hatke

Ignorance is bliss! :-)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

that fire burns does not depend upon our allegiance to it.


Fresh milk takes time to sour.
So a fool's mischief
Takes time to catch up with him.
Like the embers of a fire
It smoulders within him.

- Verse 71, Dhammapada


1. THE UNIVERSAL LAW


When His Holiness the Jagadguru was camping in a quiet village during the course of his tours, a European gentleman came to see him. He seemed to have studied some popular books on Vedanta philosophy and felt attracted by its teachings.

Swamiji, may I know if you are prepared to take converts to your religion? Personally I find much worth in it and I have known very many friends who so love your philosophy and religion that they would like to call themselves Hindus, if that were possible.

The Hindu system of philosophy and religion is bound to attract all thinking minds, but we do not take in converts.

If you think that your system is an invaluable one and is bound to be useful to all mankind, does it not follow that you must be prepared to take in converts?

Not necessarily. Conversion is possible or necessary only when the person who desires to be a convert does not already belong to the religion to which he desires to be converted.

How is that? Do you mean to say that no formal conversion is necessary as those who desire to be Hindus are already Hindus by virtue of that desire itself?

No. I mean that all are Hindus, irrespective of their desire to be called Hindus.

How can that be?

Hinduism is the name which has now been given to our system, but its real name has always been Sanatana Dharma or the Eternal Law,. It does not date from a particular point of time or begin from a particular founder. Being eternal, it is also universal. It knows no territorial jurisdiction. All beings born and to be born belong to it.

They cannot escape this law, whether they concede its binding force or not. The eternal truth that fire burns does not depend for its validity upon our allegiance to it. If we accept that truth, so much the better for us. If we do not, so much the worse for us. In either case, the law is there, immutable, universal and eternal. Such is our Sanatana Dharma.

If then the entire world is Hindu according to you, how do you justify the restrictive caste system?

I only told you that all were Hindus and therefore entitled to seek guidance in the tenets of our religion. I did not say that the guidance will be the same for all. Countless are the varieties of temperament, training, environments, hereditary leanings, pre-natal tendencies and so on, so that it will be impossible to expect any single stereotyped system of conduct for all. Our Dharma taking due notice of this undeniable fact, resolves itself into two parts: 1. Samanya Dharma or Ordinary Law and 2. Visesha Dharma or Special Law. The former guides all mankind; the former and the latter both together guide those who come under the caste system.

If the rules of caste have any spiritual value, why not give the benefit of them to those also who are outside it?

If water is beneficial to a thirsty man, does it follow that it will be beneficial to a man who has fever and therefore feels thirsty?

Your illustration is not fair. There is nothing to show that a special rule of conduct prescribed for a particular caste will be injurious to others, who do not belong to that caste or to any caste at all.

On the other hand, you must realise that there is nothing to show that a special rule of conduct prescribed for a particular caste will be beneficial to others. For, the mere fact that it is prescribed for that caste makes it a special law and, therefore, not applicable to the generality of mankind. If the Sastras are our only guide for telling us that a particular line of conduct is beneficial, we cannot throw them over board when they tell us in the same breath for whom it is beneficial. Our system and, in fact, any system which aims at the regulation of conduct must be based on the principle of adhikara or competency. Those who belong to the castes are competent to pursue the Visesha Dharma; the others are competent to pursue only Samanya Dharma. Further, the nature of the competency required can be learnt only from the Sastras which prescribe the Dharma.

If then the Hindu Sastras are to be taken as the guide for all humanity and if all persons born are, in your view, born in your religion, how do you account for the prevalence of other faiths?

It is their fault that they do not recognise that they are but aspects of Sanatana Dharma. The highest teachings of any other religion do find a place in our religion and are but a phase of the ordinary law laid down there.

Don't you think, Swamiji, that your claim will sound somewhat over-high and that the others may not be disposed to concede it?

The disposition of others to concede the claim of Hinduism is quite beside the point, for the intrinsic worth of anything is always there whether one recognises it or not. As for the claim being high, I desire to point out to you that I cannot possibly put it lower.

How is that?

Please bear with me if I take Christianity as an example to illustrate my point. If belief in the personality of Christ is a necessary condition of salvation, we must be prepared to say that all those persons who have lived before the time of Jesus have been denied the benefit of salvation for no fault of theirs and simply because they happened to be born when Jesus was yet unborn. The same reasoning would deny salvation to those who have lived even at the same time as Jesus or since that time, but may not have even heard of him. Further, don't you think it very unfair on the part of God that He should suddenly wake up on a particular day and prescribe for all mankind a necessary condition for salvation? Did he forget that the people who had the misfortune to be born before Jesus, had souls to save? If He did not forget, did He take care to prescribe for them the means necessary to enable them to attain salvation? If He did so prescribe, His prescription could not possibly have included a belief in the Jesus to be born. Therefore, the only, logical hypothesis, which a reasonable man can accept is that God, even when He created the first man (if there was such a time), Himself simultaneously promulgated also the means for his salvation, for even the first man was certainly in need of salvation. We accordingly say of our Vedas that they were co-eval with the first man (not in the sense that they were created together, for we believe that there was no first creation and that everything is beginningless, but in the sense that they were coexisting) and that they are the revelations of God Himself. Any religion which traces its origin from a later time, any time after creation, and from any teacher other than God, is bound to be imperfect and short-lived.

