Crash... and Burn

Why hello there everyone. My goodness it's been a LOOONG time since I've been able to just sit on my... no cross that. It's been awhile since I've been able to sit on A COMPUTER and type out my thoughts.

Two weeks ago my life had a very unfortunate event occur that left me broken hearted and very frustrated. Our 6 month old computer's hard drive malfunctioned and we lost EVERYTHING. I know, I know... I should have backed everything up with our external hard drive. Sniff. Sniff. My bad I guess. Needless to say I was a basket case when Best Buy informed me that ALL my weight-loss pictures, my edited play, AND all of my children's photo's and video clips are GONE. GONE!!! :( Like I said. I am broken hearted.

That said this has been an absolutely HORRIBLE month for me and my weight-loss journey. I have had stress after stress bombard me every day for four weeks now and my waistline is suffering. How sad. Not so sad is my taste buds, however. My tongue has been singing a happy tune since the fudge and peppermint have taken up resisdence in my parent's home. MMM. I guess I might as well enjoy it for the next couple of days because starting January 1st I jump into my new regimine.

In the beginning of January I will begin training for my first triathlon. I will also start eating my regular meal plan again. Apparently I am a lady that thrives on structure. With out it I wigg out. I am excited to get back on the wagon and can't wait to see what this next year holds.

That said I want to wish everyone a merry Christmas and remind everyone that it's okay to mess up... as long as you get back in check quickly! :)

Love NIKKI

Pain... And Some Sweat

Grunting.

Sweat.

Pain.

Nausea.

Yelling.

More pain.

More yelling.

Salt.

Odor.

Water.

Tonight I had the best work out I've had in a long time. Purple faced and perhaps thinking something not quite appropriate I finished feeling on top of the World. I have never been able to finish all three rotations in our circuit style ninja ab class... but tonight I did. Tonight I fought with several slosh pipes, and old sail boat type ropes. I even fought with a large bouncy ball as I worked on my abs. But I came out on top.


I fought and I achieved. Tonight I was NOT the fat girl at the gym. :)


Love Nikki!!!

A Day for Vegging Out

I am in a foul mood today. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately or if it's the life cycle that is spinning me out but geeze-la-weeze. I could just shoot a horse. Or perhaps become a tornado. That sounds more exciting then shooting a poor animal. Shame on me.

One of my biggest issues when I'm angry is I tend to VEG OUT! And no, not usually with vegetables. When I'm stressed I don't eat at all so my mental status is a little confused. Not usually a good thing for my metabolism.

I feel that Winter fat beginning to hug my wonderful love handles again. I guess today would be a great day to work out and burn my frustration along with some calories. I went to my ab class on Monday (it's been way too long!) and felt the "burn" for two days. Funny thing about that though, it wasn't in my core that I felt the burn. It was my thighs and bottom. Holy bottom I could barely move.

I think today I'll focus on my arms and core once again.

I hope you're all having a better week!

picture came from: http://northeastquadrant.blogspot.com/2010/06/northeast-tornadoes-fail-this-weekend.html

Thanksgiving- How Well Did YOU Do?

To tell you the truth I think that on the actual day of Thanksgiving I did really well. I dished up way more then I could eat, and snacked the entire day. And the pie? I had a few bites of three different pieces. Probably because they were all so good and rich I couldn't handle any more then that.

I guess you can say that ... I may have cheated a little on my own challenge. I did; however not finish my plate of food. I stopped when my stomach revolted against anything else entering it's dark hole of nasty-ness.

With that said I'm on the mend health wise and I only have my son's third birthday and Christmas left to hinder me edibley. (Is that even a word?) So now that I'm all fat and sassy and full of pumpkin spice goodness I think I will begin focusing on my cardio and resistance training once again.

INSANITY- Are you ready for me?

ps. I did black friday this year... and stood in line for 4 hours at Target. I know I'm crazy. Do you think this counted as a cardio or perhaps a leg workout? I mean... My feet WERE sore! HAHAHA! JK!

Thanksgiving and Winter Weight Gain

How many of you are completely freaked out about the extra pudge that seems to be hanging out around our mid-section?

I have to admit I think that I may be going soft from being sick for as long as I have been. Man- when I get hit with something, it really takes me out for a LONG time. Having our anniversary, my 27th birthday, and NOW Thanksgiving I think my body is going to just explode in revulsion.

So I think I'm going to make a challenge for myself and all of you to see if we can not GAIN 5 pounds this weekend!

I challenge all of us to eat through out the day* of Thanksgiving. I challenge all of us to have normal portion sizes with all the yummy fatty goodness. I also challenge... wait for it... for all of us to have only ONE desert.

YUP! I went there! ;) Only one small slice of pie y'all. Do you think you can do it? Well, I'm going to try really hard to because I've had enough chocolate in these last two weeks to feed an army battalion. UGH. Talk about a gross feeling.

So I leave you to your holiday bliss feeling a little scared. But I know we can all do it! It's for our health after all. And to make myself feel a little better about the last two weeks I'm going to go work out with my huge bouncy ball right now.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

*Eating through out the day will help keep your metabolism up. If you don't eat all day then pig out for the big meal your body has a bigger chance of wanting to hold on to all the extra fat. Not only that, what usually happens when we eat too much? We go to sleep. Lets make this year a little different from the rest of them!

