再次的苏醒

这几天做任何事都魂不守舍的，看来我又要再回到过去的我，再次要败北吗？
在托儿所教书时，上课时，做推销时。。。样样都打不起精神，成天都觉得累，头疼。。。只想把功课丢一旁，家里的事只想置身之外。。。
老毛病又犯了，只想逃避，被动，悲观，心烦意乱的我又再出现了？

回想，到底我信心的原点是为了什么？
不过是为了自身的幸福和一家和乐的决意。

自从上次回家后我的题目与勤行也都越来越少。。。从每日的一小时到三十分钟，再慢慢变到零。。。遇到问题，我的信心再次被动摇，惰性再次苏醒！！！

最近我开始喜欢一个人了。。。我开始想自己现在对justin的感觉是什么了。。。他说他会很高兴如果我找到比他好的。。。我问他那对我的感觉呢，结果换来的是一片污辱！对于此事，我以为我会很生气或是很伤心，结果还好。。。但却又有点被他所说的动摇，不如就如他说的最坏打算呢？至少会在一起。另一方面又想，那是我这么久以来的所要的修行结果吗？会有幸福吗？这只会让我再次坠入宿命的恶路吧！

刚才一个朋友找我谈生意。。。她最后说的那几句话，让我想起justin以前对我所说的话。。。我当时很喜欢他因为他思想非凡，但却有着一颗真挚的心。虽他当时是个有点名闻名利的家伙，不过程度还好。。。有些事发生，改变了。他被名闻名利冲昏了头，只想用捷径赚他那第一桶金。

他说现在的我只会让他烦感，讨厌。我一直以为我们能一起努力。。。但我们的理念不同了。。。他舍弃了自己，舍弃了自身幸福，舍弃了家人；只为了那名利。。。就像一般现代人，舍弃人本主义。我想。。。因为理念不同了，看见只会产生愧疚，接着来的是厌恶，唾弃。

如佛法所说，贪憎痴是凡人都会犯的，要如何修行达至佛界呢？唯有通过信，行，学。不断的经历磨练。

过去的我都一直犯着。。。奢望着不再属于我的人。。。他不会再是能和我创造幸福的另一伴。

年轻人，回到信心的原点吧！好好向gohonzon祈求，一切宿命都转重轻受，同时为这他人的幸福实践广宣流布。祈求着gohonzon的安排，天时，地利，人和的善缘。创造凯旋归来的广宣流布。

it's time.

maybe it is time to let go of my feeling to you.
i use my heart and sincere to treat u as my dear...
in the end, being insulted by your heartless.
i guess he is the only 'friend' you have, because you are just the same as him...as worse as him...as infuriating as him...sick...bullshit!!!!
you are not worth for.even as what you said!

bastard

bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
finally i know you r that kind of person! my doubt is proven.
u r just like the kind of person like any of my friend think!
i won't get into ur trick any more

a lesson of sharing

today, we had a lesson of sharing in our leadership tutorial class...
firstly, we had a game for ice breaking for the group...then afterward, we sit in circle to share about the opinion about the changes of our group from the 1st tutorial lesson in 1st sem until now...

it is private and confidential...so i won't discuss here...

but i feel glad to be a counseling course student...we always have this kind of sharing in group...which make us grow...and learn...thanks u all...

any one can guide me?

juz have a quarel w my sis...
i know her condition...it sure will be very pressure for her to carry my younger brother and raising my younger sister...
that's why i would like to get more part time jobs to afford my financial and urs...

that day mum ask me to visit younger brother when i back hometown...
to console him...
i didn't do s0...
i juz dont have the courage...i guess...he'll lock the door for not letting me to go...

mum and sis dont want to have a good talk to discuss about my younger brother issue...

i really don't know how to deal with you all...there is too many misunderstanding between mum and sis...
you know...how i wish he can be a normal student...with freedom...and live happily...how i wish him to come back...i tidied his room when i came back hometown that day...so that he can have a comfortable room to stay when he back...