2. REVELATION


I understand your point, but Swamiji you have made the assumption that man is not capable of finding out the means of salvation himself and that he requires somebody, be it God, to point them out to him.

Before he can possibly find out the means, man must first know that there is something to be striven for. That there is such a something can be known by us only if somebody who partakes of that something, or has realised it in actual experience, informs us about its existence. This information coming from beyond the range of our experience is itself in the nature of a revelation. Further, how can one possibly know for certain that a particular course of conduct does lead to salvation, unless this is taught to us by somebody who has pursued that particular course and has attained salvation or by somebody who by his omniscience is able to visualise at the same time the pathway as well as the goal or by somebody who is the goal itself? In the first alternative, the question will arise: how did that somebody know before he entered on the course of conduct which he so successfully followed; in the second alternative also, the question how did he attain such an omniscience will require an answer. Therefore, the third alternative, which traces all revelation to God Himself is the only logical hypothesis.

Certainly we need no revelation to teach us that God exists. The means of knowing Him may be difficult to understand and some guidance may be necessary from those who have known Him. But the fact of God's existence does not require any revelation, we can ourselves infer it by the aid of our reasoning faculty.

If the existence of God is so patent a fact and so easily inferable, how do you account for atheists and agnostics in the world? Do you mean to say that their powers of intellect and capacity for reasoning are in any way inferior to yours? On the other hand, you will find that the thinkers who have taken the trouble to think out the existence of God and failed are men of extraordinary intellect. Their failure to prove God is not due to any fault in their intellectual equipment, but to the fact that God is essentially uninferable. Further, assuming that by the aid of reasoning you can infer the existence of God, who told you that there is a God to be inferred? Certainly you depend upon some previous information for that knowledge. If somebody tells you that there is a God, you may try your reasoning powers at proving Him. If you have never heard of God at all, there is nothing to incite or awaken your powers of reasoning.

It is not necessary that I should have heard of God before I exercise my reasoning faculty. The word God may not be before my mind: but a conception of something changeless and eternal, underlying this ever-changing, evanescent world naturally suggests itself to me as a matter of inference.

How?

It cannot be denied that the world is made up of opposites - light and darkness, activity and inertness, pain and pleasure, life and death, and so on. I infer from this that, inasmuch as there is change in the world, there must also be its opposite, a non-changing factor. Inasmuch as everything is dying every moment, I infer that there is a non-dying factor also. And so on. Thus, by mere inference I am able to postulate the existence of a single, homogeneous, eternal unchanging Being as opposed to the many, heterogeneous, evanescent, changing beings.

May I know what is the opposite of a horse? A horse is a positive object of perception. From its existence, you must be able to infer its opposite. What is that opposite? My question may seem somewhat crude, but nevertheless requires an answer.

Well then, Swamiji, I shall say that the opposite of a horse is a 'non-horse'.

Quite right. Is it a positive thing or is it a mere negation?

Inasmuch as I have called it the opposite of a horse, I must say that it is a positive thing.

Is it an animal or do you include in this conception everything else in the universe?

Strictly speaking, I must include therein everything else in the universe for even a stone is a 'non-horse'. But ordinarily as the negation goes with 'horse', it is sufficient to negate the horseness alone: and so, by a 'non-horse' is ordinarily meant an animal which is not a horse.

That is, the conception of the opposite of a particular thing can only be of a thing akin to that thing, but different from it in that particularity. In other words, there is no absolute opposite for anything in the world; the want of a particular characteristic in one thing which we find in another makes us think that they are the opposites of each other. A particular intensity of illumination is capable of being viewed as a particular degree of darkness. Light and darkness are not therefore absolute opposites of each other but only relative aspects of light or of darkness as we may choose to view them. Your theory of absolute opposites therefore has no basis in fact.

Further, you seem to have also misunderstood the scope of inference. As I have mentioned before, unless you have a prior knowledge of the fact that there is something to be inferred, no process of inference can possibly be started in your mind. Suppose a person who has never seen or heard of fire sees smoke. He cannot possibly infer the existence of fire, for to him the smoke that he actually sees is the ultimate fact. A thing which "is" explains itself and does not generate in your minds any desire to know what may be behind it, unless we have already reason to think that the thing which "is" is really not the thing in itself but depends for its existence upon something else. Similarly, if the world is ever changing and if we have never heard of a changeless being, we will accept the fact of the changing world as it is. The changing world will remain the ultimate fact for us. It requires no explanation, for it is there. If it is changing, what else is there to explain? It is its nature to change. If it ceases to change, it will cease to be the world. If however, we have heard of a changeless being, explanations are necessary to justify the changing character of the world, to point out the relationship between that being and the world and to prove that relationship. Revelation is thus necessary even to put us on the track of enquiry by positing the existence of that changeless being. Reason will be of great help to us in that enquiry. In the absence of the sure guide of revelation, reasoning is mere groping in the dark.

Again, if you think that everything in the world is changing and if you want to infer something from this perceived fact, your inference can only be in this way. Everything is changing. If there is another thing, that also must be changing. That is, in the region of inference you cannot get away from the perceived relationship between a cause and a phenomenon. In fact, inference is based only on the invariability of that perceived relationship. If your experience tells you that whatever "is" changes, your inference cannot possibly tell you that there is something which is, but does not change. On the other hand, it will tell you that, inasmuch as that something is, it also must change.

