sicky poo

about as rough a day as we've had in a while, beginning with good morning puke and ending with a protracted, nearly hour-long jag of crying until sleep at long last arrived.

second straight day he cried through his naps, wanting neither to be held nor put down. and his eating was fairly poor. at least he kept it and his liquids down the rest of the day.

he ran a mild fever friday and today, but it was mostly down by afternoon. we attributed it to a raft of vaccinations he received earlier in the week. can't remember, though, if vomiting was one of the side effects.

best sign so far is that he's still asleep about six hours in. this time last night, i think i'd already held him as we both slept on the couch and attempted to let him sleep with mama and me in bed. (that ended in about half an hour.)

come to think of it, the week kind of deteriorated after his birthday, beginning with said shots the day after, then a tussle with the cat wherein she finally connected with his face, just below the eye, then the low-grade fevers.

still and all, the blessing through this is that he still smiles and giggles easily and continues to babble in his babyspeak. he sure seems to be a happy little monkey.

let's hope the worst has passed.

year one in the books

a year ago tonight, about this time, kris and i may have been polishing off the last of our blue and gold burgers ordered takeout from murads -- the first meal she'd had since giving birth to our baby boy hours before, and the first bleu cheese she'd had since she learned she was pregnant.

it seems so long ago since she believed neither her spouse nor her obstetrician that we could indeed see the boy's head emerging and that she should give one more good, hard push.

and those first nights coming home from work to spell my exhausted wife from eight hours alone with a mysterious, crying, spitting up baby are already a hazy memory now that he's more or less sleeping through the night.

daycare, hair, smiling, sitting up, crawling, standing, teething, giggling, vocalizing -- the days between seem like forever but they're adding up into that mysterious being becoming a person in what seems like the world's longest yesterday.

he had no idea that our families gathered to celebrate his first birthday today, only that there were a bunch of familiar faces and welcoming arms to hold him.

he was in a wonderful mood, having not only taken a good two hour nap before brunch, but possessing the courtesy to have created not one, not two, but four maximum strength diapers before ever leaving the house, so our outing was relatively drama free.

we went to mass, and afterward asked the priest to give the boy a blessing for his birthday, which he gladly obliged us. (he even threw in a recommendation that he get a good night's rest.)

after all that excitement, he actually is sleeping now, after a bit of a false start while daddy emailed pictures to the family.

so i got to spend the end of his first birthday in a manner not much different from that first day, holding him, pooped after a big day.

candlelit dinner, post baby

candlelit dinner, post baby
Originally uploaded by grumpnet

steady work throughout the day yielded not only an unexpected intimate dinner, but the kind of clarity that an uncluttered table lends to conversation.

the meal was wonderful, though kris would tell you the pot roast was dry from being left in the slow cooker too long.

the side of roasted new potatoes with seasoned brussels sprouts, onions, carrots and mushrooms served with a thickened sauce gave the dish all the flavor and tenderness she felt was lacking.

i picked up a bottle of a red wine blend from apothic -- so juicy you could taste it without it ever touching your lips. a great selection from kris.

we were ruminating over dessert chocolates our lives before and after baby as ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong gave a gentle swing to old standards on "ella and louis," which seems my go-to dinner music when we can sit with knives, forks and wine glasses.

i repeated to kris how great i still thought it was that i had someone i could listen to this album with over a fine dinner.

she wondered what my life was like during this time when i was saving mood music for someone i hadn't yet met.

more to the point, she wondered how i felt in the days when i was still looking for my love and my siblings were starting their families.

after a long, drawn-out exposition -- she should have expected no less -- it came down to my being nothing but happy and amazed when their babies came into the world.

she spoke of the hormone-driven anxiety that washed over her in the hours and days after we first brought the child home.

i remembered my observations and those of others that served as some indicator of how out to sea we'd really be.

we talked about the roots of our relationship and how apparent dead ends in the early going were in reality links being forged in the chain of events that ultimately led to the eve of our son's first birthday.

