I promise...

To update this blog of mine very soon.

hello?
you still there?

I have lots to tell you.
Please. stay tuned....

Ready...Set...Go....

(the husband left his specs in kids reach...)

We're STILL here!

Lets see how I can catch up in just a few minutes...
We are wearing our green today even though Eli doesn't know why,
and we haven't even left the house...
Our Corned Beef Dinner special is smelling yum & ready to eat...
The husband should be walking in the door any minute now...

"Where's Dad Eli?" you can ask him anytime and anywhere and his answer is the same everytime. "at School." Sadly, he is correct most of the time. The future Dr.J is working hard and putting in long hours day after day. And apparently I'm sometimes a boring companion for Eli at home. The weather has finally turned, and is verging on being perfect. We will be taking advantage of the outdoors and parks as much as we possibly can the next 2 months before it gets too hot to even look at the windows.
My little Elias is doing much better with his speech development. He has made some huge improvements and still does daily. He'll be tested again soon and we'll know just where we're at then. Eli is also going to be a big brother before long! (as you can see on my sidebar) He's kind of excited about that sometimes, but thinks he has a baby in his belly too... And dad...and probably you, if you were here.
It will be fun to have a little baby around for Eli to help.
He's going to be a great big brother.
I really enjoyed being pregnant with Eli. It was enjoyable and exciting to see my body growing and changing to support his little life. I had no complications (except for laboring) and I really enjoyed having a reasonable excuse to buy a new wardrobe.
This go around...not so much. We planned it, we wanted to happen and we were excited when it did. Since then I caught a violent stomach flu leaving me in the bathroom for almost a full 24 hours, I've had unexplained bleeding and cramping followed by 3 weeks of spotting. I thought, on so many different occasions I had miscarried. I've been BEYOND tired. I'm pretty sure I knew either something was seriously wrong with me or I was pregnant the day after conception because I could not stay awake for the life of me. I've felt like I haven't been able to accomplish anything in a single day. (except a nap and lying on the couch) I've had the oh so dreadful morning sickness, morning noon and night. An undetected heart beat only to be confirmed by an ultrasound, followed by a diagnosis of Placenta Previa. And special instructions to "take it easy" (no problem, right?). I do have a two year old, remember doc?
It's just been exhausting and emotionally draining so far. But I'm thinking I see some light somewhere out there in the future. If I could get over this cold, and breathe again. This pregnancy has apparently decided to stick, and I'm finally starting to feel like I can embrace it and possibly get excited about it. I think the sickness may be coming to a halt. I think it's slowing down. I also think my daily amount of energy is increasing. But that depends on who's asking and what you want me to do. ;)
I've cleaned more around the house today then I probably have since I got pregnant.
So, we shall see!

Until then.....
.....My tummy is rumbling, and the table is calling to be set!....

At first Meeting...

Christmastime is in full effect at the Jackson house. The temperature has taken a sudden kamikaze nose dive. Christmas tree is up and sparkling. Pearberry Wreath candle is melting, and sharing it's wonderful festive smells with us. Stockings are up, awaiting to be stuffed with goodies. Mickey Mouse' Twice Upon A Christmas is being requested every day, and we are making & eating lots of warm cookies around here. What better way to kick of the season by attending a Las Vegas christmastime celebration in the park. (and freezing our noses off) My boy met Santa Claus for the first time. I wasn't sure how he'd respond to Jolly old Saint Nick. I was going to let him decide what he wanted to do. We waited till our turn, and Eli ran right up to Santa and put his arms high in the air to be picked up. Dear ol' Santa put Eli on his lap, and the rest is history. It was love at first sight. Eli sat and beamed the entire time.

We were also able to play in an amazing field of dry leaves and sticks, with the most fantastic, intriguing, entertaining tree ever. (according to a couple of two year olds)
Eli and good friend Toby, had a BLAST.

Eli grabbed a stick, ran to 'his' tree & said cheeeeese.
just like a pro.

And what celebration in the park would be complete without a
Firetruck & Petting Zoo?

Tis'the Season!!
xoxo

It's been a long time coming. I think I need to resume my blogging and get out of my ________. (insert adjective to correctly describe the state of funk I've been in)

When I have a problem, or an issue I have to deal with, I usually don't. I usually just push it to the back of my mind, deep in the depths of where I store the things that don't make any sense, for it to just get mixed in and tangled with everything else so it CAN'T come up to the surface again. All so that I don't have to worry about it. Unfortunately that never works. It still pushes itself to squeeze out and be revealed.

I JUST fully realized my funk. WHY things are not as they should be. WHY I'm so anxious and can't sleep well. WHY I worry all the time and am so frustrated to the verge of tears.

DUH. it's cause I ignore my fears.

As a parent, there's nothing more frustrating than watching my precious baby struggle to learn to communicate. While friends' and relatives' toddlers are all saying soooo much more and even forming simple sentences, my child can only cry in frustration, locked away from the world of words that should to be opening up for him.

I can’t help but feel embarrassed, ashamed or jealous, or even angry! Why MY child? Why does it have to be so hard?

I would give anything for MY baby to be able to ask for help when he needs it, or tell me he loves me when he snuggles close.

Everyone tells you, “Oh, he'll talk when he's ready.” Even the pediatrician insists there's nothing seriously wrong. But I KNOW my child. I know he WANTS to communicate. I see him trying. I know he's ready now.

But no matter how hard I try to help him, the words don't come.

I'm sure they will eventually. and if they don't, well, then I will love him just the same, and I will help him every step of his life. Just as I would as if he were not my mute baby boy. Maybe we will develop our own secret silent language where he can tell me things with his eyes, and I could translate for him. We'll be a team and I will stand by him and help him. forever.

It's hard to not be frustrated. Its hard to be hopeful. I am a little, I have to be. But at the same time, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't worry, get angry, and just as frustrated as he gets when he can't tell me what he wants. Cause he sure KNOWS what he wants.

I will continue to work, and try, and be patient on the outside. Just for my sweet boy.