Teeth Ripping- Ear Pinching- Kind of Week...

What on earth is a teeth ripping, ear pinching, kind of week? Well, let me educate you! It's a week that's filled with silence. Nothing but the high pitched ring of ones conscience to accompany you as you sit... and... stare.

This my friends is only a fraction of what has been going on in MY life in the past week. I hear... a pitched ring in my right ear. That's it. On top of that? It feels as if a dentist is trying to rip my upper right teeth straight out of my head. Oh- and more? A constant headache above and around my eyes.

I think I just shoved a fork in my eye.

Hmmm... nope. I can still see. It's just the S.I.L.E.N.C.E. that is DRIVING me insane!

But never fear. I'm on antibiotics and... ... ... ... vicoden.

Well, I actually haven't taken the vicoden for the last couple of days because it's a high dosage and I can't function or take care of my children on it. Instead tylenol and IB profien have been my friend. Sadly though, I'm actually dreaming of working out. I miss ab class too. I'm starting to feel soft, but because of the ear and sinus infection I'm sure my equilibrium will be completely off.

Plus. With my luck I'm pretty sure I'll bend over and burst my ear drum and have a nice yellow liquid drip down my face. *GAG*

Yah. That WOULD be my luck, wouldn't it?

The Best Part...

What's the best part about losing weight to you? Really... I want to know. I need some new motivators. :)

So far for me it's buying new clothes in NEW sizes!!! I finally broke down and bought new underwear (again!), new jeans, and a new jacket! I was soo excited! I even cried a little in the dressing room.

I started out in a size 24 jean. Now I'm a size 18! This is my prepregnancy pant size. I realize to most of you a size 18 is still fairly large, but for me it's actually a GOOD size! At my SKINNIEST I was only ever between a 12/14! Do you realize what this means??? 2 more sizes to go and I am GOLDEN! :)

I also went down two sizes in the... um... brazier? department as well! This was a moment to rejoice! I probably scared the lady in the stall next to me because I began jumping up and down while I attempted to muffle my shouts of joy. (I can't imagine that gave a very good impression...) But the ending result?!

A bomb looking mama! That's what!!

I also really love Winter/ Fall styles. I love the colors and LOVE the cuddly bundle look. So yes, my figure is hidden... but I know that it looks better underneath! :)

ps. That's my man of five years in the two-shot. Isn't he cute? :)

A Large Scale Mistake...

He stepped on. He stepped off. He stepped on... and then he stepped off. The third time he stepped on he heard a crack and then a pop.

"OH GREAT!" he hollared across the apartment. And then there was a crash.

This dear friends is the conversation I heard between my husband and my scale last night. Can you guess what the commotion was all about? Well, if you guessed he had an amazing weight loss moment... you are WRONG.

Today is the day I have to say my final goodbyes to the enemy I've held dear to my heart for 5 years. Last night this companion suffered a horrible fate.

My scale was squished to death.

I don't really know how to feel at this time. I think that perhaps I am in the denial stage of grief. Please keep me and my flattened scale in your thoughts as you eat your wonderfully scrumptious treats today. Who knows, maybe it'll make you put that treat down. ;)
xoxo~me

ps. I did get your comment Grandma! It's now posted underneath the "Question and a Vow" blog. :)

Comment Response...

A comment from my Aunt Julie:

Nicole,you're doing terrific! Every body slows down some in the weight loss journey. But that doesn't mean anything other than the fact that we have a tendency to get a little lax in what we are doing ourselves. Yes, there is the metabolism factor, too. So don't give up on the exercise.

I had come to the conclusion that I would never be able to meet my goal weight again in my life. The one thing joining Weight Watchers has done for me is give me back that hope. Because every week I see others achieving remarkable successes. But one thing I've seen with WW is that we have to eat less with every ten pounds lost. It's only because the body requires less food. Thank heavens for all the yummy filling veggies - kick out of your rut and try veggies you've never tried before. Did you know yams can be eaten raw? Have you ever tried spaghetti squash with the tomato spaghetti sauce over the top? Veggies are our fill it up salvation!

I also think as we go into the winter months, our body thinks it has to go into hibernation. We hunker down indoors because it's just too cold to be outside, and we quit moving quite as much. That does not help one bit, either.

You are doing terrific and remember that cube of butter - the quarter pound lost is still a victory worth cheering over! I still have around 50 lb to go, too. Maybe we can help each other along on this great struggle!

*******************************************

You know what- I actually did not know that Aunt Julie. I BET that's what has slowed me down! I haven't adjusted my food/ caloric intake in months. I really like the spaghetti idea and I think I'd like to try it either tonight or tomorrow night. Yummm! When I first started doing this I ate yams or sweet potatoes every night. Then they just slowly started slipping out of my dinner plans.

And as to the hybernation- yah my body has definitly decided to hold on to the extra fat in all the awkward areas. Perhaps instead of doing at home work-outs as I have been doing I should pick up on my jogging again. The next triathlon season IS around the corner after all! :)

Thank you so much for your support and your comments. I find them very inspirational and love that we can help one another while fighting this internally physical battle! :)

Love Nikki

Questions and a Vow

I have many questions that have haunted my mind through out my life. Will I ever get married, will I have kids- if so how many, will I ever graduate with a degree, what will I do with my life and many many more. And like you, I find myself drowning in some of those questions.

