It's not echolalia- it's just me!

This has happened a couple times this week:

Henry was talking to himself-having a little dialogue about Star Wars or The Lion King...

Tommy said "Henry, what is that from?"

(Because usually, Henry is repeating a script, and that is a question we ask to insert ourselves into his world.)

But this time, Henry seemed confused. "I don't know." He replied.

Tommy tried to rephrase the question "Henry, who says that?"

Henry started to get agitated "I don't know who says that!"

And that was when the light bulb went on: I realized that HE was the one who said it. It was something that Henry made up in his own little head.

Poor Henry- even when he comes up with something on his own, the rest of us don't recognize it! Yet another bittersweet moment.

monkey see monkey do

The whole idea of the big-brother influence is turned on its head when the big brother has an autism spectrum disorder.

Take this picture, for example:

Tommy was doing a great job with his fork. But then he noticed that his brother never likes to use a fork, and his brother likes to scoop all the icing off a slice of cake with his fingers. Now Tommy likes to eat with his fingers too.

He has also started using some of Henry's phrases when he's in trouble, like "I don't know!" or "I'm running away from you!"

How do I tell my 2.5 year old "yes, I know that your older brother does that, but it's not ok for you to do it"?

At some point we will have to discuss that Henry has some disabilities that prevent him from doing the same things as Tommy. But I don't think that Tommy's ready to understand that yet. For now I have tried saying things like "it's not ok for Henry to get so rough when you play. Sometimes it's hard for Henry to listen to my words and remember them. And sometimes it's hard for Henry to use HIS words."

And then I always try to acknowledge when Thomas "uses his words" and tell him what a great job he's doing. It's tricky, because I don't want Tommy to feel like he's "better" than his brother. But he IS better than Henry at doing some things...

What do you think?

well worth it

Lately quite a few of my internet friends have been battling their school districts and insurance companies. I feel helpless when I read of their troubles, and don't leave a comment because all I can think to write is "gosh, my school district is great- I guess I'm lucky" and that pretty much makes me sound like an ass.

Part of this is that Henry is older, and I am further removed from the initial testing and placing and IEP-ing that is so so so stressful. When I look back on that time, I can remember all three of his preschool teachers who didn't understand him and didn't even try to. (This included the teacher in his "special education" preschool.)

They really just didn't want this problem child who needed special attention and different treatment to take up their time and energy. They wanted a room full of little preschooler clones, whose only behavior issues might involve using a swear word or playing with forbidden Power Rangers.

It broke my heart to hear their reports every day and have them ask me for suggestions. Yet they refused to use the picture schedules that had been provided to them. I scrambled for ideas to help my son and, unfortunately, had not yet found this network of brilliant parents on the internet.

Henry is only in first grade, and I have attended IEP meetings and teacher conferences at 4 different schools. How is this appropriate for a child who craves, above all, stability?

But, one constant has been at all these meetings, and that is my school district's Special Education Director. At first it seemed like she was just there to recite policy and use words that I didn't understand. But as the years passed, and she got to know Henry better, I realized that she was my ally.

We pay an inordinate amount of money for our small old house on a very busy street, because we wanted to live in this school district. The district is small and very well-respected in the area. We moved here the summer before Henry turned 2, before we had any inkling of his special educational needs. But I'm so thankful now that we did. I guess maybe all those ratings are actually worth something.

This is just the most recent of many times that I've felt thankful for stumbling into a good situation. I know that you other moms who are being so proactive and such advocates for your children will find an answer. I wish I could help.

overdoing it with the new camera -or- a beautiful day for a walk

Henry and I went for a walk last Saturday. I foolishly suggested a walk to the library. That was BEFORE I looked at the clock and looked at the library hours and realized that they were closing at 6 pm, or RIGHT NOW. Ooops.

Unlike his brother, Henry doesn't like to just go for a walk and look at stuff. He likes to have a destination to make the walk worth his while, and I guess that's understandable. So I suggested a trip to Starbucks. (The library and Starbucks are both at the farthest end of our street- about a half mile away.)

Once we started walking, Henry started repeating "it's a beautiful day for a walk!" I'm sure he was echoing something he'd heard me say before, but it was still appropriate. We talked about the leaves, the birds, the Halloween decorations, etc.

At Starbucks we ordered a crumbleberry coffee cake, an orange juice and a bottle of water. Henry wanted to eat there. I wanted to get everything to go. I am always trying to think ahead, and I was anticipating something that has happened before.

But he persuaded me to stay.

Henry ate the topping off first. With his fingers, of course.

