in the rear view

as months go, i've had better.

kiddie table.

that said, it was nice to head out of town for a joyful weekend to witness a family friend get married and give the kids some time to play with their cousins and catch a ballgame.

baseball ticket winner via kanawha county libraries.

here's to a more august august.

hairy tale

so the boy is gaining insight into wishes and loss.

waiting for his mom in the car at the grocery store, he noticed an older fellow pushing his shopping cart into the corral next to us.

he was struck by the man's thick head of silver, wavy hair.

lunch.

then he says: "i bet i know someone who wishes he had hair like that. someone without a lot of hair, that's turning gray. someone with glasses, sitting in this car."

i turned to look at him and the little joker is grinning like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.

what a stinker.

he's 6. how the hell is he supposed to know that daddy's hair loss might not be something desirable?

hell, how is he supposed to know that daddy's hair didn't always look like this and that, yeah, maybe he's rueful for the state it's in?

seriously, this kid's a stinker.

technical difficulties

actually had an interview today. felt really strong.

however, the h.r. person, with whom i felt i'd hit it off, said that she never received the writing samples i'd emailed her.

pulling out my phone, i opened my email app, found the sent mail and forwarded it to her again. (i marveled to her at how i could do all that in about a minute from my crazy phone and we both laughed.)

passing by her station as she walked me to the exit, she checked her email. bubkes. i told her i'd send it from my home account.

once here, though, i tried breaking up the attachments into two sets, thinking the files were too large. i called to confirm; nada.

sending from home account was again fruitless and then she began sounding annoyed. she sent a link to a dropbox; never received it.

she was about pissed when she suggested i make hard copies and run them back by the office. about an hour passed as i had to reformat from pdf, print and drive over. she didn't seem much happier once i turned them in.

while i hope this doesn't jeopardize my chances, i'm very curious as to why neither of us could receive the other's communications.

two weeks since my official last day at the paper, btw. one interview after 14 days. i'll take it. fingers remain crossed and spirits high.

thank you again, Lord.

so this happened

torn bumper.

apparently, i forgot to include this guy, brutus the jeep, when i offered examples of things we're counting on to look for work.

this crash happened less than a mile from the house, just like i've always heard happens. (hell, it was probably more like a quarter-mile.)

and the boy, sitting in the back seat, got to experience his first auto mishap. i forgot all about him for the better part of 10 minutes after i got out to inspect the damage; he was freaked out and anxious. my bad.

(good Lord, i hope he's one of those blessed drivers who'll never have to file an insurance claim.)

thank goodness, no one was hurt. the other driver needed a tow; i was close enough that the officer allowed me to drive the jeep and its sad, hanging bumper all the way home until it gets taken to a body shop.

timing. timing is everything. sheesh.

as a friend pointed out, this is turning into a crappy month. as i told her, as long as everyone i love comes out alive, i'll take it. that, and it's almost over. thank you, Lord.

nibble

ok. got an interview lined up. hope this is the start of a good trend.

day 7

went after a temporary job to stretch out my severance with a trip to the state's unemployment agency, workforce west virginia.

once i got my bearings, i wound up at the end of an apparently long line. it was a good thing the building was well-air conditioned, otherwise the grim quiet of the queue would have been compounded with misery.

as much as i wanted to document my view, the thought of holding up a camera phone to capture that moment felt like an insult to the dignity of the people standing ahead of me.

they didn't ask to be included on my journey; nor did i ask their permission to take them along. they are in their own personal worlds of uncertainty and worry. they do not need me with my little blog intruding on that.

(what for now seems like a field trip for a guy with lots of advantages could in four months become an exercise in desperation for someone who's run out of places to turn.)

so, yes, i could cheerfully learn that i was standing in the wrong line and gladly confirm information to the nice lady at the job search desk and walk away happy that i have prospects. i just hope this doesn't become a study in contrasts for further down the road.

worry

you know what my biggest fear is right now as i search — and adjust my criteria — for a new job?

it's injury. and not just to my person.

i'm talking about the loss of what i'm counting on to get us all through this: a computer. a phone. a partner.

we got a scare this morning after the coffee maker hit kris with a shot of steam to her face. (after a splash of cold water, she was fine; just spooked.) but, wow, the thought of doing this without her is incomprehensible.

i've read and watched stories where the strength the protagonist took for granted is suddenly compromised in the heat of battle. a nick. a jammed weapon. a careless moment.

bluster and swagger and confidence evaporate. doubt fills the void. and then? as the calamities accumulate, the hobbled warrior stumbles and is overcome.


pull out one crucial piece and this whole endeavor collapses. the margins are slimmer. we can't afford a bad misstep.

while we walk in faith, we have to remember to hold His hand. we must be brave; we must also be prudent.

day 6

in my run-up to serving as lector for today's 7:30 mass, i began practicing today's readings a few days ago.

on the first go-round, recognizing the genesis story of abraham's persistence in asking the Lord to save sodom, my first thought was. man this is a long read. 

and so it went through late last night. long read. work to make it listenable. 

come mass time, though, reading before the congregation, the full import of the story became clear: it wasn't about saving sodom; it was an illustration of not just daring to ask things of the Lord, but being ok with badgering him. 