Yesterday I was asked a question that kind of made me sad. I was asked if I still write in my blog. The reason this silly questioned saddened me is because it really has been awhile since I was consistent in my blog writing. Sometimes I feel if I don't have anything amazing to report then I shouldn't report. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling lost right now. Writing/ venting/ crying/ and laughing in my blog helps me make sense of my life and the obstacles losing weight has brought into it.

I told my friend that yes I still keep a blog but the weight loss journey has slowed down quite a bit. She laughed and told me that the closer I got to my goal the harder and slower it will become but to keep trucking along. When she said this I had an epiphony. I only have 50+ pounds left to go. That is AMAZING.

I started this struggle at 80 pounds overweight. I'm almost half way there friends. That is something to be celebrated and if some stranger would have told my story back to me I would congratulate them. I need to celebrate every loss, every moment of wisdom, and yes even every failure. It's through our failures and mistakes that we will actually learn and grow. If I never make a mistake, how can I grow from it?

So I make a vow. I vow to continue to write in my blog. I vow to bring humor and craziness into your lives if just for a moment. I vow to find beauty in my life if you all promise me something. You all have to make a vow as well. You have to vow to find beauty in yourselves, and in your lives as well. And if you have any great moments that you would like to share then please do! I love to read about other's ideas and struggles. It makes it real for me. It makes me feel as if we are helping one another, and I thrive on that.

So here's to us- all the beautiful men and women out there struggling with self-image and self-critisims. There's nothing in this World holding us back but ourselves.

Love Nikki

ps. Grandma you can write me a comment by clicking on view comments. There's a message box and when completed you can click on anonymous. There will be weird letters and numbers you'll have to verify but once you do that I will be able to see your comment. You won't see it until I do however. Does this make sense? Make sure you put your name though! haha! Or you can e-mail me at [email protected] . I love you- and am excited you found my blog!!!

Halloween is Evil...

Who created this stupidly enjoyable holiday anyway? Was it created to scare away ghosts and gobblins by dressing up our little monsters, or was it really created by parents who are just too broke to buy their own candy?

I have my suspicions.

So I cry to you Mr. Halloween- You are evil and the chocolate you have brought into my home is blessedly cursed. All the work I've done in the last week is wasted. Wasted I tell you! Is this the information that helps you thrive??? Well just to let you know, I rebelled a little this year. My son didn't want to put on his costume, and my daughter... well, she was a fairy.

So take that Halloween! I may eat my chocolate (and I just might enjoy it) but I did it knowing that I got you back. No ghosts or gobblins were scared by me this night. Oh no. The only thing scared by me this year was my husband. And that dear stupid holiday is all thanks to you. Thanks to you and your blessedly evil chocolate.

*sigh* I feel a hard couple of weeks coming up.

xoxo- Nikki -aka- cookie monster.

Ps. The picture to the right shows the effects of a night filled with chocolate. Sugar high's are not good to me...

Another One Bites the Dust... (week 29/30)

So if you're wondering where on Earth I've been, I don't really have a good excuse. I think I've been feeling a little discouraged because of different people in my life and how slow this has turned out to be for me. Never-the-less... another one bites the dust!

For the first time in three years I'm below 238. I lost another pound this week! :) Yes that means I'm only at 237- but who cares! A POUND IS A POUND PEOPLE... and I'm VERY pleased with this new number on the scale. It IS safe to say I danced a little and shimmied alot when I looked down at that dreaded scale. Victory is mine I yelled out loud with my arms raised to the ceiling!!! ...Um perhaps not quite like that, but you get the picture right?! :)

Anyway, as you might have gathered from my last post I've been having a hard time. Someone dear to my heart had a minor heart attack over a week ago. At the time we didn't know what was happening and this person was transported from one hospital to another. It took hours and another day later to learn that he would be okay and is actually now hippidy hopping his way through life again. This doesn't change the fact that I had a very life changing moment when I got that phone call.

Comfort food and lots of crafting and designing seem to be what helped me get over my slump this week. I've done minor little cardio exercises but nothing extensive- hence my surprise to learn that I lost another pound. I guess implementing portion control into my life has really impacted and changed my life... one pound at a time. This pleases me because now I know that I'm not just going to bounce back to being overweight, but maintain a healthy lifestyle once I achieve this goal of mine.

But this leads me to another issue I've been trying to accept. I have a friend (she may or may not read this blog but a lot of you know who she is) who has been losing A LOT of weight recently. When I say a lot- I mean like 50 pounds in 3 months. Heck! It's taken me 6 months to lose 32... talk about an emotional battle. Now I don't want to offend anyone here, so please know before hand that I respect this individual and am so excited for her accomplishments, but feel somewhat envious at the ease she seems to be shedding the pounds. Is life so unfair? ...