Finally, the utmost that reason may take you to is that something changeless may exist; it cannot tell you as a positive fact that it does exist nor can it tell you what it is.

I am greatly obliged to you, Swamiji for presenting before me the value of revelation in this light: I have never heard it so expounded till now.

3. OTHER RELIGIONS


But again my initial difficulty in understanding the need for, rather the fact of, several conflicting religions, all purporting to point out the path to the light, remains unsolved.

I told you that the principle of adhikara or competency rules the world. As there are various gradations in competency, there are various faiths suited to those particular gradations.

I can quite understand this. But no religion is prepared to admit that it is intended for people of a particular grade alone. In fact every religion claims to be the highest and the only true one.

Suppose a young boy is simultaneously asked by four persons issuing independent commands to light a lamp, to trim the wick, to fill the oil can and to put out the light. He will be in a hopeless mess and will not at all know what to do. All these things cannot be done simultaneously, but each of those four persons insists upon his command being obeyed. What is the poor boy to do? If a fifth gentleman turns up and says, "Bring me a pair of scissors", he is adding one more command to the four already existing. The boy is already perplexed by the four contradictory commands. Now he has to choose from among five. That is, his difficulty is increased by the advent of the fifth gentleman and not at all lessened. If, however, this gentleman is kindly disposed towards the boy and wants to help him out of his difficulty and if the boy with true faith turns to him for help, the has to tell him emphatically "Bring me the pair of scissors. You need not obey the other commands". That is, to serve as a practical guide to the perplexed boy, he has to say that his command alone is the one to be obeyed and not the others. Similarly, any religious teacher claiming to give practical guidance to those who have faith in him has necessarily to say ‘Do as I ask you to do. Ignore the commands of others’.

That means the religious teachers adopted their teachings to the calibre and competency of the people who came to them for guidance and to the circumstances of the times when they lived. In other words, their teachings were only relatively true, though perhaps the teachers were themselves aware of the absolute truth. In determining what to teach and what not, they were guided more by diplomatic expediency than by unswerving regard for truth.

Rather, they were guided by the needs and the competency of the people. As l mentioned before, a glass of cold water gives comfort to a healthy man when he is thirsty, but is positively harmful to the man laid up with fever. If a physician allows one man to take cold water and prohibits another from taking it, no partiality can be attributed to him. Nor can the cold water be blamed for relieving the one and harming the other.

How then one is to know whether a particular truth enunciated by a teacher is the absolute-truth or only a relative truth?

Why do you want to know it? Is it to determine the relative superiority or inferiority of the several teachers or is it to obtain for yourself a practical guide for regulating your life?

It is really both I want to know which religious teacher has approximated most to truth and then shape my life according to his teachings.

It is an elementary principle that a person who presumes to decide between the relative capacities of two persons must himself possess a capacity higher than both of them, for otherwise he will miss their weak points. Do you think that God has favoured you with such a high power of intellect that you can claim to sit in judgement over the intellects of Christ, Mohammed and other religious teachers? Further, to decide between two conflicting religions, you must know each one of them thoroughly. Can you profess in the least to have made such a thorough study of any one religion, leave alone the others? Again, is our life long enough to permit a thorough study of even a single aspect of a religion? Where is then the time to reduce the result of all that study into practice?

4. THE PRACTICAL GUIDE


What then, Swamiji, is your practical advice to me?

You believe in God?

I do.

You believe in the wisdom of God?

Certainly.

You believe that that wisdom will be impressed in every act of God?

Of course.

You grant that that wisdom must be apparent even in giving you birth?

It must be.

God then had a purpose, a wise purpose, in giving you birth?

I should think so. Even my birth, insignificant though it may be when compared with the vast interest of the world, cannot be purposeless.

God had a purpose, a wise purpose in giving you birth as the child of a particular set of parents?

That must be. I do not believe in chance.

What more patent purpose need be sought after to explain your being born of Christian parents than that in God's view Christianity was the best suited to one of your competency? The Lord in His supreme wisdom can well be relied upon to judge what is the religion best suited for us. He knows that our poor intellect will be helpless in deciding for us the path which we should tread. He takes upon Himself the responsibility of deciding that path and gives us birth in a country, clime, time and faith best suited for us. Why should we ignore this gracious mercy of the Lord and try to do the impossible by comparing the relative values of the several religions?

I have tried to understand Christianity and follow it to the best of my lights, but very many doubts are cropping up now and then and I have not been able to meet anybody who can solve them. That is why I wanted to study other religions.

Doubts can never be solved unless you approach the persons who have not merely studied their religion but are daily living it. For the purpose of trade, you are prepared to cross the seas and explore the air, but for the purpose of Truth, you want the teachers to come to your door and solve your doubts for you. The attitude that religion is an interesting side aspect of life must go. If once you realise that religion is life itself and not an aspect of it, you will begin to explore the entire world earnestly for a proper teacher. He is ever available and is only waiting for a symptom of real earnestness in you. I am not prepared to believe that there are no such teachers in Christianity. They may not be in the ordinary world of strife, for such a world does not want them nor have they any use for such a world. They may sometimes be found even in the midst of strife, as strife cannot injure them. Go, therefore, in search of such true Christians and ask them in true humbleness of heart to solve your doubts. They will do so in no time and you will find that God, in spite of your doubts, was after all justified in making you the child of Christian parents.

