My 309857th iPhone headphone.

I'm getting really sick of buying a new one every month. Apple needs to improve it's quality.

Viva strikes again!

1) OSPE- Total Marks: 160

2) Viva- Total Marks:  300

Instant death.

Goodbye, world.

So I just got a taste of 'medicine'. Yeah, MBBS. Proff. I flunked badly. Or maybe i did not? I don't know. I'm so bloody confused. I did 47 MCQ's in the first go. Out of which some 10 were wrong. Then i'm forcing myself to believe this hallucination kay jo tukkay par kiye hain un main se bhi tau kuch theek houn gay.
Ugh. I'm so bloody pissed right now. Like buhat ziada. Haven't had any food since last night. Still not in the mood. Beisti hau gy amma se tab hi kuch khaoungy. =/

Anyway, Paper 2 up next. CNS and MS. Wtf! I can't do this boolsheet. Too much khuwari. Half contemplated 'paper leak karwa letay hain' with a classfellow lol Yeah, i'm that lame.

I'm sleep-deprived as i type this. Upar se Mood farigh hua wa hai. Bhook bhi lagi hai par mood nai. I'm so pissed at every single thing right now. Trying to study Paeds ( oh FFS, whatever the spellings :@ ). I only know Physio of both CNS and MS. And some anatomy. =l

I hate life.

Can't you halt your brain and the thoughts it generates for a millisecond?

Uncertainty certainly is a bitch.

I wish i had some way of finding out what really runs through your mind. 'Cause it is slowly eating me up trying to figure out what excatly is wrong with you, with me and with everything else in my periphery. I build up vague sketches in my head of what might have happened and each new thought is a gazillion times more terrible than the one before. Let there be a reason, at least.

They say we don't like being ignored. I now understand why.

Battle Of The Ancestors!

I am awesome! 

Useless Post

I am bored.

Goodbye.

Resurrection. For the timebeing. -_-

They gave back my death cert. So i am back.

I don't know what i have been doing the past days. Nothing, i can answer that for you. Uff. Bad start. Koi nai, proff does that to everybody.

Had my last module exam a week back. I made out alive. Never thought this would happen. Oh and they only gave Upper Limb in the exam. I detest Upper Limb. -_-

I have my professional from 22nd of November, I have hopes of passing the theory exams but sure as hell will be screwed in the OSPE and Viva's. 

10 days and 4 module prep. I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST WHATEVER OUNCE OF SANITY I HAD. Ugh. Damn you, medicine!

Embryo is so tough. I don't want to reproduce. Infact, i believe all of us should stop mating/reproducing now that we know what torture an MBBS student goes through trying to learn all those bloody phases YOUR fetus' will go through. I even made a page about it on facebook. 

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stop-Reproducing-Stop-Making-Us-Study-Embryology/119525064774161?v=wall

This is what happens when you lose your brain and start head-butting your washroom door. Geddit, mein pagal hau chuki houn. -_-

And you guys have such awesome new posts. My Dashboard has literally died under the weight of your awesomeness. Too bad my brain can't generate some comments. Start working, stoopid.

Oh and i might be stuck in Isb for this Eid. No hometown trips. :(

ps: tumblr is awesome.

How many times do you look for the time during shitty lectures?

Orthopedic Lecture

8th Oct, 2010

Bored to death

ps: Yes, we started doing Tarot-reading to kill time. =P

Once upon a time

there was a girl who went to give her viva.

she saw doctor khadija and doctor sadaf

and ran out as fast as she could.

The End.

Awe. ^_^

By Aeesha.

How can you not love this girl! <3

You can't study with a laptop and facebook.

I give up.

12:45 am.

Why do people get in a relationship and then later complain when they get ditched? I mean, how can you claim you guys were in 'love' and 'understood' each other when in the end you couldn't even see it coming? You have known eachother for that long and yet somehow it never occured to you that they were going to do this to you?
So much for the 'i know him so well' text i received 2 months back.
Just wondering after a stranded phone-call from a really close friend.

Anyway, i need to finish(read start) Upper Limb. Viva's are a bitch. 3 Anatomy teacher's for your Viva?! What the hell..!?
Guess, you should get ready for some A-class beizzati, Nida.

How To Survive Boring Lectures!

