Spencer is a big brother!

I feel like I haven't updated in a long time. I've had a few interesting things happen related to adoption and Spencer.

I wrote this about my visit with Spencer on May 14th I had a visit with Spencer yesterday. I hadn't seen him since last March. We met at Wines Park in Lehi since it was halfway. When they arrived I went to their car and Spencer hid the red rose behind his back and gave it to me then he ran off to play. I mostly visited with Audrey and watched him play. They brought their new puppy Pooka with them. She is so cute and all the kids kept coming over to pet her. Jaymee loved the puppy too. Spencer mostly played with kids that were closer to his age but he was by Jaymee a few times.

Spencer was not shy at all like he was at our last visit. He asked me to kiss him on the cheek, Sat on my lap for pictures, gave me a hug goodbye, asked me to play with him and slide down together. He told me that his favorite food is Broccoli. He likes Soccer, Basketball and Swimming. He is a good reader and very good at spelling. They gave me one of his spelling tests. He was eating gummy bears and I told him that I craved them when I was pregnant with him. I also told him that I swam a lot when I was pregnant. He understands that he was in my tummy and that I chose Mike and Audrey to be his parents. I went to swing with him and he jumped out and I told him I wouldn't jump as I'm afraid of heights he said "You are an adult and shouldn't be afraid of anything." I ended up jumping out. He loves Spiderman.

My mom and Dad came with me. We also brought Jaymee. Dad played with Jaymee most the time while mom and I visited with Audrey. It was a bit stormy at first but cleared up. Audrey called mom Grandma in front of Spencer. I think It was a slip up as He doesn't understand that we are all family, at least that's what we thought. When we were saying goodbye he asked "Are we all family?" I wanted to let Audrey explain that later if she chose so I said well This is my mom, Dad and Niece. I think he's catching on though.

I wrote this about decision day which is Oct 8th. Yesterday was 8 years since my decision to place my son for adoption. I watched my neice for a few days and had a glimpse of how hard it could have been to raise a child alone. I'm glad Spencer has two parents to love him. He gets everything he needs and more. He will be a big brother this November and I'm so excited for him! I am grateful to have an open adoption and get letters, pictures and visits.

I recently got divorced and have started dating again. It's always hard to know when to tell a guy about Spencer. One guy was a single father and I told him about Spencer. He couldn't understand how I could place my son for adoption. I told him that Spencer was not meant to be with me but the other family. I have never really voiced that. It was almost shocking for me to say that because i wanted to raise Spencer so much but it really is true. Spencer is with the family he was meant to be with I was just his way into the world.

Some exciting news is Spencer is a big brother. His brother is part hispanic too and was born 11/20/11. I'm so excited for Spencer and his family.

The picture of the book is what I got Spencer for Christmas. It's such a cute story! The other picture is Spencer holding his new baby brother and then the last picture is of me after going to the closing for National adoption month pamper night the last day of November. I got a facial and a hair cut and met some amazing women.

Birth Mother's day

I have been having a hard few days. I was looking forward to going to Michael McLean adoption celebration with another birthmom but plans fell through. I had been planning on a play date with my nephew and birth son but that fell through too. I felt like everything I tried to do was falling through. I wanted to do something fun to celebrate and nothing was working and I have been depressed. Today has been better. My mom and Dad gave me a pretty necklace, earrings, card and flowers and wished me Happy Mother's Day. I also got a card and plant from my brother and his wife. My sister called me and wished me Happy Birth Mother's Day. I also talked to the adoptive mom and I get to see Spencer on Wednesday! Things are looking up. I hope that all my birth mom friends were able to celebrate today or Mother's day and didn't have a rough day. I know it can be a hard time. I have had many Mother's days that have been hard but it's nice to be recognized and remembered. I'm glad my family was able to do that for me.