this was deep conversation -- more than current events or gossip. this was us.

i told her then, as i always do, i can't imagine who it would have been if it hadn't been her. she is the answer made clear from the fog of vague yearning.

i knew my life wanted for something; i just never knew what it was until i found it.

this is us. this is life. this is living.

thanks be to God.

bar hopping

bar hop
Originally uploaded by grumpnet

this is a very early picture of the boy, back when he slept in restaurants, with kris and our buddy, tim.

he and i, along with our high school classmate, pam, have been meeting together monthly now as the "wwhs trio" since late 2000.

our venues have changed, from the venerable old mulligan's on capitol street to sam's uptown cafe up the street to the family friendly confines of murad's on 35th in kanawha city.

we met again last night, with the boy in high gear, head spinning about to catch all the action going on as the waitress and patrons moved about, ogling the multiple television sets and grabbing everything within reach.

i felt bad after a while because we usually use these couple of hours to catch up on work and life, bucking each other up and celebrating our little triumphs.

this time around, i spent most of the evening keeping an eye on the boy and not really engaged with my adult company.

i could only acknowledge what i was hearing, but not digest or fully react to it. i felt like i wasn't holding up my end of the conversation, which sort of defeats the purpose of the gathering.

last year was amazingly rough on my friends, what with health and relationship issues, and i don't think i was really there for them.

i know a baby changes things, but i'd hate to think a re-setting of priorities with close friends has to be one of them.

my world is contracting in that respect, growing more insulated and insular, in an effort to, what, conserve energy?

well, maybe.

but love, which is what we have, makes all things possible.

if i value my friendships, i can't just wing it like i used to. it's going to take a little more effort.

i believe that is possible.

the scene of the crime

i'm on a social jag.

the welcome home for our friend carrie continued tonight with a visit to the only eatery that serves burgers and suds where we feel comfortable taking the boy. (mostly because the crowd murmur and the multiple big screen tvs at murads cover his outbursts.)

we met with our friends becky and ben, who hadn't seen carrie since she left the state ahead of her late spouse, mike, more than five years ago.

there was a little catching up and a bit of what we're doing now -- becky left the paper last fall -- and general commiserating on child-rearing.

(becky said it was cliche to say that the years when he's little go by so fast, but that it was true. i told her that the advice to enjoy this time has been heard, heeded and appreciated.)

something that made us laugh happened when carrie's little girl, now 3, had had enough of us boring adults and took to traveling around the dining area.

somehow, she wound up on her bottom near the bar and carrie rushed to pick her up.

kris asked carrie if she ever imagined five years ago that she'd be doing something like that.

i replied, "yeah, five years ago it would have been one of you two on the bar floor."

date night ... sort of

this was my wife's idea: drop off the boy at day care, then steal away for a late date lunch -- after work, so she could have beer.

she was already feeling guilty after i arrived late because that meant we'd be picking up the boy later than she wanted.

she doesn't think she spends enough time with him already and felt badly that we were daring to spend time away.

even after our arrival at the pies and pints downtown, she felt guilty, especially after she saw not only the mother of one of the kids from the day care center there, but the kid himself.

luckily, those feelings subsided with arrival of our yummy adult beverages, hers, a deep chocolate stout and mine a dark winter lager.

we actually got to catch up and converse. and not just baby stuff. gossip and work stories. i think the only thing lacking was current events, and that's because i don't have time to peruse the new york times and washington post anymore.

our pizza, half steak and cheese and half thai with curry and shrimp, was amazing and went well with the beers. we finished it off with an embarrassing ease.