1) Get some play-dough and make retarded stuff out of it.

                                             

Aur ye billi hai, please. No jokes allowed.

2) Play games on Jay's cellphone:

 3) Mess with 'the bones'.

• This 'middle finger' was for medicine and pectoralis minor and other bullshit.

• The Medically approved AK47. 

4) Steal rings and other accessories from People around you and start taking pictures.

5) Get kicked out of the class. Tadaa. End of boredom.


ps: i have lost my mind. bye.

'It's okay, It was just a birthday. Just another day, you know.'

I forgot. Again.
Kill me.

The agony when you find out U-share did not work. =P

Me

And wait, do you have some credit

?

Jay needs some.

10:56pmDehneez

oh

let me check tumko tou send kiye thay naa

diju get em??

10:57pmMe

Nah, dude.

I thought you forgot.

=l

10:58pmDehneez

i sent you freaking 20 rs.

check

agar ufone ney merey paisey khaye hoay

i'll kill them

10:58pmMe

Dude, Nai aye

i just checked

=/

10:58pmDehneez

FUCK UFONE

10:58pmMe

kis ko bhaijti rai hau?

10:58pmDehneez

MAJORLY

10:58pmMe

Trues

10:58pmDehneez

IN THE ASS

WHERE IT HURTS

i'll show you kal its in my inbox

Bakwas mood ki jay hau!

I CAN'T TOLERATE BAD FOOD AND THAT WOMAN!

AND THE ONLY WAY OF LETTING MY ANGER OUT IS BY TYPING WITH ALL THE FORCE I CAN MUSTER ON THIS GODDAMNED KEYBOARD!!!

THE SPACE KEY JUST STOPPED WORKING!

How fuckin' awesome!

yawn.sigh.whatever.

I have been reading so many posts about Eid and Mehndi and Fun and what not. I guess im the only loser who has not fed her blog with such stories.

But you see, i can't write that much about it. Why?
'Cause i did not have new clothes ( it was my choice in the first place but being the nice daughter that i am, i spent the first two days blaming my parents for it ), no new shoes (i did not go shopping) and since i hate mehndi so i did not even put it on. Those shimmery bangles just irritate me, so a no to them as well. HAH! I'm a simple life star. =P

Chaand raat was spent with my cousins, while they put on mehndi and showed off their brand new designer dresses, i kept myself busy with texting and yawning every once in a while. I'm such an awesome company, yes thank you. Then two of them went to the kitchen  1) to bake a cake 2) to make some salad that i dunno the name of 3) to prove to my grandmother what 'sughaar' girls they were. I did the courtesy of eating what they made. They say you should never say no to food.

Eid day, woke up pretty late. Maar maar kar washroom mein bheja mujhe, kapray nai thay kyun change karti! But they never understood this point. Went to meet my best friend. It was good. Came home, made fun of my cousin for wearing a gay T-shirt. I thought it looked feminine. =S
Too many laughs, lame jokes, gossips, i-don't-drink-tea episodes, food, coke, travelling, dramas, texts, nail-colors, puns. That was my Eid. >_<

Rantoris Medicularis

I did Femur. =D It's not that horrifying waysay. Par the muscle attachments are kinda scary. Koi karwa dey, please? :'(
Since i forgot to bring it to college today, so i had to text my mum to send it with the driver so that i could submit it and get another one, she said she wouldn't touch it and it arrived in the college wrapped in a 60 feet long wrapping sheet. =l Honestly!
Now Scapula lined up for this weekend. I hope its easy.
Finally got my Snell's Anatomy. =P Two trips to RMC bookshop, it took me. Got the local edition first, the pages and the diagrams were annoying, so i had to go again to get it changed. I like it.
I don't seem remotely interested in Upper Limb at all, but i did take some time out to read on Hiccups. THAT was interesting.
Screw Upper Limb, i still don't know shit about you.
Now, i have got Small Muscles Of The Hand for a mini-viva thing tomorrow. I'm looking at this table right now, should be easy. By the looks of it atleast.
Prof ka scene bad hai. I'm going to fail badly. I hope they only give MCQ's in the prof just like the modules. Still, buhat wajjni hai meri. Prayers, please.
I don't like Physio lectures these days. The last two were spent in a drug-induced state, barely making out a word. Plus the women keeps throwing people out of the classes so whatever little concentration builds up goes down the drain due to her constant fire-breathing-down-your-neck antics.