No. It doesn't work that way. I actually had to step back and analyze both of our situations and lifestyles. I am NOT trying to lose weight. I mean, I am...but it's so much more than that. I'm trying to change bad habits and make a healthy life change. Losing weight at such a rapid intensity would NOT benefit me. Sure, I could drink a vitamin drink every day for half a year, but how does that teach ME how to eat correctly on my own? Plus, I have two children and my own anatomy has physically changed. If I don't do resistance training and work out harder then I have ever in my life I will look like a nasty saggy bean bag. No thank you. Not what I, myself, am aiming for.

So kudo's to you dear friend for losing your weight, you deserve this. :) You are working hard and cutting the crud out to make yourself healthier and I am proud of you. For me... I am proud of the way I'm doing it as well. Instead of feeling envy, I've learned to feel happiness and still feel proud of my accomplishments too.

Because in the end... through every individual battle we are all going to make it. In the end... no matter how different we execute our goals we are all beautiful.

Comfort Food...

What's your favorite comfort foods? Mine is ... chocolate. Many people in my life have actually mentioned their concerns for me and my chocolate. Apparently I have an addiction. A chocolate addiction. Is it so bad??

Well, yesterday I turned to my chocolate addiction for comfort when I recieved a very scary phone call. To protect the privacy of this loved one I won't divulge names- however my life felt as if it was going to shatter. I began to shake and my stomach turned, and I just melted into a puddle of self pity and tears.

I needed chocolate.

After I got off the phone, slightly hysterical, I called my best friend Rachel. She immediately dropped what she was doing and came over and said a prayer with me. Slightly calmer and actually able to laugh at my son's shinanigans she was able to leave.

And out came the M&M's, animal crackers, and chocolate frosting.

I had myself a feast. Luckily I didn't gain any weight from this horrible binge, but I didn't lose any either. Mostly though, I was able to reason sorrow and doubts in my mind as I kept my taste buds busy.

So no, I'm not proud of my chocolate addiction- But at this moment... I'm pretty thankful for it.

Do you have a favorite comfort food? What about a healthy comfort food suggestion? I can use any help you are able to offer!! :)

It's Party Time...

Guess what guys! .....

I know it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been busy and feeling somewhat boring. How can you write anything sassy and fun when you feel BORRRRING? Well... tis the end of that! I'm proud to announce: I MADE MY THIRD WEIGHT GOAL!!!! :)

My first was to lose 20 pounds. Something I have never done in my entire life.

My second goal weight was to lose 27 pounds- 10% of my body weight.

My third goal (NOW ACHIEVED!!!) was 238- my prepregnancy weight with my first, Aiden.

And as of this morning I'm 238.

The prize? NEED I REMIND YOU???? I've been pining away for this for MONTHS now... I get to have my hair "did!" :) Oh yes... goodbye dirty honey blonde, hello platinum! I will be a force to be reconded with! I mean, isn't that what having little prizes is all about? Making you feel better? THIS will make me feel WAY better!

I mean... can't you see it? A mom of two- hitting the mall like this? No?....

Well... what about this? Well I guess she isn't really blonde so there goes that idea!

Honestly though... I really like the color combination here below:

When I found out I was pregnant with my son my hair was actually done similar to this:

Perhaps I'll combine the photo above with this one below ... Me?

What do you think???

Who Am I?

So I thought I'd blog a little about who I, Nichole, am. As I progress through my journey and keeping up with my blog I am told about new readers and people who may not know ME personally. I'd like to change that a little. For those of you who knew me when I was younger this will update you a little. And family? Heck- it's just fun to learn new facts about our loved ones even if we do know them! ;)

Here goes!:

My name is Nichole Hansen Gaertner.

I have dark blond/ light brown hair. Stupid baby hormones have changed my hair completely.

My eyes are blue/green. Depending on my mood. They normally have more of a turquoise tint to them.

I will be 27 in one month.

I've been married 5 years in November.

I met my husband, Joshua, in April 2005 around his birthday and we were married 7 months later.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I have two children- Aiden (3 in December) & Shaylee (14 months) and yes they are 19 months apart!!!

I have one sister, Sylvia. She's 24 and married with one child, my niece Emma. LOVE HER!

My mom is from Germany and she's a hoot!

My dad is retired Army and is 6'5". Yah he was kind of scary growing up! haha...now he's more of a big grandpa teddy bear. :)

I have a hard time just keeping acquaintances. I'm more of a "best friend" type of gal. Along with that- all my sisters (in-laws included) are the bestest friends I could ever have. And according to Fredy Meyer- Rachel O. is now my sister too! lol... inside joke. :)

My favorite color used to be pink. Now it's orange and lime green. A little 70's charm... however NOT vintage. I try not to use both of those colors in one room. :S haha!

I love LOVE love to read, write, and journal.

I was considered a performance expert by my teacher at CWU... which tells you right there I'm very passionate about theatre acting. Having babies made me kick this hobby to the curve for right now.

I never considered myself crafty- but more like artsy. Apparently that's relative. Fat fingers or not I guess I am crafty- sorta. HAHA!

I'm training to run 5 triathlons next summer. I'd even like to run one in my hometown Moses Lake. GO CHIEFS! ...AND Vikings! HAHA!

I have my AA and BA degrees and will work towards my Masters as soon as I get my weight off and my children are in school.