I cannot sufficiently thank you, Swamiji, for your kind words of advice. Please allow me to confess that when I came here I had no idea that I would be going away from you with a sincere desire to be a better Christian. But that is the desire which you have inculcated in me. If your aim is to make a Christian a better Christian, a Hindu a better Hindu, and so on, your religion is certainly more catholic than I thought it was. In parting, may I have your gracious blessings?

Blessings are the monopoly of God and we must all pray for His gracious blessings. Please let me once more point out to you that God has already blessed you with a good physique, a virile mind and a keen intellect. An artist, howsoever capable, provided though he may be with the finest of colours and the finest of brushes and even though he may have thought out the finest of subjects, cannot paint a picture on vacant air. He does require a stable background, be it a canvas or a wall, however crude and worthless. Don't waste therefore your gifts on airy speculations as to the relative value of the various religions. Apply your God-given gifts on the stable background of your God-chosen faith, Christianity. When the painting is completed and you contemplate its beauty, the background will fade away from your view of its own accord. But not till then. Remember that.

- Sri Chandrasekhara Bharati III, Hinduism

Sunday, October 24, 2010

It didn't give you the result you wished to achieve.


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else - you are the one who gets burned.

- Buddha


"Does expressing your anger make you feel better?"

"Yes," responded Nathaniel.

"Does the anger come back later if you think about the situation that originally produced the anger?" asked the stranger.

"Yes," responded Nathaniel.

"Nathaniel, you're not talking about anger. You're talking about resentment. Resentment is best defined as re-feeling anger. Someone has made you angry, later when you think about it again you re-feel the anger."

The stranger continued, "I want you to think about something for a moment. Suppose that you encountered a man who was stabbing himself with an ice pick. He tells you that someone hurt him in the past and that in order to punish this person, he had placed that person's name on the ice pick. Now he's stabbing himself with the ice pick to punish the person who hurt him. What would you think of this man?"

"I would think he was insane," said Nathaniel.

"You'd label him insane; however, you're doing the same thing with this Jones. Every time you think about him you stab yourself with an emotional ice pick. He's quite oblivious to your emotional pain. He's probably out playing golf enjoying the sun while you're stabbing yourself with this ice pick."

"I never thought of it that way before, but what can I do? The thoughts seem automatic," said Nathaniel.

"Pray for Jones. Pray just as you did before about your childhood resentments," said the stranger.

"You have got to be kidding!" exclaimed Nathaniel.

"Not at all," the stranger said powerfully. "You don't have to mean it, just say the words a dozen times or more and see what that does for you. Just approach it like an experiment. Use totally selfish motives. Use the desire to get rid of the ice pick. You're the one that's hurting."

"The only thing that guy deserves is a bullet in the back of the head," said Nathaniel.

"Possibly," the stranger said sympathetically, "but you're still feeling the pain. You're the one with the ice pick. Remember you don't have to mean a word of what you're saying. Just say the words, try the experiment."

Nathaniel grudgingly followed the stranger's advice; he silently said the prayer. "God give Jones everything I want for myself, health, wealth, outstanding achievements and true happiness." He then repeated the prayer over and over again. It seemed stupid, but Nathaniel continued the experiment mostly to prove the stranger wrong, to prove that the prayer wouldn't work in this situation. Each time he repeated the prayer he was careful to tell God that he didn't mean a word of what he was saying. However, the insincere prayer eventually did seem to bring a certain amount of peace of mind.

After giving Nathaniel some time to pray, the stranger said:

"You see Nathaniel you're the one who gains. The way you approached the problem before was just a mistake. It didn't give you the result you wished to achieve.

"Given a sufficient period of time, and God has eternity, all humans will learn from their mistakes. Once they have learned from their mistakes, enlightened self-interest will cause a change in their behavior."

- Clyde A. Lewis, An Encounter with a Prophet

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Cognitive logical deduction is not, however, included.


Hiccup: If only I had killed that dragon when I found him in the woods! It would've been better... for everyone.
Astrid: You're right. Everyone else would've done it. So why didn't you?
[pauses]
Astrid: Why *didn't* you?
...
Hiccup: [sighs] I wouldn't kill him, because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him, and I saw myself.

- How to Train Your Dragon


How to Cope with Defensiveness

What if, because of the high stakes and the emotions involved when an employee's work is evaluated, I encounter resistance, anger, or defensiveness during this discussion? It is vitally important to win my employees' agreement about possible problems and commitment to solutions; that's unlikely to occur when they are defensive. Problem solving cannot occur when people are "on-guard." Remember, the anticipation of defensiveness is the number one reason managers give for avoiding or dreading the performance appraisal discussion.

...

Defensiveness can be obvious or it can be subtle. It might be that the employee is continually changing the subject. I might not notice it at first, but I find myself thinking, "Wait a minute, how did we get on this topic?" The conversation is drifting, and only gradually do I begin to suspect why. I might, at that point, wait and watch for a way to make sure that's what's really happening. Now that I'm watching it, it's obvious - I ask a question, and the employee answers some other question. I say to myself, "I don't think we're in a productive mode here, I'd better do something."

The employee is starting to talk faster, scowling, or seems calm in most respects, but is tapping his or her pencil or showing some other sign of agitation.