HAH! I changed the title.

Dear blog,

Life is still the same. The same stress, horror and wait. But now, i'm trying to forget about all this. As if none of this has ever happened. They say erase all trace, i'm trying to do that. I hope it helps.

iWhine

*sigh
Too many bullcraps again.
Uni is not going that great. I feel suffocated in that place. I want out.
Finally got my bone card fixed today. Brought home a femur. Haven't touched it since.
Have to be confined to my house again 'cause of the threats we are receiving. Confinement is okay, i don't care much. But the whole threats episode is kinda scary.
Wanted to cry last night, but i couldn't. I mean, i could hear my voice breaking over the phone but my hydraulic chambers are probably dehydrated for all i know. Why is it so hard to let a few tears through!?! This is one of the most widely used blackmailing methods females use, but no sir, this girl is probably abnormal.
I'm dying on the inside 'cause of keeping a few things all cooped up. The only two people i trust are not available. Sad life. No, wait. One of them is here, sort of. =S But then again, he can't do much. Just the fact that someone is actually listening to me is enough. You don't know how comforting that is. Uff. I love you two.

Who the hell is adii_302? o_0 My Msn list needs a bit of cleaning up.

Technicolor Dreams

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,

An arbitrary blackness gallops in,

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I can't think straight. Forget the title.

Ramadan, Iftar parties And Err.. Bones!?

Caution: Random and Chuss-ness Alert.


What is Ramadan all about? You guessed it, tons of iftar parties. I don't understand why they all gets so religiously busy with being the host and the worst part is that you are dragged along to every single one of them. AND you don't even know half the people you meet there. I think i have discovered eighty-four new relatives this ramadan already. Thank you, iftar dinners. You are my hero. Whatever.

I'm drinking iced coffee at the moment and debating whether i should open Netter and study muscle attachments and bones. I know for a fact that it's not happening tonight. ( I've got two movies to watch ). Medicine is stooopid. Who cares if i have 206 bones! It's only going to take a small part of my roof to crush them all. Mine are already osteoprotoic. That is not even a word, but whatever.

Hah. I feel better. =D

Star Plus Love?

Dear Mum,

Please realize that I hate Star Plus. 'Rona dhona, bewafai, nakam ishq' are the last topics i'd be interested in. So kindly, stop torturing us with those gay soaps.

Thank you.

They don't give me no answer.

So, I sang you the story of my day.

Pffft @ the title

 *ahem

Drumroll, please.

Here we go.

Took a day off from uni. Woke up at 7:20 am, checked my cellphone, texted a few people that i wasn't coming over to the uni just so they roll off the red-carpets there. Celebrity status, that uni has for me. *sigh

Slept again. Was rudely jolted to life by my mom. Groan and go back to sleep, yes, i did.

Finally got up at 11 something. Went out to the lounge, put on HBO. Was shouted at to change the channel 'cause it was ramadan. I don't understand this.

Slept at the couch again. Woke up at 2 pm. Went to get my brother's school stuff. Got nothing for myself. That is weird, i think.

Put on blogger. Read random blogs. Fell in love with two of them.

Went through Aeesha's birthday celebration photos on fb. Felt jealous-ed and sad at the same time. I couldn't make it to Lahore. I'm the only loser who is still searching for a gift for her. Die, Nida.

Abandoned my facebook. Pata nai kab taak. But atleast, i took a step. Appreciate, will ya?

Had iftari.

Tried watching tv. Nothing interesting anyway.

Came back to my room. Put on blogger again. Searched for a movie. Didn't find anything interesting. Total waste. Blekh.

Now watching people come online and leave at my Msn. It's on all the time. I don't feel like responding to anyone there today. Infact, don't feel like being a digital child at all today. Blogs are an exception. Hassan is busy with his Nintendo. The ass has so many gadgets. I love Dad.

I love lights. I found two pictures of the similar kind. 

I'm out of credit. My cousin is annoying me with his texts. iPhone is bitching. I need a casing for it. Soon.

Random things are the love even today. <3

Random-ness. Again?

                                          Digital Days With Less Food.

                               Too Much Of Redbull Can Hallucinate You.

