2007 vacation wrap-up (no HP spoilers)

We're back from our terrific vacation. (See if you can guess which boy I am standing with- the t-shirt is a dead giveaway, as is the squirt gun.)

I was so thrilled to walk into the waves with Henry that first afternoon and see the smile spread across his face. Like so many of his internet counterparts, Henry loved the ocean. I had hoped he would.

Even more than the waves crashing into him, he seemed to love the feel of the undertow pulling him. Once we were waist-deep and the first good wave hit him, he just let go of my hand and started walking out toward the horizon! Of course, I tried to drum into his head the danger of being in the water without a grownup, and if it had been up to me alone, he would never have let go of anyone's hand.

The ocean was really rough the second day- the waves were strong and high, and a painful layer of broken shells had been deposited right where the waves were breaking. Both boys and I ended up getting scared or hurt by the waves that day. (I got the worst of it- knocked down by a wave and dragged across those sharp shells- I came out of the water bleeding!)

So the scary second day put a bit of a damper on things, but Henry and I went down to tell the ocean goodnight, and to ask it to be more calm the next day, and it was.

Although Henry liked being in the ocean, he had no interest in sitting on the beach. As soon as he came out of the water, he wanted to get back in the house and take off his clingy wet trunks. I guess it's not surprising, since he doesn't ever like being outdoors any other time, but it was a bit disappointing to have him sitting inside while his cousins dug in the sand for hours.

I don't feel that I packed well enough for him- I brought lots of books, but not enough, and I didn't think to bring his binder full of Disney papers- he was really lost without that. I don't know why I didn't realize how important it would be, why I thought he would just find other ways to entertain himself? So he spent a lot of time asking me to "find" a computer (so he could print out more pages).

Mid-week I took the boys on a little adventure. I had read that there was an aquarium nearby, so we went to find it. It turned out that you had to take a ferry boat to get to the aquarium. The boys loved that!

Here is Henry looking at an alligator. They were his favorite part of the aquarium, and he really barely looked at anything else.

Here are the boys on the ferry boat:

Here's Thomas playing in the sand. He enjoyed the sand more than the water. The ocean scared him a bit, I think, and the salt water hurt his eyes.

I hope you can see what Henry's doing here: he's riding on a boogie board!

Because we left at 3 am Saturday morning (July 21), my sister-in-law picked up my copy of Harry Potter #7 for me. She had read the whole thing by the time they arrived on Sunday! I loved having it to read on vacation, but didn't finish until the ride home, so I wasn't able to discuss the book with her or my brother-in-law, who finished it while at the beach.

I know that at least one of my internet friends has not read it yet, so I will refrain from discussing here just yet. Knowing what I know now, I want to re-read the entire series. I cried at least 3 or 4 times during #7- what could be better than a perfectly crafted story about good vs. evil, magic, and the power of love?

there's autism, and then there's autism...

We are trying gymnastics again with Henry, and he is like a totally different kid this time. The first class was Wednesday. He was excited about it for days and when the time finally came, he ran right out onto his felt square and started stretching, side-to-side, looking back over his shoulder at me and grinning.

The other three boys in Henry's class are all autistic also. But more autistic. They are all bigger than Henry, but I am guessing they are younger than him. Two of them had aides who assisted and tried to direct them through the activities. One boy in particular kept making a break for the trampoline. He was so big and strong that his skinny young aide was really little help in corralling him. At one point he hurled himself over the three-foot wall that divides the viewing area from the classroom, grabbed his sander (like from a toy workbench), and tossed it back over the wall. All the while his aide and his mom were saying "the sander can't go in, the sander needs to stay out here."

One mom went up to the other and asked if her son had attended such-and-such preschool. He had, and they remembered one another, and started catching up. They talked about trying to potty train their sons, and how they had pets that their sons were interested in at first, but now didn't look twice at, about different classrooms they had tried and how discouraging it was to have your son be the "lowest functioning" in the class- to get reports that he didn't participate in circle time that day. They both agreed that they didn't know whether to describe their sons as verbal or non-verbal, because they said some words, but not spontaneously. They talked about how very very hard it is, and how no one understands.

I sat across the aisle from them and listened and felt a cold sinking feeling. "I understand!" I wanted to shout. But the sinking feeling came from the realization that I don't actually understand this autism.

I've dipped my toes there- when Henry was 3, 4, 5. When he screamed at everything and scratched and pinched. When all his teachers could report was "Henry had another rough day today." But we're not in that place anymore. And these women still are, and may not ever move far out of it.

I felt very humbled. I thought about all the things I've written here about not wanting to change my son, how his autism makes him what he is. And I realized that there is a difference. A real difference between this autism and that autism, between the challenges my child presents and is presented with, and those closer to the other end of the spectrum.