Then the thing happened that I had anticipated: Henry asked for ANOTHER crumbleberry coffee cake. My way of dealing with this in the past has been to leave the store before he ate, and therefore avoid having to tell him "no" to the request of another. Either that or I have planned on buying 2 of the overpriced coffee cakes.

But this time I just told him "no. We're not getting another one." (I truly didn't have any more money, so it was easier to say. I'm a pushover.) He protested and went to the case and talked loudly about how he wanted another one. But he didn't throw a hairy tantrum like he would have when he was 4 or 5. He's growing up.

Tommy's been drinking out of a straw a lot lately. It reminded me that Henry was not able to drink from a straw until he was 4, and not until I asked his therapists to specifically work on it. Once they did work with him, he mastered the skill in no time. But it did not come naturally to him like it has to Thomas and most other children. So that's why I took the picture below of Henry drinking with a straw.

He was a little grumpy on the walk home, and asked me to carry him on my shoulders. Luckily I can still do that, and it was worth it to hear him say "it's a forest!" when we walked underneath the trees.

lucky thirty-seven?

So last Friday was my birthday. That's right, Friday the 13th. It's happened a few times in my life that my birthday falls on a Friday and I don't remember those years being particularly unlucky, so I don't sweat it.

This year I made myself a haircut appointment and took the afternoon off of work. Then a friend invited me to meet her for a pedicure, so I had an afternoon of pampering. On Saturday we went to my mom and dad's for a lovely visit. I had suspected they were getting me the digital camera, but the photo printer was a surprise!! I haven't been able to string together enough minutes to install it yet, but am looking forward to using it someday :-)

During my morning jog on Saturday, I thought back over the past year.

It was a year in which I started exercising more faithfully, even challenging myself to a more rigorous mode- running.

It was also a year in which I started keeping this on-line journal- a way to record my thoughts and feelings, keep in touch with distant relatives, and reach out to other parents of beautiful, unique children like my own. I truly feel that blogging has made me a better parent. It has helped me organize my mind and my emotions a bit. And it has been an unexpected opportunity to make priceless new friends.

During the past year Bill, Kate and I went through some therapy. I think they would both agree with me that the experience gave us valuable tools for relating to one another as well as dealing with the outside stresses that can threaten our family's peace.

What else happened this year? We went on a couple vacations, I visited one old friend and resumed correspondence with another. We had a party for Kate, Tommy learned to use the potty, and Henry learned to read!

So, it's been a good year. And if I had to sum it up, I'd say that I feel healthier (in body, mind, and spirit) than I did a year ago. That's not bad for a woman entering her late 30s. Let's hope I can say the same next year, and I wish the same for all of you, my old and new friends, as well.

pictures pictures pictures!

My parents gave me a digital camera for my birthday last week! I have some things in mind that I want to write about my birthday, but for now will post lots of pictures!

Remember the pencil box Henry made this summer? Well his teacher also sent home a kit to make a planter. So, (with daddy's help) Henry made me this beautiful planter for my birthday:
He had to use a hammer, screwdriver, and spray paint! This project coincided nicely with Henry's current interest in Handy Manny, Disney's new handyman.
Now here are some pictures from a walk Tommy and I took. We have been taking so many walks lately. The weather is perfect and we love to talk about the leaves and all the Halloween decorations. New (and more tacky) decorations appear every day.
Tommy likes this house because the door is sort of around the side. So the first few times we walked past, we didn't see the scary ghost in the window!

I think every kid in the neighborhood probably loves to walk (or run) on this stone wall:

This is the first thing I wanted to take a picture of when I got my camera! We pass this car at least twice a day, on the way to drop Kate off at school and then on the way back home. And every time one or both of the boys says "look, the ghost car!"

Although he was running the first time we encountered the stone wall, on the way back home, Tommy just wanted to take a rest in that yard:

daydreaming

Occasionally, in the past, Bill and I have taken a weekend away together in the fall. I really wish we had planned to do that this year. We drive up to the house in Michigan and enjoy the crisp air and the colorful leaves and the complete conversations that two people can have when there aren't little people jumping up in between them saying "look at me! All the time! You must have no other love but me!"

The last time we went was October 2003. I was pregnant with Tommy and I can't even remember why now, but I remember that we almost didn't go because it seemed too hard to coordinate SOMETHING about the trip. Who knows what it was? The grandparents must have been watching the kids and maybe there was something stressful about that. Just goes to show that the bad stuff falls away from your memories and just the good stuff remains.

I was reading Harry Potter #2 at that time and we hooked up the TV in order to watch a football game. Bill made a yummy pot of chili and we took walks and boat rides. Bill even swam in the freezing cold lake!
It's fun to take walks up there in the fall because no one's around and you can sneak around all the cool old houses and admire their porches and their gardens and stuff.