                                          Of Sucky Dinners. Again.

                                                     M&M's <3

Aug 24, 2010.

                                           I went out for iftar.

                                                      
                                          I couldn't eat anything. :(

The girl who went with me, ranted two hours for the salad and all we managed to get was this. >_<

Random

Through The Glass!

RIP, you two!

Just minutes ago, after iftar, i logged onto my facebook and saw this vid in my newsfeed about those two kids from sialkot who were beaten to death. Normally, such things don't affect me but this time it hit me like a bullet. I don't know why.
Pakistani's, you are sick! You make me sick! And i wish i was never one of you!

Thoughts Leaking Out Of My Brain Foramen's?

Caution: this is an extreme random post. The events make no sense but then again, they never did.

There's just too much on my mind right now. Like way too much.

I don't know when Maa's coming back home. I don't feel like apologizing to her anymore. Just once was enough. Putting all my ego and 19 years of hatred aside, not easy, i say. A recent development at college is pressing on my mind too. Why am i such a loser? Should have thought before doing all this. Laughing my ass off felt good at that time but now, i feel like shit. I have lost too many people already and you be the last i want to let go off.

I just opened my bag and found a dabba of pringles that i'd smuggled from uni. Should i eat it or should i leave it? GOD! WHY IS DECISION-MAKING SO DIFFICULT?

Then there is this ever acute terror of me flunkin' CNS. Namrah said Internal's count a lot and no matter how much you exert in the prof, if you fucked up your modules, you are heading straight for supply. I heard they cancelled supply's too? This means getting detained? Yes, it does. FUCK!

So last night, alee said i was screwing up my life. 24 hours after what he said, i think he was right. I am screwing it up badly. He said start from scratch? Talk to dad?

I think i took his words a bit too seriously, so if dad kills me for saying this, i'm nuking you. (I'm pretty sure he'll never read this, so maybe the threat wasn't made home.)

Working on last night's convo, I listened to a lecture of Biochem for the first time in my life and surprisingly, it actually made sense. Maybe 'cause Collagen was easy? But anyway, an achievement is an achievement, no matter how biochem-ish.

It's Not 12 Yet, But You Can Make A Wish!

I would like to be something other than a Doormat, please.

A Cherished Convo !

I don't know about anyone but whenever i am down, i start calling people up. Last night, being the same, i tried a couple of cellular contacts. One was busy fb-ing and the other was well, i don't know what his excuse was. Desperation took it's toll and i called this friend that i had stopped talking to a while back. Thought he wouldn't be much company, but to my surprise, he actually made me feel a lot better. The initial 10 minutes were spent on 'hello' 'yeah?' 'speak!' blah blah, like always. I don't know why it's hard for me to initiate a convo. But anyway, it kicked off in style =P And before i knew it, i was rambling like a maniac. Telling him everything and even the stuff that i wasn't supposed to tell him. I half expected him to laugh at my face for these issues, (he isn't one to show that much sympathy). But he didn't say any such thing. Infact, he listened without questions and hell-raising and that's all i wanted from someone at that moment. Then he started talking about all the random things on the planet and before long, i was laughing my head off. The world felt so comedic at that hour. Not a trace of anything grey in it. For an exact timespan of 01:14:02.

Loved every minute of it.

So, thank you, for being here and actually listening to all those issues without a single snigger. (Yes, i know how hard it is for you. lol)

And yes, thanks to you, i'm still out of credit in my phone. Network change kar ley, please.

x

So, It Rained The Other Day And I Was Stuck At That Boring Old Med School.

'Share Some Credit Please, tyia'

I feel like i only exist when you guys are knee-deep in shit and need a hand to help you out.

Talked to sidra. Why the hell does she always has to contact me ONLY for credits?

It goes like this:

sidra: share kar do?

sidra: 16?

Me.: sorry

sidra: awww kyoun?

sidra: hain nai ya dainay nai chahti?

sidra: temme

sidra: i won't ask you ever again. :)

sidra: tcxxx

I mean Wtf! Why jump to totally naive conclusions? Just 'cause i said no for the first time in my life to you, you come up with THIS?! THIS!!

Major piss-off!

Boredom Can Kill, Ya' Know!