As I buckled my 2 boys into the car to head home, and they chattered about what a great job Henry did at gymnastics class, I watched one mom and her aide work together to get their big boy into the car. He must have thrown himself to the ground, because I saw one grab his feet, the other under his arms, and somehow heave his 80-lb body into the car.

We're all in this together, and maybe I could offer something to those other moms. But saying I'm in the same boat with them seems kind of like declaring myself a cancer survivor because I had a spot of skin cancer removed from my shoulder 10 years ago.

what I did on my summer vacation

No- my vacation isn't over. The real vacation hasn't even started yet. But I am enjoying my vacation-before-the-vacation very much. (Tommy's sitter is on her vacation this week, so I had to take this week off too.) Funny how I find it much harder to keep up with reading and writing my blogs when I'm not in front of my computer at work for 8 uninterrupted hours a day. Hmmm. (Don't tell my boss.)

I took quite a few pictures of stuff that caught my eye over the weekend- I was feeling really warm and fuzzy. I guess that's a given when your time off from work starts. But I had another reason too: one of my very best friends confided in me last week that she is having some pretty serious troubles at home. Thursday night I had trouble sleeping- thinking about it all. But aside from the worry, another effect this news had on me was to make me look around at my life with fresh eyes and appreciate it just a little more. You know how that is? It feels a little wrong to let someone else's unhappiness cause me to revel in my own, but that's what happens sometimes.

Friday night I was invited to a friend's house for one of those "parties" where someone's trying to sell you something. This time it was makeup/beauty products. Even though I didn't know most of the women there very well, I had a nice time and was glad I went. Then Saturday I went to lunch and a movie (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) with another friend! Now, I only have about 4 real-life friends, and I got to do something with 2 of them last weekend- no wonder I was feeling so good! And Bill hung out with the boys all that time with no problems.

The HP movies are always inferior to the books as far as the storyline goes, but I really enjoyed this one for the mood that it set- very well-done, I thought. I have been skimming #s 5 & 6 in preparation for the 7th. I have also been reading 2 other new autism books: Susan Senator's Making Peace with Autism, and Autistic Planet by Jennifer Elder.

Autistic Planet is such a cute, rhyming children's book: an autistic child explains what life is like on her "planet". It's a great book to read to your autistic child, or your typical child who has an autistic kid in their class... The only thing I am struggling with a little is that I haven't had "the autism talk" with Henry. And I wonder if there needs to be a "talk", or if I read him a book like this and say "you know, you're autistic", if that would blow his mind. Obviously he knows he's in a different class at school, and I'm sure he's heard the word autism batted around, but I wonder what he thinks of it? I'd love to know what any of you have said (or not said) to your children...

Susan Senator's book isn't new- just new to me. I usually have a problem getting through "autism books". I haven't been able to put a finger on why that is? But I don't have the same feeling about Susan's book, and I think it may be because I "know" her a little better from reading her blog, so I have a feeling about how it will end. Maybe other books worry me because I don't know if the author will end up hating autism, or curing autism, or deciding it was all caused by pesticides in their water... It certainly can't be that I'm afraid I'll find out some new bad information about life with autism. I'm living it every day and there's nothing that should surprise me anymore!

We have still been taking Henry to Easter Seals' summer camp this week. I feel a twinge of guilt dropping him off there every morning and then returning home with his little brother, but I truly believe that the structure and continuation of school routine are necessary for him. If he were at home he would want to watch movies or play on the computer all day, and to be brutally honest, I am not tough enough myself to force him to have craft time or challenge him in other ways. I would end up saying "awww, it's his summer vacation too. I'll just let him do what he wants."

Monday we picked him up from camp and visited his favorite library. Then we stopped at the pool in that neighborhood for a quick dip. Henry obliged by getting in the pool for a bit, but then retreated to a towel to look at his new library books.

Yesterday we picked him up a couple hours early and went to a "golf and games" place- they have miniature golf, a game arcade, and a big "funzone" with climbing tubes and ball pits and stuff. I had planned for us to spend our time in the funzone area, but we actually played a lot of arcade games and it was so much fun! Both boys were surprisingly good at air hockey! Henry really enjoyed skee-ball (I assisted him, hand-over-hand). I would never have considered a video arcade to be a worthwhile outing, but Henry actually used a lot of fine and gross motor skills there, so we may have to do this more often.

Here are some of the pictures I took over the weekend:


This is the plant Henry gave me for Mother's Day. It has been blooming so beautifully. On the other windowsill:

Some lovely squash from the garden of one of Bill's co-workers.

We took the inflatable jumpy out to the front yard this weekend to wear Thomas out. I don't know how well you can see it, but I took this picture because I was noticing the birthmark (angel kiss or whatever it's called) on his forehead. Very visible when he was first born, now I only notice it when he is exerting himself.

