loss

my brother-in-law lost his father last week after a short illness. he was 79 and had practiced medicine for almost 50 years. he was a pillar of the filipino community and the community as a whole. he was beloved by his colleagues and his friends. he lived to see all his many grandchildren.

a friend i've known nearly all my life let his eldest son go yesterday after a traumatic brain injury last week. the boy was all of 22.

while i'm deeply saddened by my brother-in-law's loss, i've been haunted and melancholy ever since i learned of my friend's boy's injury, the agonizing efforts to revive him and, finally, his passing.

it's his youth that makes my heart ache -- for him and for his family. his life hadn't yet begun and suddenly it was over.

i got to know him as a little boy on a group vacation back in the late '90s or early '00s and found him to be a sweet, gentle and playful soul. i watched him grow up and had hopes for him in the way that youth counselors do. he was just trying to find his way around adulthood when it all ended.

and now i'm mourning the loss of that little boy.

it hit kris and me pretty hard. and we've had to explain it to our boy because he's watched both of us at different times break down.

i told my son yesterday that we lost our young friend and we are all very sad. the boy thought he'd gotten lost in the grocery store and was looking for his mommy.

he asked about him again tonight at bedtime, wondering if he was still lost. "i hope he makes it home," he said. "i think his mommy misses him."

she does. we all do. i pray he's made it home.

misplaced anger

what's on my mind? really?

normally i look at posts from friends on the facebooks out having a fabulous time in their towns or on a fun vacation with a mix of amusement, joy and a slight desire to trade places for the moment. after all, why not be happy for them? you want your friends to be happy.

ever since the unpleasant reality of our water situation has intruded upon us, though, my first reactions have been of anger -- how dare you post such frivolity while thousands are suffering -- and straight-up envy -- an unhealthy desire to be in their shoes. 

obviously, i have to check myself -- and i do. they're just sharing, just like you were a couple of weeks ago. now you're in dire straits -- along with more than a quarter of a million other people. 

my friends from other places have all been supportive and sympathetic and understanding of my steady drumbeat of posts regarding the spill. 

my fear is that in a week or a month or a half a year they will grow weary of my bellyaching and unfocused outrage. and if they weary of it, or worse, grow dismissive, how much sooner will a nation that already regards our situation as some far-off, third-world, c-list misfortune?

a wake

the new reality: how we wash dishes now.

y'know, i keep waking up these days with a feeling reminiscent of the depression following a break-up.

you arise from a dreamy slumber to the reality that something bad has happened and whatever pleasantness sleep held was just a dream. 

i used to be rudely awakened by the howls of an uncontolled 3-year-old. that still happens, but it has been complicated by the rivalry with a 2-year-old. (the boy turns 4 soon.) somehow i have gotten used to it. 

then, throw in a major work project that has been jolting me awake in the middle of the night for the past three months finally coming close to fruition as i feverishly work to have everything ready.

now, i have to arise to the prospect of long-term problems with not only the tap water in my home, but for my community as a whole. 

i mean, the work thing will pass. i recognize and accept that child-rearing is a long-term, full-time project. but flippin' water? the thing that you were raised to believe is almost 100-percent safe all the time? i'm supposed to suddenly be wary of the most essential requirement for life?

the machinations as to how our family will get through the day begin the moment i wake up. i pray for that miracle and then i get out of bed. 

and so far, all the news i hear indicates there are threats to our health from it, no one knows when or if things will ever be returned to normal, and the people responsible will not only not have to make reparations, but will evade punishment as well. 

this is a bad dream i keep hoping i'm going to wake up from. but i think the dawn is a long way away.

this is depressing stuff. this is, as my wife keeps having to remind me, our new reality. i had best adjust to that and re-set my expectations and attitudes to what is "normal."

a first-world problem -- and not

wash basin, 2014

if i included the geo-whatsit data with my digital pics, you'd be able to see this was taken in west virginia, which was the 35th state admitted to the united states of america, arguably the most advanced nation in the history of the world.

i lead today's post with this image because this was part of how i got prepared for work today. more specifically, this was how i washed my face.

i heated water in a pot on a gas stove, poured it into this basin, added a little cold water to keep from burning my skin and took it to the bathroom to perform my morning ablutions.

it was reminiscent of a scene from an old western, where a character would pour water from a pitcher into a basin and wash his face.

and not unlike those westerns, which were set in in the america of the 1800s, the water did not originate from any faucet in my house, located in what is now the most powerful, technologically advanced country ever.

it came from a bottle filled from a faucet about 70 miles away, where my wife's parents enjoy clean, running water from the tap.

i suspect this is how our family will be washing ourselves for the foreseeable future, as neither my wife nor i have 100-percent trust in the water coming into our house.

that's because the water for our city and about 300,000 people was fouled a week ago today by an industrial accident whereby more than 7,000 gallons of a coal cleansing agent was sucked up into the water company's treatment plant. my newspaper has been on top of this story all week. (as have our competitors in all the area media -- and admirably so.)

i'm writing this because i am a soft, spoiled inhabitant of the first world. i work at a desk. i own a car, a house and a smartphone. i never want for food. i don't have to worry for my life if i venture out my front door.

but right now, i don't have water that i feel comfortable washing with, let alone drinking.

the water company has given the all-clear for us to use its product, but it smells funny. and i have friends who say they are feeling sick or suffering skin and/or eye irritation after using it. i'm going to refrain from doing anything more than flushing the commode with it until the smell goes away.

monkey in 4-methylcyclohexene methyl test

my family has come back to town after staying at gaga and papaw's place for a few days. right now, i'd send them back, except that they really missed home and were suffering from the onset of cabin fever.

now, though, the distractions that we could count on as safe, go-to entertainments like the library or the museum or even the mall have become exercises in calculation of water use: can we bring enough water if someone gets thirsty? what if the boy has an accident in his pants? do we have enough wipes for washing everything?

kris cooked supper tonight and was incredulous that it took a gallon of water just to clean mushrooms.