I can't believe it's been three years already since we had a getaway. We've had weekends without kids since then- a couple times that we shipped the kids off to Grandma & Grandpa's so we could go to a wedding or a movie. But we were still at home then and that's not quite the same feeling of "Aaah. We're on vacation. Alone."

Our 10th anniversary is coming up next spring. Grand ideas of a trip somewhere exciting have been bouncing around in my head, but right now a simple trip to the familiar lake sounds perfect. Maybe next fall for my (gulp) 38th birthday.

Yesterday was a holiday in Henryland. The Little Mermaid Special Edition was released. Those gosh-darned marketers at Disney put the release date in their previews and my kid latches on to the date. I forget which of our movies has a Little Mermaid preview at the beginning- probably Chicken Little. So ever since we purchased that movie, we've been brainwashed to buy the next one.
The next time you're at the grocery store, look at the Halloween candy display. You'll find that many of the candy bags this year are distributed in boxes advertising The Little Mermaid. The boys and I were at the store one day and Henry kept wanting to go down the candy aisle. Of course I assumed that he wanted me to buy some candy, but then it hit me that he was excited about the display. So I emptied the Snickers bags out of one of the boxes and took it up to the register with us. I asked the cashier if we could have the box, because my son is really into Disney stuff. She said "I don't see why not" but asked a manager just to be sure. I'm sure they thought we were odd, but I don't care. Henry was thrilled with the box!
Henry didn't talk about this big event yesterday morning, but they called me at work yesterday afternoon to remind me. Bill said that Henry shouted "It's October third" before he even got off the school bus.
I stopped to buy a copy on my way home. (It would have been fun for Henry to get to go to the store with me, but I didn't want to have to leave once I got home.)
We watched the movie and admired all the packaging. And guess what? Peter Pan Special Edition will be released sometime in the spring. Henry woke up this morning wanting to "check it out" on the computer and "print Peter Pan Special Edition." I have to admit that I'm a little frustrated by this- can't we even enjoy the new movie for a day before moving on to the next one?!
_________
Thomas has strep throat (or "stripe throat" as Henry calls it). Yesterday morning he fell asleep while watching the Wiggles (who can sleep during the Wiggles?! You know he is sick!) I carried him up to bed and even put a pullup on him and he still kept sleeping.
It was hard not to laugh when he came down the stairs a couple hours later, his bedhead standing on end. He sounded so confused and his voice was all hoarse from coughing when he said "mommy, I was just wonderin', why was it night-night time?"
That's the news for now. Anyone watching Lost tonight?

explanation

Tara, you are not a ditz! I was thinking that I should explain bloglines here anyway... I didn't know about it until another of my blogging friends mentioned it a couple times and I took the risk of sounding like a dummy and asked her about it. You go to bloglines.com and "subscribe" to all the blogs you like to read. Then you can just check that one site and see who has updated. I only have 7 subscribers, I think, and one of those is myself. But for some reason it is making me feel totally rejected to have bloglines ignore my feed!! After Tara updated to Beta I was still able to see her blog. But I think ever since I updated mine has not been working. I tried re-subscribing and I think others have too, but it hasn't worked. So, that's what bloglines is. Check it out. And if anyone new subscribes to me and it works, let me know.

Yesterday we ran out to buy a new printer cartridge. We burned through the color cartridge pretty quickly, with all Henry's printing and the papers Kate needs to print for school. I tried telling Henry "the printer isn't working" to put him off and avoid the time and expense involved in buying a new cartridge. Well, that didn't even last a day. It turns out that printing a page has become his transition off of the computer. When he is able to print, he takes the paper with him and leaves the computer without a complaint or a look back.

But Friday night, when he had to get off the computer and couldn't print a page...

He couldn't eat his dinner, he couldn't watch a movie--I was even willing to watch the Power Rangers DVD- just me and him! (Daddy and Tommy went to the high school football game together and had a ton of fun!)

All he could do was talk about the thing he wanted to print, and when could he print it? Maybe tomorrow? Maybe later? We do have a new printer cartridge! The printer is working! Mommy, I want to print Power Rangers...

It went on until he fell asleep, still talking about it. And it was the first thing he said when he woke up.

So we went to Staples and bought 2 printer cartridges- color will only be for special occasions, black in white will be the default. Sheesh. This kid has me trained.

It has been a boys' football weekend. Bill took Tommy to the game Friday night, and then took Henry to a local college game yesterday.

I guess that's all to report for now. Hope you are all having a beautiful weekend.