I will not attempt to give an exhaustive list of all the non-verbal signals of defensiveness. There's no need to, because recognizing them is a skill we use in ordinary life. In your personal life you've learned to recognize tell-tale signs of anger or stress in people near to you: they're tapping their foot, or their foot is going in a circle while they're watching TV. You learn to think: "Dinner's not going to go too smoothly tonight." You recognize those signs automatically with people you know well. With your employees, however, you are on less intimate terms, so you have to make more of an effort to be actively conscious of these signs.

...

Once managers see any of these tell-tale signs of defensive behavior, they can take steps to defuse them. The techniques that I'm about to suggest may seem very simple and basic to you; I hope they do, because then you should have no trouble applying them. The trouble is that managers forget to apply them, or don't think to apply them, because they are themselves under stress. Finally, they are deceptively simple.

Remember, flight and fight are primitive emotions which reside to a strong degree in all of us. I used to train police officers in family crisis intervention, which is, by the way, where 80 percent of the injury to police officers occurs. One day they may be called to the scene of a domestic dispute in a forbidding neighborhood, there's lots of trash on the street; not the kind of street where you would walk in the evening without looking behind you. When they arrive they each stand on either side of the door, tap on the door with their night stick, and announce, "Police." They're on guard, ready to deal with whatever's inside.

The next day they may get a domestic dispute call in a nice suburban area. The grass is nicely trimmed, the trees are well-kept; there are cute little ceramic knick-knacks on the lawn. The police officers are calmly talking to each other as they knock on the door on which there's a plaque that says "Dr. So & So." The door opens, and there's Dr. So and So holding a shotgun.

The point is that emotions are primitive and when people are upset they're not going to respond intellectually. There are only two categories of response possible, but of course a range of responses within each category. Cognitive logical deduction is not, however, included.

The steps here are simple but I urge you to try them. When the front desk staff of a hotel is trained in how to deal tactfully with irate guests, these steps are the core procedures; and they're also the steps counselors advise we take when dealing with children and spouses; they're basic good communication skills applied to this one special problem - what to do when confronted by another person's defensiveness.

1. Allow it
2. Restate their position
3. Acknowledge their feelings
4. Pause to allow your acceptance to sink in
5. Ask for more information on their point of view

Allow It. First of all, what do I mean by "Allow it?" In our society we have a tendency not to permit people to be upset. In supermarkets little children making a commotion are told by their parents, "Little Johnny, be a man - be quiet." "You're a big boy now, you're too old to cry."

In other words, we equate maturity with control of the emotions, and when someone loses control in our presence we tend to become embarrassed, cough, look the other way: "Well, we don't have to discuss this now. I didn't mean for it to be a big deal. Let's forget about it. We'll talk about it tomorrow."

We don't allow the person to be upset because it makes us upset. If Robert is upset, even though you don't agree with the reason, or you wouldn't have gotten upset in his place, you should allow it. The fact that he's upset is not a problem in itself. The alternative is to ignore or try to stifle the emotion. This only results in smoldering below the surface. Even though the subject is changed, Robert is still upset. Now it interferes with everything else. Don't allow the mere fact that the employee is upset lead you to push it away.

The next steps occur in quick succession.

Restate Their Position. Remember restatement as one of the types of comments we spoke about under listening skills? This is the same technique. And in this instance you acknowledge their feelings, then you pause for a second and then ask for more information on their point of view.

Here's how it might sound. Robert is upset. I say "Well, Robert, I guess based on the information you have, you feel that I've taken into account issues which are extraneous, and therefore the overall rating is unfair. Based upon that you feel not only disappointed but perhaps even a little angry at me for not having mentioned that those were the important issues." (I pause for three seconds.) "What made you think that . . " and I ask another question to draw them out a little bit more.

You may wonder what makes that pause important enough to list it above as a separate step in the process. To explain it, let me use an example from your personal life. This time you're mad, and the person you're mad at says to you, "Oh, I didn't realize that that bothered you. If I had known that that would annoy you I certainly would never have done it. I'm certainly glad you spoke up about it. I could have done it again and I wouldn't have realized. I'll be very careful next time. By the way, what's for dinner?"

"By the way what's for dinner?" tagged on the end without a pause suggests that the issue has been dismissed. A pause serves a very valuable purpose. It gives the person the sense that you're soaking it in. You're accepting it and taking it into account. "Okay I'll be more careful; I didn't realize it upset you so much." A pause. Then, "By the way, what's for dinner."

In the context of the performance appraisal discussion, the pause lets them know that you're taking their objection seriously.

Overtly expressed defensiveness occurs fairly frequently. But what does a manager do about an employee who, right in the middle of this discussion, starts giving the silent treatment? Asking questions and expressing wonderment or curiosity may be very effective in cases like that. "Well, I guess from your reaction, Robert, that you must not think that it's appropriate, fair or reasonable - you haven't said how you felt - I'm kind of guessing at it. But I am kind of curious, why did you approach it that way?" Or "I wouldn't have thought though that you would have approached it that particular way. I'm kind of curious as to why you did." Express curiosity and ask more questions; even guessing at employees positions might not be a bad idea. And then they might correct you. "Oh, well, no. It's not that I'm - I'm not really - I'm not really offended, it's just that . . ." and they start talking. That's the goal.