(she wondered aloud if this was karma for her fascination with post-apocalyptic literature and love of 37-minute long showers.)

that seems to be the real crux of our predicament -- it's not the hydrating so much as it is the cleaning and sanitizing of our cookware, clothes and ourselves. drinking water we have out the ying-yang; it's the water that flushes away grease, dirt and germs that goes so quickly. (is there a term for that? like, "hygiene water"?)

we are bewildered by the lack of this most basic convenience of modern living. hell, it was essential to pulling western civilization out of the dark ages.

my cousin wrote that back in the philippines, considered a developing nation where it is not an uncommon occurrence, they prepare for water shortages with spare water tanks -- and when that gets used up, they subscribe to services to refill them.

we here in urban appalachia can tolerate this in the short term, "roughing it" for fun at a camp site or even when the power goes out for days on end.

but we are not mentally prepared for when a necessity of life gets taken from us with no guarantee when it will be returned.

i joked with kris about the surreal curve we've been thrown:

sit-com idea or my life: zany antics of mixed race couple raising wacky pair of preschoolers in a post-apocalyptic, appalachian dystopia.
— some asian guy (@grumpnet) January 16, 2014

it was meant in jest, obviously, but it raises a scary prospect of how fragile our modern existence is, and how the loss of such a basic resource can shut it all down in a matter of days.

this is happening in 21st century america, folks. apparently, it doesn't take much to take our lives back to previous ages -- or to those whose lives are worlds away from our own.

bank heist

all for the best 10 years after a parking lot theft.

thank you

me and the fam.

to my family and friends for giving me such a wonderful outpouring of love on my special day -- or days, as the case may be.

i don't normally make a big deal out of birthdays, but something about the last three round ones have led to introspection. you want it to be special, but you don't want to draw a lot of attention to yourself.

schemer

turns out a nice, slow release -- a "soft opening," they'd call it in retail -- was just what the doctor ordered: spread out over time, not too overwhelming, manageable, intimate enough to allow for at least a few personal "thank you's," but broad enough to touch on the circles of friends and family and colleagues you manage to encounter over the years.

turns out my wife and my friends managed to find a way to surprise me even when i didn't think i could be surprised, which was sweet*.

(and this doesn't even include friends from far and near on the facebooks who were kind enough to jot little messages of love.)

there isn't a box big enough to contain all the warm feelings i've received. 

i have everything because i have all of you. may the good Lord bless and keep you all. amen.

bing.

you are here.

welcome to a new decade

a four-day birthday bash started in the newsroom.

yeah, i'm bitching and moaning about the aches and pains, but i've got a pretty good life at 50.

i've been blessed with a fun job. i'm mostly healthy. i've got good friends, a family that means the world to me, a pair of beautiful children and a lovely, loving wife.

i have everything i need. and for that, dear Lord, my thanks and praise. amen and amen and amen.

a few favorite pics from last year

me and the baby. beckley, w.va., 21 dec 2013.

this was one of the last ones of the year. shot by my sister. the baby and i were dancing at the annual fil-am christmas party in beautiful beckley. we were the only representatives of our family because the boy was throwing up at home.

gator. charleston, s.c. 4 oct 2013.

next was a shot from october, on a trip to charley south for the wedding of our friend, carrie. we're at the south carolina aquarium. staff members were taking the center's denizens out into the public to hang out. the boy's wide-eyed expression as he sizes up the baby alligator says it all.

poolside. myrtle beach, s.c. 30 july 2013.

this is the kids at the splash park at the kingston plantation resort in myrtle beach, s.c., this summer. i just liked the sight of them dutifully toddling their way back before headed home.

toddler. charleston, w.va. 16 april 2013.

finally, there's this one of the baby, taken within days of getting my first smart phone. it's her and me waiting to take her brother to preschool. i took it because she looks about knee-high here and she's already too tall now to toddle under my legs. it was just for the memory of it.

breakdown

my new best friend?

turning 50 looks like it's going to add a whole new layer of suck to turning 40.

when i turned 40, it seems like my body's alarm went off to begin breaking down. 

cholesterol went up atop the hypertension i was already enjoying.

then, despite being in the best shape of my life, i tweaked my back tugging what i thought was empty luggage while helping a friend move and haven't lost the knot yet. 

just this weekend, as i pondered getting serious about returning to exercise, i thought, "y'know, my back hasn't hurt in years; i might be able to endure a little stress to get at least a little more fit again."

then i'll be damned if this very day, the fresh start, the first day of the new year, the knot in the small of my back made made me painfully aware of its presence or return.

seriously -- ten years ago, all the running and core strengthening i had been practicing were suddenly exercises in painful hitches in movement. i began laying off.

and now, as i hope to recover some of the tone i'd lost, the road back takes a serious detour. 

i'm already prepared for a physical and the recommended testing that comes with the age -- prostate exams and colonoscopies among them. 

now i've got to start thinking about chiropracty, too?

as "ratzo" rizzo said as descended into his slow demise, "i'm fallin' apart!"

post #1

seriously -- my first photo of 2014.

does this count?

wasn't even doing laundry. only one up in the house. just writing, then blogging.

i'm calling this my first of the year just in case i can't write tomorrow. 

and here's to a better, blessed 2014.