I used to be 6 ft. Then I had a horrible car accident when I turned 20 that jacked my neck up. Now I'm 5'11" on a good day... and much shorter on a bad. :(

I used to sit on my long blond hair. I whacked it off at 19 and have kept it short up until now. When I lose a certain amount of weight that will all change! ;)

I enjoy singing and can read music really well. I have a horrible solo voice though! I'm more of a choir type singer... ack!

I LOVE to roller blade- I'm kind of a nerd that way. I can't wait for the day I can put my fancy in-line skates back on and NOT worry about killing myself. haha!

Sometimes I just enjoy sitting on the couch and watching HGTV. I like First Time Home Buyers and Design on a Dime- Or Designed to Sell. I pretend I'm interior savvy when I know I'm not. hehe!

I'm dyslexic and had learned to overcome it by 3rd grade. I'm worried my children will struggle with this... but know they will come out strong because of my struggle as a child. I am now an exceptional reader however struggle in higher level maths. Mommies don't REALLY have to know calculus anyway, right?

I was kind of dorky in high school. Not the nerdy made fun of type- more the naturalist type. Never wore makeup, never cut my hair, or even pluck my eyebrows. I KNOW- Don't remind me. UGH. That changed when I started my freshman year at BBCC. Everything about my dorky side finally "blossomed" and I actually cared. But please- don't ask me WHY I never wore makeup because the truth is... I have NO idea.

I LOVE makeup! :) From putting my own on to making other women look beautiful. I had thoughts of becoming an aestitition after my BA but then I had both of my children. Oh well... times have changed and now I have new goals.

Josh and I are saving up for our very first..... mini van! Yes I will be another soccer mom and dang PROUD of it!

I always saw myself as a career woman, but LOVE being a stay at home mommy. It's hard but definitely worth it.

I dream of having my very own office filled with books upon books- library style. That would make me happy!

I hate computers. If it would be possible to get along in today's society w/o one I would so be all over that!

I love chick flicks. Never Been Kissed is still one of my favorites.

I LOVE the movie "300!" I was studying video editing when it came out so I justify this movie because of the awesome visual effects.

I am currently watching all of the LOST episodes with my husband. I AM SOOOO ADDICTED!

I hate clothes shopping. Thin or chubby I have never had luck finding cute clothes. Not only am I tall- most of my height is in my torso with long thighs. I HAVE SHORT LEGS though! HAHA!

I can't play sports to save my own soul. I sure try though. GO TEAM! haha!

I love to make people feel good about themselves and to make them laugh. When someone is hurting, it hurts me. I enjoy being with outgoing, even sarcastic personality's the most. Funny thing though is my husband is quiet and easy going. I'm pretty optimistic and definitely loud.

Many people think just by looking at me that I'm 20 or younger. I don't find this to be a compliment because respect tends to be lost in looking younger. Someday I'm sure I'll appreciate it however.

I'm still a spazzy monkey and worry about everything and believe anything that's told to me. Guys found this exciting when I was younger- my husband was no exception!

I hate spiders, mosquito's and mosquito eater flying bugs. YUCK.

I still don't like the dark but have learned to just get over it.

Banana's feel weird.

Pears are gross.

Strawberries make me smile!

My husband has long hair and can put it in a pony tail. This BOTHERS me!!! :S And he knows it!

I love pizza and chocolate. WAIT- I LIVE FOR CHOCOLATE!!!

And finally- last but never least because I love to talk....

I love my family and I love my life. I'm thankful for what the Lord has blessed me and my husband with and look forward to learning and growing more. I look forward to watching my children grow and can't wait to have more.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little better... I know it's long but if I print this off at the end of my weight loss journey I'd like to remember what I was like at 26/27.

Love Nikki

ps. Did I mention I hated computers? I had five other pictures that kept deleting. Grr. Sorry mom and schwester- I tried!!! :(

Totally Worth it!

Dear Friends and family!!! Technically today is supposed to be my "Friday Loves" post, but I wasn't feeling it. Why? Well... let me tell you!

After weeks and weeks, months and even worse- months I have FINALLY broken through and got UNDER 240 pounds!!! This morning I weighed 239. This is my official 30 pounds lost mark. Phew! Talk about a struggle! I have never felt such an inner battle before. I mean sure we all have our own personal, even daily struggles. Losing weight the healthy way has definitly been the wierdest, however most rewarding experience I have EVER had. Although I have only concerqued 1/3rd of the way- I know I will come out on top. How long it'll take is a different story all together! ;)

Secret Society Ninja's!

Every Monday for the last three weeks I've been going to a "secret" ab class. This isn't an everyday workout class however. Oh no! This ab class is actually training to becoming secret NINJA'S! We're being created to fight the evil forces of chocolate, chips, and yes... even soda pop! You better believe it too- I will kick, scratch, and karate chop every piece of deluctible fattening goodies... someday. I will continue to go to these classes and I will conquer! ;) I'm sure you'll all hear about on the news soon.

Headline:

"Crazy mother arrested for karate chopping Cheeto Puff's bag in store...."

Yah- lets hope I don't go too overboard!