I bought myself some gladiolus (spell?) at the grocery store. Happy vacation to me!

Thomas brought this poster home from Grandma and Grandpa's house- it belonged to one of my brothers. Thank goodness we are such packrats in my family!

Although I did let Henry watch a lot of movies over the weekend, I also got him to play a few games with me ("first a game, then a movie"). Here, he had won at animal bingo (he was playing with 2 cards- the jaguar and the lion. Guess he couldn't decide on just one big cat.)

I have been tagged by a couple friends for the "8 things" meme. I am composing it in my head and hope to post before we leave on the beach vacation. Until then, you can click here to read the old "10 things" that went around way back when.

pics from Grandpa's new camera

(Henry is reading the beloved Return of the Jedi story tape book from the library. Glad dad got a picture of it.)

Thanks, everyone, for your great suggestions on my post below. Keep 'em coming. We're not leaving for the beach until the 20th or 21st (discussions continue as to the merits of splitting the drive into 2 days vs. plugging through in one day).

As always when one of the kids is gone, this week is strange. It takes a few days to get used to having one less kid, and just when I do get used to it, he'll be back. I took an aimless trip to the store after work yesterday, just because I could. Bought myself some Diesel sneakers cheap at TJ Maxx.

It's fun to have a little more time and attention to give to Henry. He's been asking a lot of "what comes after..." questions. Like "Thursday is my horseback riding lesson with Mrs. Pam." "That's right," I reply. "What comes after my horseback riding lesson?" "Umm, well, shower and bedtime, I guess." "And what happens on Friday?"...

This morning we looked at his calendar and talked about some things that are coming up this summer. Then, as I was packing his lunch, Henry came running into the kitchen and said "Oobi is watching a doctor." (I hope I remembered that correctly- he wanted to say Oobi is seeing a doctor, but didn't have the words quite right...) So we talked about doctors a bit.

Then Henry said "Mommy, come with me and you will be the doctor." He wanted to play!!!!!!! Of course I went along- who cares if I'm late(r) to work?

"Mommy, please get the doctor kit from the toy box upstairs." If you think about it, this whole exchange is quite remarkable:

1. He wanted to play

2. He thought of a toy we could use to play

3. He thought of where that toy was

4. He communicated all that info to me

Although I don't think he's ever watched any of the movies, my little pop culture sponge is all caught up in the excitement of the newest Harry Potter movie. This morning he had me recite the names of all the movies ("I just like the movies. I don't like the books.") so many times that I finally wrote them down for him.

You'll notice I didn't ask for vacation reading suggestions- I'll be reading The Deathly Hallows, of course.

summer vacation

Now we are getting into the real summer part of summer: vacation.

Thomas' sitter, L, takes 2 weeks off in the summer. We usually try to coordinate our vacation with hers, of course, but this year it didn't work out that way. She is gone today through the 20th, and our vacation starts the 21st!* So Tommy is staying with my parents this week, and I will stay home with him next week. We just took him to Grandma and Grandpa's last night and so far he has gone out for ice cream, run through the fountains at an outside mall, swam in their pool, stayed up late watching a movie, and fallen asleep with Grandpa. This morning he didn't even care to talk to me on the phone.

*Most years for our summer vacation we visit Bill's family's cottage on a lake in Northern Michigan. But this summer we are doing something different: my mother-in-law has rented a house on the ocean in North Carolina and we will all be vacationing there together (Bill's mom and her husband, his brother, sister, their spouses, and 2 children each).

My kids have never been to the ocean before, so I'd love to hear any suggestions of things we should be sure to do. Those of you who are lucky enough to live near the ocean: do your kids like to just play in the waves and build sand castles? Or do I need to have some other tricks up my sleeve?

Independence Day photo blog

9:30 am: We arrive at the designated parade-watching site and settle in.

Henry digs in to his two huge donuts- picking them apart from the outside-in. (At the donut table, Bill told him "take one" and Henry attempted to carry off ONE BOX of donuts. Hee hee.)

Thomas, usually subdued at first in a new situation, sits down to watch.

This is Henry's "excited" pose. He waves his arms and kicks his feet as he watches the parade. It doesn't get much better in Henry's world. (Or mine either, come to think of it.)

Thomas livens up a little and retrieves some of the candy thrown from the passing floats. He did a great job chewing several pieces of bubble gum without swallowing them.

Henry eventually can sit no more. He runs out to wave at the passing parade.

Thomas' sugar begins to kick in. It's becoming harder to get a picture.

Got some excited energy to burn? How about attacking Daddy?

Henry would run back and forth, waving to the folks in the parade and then coming to report to us on what he had seen.

"They waved back at me!" He would say, "this is the best parade I ever saw!" (Until next year, I'm sure.)

