A Visit to Marley Farms

On our day off today, I found the perfect place to take the kids... Marley Farms. This awesome farm is only a few miles away from us and I can't believe that I did not find out about it until recently.


According to their website... Marley Farms was founded in May of 2007 by Shea and Jessica Hillenbrand. The 25-acre farm has 135 stalls for indoor or outdoor boarding, four well-maintained arenas and new pasture turnouts.

There is also a petting zoo that the Hillenbrands make available to local youth groups that includes a variety of animals, including goats, camels, kangaroos, tortoises, llamas, as well as several other rescued animals. Shea and Jessica opened their hearts and farm to include this petting zoo for their non-profit organization, Against All Odds.

What is really cool too is that Shea Hillenbrand is a professional baseball player. Kman met him and another player who was also there today working on the farm. They will be holding a baseball camp there over spring break that I think we will have him participate in. For Cater, they have an animal rescue that adopts out dogs and all the animals there are rescued from across the country and so she was in her element as she loves animals and wants to have her own animal rescue someday. They will have a camp for kids that want to learn about the animals over break that I think we will have her do. And of course, Selina and Kwame had a good time with the animals. Kwame was a little nervous of some of them at first but came around quickly. So fun.

I just can't believe what a fabulous place exists so close to us. We spent a few hours just hanging out with the animals and talking to wonderful people there. A great day!

Kwame goes to school...

Kwame and his kindergarten teacher.

It was hard to decide what to do regarding school for Kwame. Several of the other kids that have come home from the same adoption center in Ghana have wanted to go to school very soon after coming home, especially if they see their siblings going to school. This is what happened with Kwame.

TR and I stayed home with him the first week and we did different things together over that week and just spent time together without the other kiddos (they were at school). One of the things we did was take him to his school. The principal took him on a tour and then I had asked the special ed and reading specialist to do a few quick curriculum based assessments with him so we could get an idea of where he is at academically. In doing so, we learned his strength is math and that for reading, he could read some sight words but did not have skills to sound out unfamiliar words. We decided to have him start in kindergarten. Even though I feel I could have caught him up academically to be in first, he gets nervous and overwhelmed easily socially and so I felt that the skills the kindergarten teacher works on with the class in this area would be very helpful for Kwame.

After that week, Kwame wanted to go to school as I expected would happen. I still was home with him for two more weeks before I had planned to go back to work.

So during that second week he was home, I started transitioning Kwame to school. On the first day, we went and met the class. I explained that Kwame is new to America from Africa and that he was excited to have friends and to learn about life in America. The kids were great and very welcoming to him. We stayed a few minutes to participate in circle time and then left.

It just so happened that on the second day, the class was going on a field trip to a local farm and park. It was the perfect opportunity for Kwame to get to meet his classmates and get to know them a little better. We met the class at the farm together and following the farm tour, Kwame wanted to go to the park for lunch and play so we did that also. It worked out perfectly as he met some kids that he took an immediate liking too and had a great time playing with them.




Over the next few days, Kwame went to school part of the day. That following week, we tried a full day and while he did okay one day, the next day, he got very overwhelmed after lunch. He was tired and he wanted me to come and get him.

I started doubting my decision to have him start school so quickly after coming home. His wonderful teacher and I decided to have him transition more slowly and only stay half a day for a bit.

Over the next three weeks, we have slowly extended Kwame's day and it has worked out beautifully. He loved having me come and get him after lunch the first week we did this, but then he started feeling more comfortable in school and wanted to do centers (which was what the class was about to do when I came to get him). The second week, we had him stay for centers and then the third week we extended the day one more hour. To help out with the transition, on different days, TR or I would go and volunteer in the class in the afternoon or would stay longer with him. Some days Kwame wanted to stay a little longer and on other days, he was exhausted. One day, when I got there, he was so tired that I waved my hand in front of his face and he didn't even look at it! Poor boy! Now mind you once he got in the car, he did perk right back up but he did take a little nap that afternoon!

The week before our winter break, Kwame made it two entire days and left only an hour early the other days.

Since winter break, he has been attending full days. He is doing a really good job. He has started testing us all a little, but is responding well to redirection. At school, some of the things that he gets to take a time out to reflect on are pretending to play the drums on a child's head with pencils, crawling across his desk and tripping a classmate. It happens most in the afternoon when he is a little more tired and the class is at a time when their activities are a little less structured (centers).

Kwame is really loving school. He is very diligent and conscientious about completing his homework. He has already made a lot of progress in reading. I think that part of his excitement and success has been due to us slowing extending his day. He does receive services from the English as a Second Language Teacher as well as from the Reading Specialist. He will start in a friendship group with a few other children from his class and the social worker.

I do think that my decision to put him in kindergarten instead of first grade was a good one so far. The first grade class is larger and there is one teacher while his class now has a teacher and assistant. We are also very blessed in that his teacher had Cater last year and was excited to get Kwame in her class. She really has helped make his transition smooth and has set up an environment in which the kids are excited to have Kwame in class and have been helpful to him. She also helps the class when things happen as a result of Kwame's limited time here and because of his past experiences.