Honestly though I am sitting here feeling as if I've been kicked in my kidney's and lower gut. Apparently kicking a boxing sandbag and using a medicine ball on either side of the your body while sitting in a "v" position really does work your abs. Who'd a guess. Not the fat girl sitting on the couch eating a box of cookies reading a good book. I was close to being that girl a year ago. Six months later I'm probably the fittest big chick you'll ever meet! HA! Maybe not, but I'm getting pretty close!

Have you ever tried the Jillian Michaels Yoga dvd? I bought it when I first started this "workout/ loose weight" kick and I have to tell you I looked pretty pathetic. Puffing trying to do a lunge, falling over at any thing that took balance. It was a sad sight for sore eyes. Well! Thursday I made Rachel do it with me for the first time in about five months. I was so astonished how much 29 pounds really makes! I was actually able to complete most of the moves. What a great feeling. One workout dvd accomplished- to a point... only INSANITY left to go. HA!

I'm thinking about posting a video of me attempting some of the workouts. It'll be hilarious but very humbling... what do you think??? haha!

***************************

Have you found any healthy tips or snacks? Want to share?

http://www.isntshebeautiful.blogspot.com/

Loving Oneself in a Superficial World

It never ceases to amaze me how easily it is to get caught up in the superficial aspects of beauty and popularity. There have been women in my life that leave me feeling sad and empty for them. Priorities, beauty, and social status are what drive them. It's important to remember who we are and what WE as women and mother's stand for. For this I write this blog.

Love is important to our very beings. Love feeds us, comforts us, frustrates us, and leads us in various different adventures we wouldn't have explored with out it. The lack of love can damage and destroy someones soul and self-worth. That does not exclude ourselves. It is so very important to remember to love the person you see in the mirror ... everyday. Feelings of self-worth and respect radiate from that one emotion. A happy successful woman is a woman who has experienced love in her life- the love of herself.

I am plagued by how little we women think about ourselves. Why is that? Why can't we just love who we are. I'm not saying we have to accept being overweight. I'm not saying we have to be happy with a wrong decision. I AM saying we need to love who we are on the inside no matter what. Life isn't about beauty. Being thin. Or even how much money we have or make. Life is about relationships, love, and happiness. How can you feel any of those things if you hate yourself?

The worst thing about not loving yourself isn't the lack of self-respect. No. It's the fact that you can't fully and wholly love another person with all of their imperfections until you learn to love yourself. Ugly, beautiful, fat, skinny, tall, or short. You just have to love you. If you don't like your outer appearance then work on your character. Make yourself a caring "go-to" person. Make yourself known as a hard worker, an avid community leader. There are so many things you can do. Sitting back and feeding your own unhappiness will never benefit you or the other's around you. If you want to love your husband, wife, sister, brother, mother, father, or children then begin by loving yourself.

Media has fed on our imperfections and blown every insecurity out of proportion by displaying what "America" finds beautiful and sexy. This (among other things not relative to this blog) has made eating disorders and self-loathing more prominent in our communities. But it isn't the production companies responsibility to make sure every teenage girl feels happy with her own body. That is OUR responsibility.

Every person is beautiful and unique in very different ways. If we want to help our daughters and other women learn to live full and happy love filled lives we need to learn to live this way first. It's sad that many people feed their emptiness with cruel words and superficial goods. It's time to learn we can do this. Every single one of us can learn to love ourselves. Because like I said before, it's the only way for us to learn to love everyone else surrounding our lives appropriately.

This small little word, loaded with so much more meaning doesn't only affect you though. This gigantic fete, if ever fully accomplished is something I have taken on for myself. And even as I rant and preach I've pondered something very personal about myself ...

I truly respect and love the real me underneath this shell of a body. There may be moments when I feel discouraged or unhappy with my appearance, but I'm learning that that isn't the real me. I'm learning that yes I want to be hip, perky, and carefree again, but that I feel proud of the woman I am becoming. I'm learning that I don't want my daughter to grow up ever feeling less than what she is. The making of a queen.

Not only is my Shaylee Elizabeth beautiful and spunky ... but we are ALL beautiful and precious!

*Disclaimer- I am not speaking about any one woman. Most of the women I know have felt little about themselves at one point or another. I am taking all of my experiences and speaking to all of us in general terms. I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment and let me know how you feel and think.

Thanks!
~Nichole!

A Little Paranoid ...

Have I mentioned that I'm paranoid? It seems that every little thing that has ever happened to me has somehow escalated into some huge life changing event. Now when ever a situation arises that I've already experienced I tend to... freeze up.

For example. When I was a senior in high school I was an avid mountain biker. Loved the SNOT out of that sport. It made my heart light and my mind sound. On a spur-of-the-moment moment I went on a 22 mile mountain trail with my family and some church friends. Flying down the mountain enjoying the rush I saw a couple of friends stopped near some large boulders. Apparently not paying enough attention to myself and more attention to the college guy laughing at the rocks I lost control of my bike and hit only one set of brakes. The front set.

What do you think happened?

Well if you guess fly over the handle bars, you are 100% correct! I flew over the handle bars and landed either in the lap or on the head of said hott college dude... and yes. The rocks.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as if I got really hurt or anything. It's the sensation of having no control that seems to haunt me now. As I'm preparing for the 2011 triathlon season I catch myself freaking out over these silly things. A month or so ago Rachel went flying down the road once we hit some hills. I on the other hand rode my brakes the entire time. Where is my edge? I used to be considered careless... even crazy at one point. And now- I'm paranoid?