- Dr. William S. Swan, How to Do a Superior Performance Appraisal

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

what nobody can give a man, except himself.


Martin: You got everything money can buy, except what it can't. It's pride! Pride is what got your ass outta here, your losing is what brung you back. But people like you, they need to be tested. They need a challenge.
Mason: But you know that ain't gonna happen, there ain't no one out there...
Martin: There's always somebody out there. Always. And when that time comes, and you find something standing in front of you, something that... it ain't running, it ain't backin' up and is hittin' on you and you're too damn tired to breathe... You find that situation on you, that's good! Coz that's baptism under fire... Oh you get through that and you find the only kind of respect that matters in this damn world - self-respect.

- Rocky Balboa


"Peter, I love this work. I want to see it erected. I want to make it real, living, functioning, built. But every living thing is integrated. Do you know what that means? Whole, pure, complete, unbroken. Do you know what constitutes an integrating principle? A thought. The one thought, the single thought that created the thing and every part of it. The thought which no one can change or touch. I want to design Cortlandt. I want to see it built. I want to see it built exactly as I design it."

"Howard...I won't say 'It's nothing.'"

"You understand?"

"Yes."

"I like to receive money for my work. But I can pass that up this time. I like to have people know my work is done by me. But I can pass that up. I like to have tenants made happy by my work. But that doesn't matter too much. The only thing that matters, my goal, my reward, my beginning, my end is the work itself. My work done my way. Peter, there's nothing in the world that you can offer me, except this. Offer me this and you can have anything I've got to give. My work done my way. A private, personal, selfish, egotistical motivation. That's the only way I function. That's all I am."

"Yes, Howard. I understand. With my whole mind."

"Then here's what I'm offering you: I'll design Cortlandt. You'll put your name on it. You'll keep all the fees. But you'll guarantee that it will be built exactly as I design it."

...

"I give you my word."

Roark took two typewritten sheets of paper from his pocket and handed them to him. "Sign it."

"What's that?"

"A contract between us, stating the terms of our agreement. A copy for each of us. It would probably have no legal validity whatever. But I can hold it over your head. I couldn't sue you. But I could make this public. If it's prestige you want, you can't allow this to become known. If your courage fails you at any point, remember that you'll lose everything by giving in. But if you'll keep your word - I give you mine - it's written there - that I'll never betray this to anyone. Cortlandt will be yours. On the day when it's finished, I'll send this paper back to you and you can burn it if you wish."

"All right, Howard."

Keating signed, handed the pen to him, and Roark signed.

Keating sat looking at him for a moment, then said slowly, as if trying to distinguish the dim form of some thought of his own:

"Everybody would say you're a fool....Everybody would say I'm getting everything...."

"You'll get everything society can give a man. You'll keep all the money. You'll take any fame or honor anyone might want to grant. You'll accept such gratitude as the tenants might feel. And I - I'll take what nobody can give a man, except himself. I will have built Cortlandt."

"You're getting more than I am, Howard."

"Peter!" The voice was triumphant. "You understand that?"

"Yes...."

- Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Sunday, September 5, 2010

extremely do-it-yourself :-)


The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive - often to release him again for another chance.

- Peter De Vries

Image
- Wulffmorgenthaler

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Self-Discovery versus Self-Definition


Nature attains perfection, but man never does. There is a perfect ant, a perfect bee, but man is perpetually unfinished. He is both an unfinished animal and an unfinished man. It is this incurable unfinishedness which sets man apart from other living things. For, in the attempt to finish himself, man becomes a creator. Moreover, the incurable unfinishedness keeps man perpetually immature, perpetually capable of learning and growing. There is something unhuman about perfection. The performance of the expert strikes us as instinctual or mechanical. It is a paradox that, although the striving to master a skill is supremely human, the total mastery of a skill approaches the nonhuman. They who would make man perfect end up by dehumanizing him.

- Eric Hoffer


Self-Definition - a Barrier to Learning

An important point about learning or growing in general: both are involved with change, whereas self-concept is concerned with the status quo. One way out of this contradiction is to accept a concept of yourself which allows for change; that is, to think of yourself as a human being in the constant process of change. This step is usually taken by people who want to encourage growth in themselves. But it is difficult to allow oneself to change rapidly, to give up one's sense of permanence and precious self-image. People who make a goal out of "growing" or "searching" often allow themselves merely the illusion of change and of nearing their goal.

Because our self-image has such a hard time handling change, human beings find it difficult to let themselves change. We may adopt new acts, but we cling to the deep core of our self-image. Often the more we alter our appearance, the more attached we become to our concept of self. I know only one way out of this dilemma: forget about making an effort to grow, to change, to learn, and instead put your energies into perceiving your essence and discovering that part of yourself which doesn't change - not because it's a useful concept, but because it's who you really are. The closer one comes to the center of oneself, the closer one approaches that which doesn't change - that which, in fact, produces growth. Then change is no longer frightening and takes place automatically, because it is our nature.

Consider what it would be like to be a caterpillar changing into a butterfly. This is a very dramatic growth, requiring a lot of new learning in a very short period of time. If the caterpillar had a self-image, it would panic as it left the security and tangibility of the earth for the limitless ambience of the air. In worrying about losing its feet and beautiful fur it would resist its alteration and probably take forever to express its potential as a butterfly. One can imagine that the only way the self-image of a caterpillar could handle this transformation would be to identify with whatever part of it didn't change during its transformation. To all appearances it is becoming a totally new creature, but is there something which remains constant that it can cling to? Yes: its life. The life animating the caterpillar is the same as that of the butterfly; it merely expresses itself in two different forms. If the caterpillar could focus on the life within itself, on its essence, the transformation would be as easy as changing clothes.