(it helped that this was our day off from the new year's diet game, so we were primed to pig out. also -- said child with said mother began to melt down at the end of their meal, so we were glad we didn't have to deal with that.)

while we had to leave to pick up the boy, oddly, given our satedness, but not surprisingly, i still wanted dessert.

with our standby, ellen's ice cream, closed for renovations, we popped by the coffee counter at taylor books across the street and got some great cupcakes from a new baker in town, goodness cakes.

we told the girl at the counter to skip the box because we'd eat them as we walked.

in the two blocks to get to the car in the freezing afternoon, it really felt like a date, what with the laughing and noshing and cleaning the amazing butter icing off our faces.

funny thing was, the whole affair lasted less than two hours, but had the effect of lifting our spirits from the tiredness that settles in after being parents and worker bees 24/7.

even though it wasn't officially a birthday date, it made for a priceless gift. thanks for the birthday present, sweetie.

46 in the rear view

i remember waking up with a start the morning i turned 27.

it was probably the first time in my life that i recognized that time -- and life -- was moving on; like, "well, it's all downhill from here."

turning 30 seemed like it was an inevitability and, oddly, a dead end. to what? youth?

as this last birthday approached, i had the same, sinking feeling that i experienced 20 years ago, this time that i was facing the wall of turning 50. 50!

dude, that's well past middle age if i'm planning to live to 100. now it really is all downhill.

looking back, and looking back at all the times when i felt like i was "getting old" -- in my teens, 20s and 30s -- i realize i hadn't even begun living.

it's entirely likely i'm doing the same thing now.

i just spent the better part of four hours over the course of this day writing back to people i've known from just about every point in my life, from childhood to grade school, junior high and high school to college and work.

(given my responsibilities with the boy, i don't have the luxury to reply to things, especially facebook things, on the spot anymore, so i had to do them in concentrated batches.)

but in doing so, i got to compress more than 40 years of relationships into little bites of time with friends old and new.

exchanging greetings provided a nice overview of where i've been, the people i've met, the great times i've had, and the adventures that yet await.

a friend and former colleague posted that i'd likely regard the day as "just another," as i had for birthdays in the newsroom past. she was sort of right in one respect.

despite the anxiety that burbled in the moments i had to contemplate the oncoming occasion, once the day hit, i had too much routine by way of baby care, then work, to tend to pay it any mind.

but in the hours spent today replying to my well-wishers, it made me happy to see so many friends. so it was a few days late, but they really did make it a happy and marvelous day.

(a p.s. on the turning-27 dread: it actually softened the blow when 30 arrived. hopefully it happens again in three years.)

day one

beat, i think, is the word of the day.

kris is down after beginning her new year with an early morning grocery shopping trip in preparation for the coming month's privations/lifestyle shake-up by way of diet and exercise.

i'm probably not far behind in that i'm about in the middle of an abbreviated laundry service -- at least our two biggest loads, darks and whites.

did a quickie mop of the kitchen after kris prepped some yummy pork chops for this week's meals.

the dishwasher needs emptied and there's another load waiting to go, but it requires the energy expenditure for working quietly that i don't really have right now.

had the new tradition of hoppin' johns over at my sister's place for supper. she learned of the dish while her husband was stationed in oklahoma. it's supposed to bring good luck in the new year.

i played some beyblade battle tops with my nephew while watching "how to train your dragon" with his sisters and papa. (two installments, before and after dinner.) both were fun.

our family's contribution was a tasty riesling that seemed like something good to go with the light spice of the hoppin' johns.

then there were the optional bonus pork chops that i couldn't stop myself from having as the side, plus homemade cheesecake. that was like, win-win-win.

kris got to hang out with my sisters and play with the nieces before joining us downstairs to watch the rest of the movie.

we were tired on the drive home, after the boy managed to stay past his bedtime to keep up with his cousins.

i told kris the same thing i said after heading home to charleston from a whirlwind christmas that took us from gatherings in parkersburg to beckley in 48 hours: this is living.

when you think of all the shut-ins and those yearning to be loved or even just spoken to on days when society touts family, friends and togetherness, to be tired after an immersion of warmth and busyness is probably the greatest blessing one could receive.

i didn't think i'd make it past changing my clothes, but here i am, getting ready to move the first load to the dryer.

i have a little bit extra to call on to do a few chores before hitting the sack because i'm living the life of a truly blessed man.

amen and amen.