I woke up two nights ago to a nightmare about my first triathlon. I was in the bike portion of the race. Somehow (and because it's a dream there is no exclamation as to why) the trail ran right onto a freeway. Here I was peddling away amongst angry Seattle drivers late to work. Panic was tight in my chest. If I fall I will die. I really believed that.

And then I lost my water bottle.

Now why I turned around on a freeway to look for a lousy water bottle is beyond me. In reality I would NEVER hunt down a traitor of a water bottle. (Stupid inadamant object trying to sabotage my race.) But in my dream I did just that.

At the end of the dream I rode in on my bike, full of excitement at finishing the bike portion and not giving up. Then the race officials broke my heart. They told me the race was over and I wouldn't be able to start the run. I was disqualified.

WHAT A DREAM, EH? Anyone specialize in what dreams mean? Well, let go out on a limb here and guess that I must be pretty stinking terrified of doing a triathlon!

I need to buck up and not let my silly paranoiances (sp?) hold me back. Because I will do this! I know I can and I know all of you can accomplish your goals too! We just need a little support and a lot more self-confidence and everything is attainable! Even a stupid bike ride. :)

Because WE ARE ALL... B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.L.

Sweat'n' to Week 26

Sadly no weigh-in for me to divulge this week. I'm starting to feel annoyed that I don't have any new figures to put up, but how can you have a "weigh-in" when the numbers don't change. I still need to be measured though because Iknow my inches have changed. That I can see and feel. The scale may not be changing much but my lean muscle mass has definitly improved for the better.

Last week I bought new jeans and I love them! They're super cute and I don't have elephant butt anymore. Let me explain to you what "elephant butt" is! It's when your pants are so baggy the actually butt of the jeans hangs between you legs while your rear is still located where it's supposed to be. My new jeans make my derrier much cuter now! :)

I also bought a new complete set of underwear. This was not the cheapest venture, however they're soooo compfortable! Now I get to throw out all the old and just bask and enjoy in the new!

Taking this posting in a completely new direction, I have been asked by several different friends what do I do when I work out. When do I do it, and where do I do it. Every week is different, infact almost every season I change it up and do something differently. To answer those questions for right now here's my "week in review!"

*********************************

Sunday: (Normally I take Sunday's off, however I was feeling really uncomfortable and antsy so I decided to do something about it.) Jogged 1 mile around my neighborhood. (Under 10 minutes) I would have gone longer but my ankles were really hurting. I'm only learning now that I need to warm up and stretch before I jog. When I got home I stretched.

Monday: Went to an ABS circuit training group class at Experience Momentum (EM gym). Josh watches Rachels kids and Rachel pays for my class fees. I think each class is $10.

Tuesday: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! My stomach and sides felt as if I had been ran over by a freight-train. It was a good pain, just not something I wanted to work through. Plus I needed to let my body heal and repair itself.

Wednesday: We recieved INSANITY in the mail so Josh and I did the fit test. This is about a 30-40 minute cardio workout that tests your endurance.

Thursday: INSANITY fit test with Rachel. Then volleyball clinic for an hour and games for another hour.

Friday: INSANITY cardio core workout. PURE HELL. I actually yelled during some of the work outs to help keep going. It seems a favorite position is either plank or push-up position and doing stuff from there. NOT my favorite position to say the least.

Saturday (today): I will probably go on a 2.6 mile walk with the kids later to help warm-up and loosen my VERY sore muscles.

Here are some pictures to help convey what I look like after a 45-minute suicide work-out:

NASTY & SWEATY!

I was so sweaty- it litterally dripped off of my face.

Showing off the goods...

The smile is totally forced. I was exhausted!

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Friday Loves- Product Previews

This week I was introduced to two fairly new products. When I saw both I was a little confused as to WHY anyone would want either of them, but I am slowly learning to appreciate them for what they are worth.

I am going to dedicate my "Friday Loves" to these two products!:

When you think of insanity what is the first thing that comes to your mind? A crazy lady. You after a day with teething/ sick/ angry children??? Or working out? (...and yes this is me. We all have our not-so-pretty moments. This just happens to be one of mine! )

Well apparently someone somewhere thought of something completely different when they heard that one four-syllable word. Apparenlty this person thought of... PAIN!!! When my husband was invited to practically kill himself with some work friends for 60 days he jumped at the prospect. Why? I have no idea. I guess I wasn't what he needed as motivation to get his body in gear. But the truth is... Ryan and Nick- You guys really have done something great! Josh is actually excited about doing something- even if it does make me want to claw my eyeballs out in pain!

So for our five year wedding anniversary I told him he could find the best deal out there and buy it online. I also told him not to argue about it because if he doesn't buy it himself, I would just go buy it for full price- which ranges over $150. Excited and feeling competitive he scrolled through amazon.com and ebay and found a brand new extended program version for $69! Instead of bidding on it for a lower price, he just bought it straight out!