Decision day

Yesterday marks 7 years since my decision to place my precious baby boy for adoption. I was 20 weeks along. I had just recently found out that I was having a boy. I announced to my family the gender of the baby and the decision I was making at the same time. My mom and sister surprised me with red roses and a white flower representing the baby.
I've changed a lot over these years. I have learned a lot about many kinds of love, forgiveness, my strength, the atonement, gospel, family. I'm not sure I would have learned and grown the way I have without going through the adoption process. I still know I did the right thing for my baby and me at the time and with the circumstances I was in.
I still have an open adoption and I'm grateful for that. I get letters and pictures yearly and occasional visits. Our last visit was in march. We also talk on the phone sometimes and email.
Some other ways adoption has touched my life this year is I met a new birth mom friend. Her name is Jeni and she placed a year ago. She lives near me and we have met. I'm going to her house today to celebrate her daughters first birthday. I have met a lot of amazing women who placed their baby or adoptive families online that I wouldn't have if i wasn't touched by adoption. This year I also attended a family supporting adoption activity where we made blankets for birth moms and their babies. I also have helped my brother and his wife start the process to adopt. They are going to adopt through LDS social services. I helped them with their letter and have answered lots of questions. I am so excited for them to add to their family through adoption.
My husband was very sweet and took me to dinner and a movie last night. We went to chili's. I tried asking him about favorite memories with Spencer but he's only met him twice. We talked about our last visit with him in march. We saw the movie "Life as we know it." I liked the movie. I laughed and cried. I think I cried more because I was already emotional with the anniversary of decision day. The movie was about two single people whose friends died and they are trying to raise their friends baby together.
I miss my son. I will always love him and keep him dear to my heart. I know that he is happy and healthy. He has a great life and great parents. I know I made the right decision. I miss my sister Heidi as we always talked about "memories" with Spencer. She was there for everything during my pregnancy and several years after placing. She was such a huge support to me. I don't know that I could have done it with out her. My mom was also a huge support to me and my whole family. Now I have a wonderful husband who loves me and supports me. I am so grateful for him.
My husband and I were just recently sealed in the temple. This was a huge goal for me. It was a wonderful spiritual day. I thought of Spencer often the day I went through the temple.

reflecting

I have been thinking about the past and how much has changed in the last 7 years. The first pictures of me are at Provo Temple shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I took my first pictures there as a goal to get to the temple some day. The next set of pictures are of me at Mt. Timpanogos temple about 4 weeks after placement. I was "Looking toward the future." The last picture is of Spencer getting sealed to his parents. This day was hard for me but also a huge blessing and answer to prayers. It was very important to me that my son be sealed to an eternal family. I was unable to give this to Spencer at the time. I am so happy that he has loving parents that lead him in the gospel.

I had feared since I was in my late teens early 20's if I would be able to go to the temple because of bad decisions I had made. When I had an unplanned pregnancy that changed me. I knew I needed to change the way I was living. I wanted to be worthy of the temple. I wanted to be able to tell Spencer when he was older that he helped me to want to change and I hope that he is proud of me and glad I am his birth mom.

I went through the repentance process with my singles ward bishop in 2006. It was a hard road but so worth it. I could feel the Atonement in my life. I felt His love and His forgiveness and I was able to forgive myself for my mistakes. I took a Temple prep class in my church to prepare to get my endowment. I prayed about it and felt I would be getting married soon and I should wait. I met my husband just months after I received this answer in April 2007. I married my husband civilly in April 2008. My husband is a convert and was not very active at the time.

My husband and I had missionaries come to our home and teach us all the lessons. We took Temple Prep in 2009 and were not ready. We took it a 2nd time together in spring 2010. My husband received the full priesthood in June 2010. We have grown so much together in this process. I have felt an urgency to get to the temple. I had finished 3 temple prep classes. We will be both getting our endowment and sealed on September 18, 2010. I feel so blessed. We have had such amazing love and support from our ward, family and friends. I am excited to become a forever family with my husband. It is a dream come true that I was not sure would happen. I know the Lord loves us and is aware of us and when the timing is right. It may not always be on our time but it is the correct time.

One thing I find very neat is that I will be sealed to my husband in the same month Spencer was sealed to his parents only 6 years later. They were sealed on September 24, 2004.

Birth Mother's Day

I just wanted to wish a Happy Birth Mother's Day to all my birth mom friends. I love you all. I'm grateful for your friendship, love and being able to share stories with you. We are a unique sisterhood connected by the love of our child. I hope you all have a great weekend and were able to do something for yourself to celebrate the amazing thing you did because we are all truly amazing and brave.

Visiting Spencer

I had a visit with my son Friday 19Th. We went to dinner at the Mayan. Spencer really enjoyed the show. They have divers, fire dancer etc. Spencer was shy at first but then opened up to me. I gave him an Easter present, a book and candy. Dinner wasn't that great but the visit was good. I hadn't seen them for 2 years. He's a lot bigger. He's doing great in school and is a good reader. He read part of the card I gave him. After dinner we went to a quiet table and talked. Spencer told me about the pictures they gave me for the last year. He gave me a hug and sat on my lap. He even said my name. He's so smart and cute. We had a great visit. I'm so glad to have an open adoption.

Happy Birthday Spencer!

Happy Birthday to my sweet Spencer! Today my little boy is 6. I miss him. I love him so much. I think of him often. I'm so glad I have an open adoption and I'm able to receive pictures, letters, and have visits. He is so special to me. He changed my life so much. I am the woman I am today because of him. I'm in a better place. I feel so blessed to have him as my birth son and that the Lord entrusted him to me for a little while. I'm grateful to Mike and Audrey for their love and openness. I hope that they have a fun birthday party for him. I will be celebrating at Olive Garden tonight. I love you Spencer! Happy Birthday!