One example of this is when he started horsing around with another boy. The boy got a little scared because Kwame was a little more physical than he was used to. Kwame did not understand and kept being more physical and was laughing. As a result, the kids started saying that Kwame was mean and that he hurt the other child (really the child was just a little scared). The teacher did a wonderful job talking to Kwame and helping him understand that he scared his friend and has to be more gentle and also spoke to the class about how Kwame was not mean and is used to playing a little differently and that he is still our good friend. It is the little things like this that make a huge difference in whether or not his transition and school experience are positive. While another teacher could be a little frustrated when things like this happen, instead, his teacher and I recognize that this is normal and keep in constant contact with each other. Sometimes we laugh about the things he does and says because he is pretty dang funny, even when he is testing the waters- which he has been doing a little of lately!




Hindsight is 20/20 but if I had to do it over again, I would have probably waited a week or two longer to start him. With that said though, it don't know how he would have been that week or two not going to school. I am so glad we have slowly transitioned him into the school. The academic demands and social demands are just a lot for an adopted child and by lunchtime, he was just exhausted. TR and I were fortunate that the school and our employers worked with us to make this happen.

I think that slowly transitioning him has made a huge difference in Kwame's attitude about school. Now he loves school and each night asks if tomorrow is a school day. One day he could not go because he had walking pneumonia. He was really disappointed and told me the doctor was joking and that he was not sick!

As much as Kwame is learning, his classmates are learning too. They have learned a little more about Africa and adoption. I have had classmates parents come up to me and tell me how their child talks about Kwame at home. Another classmate apparently prays for him nightly. I love that and feel so fortunate that Kwame is in such a wonderful school with a fabulous teacher and sweet classmates. I enjoy watching him so excited about going to school and learning.

Transitions...

We are asked all the time, "How are the kids doing?" My response lately has been, that everyone is a little displaced and we are looking for our normal.

We are transitioning into a family of six. The kids are all trying to find their place. It is going better than we expected. It is just a tiring time as everyone needs mom and dad right now!

I have worked on this post for a few days, typing than erasing what I have typed. There is so much to share that I don't know where to start. I can't possibly get every thing down so I will share what I have time to get down in my next few posts.

What I can say is that this is a tiring time as anyone that has gone through adopting an older child when there are other children in the home can tell you. I am behind on lots of things because just functioning is harder than usual right now. TR and I are needed so much extra and going through the day is emotionally draining because it is so wonderful at times and so hard at times.

Like Selina did when she first came home, Kwame got overwhelmed easily the first month. He could go out on one trip a day it seems before he was done and wanted to go home and play soccer or ride his bike. So if it was a doctor day, we did that and planned for that to be our only outing. His brain is processing so much and observing so much, he just got tired quickly.

The way that Kwame reacts when he is overwhelmed is that he just closes down. He may get quiet or may cry and mumble to himself. He just seems to get uncomfortable in his own skin and will move around a lot.

When he does this, I can usually pick him up and rock him and talk to him for a bit and he usually calms down or if he is tired, he will eventually fall asleep. It is hard to see him get upset but I am thankful that I know when it is happening and he is allowing me to comfort him the majority of the time.

In comparison to Selina, he was much easier as at this point in transitioning than her as Selina was inconsolable. She kicked, hit and screamed loudly for up at an hour at a time. It took weeks before she would let us touch her when she was having a tantrum. It was hard as we felt so helpless but at least we can help Kwame now especially when he communicates what he needs or wants. I expected Kwame to get physical with us but he hasn't.

Then a couple of weeks ago, Kwame started testing us more. He would do something and then look at me with this look on his face that said, "What are you going to do about this?" Then if he got in trouble, he would melt down. Sometimes the meltdowns were his typical meltdowns but sometimes it seemed he almost faked a meltdown to try to avoid getting in trouble.

This testing is hard because I have to decide how to handle each situation. Do I respond in a more strict and firm way or in a more nurturing way? I had to make a call to try to figure out why he was doing what he was doing and then respond based on what I believed he was trying to achieve. If I felt he was testing me, I needed to be firm and let him know that behavior was unacceptable but if he just wanted attention or was truly confused, I needed to be understanding and let him know that he just needed to let me know he needed me. Sometimes I made the right call and sometimes I blew it- I feel bad when I blow it.

Thankfully this is all getting easier as we get to know Kwame better and he gets to know us. We are learning how to quickly help him when he starts to get in a funk and when he just needs to have time to grieve. His life is becoming more predictable and so he is feeling more comfortable with his routine.

He is really doing so well overall, much better than we expected. He is such a resilient child, he amazes us. He is definitely a mommy's boy and needs time to snuggle with mommy every day. He is such a cuddler, I love it! It really helps with the bonding that he wants to be held and rocked every day. His eye contact with us is getting better as at first, he barely looked at us when we were close to him or were talking to him. We have not pushed this a lot but are just giving it time and it is getting better all the time.

