gretchen's blog: 01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010

Henry got on the bus this morning without his usual armload of books. That happened at least once last week too, and after the bus had driven away I wondered if it would pose a problem. Henry has a long ride to school, and would trouble ensue without all his books and papers? They provide him with both entertainment AND security. Why would he go anywhere without them?

Today I asked the bus driver "what does he do when he doesn't bring a bunch of stuff with him? Just hang out?" She shrugged and nodded. This woman has been driving Henry for years, and would definitely tell me if there was any trouble on the bus. "Hmmm" I said, "I guess he's just growing up."

Thomas wanted to know what the bus driver and I had been talking about. When I explained, he responded with a question: "Will Henry still have autism when he gets older?"

Gah. He didn't know what a loaded question he was asking. I hemmed and hawed, started and stopped a few sentences. I mean, the answer is yes. Henry will always have autism. But what Tommy was getting at is will Henry always be the same? And that question is not so easy to answer.

With the average 10-year-old, you can surmise pretty accurately that his interests will not remain the same throughout his life. With Henry, who knows? He may remain fascinated with Disney into his adulthood. Then again, his interest in puzzles has waned a bit. He went to school today without any books, movies, or papers in his hands. So he does change. On his own schedule and his own terms. I think all of us in the autism community, though our kids are wildly different, can say they have that in common.

The funny thing about talking to Tommy about this is, while he knows his brother almost better than anyone, he doesn't remember Henry at his most difficult. So it was odd for me this morning, to try to describe to Tommy how Henry used to be when he was 3-4-5 years old. Odd because I don't remember it that well either. Like I blocked it from memory. And also odd because it feels disloyal even now to talk about Henry like that. He used to scream a lot. All the time. We couldn't take him most places. He would scratch and pinch his preschool teachers. He would get mad when they tried to get him to work on something. Sometimes he would knock over his chair.

And now he sings and dances and brings home As and Bs from school. Now he's in the same gymnastics class as you. Now he wakes in the middle of the night worrying that he forgot to do his writing homework.

Yes Henry will always have autism. But that doesn't dictate who he will be.