Self-Discovery versus Self-Definition

The subject of self-image is complex, and my understanding of it is only a beginning, but one thing that has made a great deal of difference in my life has become clear to me. I now realize that there is an enormous difference between our self-image's process of self-definition - that is, the creation and maintenance of concepts about yourself - and the process called self-discovery. When I play the game of trying to define myself, I am constantly comparing myself with others, measuring myself in terms of higher and lower, better and worse, more right or more wrong than others. Or I may measure myself against internal standards and expectations of how I should be. My sense of self-worth rises and falls continuously, on the basis of my performance and of how harshly I judge myself at any given moment.

The process of self-discovery could hardly be more different. When I am able to achieve this state, I do not assume I have to become anything that I already am not, and so my only task is to explore and express whatever it is I happen to be. There is no need to imprison myself in a cell of my own making or into the mold of others' expectations. Rather, my job is to let go of the concepts and limiting images which prevent me from perceiving and expressing my greatest potential. I don't want this potential to be any different that it actually is; I only want to fulfill that which is already there. And of all the potentials I may possess, I most want to realize the one I hold in common with every individual: to know what it is to be human, and to express the essence of that which is unique to our species and held in common by all of us.

- W. Timothy Gallwey, Inner Tennis: Playing the Game

Friday, August 27, 2010

What he has done, he can undo.


To be a man is to be responsible: to be ashamed of miseries you did not cause; to be proud of your comrades' victories; to be aware, when setting one stone, that you are building a world.

- Antoine de Saint Exupéry


Chapter 16. Outwitting the stars

"Mukunda, why don't you get an astrological armlet?"

"Should I, Master? I don't believe in astrology."

"It is never a question of belief; the only scientific attitude one can take on any subject is whether it is true. The law of gravitation worked as efficiently before Newton as after him. The cosmos would be fairly chaotic if its laws could not operate without the sanction of human belief.

"Charlatans have brought the stellar science to its present state of disrepute. Astrology is too vast, both mathematically and philosophically, to be rightly grasped except by men of profound understanding. If ignoramuses misread the heavens, and see there a scrawl instead of a script, that is to be expected in this imperfect world. One should not dismiss the wisdom with the 'wise.'

"All parts of creation are linked together and interchange their influences. The balanced rhythm of the universe is rooted in reciprocity," my guru continued. "Man, in his human aspect, has to combat two sets of forces - first, the tumults within his being, caused by the admixture of earth, water, fire, air, and ethereal elements; second, the outer disintegrating powers of nature. So long as man struggles with his mortality, he is affected by the myriad mutations of heaven and earth.

"Astrology is the study of man's response to planetary stimuli. The stars have no conscious benevolence or animosity; they merely send forth positive and negative radiations. Of themselves, these do not help or harm humanity, but offer a lawful channel for the outward operation of cause-effect equilibriums which each man has set into motion in the past.

"A child is born on that day and at that hour when the celestial rays are in mathematical harmony with his individual karma. His horoscope is a challenging portrait, revealing his unalterable past and its probable future results. But the natal chart can be rightly interpreted only by men of intuitive wisdom: these are few.

"The message boldly blazoned across the heavens at the moment of birth is not meant to emphasize fate - the result of past good and evil - but to arouse man's will to escape from his universal thralldom. What he has done, he can undo. None other than himself was the instigator of the causes of whatever effects are now prevalent in his life. He can overcome any limitation, because he created it by his own actions in the first place, and because he has spiritual resources which are not subject to planetary pressure.

"Superstitious awe of astrology makes one an automaton, slavishly dependent on mechanical guidance. The wise man defeats his planets - which is to say, his past - by transferring his allegiance from the creation to the Creator. The more he realizes his unity with Spirit, the less he can be dominated by matter. The soul is ever-free; it is deathless because birthless. It cannot be regimented by stars.

"Man is a soul, and has a body. When he properly places his sense of identity, he leaves behind all compulsive patterns. So long as he remains confused in his ordinary state of spiritual amnesia, he will know the subtle fetters of environmental law.

"God is harmony; the devotee who attunes himself will never perform any action amiss. His activities will be correctly and naturally timed to accord with astrological law. After deep prayer and meditation he is in touch with his divine consciousness; there is no greater power than that inward protection."

"Then, dear Master, why do you want me to wear an astrological bangle?" I ventured this question after a long silence, during which I had tried to assimilate Sri Yukteswar's noble exposition.

"It is only when a traveler has reached his goal that he is justified in discarding his maps. During the journey, he takes advantage of any convenient short cut. The ancient rishis discovered many ways to curtail the period of man's exile in delusion. There are certain mechanical features in the law of karma which can be skillfully adjusted by the fingers of wisdom.

"All human ills arise from some transgression of universal law. The scriptures point out that man must satisfy the laws of nature, while not discrediting the divine omnipotence. He should say: 'Lord, I trust in Thee, and know Thou canst help me, but I too will do my best to undo any wrong I have done.' By a number of means - by prayer, by will power, by yoga meditation, by consultation with saints, by use of astrological bangles - the adverse effects of past wrongs can be minimized or nullified.