Kwame is a huge blessing to our family. I love watching the relationships between Kwame and each of his siblings. I am off for a few weeks for the holidays so I will look forward to taking some time and discussing his transition in more detail... Stay tuned I think I am back!LOL

Mama found a grungy wall!

I just love the pictures of families that many photographers do where they are standing in front of really cool looking walls. So I am driving down the road about five miles from my house and find this wall. I couldn't think of anything else for the next week except dressing up my kids to coordinate with the wall and going there to take pictures.

Today was the day! I actually ironed their jeans and bribed them with the lure of the dollar store if they took nice pictures in front of the wall mommy found...

They did pretty good!

Please cover Jenni in your prayers

I have been following the blog of Jenni (The Comfy Place) for a few years now. She started her blog showing her beautiful crafts and scrapbooking and then she was diagnosed with cancer. She has battled it bravely but the doctors predict she will be called home in the next day or so.

Jenni, you fought such a courageous battle and have suffered so much pain. You have reminded me of what is important in life. In the end, cancer may have defeated you but not before you touched the lives of so many and made a difference in this world. I can't imagine the joy you will have dancing without pain and watching over your beautiful children.

May God Bless you and be with you.

2 Corinthians 4:16-15:8
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

The moment I met him...

I was so nervous the few minutes before I met Kwame. After all these months of knowing he was my son and not really knowing him, I was finally about to meet him.

It was really weird for me to be the third one in the family to meet him. Usually it is the mom that carries the baby and gets to know him or her before giving birth. With Selina, I spent a month with her in Africa and got to know her before bringing her home. This time, TR and Kman met and got to know Kwame for a week before I met him. I was excited for them and the bond that the boys in the family shared for having that experience but it was just so unnatural that I did not know Kwame first.

I think I got nervous right before meeting him because he is older. I looked in my closet and could not decide what to wear to meet my new son. I wanted to be comfortable but not too casual. I had on black capris and a mostly black top at first but decided that might be a little too much black and kind of satanic for meeting a child to wear so much black. At the last minute, I put on my jean capris with the black shirt because they were comfy and I realized that I will remember what I wear more than Kwame probably. I laughed at myself for trying on three different things and wishing I had painted my tootsies as my polish was coming off.

So we made it to the airport on time which was an accomplishment considering I felt it necessary to have the van washed really good on the way so he wouldn't learn it usually looks like we live in it for at least a few days! Since we arrived early, we actually had a few minutes to spare before the boys landed.

I think Cater was nervous too and wanted to make a good impression as she was being especially helpful with Selina and was watching down the corridor saying, "I think they are coming everytime anyone headed our way!"


I could only see feet and the bottoms of legs initially but when I saw the little brightly patterned Ghana pants, I knew the time was finally here.


I immediately started crying which I told myself not to do many times over the previous few days as I did not want to scare him by crying right away. Oh well, welcome to your world little man, mom cries easily!!LOL


Kwame was so sweet as he immediately ran up and gave me a hug! There is discussion that goes on in the adoption world about if you love your adopted child right away or if it takes time. For some it does take time and so there is a term that is used "fake it until you make it" about how if those feelings are not there, you fake it because eventually as time goes on, you will love your child.

I feel fortunate because that did not happen with either of my children. I loved Kwame from the moment I saw him and once we got the referral for him, I loved him even more. When the courts declared he was our son, I loved him like I did my other children. For me, the difference was that I did not know why I loved him. I didn't know yet what personality traits and things about him, I would love the most but I was excited to find out.

So here he was, this amazing child that just traveled for nineteen hours and he was really here and was hugging us. Kwame was a little quiet for a few seconds and then started asking for his sister Selina. He heard her name around the adoption center quite a bit before coming home as she is from there also, so he was excited to meet her!



The kids spent a few moments talking before Selina decided to have a huge tantrum on the ground right there (something about wanting her shoes off or something like that!) I think she was a little overwhelmed. Bless Kwame as he immediately tried to help his new sister! She decided to continue to be upset right through our first family picture at the top of this post (which is why she is not looking at the camera- she refused!)

Thankfully every thing looked better from atop her brothers shoulders so we made it out of there without further incident!


So there you have it, I loved our little man from the moment I met him. He is sweet and sensitive yet loud and passionate at times. He LOVES soccer and riding his bike! He loves his mom and likes to argue with Selina about how I am his mom and not her mom which is all fun and games unless one of them is tired!

As we walked out of the airport last Friday as a family of six, I am sure the witnesses thought to themselves that we have our hands full! I am blessed though because we do and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Kwame is home!!

The boys arrived home on Friday. It was so wonderful to have Kwame run up and give me a hug right away. He is such a sweet boy. I will share more about his homecoming and the boys time in Africa in the weeks to come but I wanted to share pictures and let you know that it is going very well over here. We are transitioning but it is going better than expected. Kwame fits in perfectly. We are blessed he is our son...