mum still watching tv...den she told me to eat...so i ate...and bath...den when i plan to watch some video before slping...stupid internet is down...hai...feel so sad...emptiness again...i cant do anything...started to cry again...hai...on my bed also...my sis not at home..so i gt the whole room..and started to write on the notepad...

I hate to admit but i really miss u..

Even though i know you dont feel the same anymore...

Even though i know you still dont have trust in me...

Heart Broken...

This is how i feel right now....

I think im breaking down...
Just broke up with my bf ystdy...
Cant help but cry...
I don't know what to do to make him understand i really love him...
Every couple go through ups and downs...
But not this relationship with him...
Once down...he will leave...
That is how i felt...Coz i don't know what is wrong...
Wrong with me...and there wont be any wrong with him...
Its not fair right? well...love is blind...
Love blinded me to not realise he is not serious...
Even if it is a short relationship...
Im alws serious...
Willing to change...to wait...to make things right...
But alws failed...coz no one give me a chance...
I just want to be loved and doted by 1 person...
Just 1 person is all i needed...
Am i asking too much?
I still have my family and friends around...
But i still feel lonely...
Coz i know how wonderful it feels to be loved by the only 1...
It is a totally different feeling from kin and friendship...
U can say im lost...lost in love...
Im weak...Im sad...
This is who i am...
Changing who i am needs alot of time and courage...
I think i take too long to change...
But ill nvr give up...
Ill alws try my best to change into someone better...
Hope the hurt will go away...
And i can be the happy small girl that i alws wanted to be...
To love everyone that cared about me...
To learn to love myself...

Start of sch...today first day of sch...i wake up suffocating...feeling my tears is in my eyes...i turn on the radio and make it very loud...so i can only hear the music...so i wont think of anything...

Before reaching sch...i tried sms some of my class mate who are closer to me...Rui Xiang, Choon Long, Jo and Kenneth...I jus need to talk to someone coz i know ill cry if i cant make myself think of something else...so i jus ask some stupid question..and sms them "wo shi lian ler"...they actually really caring friends...altot they alws bully me...but they still care...during lesson its jus the same...talk about sch work..ask about holidays...CL still the same...he alws caring one..so ask me how am i...trying to make me feel better...like brother lor...so nice...after tat..have break at Pizza hut...dun wan to spend one lor..but since i have nothing else that i really wan to spend on alrdy...so jus spend on eat...if not..ill save the money for movies, shopping, arcade, pool or kbox just for someone...(that i have plan a few weeks ago...save money and getting discounts...just to wait for someone to accompany me...)

At pizza hut...they all listen to me as i tell them everything...well..not detailed...but in a way that i wont cry...or ill cry alot in front of them...i don't ususally cry in front of my friens...so i try not to cry in front of them...they are all so funny...after they listen to me...they felt angry for me sia...they say anything they can think of to make me feel better...even the most stupid idea they also can think of in order to make me feel better...they make my laugh so much that i tot ill cry...but lucky they didnt..or i cant stop...they know ive been emo the past 2 weeks of holiday...and they told me try to make urself busy...so wont be so emo...they give me suggestions and encouragement just during our 2 hour break...altot they have been making funny jokes and stupid suggestions...but at least i know they care...it so sad for me to not realise actually i gt alot of friends tat understands and help me alot...but im alws so into relationship...tat i neglected them...i feel so bad...so i will try my best...so after tat is another lesson...so sad today lesson so long...but actually im glad its so long..so i cant start to think about the past and be sad again...took back our test paper...well..managed to gt 1 A for 1 module...WT which is Wireless Techonology...

After the last lesson...i went over to dance studio to get the Indemnity form for dance camp again..:) i think ill try my best in this camp...coz i very long nvr dance ler...after tat...i jus went back home ler...cant didnt bring my attire for dance...its a long day for me on monday...haix...

Once on bus...so funny...i suddenly cried...tears jus roll down and i dun even notice...some ppl saw me cried...but they didnt really look at me...think they dun wan to embarrass me...:) well..its jus a few drops...so im still ok...but once in a while...i will have the feeling of crying again...den i start to sms my friends again...ask where are they and stuff...unti i reach home...den i really cried...

Now i stop crying..but duno ill have the feeling to cry again...i jus cant help it...just let me cry...it will make me feel better...so dun worry..jus let me cry...and ill be ok...i hope...

This are few songs that i think the lyrics is about what i felt...if only i know how to sing these songs..just found it on youtube...hope anyone can understand the lyrics...


Fen Kai Yi Hou (means after leaving)





Leave





Wo Bu Xiang Wang Ji Ni (means i don't want to forget you)altot alot of my friends say he dun deserve it...its gd to forget...haix...if only i can...maybe after some time...but for now...just let me do wat i want....





Bu Tong Duo Hao (means If only its not painful,it will be nice..)

Its been a while since i start blogging again...alot of things happen and i feel like my life is going in circles...hai..oh well..back to blogging again...hope it helps...:)

So many things happen...and it is alws sad...
not only im sad about my life...
but im sad coz so many ppl have gone...
im not able to see them around any more...
even some of them im not very close...
but i still cry for them...
it really affect me alot...
but tml still have my last paper...
really need a break from alot of things....
sch...family...death....
y is life so sad suddenly...:(

May dini rest in peace...
May my 4th uncle rest in peace...

time to move on....

Think im really moving on...:)


Daughtry Lyrics

This is a story of a girl
who is just a girl
looks normal on the outside
but hurt on the inside

if only she doesn't know anything
if only she can do something about it
but there is nothing she can do
that hurt her the most
by tolerating inside her
knowing others is happy without her

if only life is fair....



a guy wish that he is your first
a girl wish that she will be your last....
that is so true.....

About My life now........Its not the same as the MTV......
This song has the meaning in it......

Untitled (how Could This Happen To Me) Lyrics



About My Love...If only i can....


Fergie Lyrics
Big Girls Don't Cry Lyrics


About what i wish for....for both my life..and my love...


It's Not Over Lyrics


I know its new year now....if only i can leave everything behind just like the time passes by....
But things are hard to forget.....hard to forgive.....unfair......

My new year wish is to be able to go through all this ups and downs....
and if possible....have a happy beginning.....but not and ending.....

Ill still be happy...Ill still be the same...
But inside...I will keep it....save it....