"Just as a house can be fitted with a copper rod to absorb the shock of lightning, so the bodily temple can be benefited by various protective measures. Ages ago our yogis discovered that pure metals emit an astral light which is powerfully counteractive to negative pulls of the planets. Subtle electrical and magnetic radiations are constantly circulating in the universe; when a man's body is being aided, he does not know it; when it is being disintegrated, he is still in ignorance. Can he do anything about it?

"This problem received attention from our rishis; they found helpful not only a combination of metals, but also of plants and - most effective of all - faultless jewels of not less than two carats. The preventive uses of astrology have seldom been seriously studied outside of India. One little-known fact is that the proper jewels, metals, or plant preparations are valueless unless the required weight is secured, and unless these remedial agents are worn next to the skin."

"Sir, of course I shall take your advice and get a bangle. I am intrigued at the thought of outwitting a planet!"

"For general purposes I counsel the use of an armlet made of gold, silver, and copper. But for a specific purpose I want you to get one of silver and lead." Sri Yukteswar added careful directions.

"Guruji, what 'specific purpose' do you mean?"

"The stars are about to take an unfriendly interest in you, Mukunda. Fear not; you shall be protected. In about a month your liver will cause you much trouble. The illness is scheduled to last for six months, but your use of an astrological armlet will shorten the period to twenty-four days."

I sought out a jeweler the next day, and was soon wearing the bangle. My health was excellent; Master's prediction slipped from my mind. He left Serampore to visit Benares. Thirty days after our conversation, I felt a sudden pain in the region of my liver. The following weeks were a nightmare of excruciating pain. Reluctant to disturb my guru, I thought I would bravely endure my trial alone.

But twenty-three days of torture weakened my resolution; I entrained for Benares. There Sri Yukteswar greeted me with unusual warmth, but gave me no opportunity to tell him my woes in private. Many devotees visited Master that day, just for a darshan. Ill and neglected, I sat in a corner. It was not until after the evening meal that all guests had departed. My guru summoned me to the octagonal balcony of the house.

"You must have come about your liver disorder." Sri Yukteswar's gaze was averted; he walked to and fro, occasionally intercepting the moonlight. "Let me see; you have been ailing for twenty-four days, haven't you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Please do the stomach exercise I have taught you."

"If you knew the extent of my suffering, Master, you would not ask me to exercise." Nevertheless I made a feeble attempt to obey him.

"You say you have pain; I say you have none. How can such contradictions exist?" My guru looked at me inquiringly.

I was dazed and then overcome with joyful relief. No longer could I feel the continuous torment that had kept me nearly sleepless for weeks; at Sri Yukteswar's words the agony vanished as though it had never been.

I started to kneel at his feet in gratitude, but he quickly prevented me.

"Don't be childish. Get up and enjoy the beauty of the moon over the Ganges." But Master's eyes were twinkling happily as I stood in silence beside him. I understood by his attitude that he wanted me to feel that not he, but God, had been the Healer.

I wear even now the heavy silver and lead bangle, a memento of that day-long-past, ever-cherished - when I found anew that I was living with a personage indeed superhuman. On later occasions, when I brought my friends to Sri Yukteswar for healing, he invariably recommended jewels or the bangle, extolling their use as an act of astrological wisdom.

I had been prejudiced against astrology from my childhood, partly because I observed that many people are sequaciously attached to it, and partly because of a prediction made by our family astrologer: "You will marry three times, being twice a widower." I brooded over the matter, feeling like a goat awaiting sacrifice before the temple of triple matrimony.

"You may as well be resigned to your fate," my brother Ananta had remarked. "Your written horoscope has correctly stated that you would fly from home toward the Himalayas during your early years, but would be forcibly returned. The forecast of your marriages is also bound to be true."

A clear intuition came to me one night that the prophecy was wholly false. I set fire to the horoscope scroll, placing the ashes in a paper bag on which I wrote: "Seeds of past karma cannot germinate if they are roasted in the divine fires of wisdom." I put the bag in a conspicuous spot; Ananta immediately read my defiant comment.

"You cannot destroy truth as easily as you have burnt this paper scroll." My brother laughed scornfully. It is a fact that on three occasions before I reached manhood, my family tried to arrange my betrothal. Each time I refused to fall in with the plans, knowing that my love for God was more overwhelming than any astrological persuasion from the past.

"The deeper the self-realization of a man, the more he influences the whole universe by his subtle spiritual vibrations, and the less he himself is affected by the phenomenal flux." These words of Master's often returned inspiringly to my mind.

Occasionally I told astrologers to select my worst periods, according to planetary indications, and I would still accomplish whatever task I set myself. It is true that my success at such times has been accompanied by extraordinary difficulties. But my conviction has always been justified: faith in the divine protection, and the right use of man's God-given will, are forces formidable beyond any the "inverted bowl" can muster.

The starry inscription at one's birth, I came to understand, is not that man is a puppet of his past. Its message is rather a prod to pride; the very heavens seek to arouse man's determination to be free from every limitation. God created each man as a soul, dowered with individuality, hence essential to the universal structure, whether in the temporary role of pillar or parasite. His freedom is final and immediate, if he so wills; it depends not on outer but inner victories.

- Paramhansa Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi

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