"ask and you shall receive," the gospel preaches. it's ok to ask for things, today's readings seem to say. and don't feel bad for doing so. 

ok, then. thanks, Lord. 

days 5/6

friday:

• followed up on buddy's text that i was mentioned during budget meeting at another paper
• sent resume to friend's cousin in pittsburgh, who works for a publishing company

saturday:

• contacted former boss from first job
• got lead on temporary government job
• nice text from high school chum. i am not alone.

washed a lot of laundry. and three litter boxes. during a day with a heat index of about 98 degrees. index supposed to top 100 tomorrow. good times.

day 4

bye, ms tina.

sent out actual paper resume and cover letter. got surprise lead on possible communications gig. let kids visit office manager one last time. lots of pictures. waiting on nibbles continues.

day 3

now comes the part where, once the initial outrage and disbelief and surge of written messages of support dies down,  it's just me in the dark toggling between emails, social media messages and job postings hoping something pans out.

there's a line in the water and a couple others waiting to get cast. waiting for that first nibble. the hardest part, as tom petty once sang.



aside from the work i'm having to put in to present myself as best i can to potential employers, i'm putting the rest, through my faith — as sad, small and tenous as it is — in the good Lord's hands. i'm scared to death, but i haven't stopped hoping.

st. margaret mary alacoque has a lovely prayer i incorporate into my morning ablutions that does a good job of reconciling that dichotomy:

"Heart of love, I put all my trust in you; for I fear all things from my own weakness, but I hope for all things from Your goodness."

amen and amen. she knew that of which i speak.

thanks for reading, y'all.

day 2

a casual goodbye. good peeps, these guys.

more calls, plus two surprise calls. two new places to send resumes. plus lunch with former colleagues.

day one ... kind of

almost 4 a.m. today. lot of boxes to get out.

while i don't have a strategy per se, i'd like to think i'm doing the things you're supposed to do when you're unemployed.

(holy crap, i just used that word. also, i just used "crap" instead of the "s-word" because potential employers might be reading this, thanks to the way the previous post blew up with hits thanks to my friend's social media campaign he hashtagged "#hirehim," which was very sweet.)

anyway, while monday is the official start of the week for most people, it would have been my tuesday. sundays were always a nice way to ease into the workweek. my last one, however, was spent packing my old daily mail office into boxes for about eight hours.

today, though, felt like a workday for my new job: finding a job.

first thing up, i replied to a bunch of emails and followed up on a few online leads. spent a lot of time on facebook chatting with people who'd read the post whilst simultaneously thanking them and hitting them up for job leads.

i finished the day asking if a friend's cousin, who works for a publisher in pittsburgh, might know of any openings. who knows? i'd consider it.

also learned that kris does not want me to : gasp, laugh, make interjections, emote, sigh, breathe heavily or walk purposely toward her lest she think i have or lost a job prospect.

i do feel a little guilty about spending all day on the laptop. i understand that's how we look for work these days, but, wow. i do appreciate that the social media are helpful for more than just ranting and drama, though.
(wow, i'm a terrific snob. i hope that doesn't come through.)

one more text message sweep and i'm hitting the hay. been a long one.

chickens

tablet game on the big screen.

welp, they're not babies anymore.

the children played their first television video game today, sort of. we downloaded the app for a game called "crossy road" for the kids to play on the amazon firestick with our tv.

it's like a glorified "frogger," which i appreciated. it was easy to play and manipulate with our remote control. and it wasn't particularly violent. basically, the job is to get a chicken or other animal to cross hazardous thoroughfares, including highways, railroad tracks and creeks.

they had a blast, but had to learn to play nicely and cut back on the snarky meanness lest they lose the game. i also told them they're limited to 15 minuts each. i'm certain any more will rot their brains.

they've suddenly become very aware of apps and video games thanks to their leappads, their cousins' tablets and the marketing on the backs of tv character-related children's books.

the boy gets a school-issued ipad this fall. i warned him that it's for school and that it will still be subject to time limits for games. it's good to know and helps in being conversant in the things that his classmates are playing. we've got us some digital kids.

-30-

one down, one and a half to go.

so i cleaned out my office yesterday.

why it happened is for another post, but just know that it happened. it was sudden and it would have been over with quickly, except ...

i had to say goodbye to a lot of people. a lot of people. folks from four different departments (and four more i didn't have the chance to get to). and a lot of newsroom people. all of them — all of them — friends.

an occurrence that is usually mournful or regretful or filled with rage felt oddly liberating. (ms janice's eyes misted over as she whispered, "you're free!") and while my friends were shocked and sad and angry, i was filled with a bittersweet joy.

i enjoyed working with all those people. i respected the hell out of the work they did; it sure seemed like the feeling was mutual. i felt ... validated. and that my work mattered.

but more than this was that it felt like a great swell of affection and love. the outpouring of texts and messages was overwhelming and humbling. (i've used that term a lot over the past 24 hours or so.)

the news trickled slowly. after talking to my bosses and human resources, i began by informing the remaining daily mailers on staff, then the editors, then those reporters i worked closely with. then the grapevine took over.

seriously. my phone blew up. while i was doing work to get one last section front completed and attending my last page one meeting, my social media and email message boxes kept giving me notifications.

colleagues texted or walked up to me in various states of disbelief and consternation. their concern and support, and even their amazing torrents of profanity, were absolutely touching and, again, humbling.

so ... while i may have started clearing out my office thursday morning, i didn't actually get it done until around 2 a.m. the next day.

if my professional network hadn't already given me optimism that i could find work soon, then my social network would have. they buoyed my spirits and gave me confidence and reassurance that, well, i was at least employable and, at best, possessed great prospects.

while i pray they are right, i will also say a prayer of thanksgiving for the gift of great, good friends. bless them, Lord, and thank you, thank you, thank you. amen and amen and amen.

jump

today is the first day of the rest of your life. 

just, what the hell?

Statement from @DPDChief on tonight's shooting in downtown Dallas pic.twitter.com/22VjuKGkJS

— Robert Wilonsky (@RobertWilonsky) July 8, 2016

the world is on fire in a swirling vortex of terror.

late night

thank you, Lord, for this lively house. 

three years later

a fortune or a misfortune?

i must love it an awful damn lot, because it's been uphill sledding ever since that dinner of chinese takeout.

all kinds of news this day.