triduum

i suppose it was my own vanity that made me believe i could be my own profane, potty-mouthed, 12-year-old version of myself that spoke to the Lord in the privacy of my room and bore witness to Him one-on-one with those in need of comfort, strength or guidance and still call myself a follower of Christ.

i felt i was being untrue to myself in acting overbearingly pious, as i can be ill-tempered and astoundingly sophomoric.

while i still believe that, i wonder if the way i live my daily life in all its imperfection while practicing an equally imperfect faith also smacks of hypocrisy.

i think of these things as we enter the triduum before easter.

i didn't make it to confession as i would have liked before holy week.

and the days preceding today, holy thursday, were chockablock with terrific stumbles in both deed and word.

surely, i was unworthy of the sacrifice of a life to atone for my weakness.

but my faith tells me it is precisely that sacrifice that gives me hope that i can rise above and be saved from those impediments to perfection.

such it is with love.

camera shy

kris doesn't like getting her picture taken, so it means a lot when she allows me to post some of her.

this is one of my new favorites, shot just the other day at the hoppy shores playground over at coonskin park.

the weather was about perfect in the low 70s and partly cloudy.

the boy burned off a lot of energy in that hour or so, crawling around on ground tires and climbing stations and flying around on the swings.

he went straight to bed after supper without a fight. slept for about 13 hours. the day was a joy and a miracle.

yum-o

have i mentioned kris is a good cook? i'm pretty sure i have.

when we first started seeing each other and she'd swing by the bachelor pad, i did all the cooking. it was basic stuff -- steaks, grilled chicken, pasta -- just fancy enough to let the girl know i was self-sufficient.

but after the great daily mail exodus of 2004, we found ourselves that fall in south carolina on opposite schedules -- me off during the mornings, she free in the evenings. she wound up watching lots of food network.

i think thanksgiving was the first big meal she tried on me. we figured we'd have our own little feast before i had to go to work.

as i recall, she wasn't pleased with the results. i thought it was fine. i don't think she liked the way the bird cooked up.

when we were repatriated in the summer of 2005, kris amped up the cookery for her roommate, jake, and me, as i was over just about every night.

she got in a lot of practice and discovered she had a good sense of the alchemy required for going off recipe and actually creating dishes on the fly.

i eventually got eased out of the kitchen, with most of my duties having been relegated to the grill and toaster.

now, i take pictures of her results and hope they convey just part of the luckiness and blessings i possess in having married well.

sleepy mcsleeperson

opening our boy's bedroom door after i come home from work provides both a sense of relief and wonder.

after carefully turning the knob, i push back the door and try to catch the whiff and temperature of his dark room before tuning out the sounds of the house.

then i stand in the doorway, listening, listening until ... until ...

there.

the filling of two small lungs with little breaths.

in.

and out.

in.

and out.

in gentle, wispy rhythm, filling exactly as needed for a tiny body at rest.

i thank the Lord for his health and stand for a moment amazed at this wee, swiss watch of a human in our house.

thank you, Lord.