The only downside to this holiday for us was that we were home from the parade by 11 a.m. The next event on the boys' radar was the fireworks: just 11 short hours away. We spent a lot of time yesterday talking about the clock, and answering the question "is it getting dark yet?"

A thunderstorm at 3 pm didn't help either- it meant that we couldn't go to the playground to kill some time. Next year we will have to plan some other events to get us through the day.

This next picture is one of my new very favorites. Kate came along with us to the fireworks and I can't remember the last time she did that. She's usually at her mom's house on the 4th or just too cool to hang out with us!

So here she is with the boys, waiting for the fireworks to start. They did not disappoint!

Thomas cried when the fireworks were over. Henry asked "why is Tommy crying?" After I explained it, Henry went over, put his hand on Tommy's shoulder, bent over and tilted his head in order to look Tommy in the face, and said "It's all right, Tommy." What a great big brother!

library, fainting, and acting locally

So there's this book Henry likes to borrow from the library: The Return of the Jedi story tape and book. He likes it so much, and it is so old (I'm sure it's from when the movie first came out, when I was a kid), that the last time we returned it, several pages had fallen out.

That was probably 6 months ago, if not more. And every time we've been to the library since, he looks for it. Every time, I look it up in the computer and the status says DAMAGED. I figured it was beyond repair, and they were just going to take it out of circulation. I have searched for a copy online to buy, but haven't found one.

As he has grown older, Henry has gotten better about understanding when something can't be his way. He doesn't throw a screaming fit in the library, like he might have a few years ago, but he also won't let go of asking about that book. He's a persistent one.

We were at the library yesterday and, before I could stop him, Henry took matters into his own hands, went up and asked the librarian about the book!!!!

She went into the back room, retrieved it, and taped it right before his eyes! (She said she had been hoping to replace it, but she also had not been able to find another copy.)

Henry was beaming. And so was I. I can't explain how proud I was of him for taking the initiative to ask. He wasn't afraid to talk to the librarian, all on his own, and she (mostly) understood just what he wanted and satisfied his request.

It gives me hope that he'll be able to go far on his own in life. Maybe farther than me, who is content to just believe what it says in the database, and not question it!
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Awhile back I wrote about the predisposition Henry and I have towards fainting. At that point, much to my relief, it had never happened to Thomas.

Well, that changed this weekend. When I picked him up at his sitter's Friday, he was jumping on her trampoline. He fell, like he does 30 times a day, 5 days a week. But this time he kind of stopped crying and lay still. An older boy happened to be up there with him and we asked the boy to pick Tommy up. When he did, I could see that Tommy was arching his back. I scrambled up there as best I could (have you ever tried to get up on a trampoline FAST? With that damn safety net all around it?) as Tommy's eyes were rolling back in his head. I sort of tossed him out to L, and by that time he was back "with us". Looking around like he didn't know where he was, and very pale. The whole episode probably lasted 45 seconds. But it sure scared the hell out of L and me.

I was hoping that, because of his more advanced communication skills, Thomas might be able to tell me more about what happened than Henry ever could. But he didn't seem to remember it. All he said was that he fell and his leg hurt.

I believe this might be a tendency that we've inherited from my dad's side of the family- others on that side have had similar incidents. My dad is one of 11 children, and grew up on a farm. I sure wish that my grandma was still around to ask about this. I suppose by the time the 5th child did this she didn't even flinch- just patted him on the head and went back to work!
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In other news, I met another real-life parent of an autistic kid at gymnastics class. The first evening I laid eyes on this boy as he barreled through the door and headed towards the bathrooms, and heard the way his mom spoke to him: "Shoes. Cubby." I knew he must be autistic.

Last week she struck up a conversation with me about Thomas. She said she'd been watching him and thought he was a cutie (well, duh.) I kind of awkwardly worked into the conversation that I had an older son who had an autism spectrum disorder, and she confirmed that her son did too. It's funny, it seemed like she was drawn to Thomas for some of the same reasons that I get an extra kick out of him: because he's so TYPICAL. Just does normal little boy stuff, most of the time effortlessly. Moms who don't have a child who struggles doubtlessly take that for granted.

Anyway, I felt a little silly because she was asking me if I'm on some local listservs and chatrooms, which I'm not. She has friends with ASD kids who live in my neighborhood! But I don't know them. For one thing, her son is 4, and most of the other kids she knows are the same age. It's interesting how many more opportunities there are for kids just a few years younger than Henry. Interesting and frustrating, but I'm not bitter, am I?

So maybe I'll meet some new people and find some new opportunities for Henry out of this. I'm a little reluctant in some weird way. Maybe my internet friends feel safer to me than real-life people. On the internet we can choose which days we want to interact and which days we don't. And we can control what our friends know about us and what they don't... Gosh, I sound paranoid. And anti-social.