I've done the fitness test twice, and he's started the program. IT HURTS. That's all I can say right now. My armpits hurt, my pectoral muscles hurt, even my stupid ankle muscles that I detest so much are hurting. I'll let you know as we progress how I really feel about it! :)

I saw something else this week that completely boggled my mind! Five finger Vibram shoes. They are what they sound like... TOE SHOES! .....

Do they not look like gorilla feet???? WHY? Is all I can think when I see these suckers. And in real life, I just laughed for a good 10 minutes.

I guess they're actually really good for your feet. Not only do they kind of remind me of aquasocks (water shoes) but they're universal. They can be used for running, swimming, AND rock climbing.

Society and fashion has slowly transformed how we are supposed to walk/ run into trying to make our bottoms look good. Did you know you aren't supposed to focus all of your weight on your heal? It's mostly designed for balance? I didn't know that and my feet can attest that I've been running incorrectly!

Rachel bought this exact pair (up above) and I was there when she put them on for the first time. Like I said, I'm a little confused by them. I guess I'll have to try them on before I can actually say if I love them or...HATE them! HAHA! As it stands I'd rather watch Rachel wear them while I suffer along in my crappy shoes for now.

For now! :)

************************************

Have you seen any new products lately that are directed towards a healthy lifestyle out there? If so I want to know! [email protected]

Holy Midnight... (*Warning- Some may find photo's offensive)

It's almost midnight and I just can't seem to drag my body to bed. Why you wonder? Well, let me tell you. I AM SO SORE! Holy freckles I can't believe how much a body can go through and still continue on. I can't believe how much I've done and still tip the scale over 200! I am amazed.

So let me fill you in a little bit!

Tonight was pretty intense. I haven't been to an actual workout "class" in almost three years. And the last ab class I've been to? I was 21! Well, that was all changed when I entered the doors of Experience Momentum with Rachel. I was excited, but a little nervous. When I walked into the room my nervousness turned into feelings of intimidation. I do not enjoy being this heavy- hence me working out to lose the weight, right?! It's even worse when you see awesome athletic women... in the same mirror reminding you what you weigh! I hated seeing myself, however I will admit the mirror's purpose totally helped me out. After I got over the gagging and nausea at my sorry attempt of pretending to know what I'm doing I used the mirror to help perfect my form. I definitely got a great work out in. My tummy can attest to it!

Something else I've been working on through out the day is a little self-motivation. I read somewhere earlier that visualization techniques can really help someone attain their goals. Finding pictures of what you want to look like, or would rather not look like and then posting them around your home can actually jump start your brain into actually believing you are beginning to look like your goal.

Anyone have a problem with that??? I sure don't!

So. I've been searching online for pictures that I feel best symbolize my animosity towards being overweight and what I'm yearning and aiming for in this journey. While searching for these pictures I really tried to keep it as realistic as possible.

The two pictures I chose to be what I don't want to look like may appear humorous, but they weren't picked for that at all. I hate my stomach. I feel as if my stomach resembles the old woman's protruding gut. The naked backside may seem awful (I DID edit this picture!) but when I look in a mirror, that's what I see!

These two shots will be my reminders when I grab a few of my children's snacks.

And then there is the wonderful beautiful women I chose as my inspirations! I didn't choose the flat stomached super model. Nor did I choose the large breasted porn star! I chose an everyday clean looking young woman.

This is attainable! This can be me in two years ... to a point of course! I may still have some loose skin and of course stretch marks. But those aren't marks of ugliness. NO! They're the markings of a mother. The markings of a woman who worked hard to become healthy.

The markings of a warrior!

Okay- all corniness aside, training for next triathlon season has definitely given me some new insight.

Look at this picture of Hillary Swank. How beautiful is this photo? I LOVE IT! Now I don't ever want to be 15% body fat, and I don't want to jump that high off the ground ... in sand or grass! I just want to be able to run as fast as I can and not worry about falling and completely destroying my rib cage because of the weight of my own body.

Hillary Swank- this photo inspires me! You are beautiful!!!

Who else is beautiful you wonder? My work-out buddy turned best friend! Rachel ran her first triathlon on Saturday. I was so proud of her. As I watched and rooted for her on the sidelines I could actually visualize myself right behind her. I'd say right beside her, but we both know that will never be the case. I'm not quite competitive enough for that! :)

I love that she's smiling as she tears down the hill at the end of a 14 mile bike ride!

...And although she may not be sprinting like a wild mustang as the photo of Ms. Swank may look like- Rachel definitely held her own on her way to the finish line!



She did such a great job. Sadly I didn't get any "great" shots of her. Having two toddlers running around and too slow of a camera made it difficult. She really looked great and came out on top!

I'm so proud of you Rach!!!

So while Rachel was running her crazy first triathlon I walked 6 miles round trip completely lost trying to find the lake front. Stressing out worried I'd miss her I hustled myself across Kirkland. I even had a couple of the "volunteers" raise their eyebrows at me when I would ask how far to the race. Several of the answers usually included miles-plural.

I didn't let it discourage me, though. And so Sunday (and even today!) Rachel AND I are both sore!

**Here's to feeling great! And I hope you all find some visualization that helps uplift you in your personal struggles and journey's. With the help of each other and the Lord... everything is attainable!