bradley

by horace p sternwall

bradley walked on the sidewalk with a suitcase in his hand they thought he was going to work but he was headed for the promised land he went down to track 14 and got on the smoking car he took his pipe from his pocket though he was not going far he started to flick his lighter and a hand fell on his arm it was his old chum constantine wedge st john from his days back on the farm they had run way together on the b & o railroad line to find fame and love in the metropolis and write poetry and drink wine how are you, old fellow? st john drawled in his most disarming style since we waited in the shadows together it has certainly been a while the universe has been blown apart and put together again and nobody loses any more and nobody wins since everybody was a beatnik and everybody was a seer and all the vamps were ire and all the wolves were were

dream 25

by dog e relaford

you know it was a dream because the person in the dream is dead you open your eyes and the air goes out of your head you go back to sleep and walk on the dark beach the waves are silver money just out of reach the gang arrives and tell you they are taking you back the leader’s name is clark but you wish that it were mac mac was your friend (sort of) a long time ago you walked in the rain and got lost in the snow

falling asleep poem

by dog e relaford

there is something wrong with my brain it is hard to explain the clown eats a pistachio ice cream cone but his yellow dog has no bone the white dog outside the window takes it easy and slow he has as much time as the sphinx as the raindrops go plink plink plink the dishes are piled in the sink the cook needs another quick drink the clown is not feeling himself and puts his red nose back on the shalf on this spot long ago a sabre tooth tiger walked in the snow a dinosaur came in from the cold and the world was already old

zero hour

by bofa xesjum

four people were stranded on a desert island. donald trump (the worst person who has ever lived), my mom (the nicest person who has ever lived), the queen of sheba (the most beautiful woman who has ever lived), and friar roger bacon, the smartest man who has ever lived, who wrote shakespeare in his spare time). they were searching for the perfect coconut, but had not been able to find it. one day a raft appeared off the shore of the island. there were four people on it. dr frankenstein (the greatest inventor the worls has ever known), his monster, mata hari (the most seductively alluring spy who has ever lived) and allen dulles (the mastermind behind the cold war). ahoy, dr frankenstein called, do you folks want to be rescued? no, donald trump called back, we want to look for the perfect coconut a little while longer. the raft departed. night fell over the island. do you hear something? the queen of sheba asked friar roger bacon. i can not say that i do , he started to reply. suddenly a great light -

resignation

by nick nelson

good evening, fellow citizens of the world. as you have no doubt been led to expect, i am resigning, effective immediately, my position as under-secretary of cultural-financial coordination of the central sector. some of my long time assistants have thoughtfully written a speech for me for this occasion. in this speech i confess to being the worst person who has ever lived, worse even than a certain personage with a small mustache, and another certain personage with orange hair. i express my deep sense of shame at bringing disgrace to my family, to the central sector, to the human race, and to all the creatures of the earth, for my uniquely monstrous and unforgivable actions, and i apologize once again to my accuser, citizen yk-564, for my unspeakable behavior, fully realizing how pathetically inadequate any apology can ever be, but i have decided to toss the speech aside and instead say what i really think. to, to use an old-fashioned expression, speak from the heart. i am a pathetic moron, driven by impulses i can neither comprehend or control, wandering helplessly through a dark and constantly shifting world. as are all of you. i know nothing. and you, my accusers and victims, know less than nothing, as you do not know that you know nothing. let me tell you a story. a story of how i came to be here today, a story, perhaps, of how we all came to be here today. maybe a few of you out there will find it illuminating. cut him off. don’t you want to hear his story? no. why not? i already know it. it is my story, too, and yours and everybody else’s. just cut him off. all right. done.

solomon grundy

by nick nelson

solomon grundy was the ugliest man in the world, and he dreamed every night of being the most beautiful woman in the world. one night, before retiring for the night, he discovered he was out of chamomile tea. he made himself a cup of earl grey tea instead. that night he had a slightly different dream. he entered a tea shop and found himself face to face with three of the most beautiful women in the world - deililah, salome, and cleopatra. good heavens! delilah exclaimed. we thought we were three gorgeous creatures, but this newcomer puts us quite in the shade. indeed! chimed in salome. won’t you join us, sister, clepoatra added, so that we may continue to be astounded by your ethereal beauty. this was solomon’s happiest dream, but it was also his last. in the morning, his faithful housekeeper, mrs worthy, who had served him for forty some years, found him dead in his bed, with a curious grimace on his face.

a walk in the woods

by nick nelson

one day daniel boone was walking in the woods. i am hungry, daniel thought. i am hungry enough to eat a bear. suddenly a bear appeared on the trail before him. at your service, the bear addressed daniel, offering him a knife and fork. please be my guest. what tomfoolery is this? daniel exclaimed angrily. you expressed a desire to eat a bear, the ursine replied politely. i have been sent by the god belial, to grant your wish. he only asks in return that you become his faithful follower. i think not! daniel answered sharply, and the bear disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. daniel walked on. now i am really getting hungry, he thought, now i am hungry enough to eat a moose. a moose appeared on the trail before him. the moose smiled, and like the bear, offered daniel a knife and fork. and who sent you? daniel demanded. the god moloch, who invites you to a hearty repast of my humble self, asking in return only that you become his faithfiul follower. begone, demon! daniel cried, and the moose disappeared. daniel trudged on down the trail.. now i could eat anything, large or small, daniel mused. i could go for a butterfly. a beautiful pink and blue butterfly floated in the air. i am all yours, it murmured. devour me if you like. to whom do i owe the honor, daniel asked. the queen of the fairies., the butterfly replied. and she asks nothing in return. well, daniel thought, i suppose it can’t hurt.