One of those moments when you just feel like Blahhhhhh! Lmao

The Dream Called Life

Tied Down

Tied Down, Any Way I Choose

I've Got Nothin' To Lose

life surprises me at times.

Just half an hour ago, my brother and me were sitting in the lounge, devouring the silence that usually accompanies us. When suddenly, he turned to me and goes, ' wanna play a game with me?'

hardly paying attention to him, eyes glued to the TV, i nodded.

I sensed him going inside his bedroom. Then heard footsteps a minute later.

He stood there for must have been a full minute. Then as if to register his existence, he uttered a 'well?'

Finally, looking up, i saw him holding a box. It was a set of fish-and-hooks. The fish are made to stand in a circular pod where they rotate and open up their mouth from time to time and you are supposed to fish them out. Rolling my eyes with difficulty, i took the green hook from the many he was offering. Then he turned on the rotor.

And to my surprise, i actually found myself laughing and enjoying the whole damned deal. I didn't know i was laughing until about 3 seconds late. Then i looked up thinking 'is this normal for me? should i continue playing and acting like i was a 2 year old?'. Just then i looked up at him, he had the biggest grin on his face. Larger than life. Better than what i have seen in ages. His whole face was flushing from the effort he was putting into making his hook land straight.He saw me staring at him and said

" you are going to stop playing? "

Shaking my head and Smiling to myself, i returned to the game.

I may not have said that to him, ever. And i know i never will be able to. I have never been able to say these three dreaded words to anyone. The void between us is just not possible for me to erase and he'll not be the one going through this here. But yes, i love you bruv. :] During this 15 minutes battle, i have realized that Every single thing that helps your face break into a smile actually means a lot to me.

I was missing you, college. Jk, i have a life.

So i got into this medical school which sucks, i know. Didn't get along with people that well. Called a girl an 'a******' and she kinda reported me to that red-assed department lol. 'Ace and Diamonds' at college and was reported again. Used abusive language, check. Annoyed the shit out of that religious man at college, haha, report to the department again, please.

LOL

SMY, I hope you die in a supermassive blackhole!

_I_

At this rate, i'll be out of this place in no time. See you on the other side where the grass is still green.

Just another scrap!

So, she said she'd be coming over next week. Haven't seen her in a long time, been an year, almost. I wonder how much she has changed. How did she look before? I can't picture her right now, something is definitely wrong with me.

The last vivid image that flutters through time is of her walking with hair all tied reallyyy tight in a ponytail, those black shoes she used to wear to college, the one's with long heels, her bag which had shades of red, yellow and something else to it, one notebook with a lot of random scribbles across its leaves, two cellphones lol she used to submit one at princi's office so that her name would be all clear and so that she could continue texting people with her other cellphone.

- ( 'i disagree with her on many counts, but you can't deny she has got style' )

a lot of samosa's (i puke up at the sight of them, don't know how she managed to eat not just one but two of them), her pink pouch( or i hope it was a pouch :/).

Another image:

i think this was the last day of the exam:

i was sitting on this bed in her room, she was ironing her uniform sitting on the floor ( yeah, i showed up 20 minutes early at her place cause of my dear old mum hell-bent on making me act punctual, so naturally, she was unprepared), then i remember her talking about some stuff about her dad and i was juggling between listening to her and cramming physics. Now i look back and i wish i had paid more attention to her. I didn't know i'd be getting no more of her voice around me for almost an year.

Damn! i can't remember most of her intricate details. I suck. lol jk, it's time.

So, now after an year, she transforms from being just a laptop screen and Msn chat logs to a real alive person.

ps: i had nothing to do and i was just happy my best mate was coming over and i wanted to give my memory something to fish out, so i wrote this. If you are reading this, then please know that i still love you. Haha.

And Some Umbrella's Slipped From The Land And Ended Underwater!

It All Bubbled Up To The Surface!

strain and hear

i am listening for the voices

which i heard in days of old.

1st May, 2010

02:00 PM

the end of life.

the one, yet, two.

They see the moon and marvel at how beautiful it is. I look up to see this orb and wonder how ugly it'd be to have to snatch all that light from the sun. Then i laugh at how different our perceptions are. We see one and yet see two.

- [29.03.10]

All Things Aeesha !

first random post , dedicated to the person i cherish the most :)