12 Months of Habit Building

It’s this time of year that everyone, whether they want to or not, reflects on the year passed. Some make resolutions to start anew, others decided to remain as they are. I’ve always been a part of the ‘start anew’ group. In fact, I have multiple calendar dates to start again – NYE, the 1st day of school, the last day of school… and so on.
This year, the latest crazy hitting the blogosphere is “101 in 1001 days”. Or maybe it’s not new, but rather hitting the blogs on my google reader. Either, it’s interesting reading. I created a list of my own and was even going to post it, until I realized that it is the same list I’ve had for the past five years. Posting it online probably won’t bring them to fruition any more than they have in the past five years. Honestly, my yearly goal for school is ALWAYS to keep up with grading and yet, EVERY year I somehow end up with stacks and stacks of papers. I’ve been ‘dieting’ since I was 12… and I still get the talk every time I see the doctor. Also, never run a marathon. And so on.
Instead what I need is a life style change. As a strict creature of habit, I need a change in habits. I am such a creature of habit, that some times I find myself in a middle of a task not realizing that when I began doing it, what I was doing before and… even more scary… if I did anything between those tasks. For the next 12 months, I’ll tackle a new habit each month to see if I can make a real change in my life style. If I hate it, it’s only 28 to 31 days. If it’s something I can really do, the month should make it into an ingrained habit for me. And it’s only one thing. Or rather, one personal habit and one professional habit. Everything else I can let slide… or at least not get in a sweat about.
For January, my habit is the basic evening and morning routines from FlyLady.net (see professional goal here). Starting January 1st to January 31st I’ll attempt to faithfully do both. Obviously, I would love to have a loverly, organized and clean house. Sadly, with two toddlers and a dog, I just don’t seem to be able to do that… but I’m hoping that I can keep the chaos at bay. And possibly not do the “please let there be a clean pair of underwear in the drawer” game every morning.

Evening Routine

• Pick up living room and put away things, magazines, dishes, clothes and shoes
• Kitchen – shine sink, lay out clean dish cloths and start dishwasher
• Clear hot spots in entrance and dining room
• check calendar for tomorrow’s appointments
• pack breakfasts and lunch
• put items I don’t want to forget into bag
• lay out clothes for tomorrow
• brush teeth, wash face and take vitamin
• go to bed at a decent time

Morning Routine

• make bed
• shower and clean shower while in there
• fix hair
• swish and swipe
• reboot laundry
• check calendar
• check dinner plan – thaw if needed

My hope is that by making this one small change, I’ll be able to have a little more organization in my life and perhaps make it run a little smoother.

Year In Review

It's done.

This is how you know that Christmas is over.

I spent the day putting the tree away and cleaning up for all the hoopla. Still have not fully unpacked the car, but have to stop to get milk before picking up the kidlets. Why is it that a day spent doing chores goes by so quickly? Isn't it "fun" that is supposed to make time fly? 'cause cleaning toilets is not my idea of fun...

Speaking of fun...Is it just me or did the entire country experience a stomach virus in the week just prior to Christmas? I've seen blog posts, facebook updates, etc. all describing the worshipping of the porcelain goddess from just about everywhere. How weird is that?

Merry Christmas!

Celebrating

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
egg nog… with ice
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? 
one unwrapped under the tree with stockings
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
both. In the past I’ve been one of ‘those’ houses. This year, I just didn’t have time and had to let the idea go. There’s always next year.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?
no point. and really, why leave a constant reminder as to why there is no point?
5. When do you put your decorations up?
November 1st? Ok, black friday. I really try to hold off until then.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
roasted goose. so traditional and so yummy.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
shopping with my mother and grandmother. we always had lunch at the department store restaurant (back when they had those) and it was very, very fancy.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I’m not really sure. I do remember going to sleep in my brother’s room as we were very excited about Santa coming… but I can’t remember for sure if that was the same year I had to put the presents out myself before they got up.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
We open all of the gifts on Christmas Eve. It’s a family tradition. Christmas day is for visiting and playing.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
This year with lights and paper ornaments. I have boxes of ornaments that all have some special meaning – I don’t do theme trees or matchy-matchy ones. I find them a bit boring.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it! very disappointed that there currently is none.
12. Can you ice skate?
Yes. Not as well as I’d like to, but I can skate forwards and backwards. Stopping is sometimes an issue.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Barbie’s airplane. It had a passenger compartment and kitchenette. No cockpit. It was the early 70’s and Barbie was a stewardess.
14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you?
family. even though they are crazy and make me crazy, it still wouldn’t be Christmas without them.
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
cookies – all kinds
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
christmas lights
17. What tops your tree?
a lighted star, 1950’s retro
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
if they visited my wish list, receiving. Otherwise giving.
19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
This year it’s ‘Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella’ The old carols are always in the top 10 of favorites
20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
yum!
21 Favorite Christmas Show?
any version of A Christmas Carol. I love the ending where Scrooge is running around making everyone happy and having the most fun doing it. Also, Fezziwig’s party sounds like da’ bomb, yo.

Too True

Illness Continues...

Or, Wherein I praise God for the writers of Finding Nemo.
Of course, the cuddler gave me his stomach virus, just in time for the annual preparations for the trip to the ol' homestead. I spent much of the weekend sanitizing myself so that Lala wouldn't be the next victim just in time for Santa's visit. Or rather, our visit to my parents house.
We're leaving tomorrow morning. That should have meant me packing, doing laundry and cleaning in preparation for the long trip. Instead I napped most of the day. As usual, I'll be rushing around in a panic tomorrow morning, leaving the house in a state of disaster and probably forgetting something important - not be realized until at least 100 miles away - like my wallet.
So far, the presents have been wrapped or packed. Snacks have been purchased. The kids have clothes to pack, although I do not. And they still need socks. We never have enough socks. No cuppies or food additives have been packed and the car hasn't been cleaned out for the trip. I also need to install the DVD player, get dog food and some how give the dog sitter the keys. And someone gave the cuddler a frosted sugar cookie, so he'll need a bath. All done before 10 am tomorrow.

101 Things in 1001 Days

1. get up early to exercise 31 days in a row
2. create a menu plan for a month and stick to it
3. do dishes every night before going to bed for 31 days in a row
4. visit NYC
5. organize front closet
6. organize desk
7. fix desktop computer
8. go on a camping trip
9. enter a 5k race
10. get rid of the baby clothes
11. throw an adoption completion party
12. paint kitchen cabinets
13. get a gas stove
14. post to blogs 3x's a week for six months
15. organize purse
16. purge kids toys
17. take more videos
18. go sledding
19. teach Lala to tie her shoes
20. potty training
21. hair cut
22. add more photos to blog posts
23. hang curtains in the cuddler's room
24. get doors for shelves in kitchen
25. go the hands on the museum 2x's a semester
26. sign Lala up for swim lessons
27. sign Lala up for dance lessons
28. get an electronic keyboard
29. take dog to dog training classes
30. do Visiting Teaching each month
31. get a nightly routine and stick to it
32. reduce the number of hours the TV is on
33. run a marathon
34. make a five year plan
35. create a family tree picture
36. learn to golf
37. learn to set tile
38. throw away bath stuff I won't use even if it is a waste done 19.12.09
39. renew my teaching certificate
40. read sense and sensibility
41. attend a renaissance festival
42. Take Lala to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
43. go on a date
44. re-read the Book of Mormon
45. no fast food for a month
46. stop drinking coffee
47. pay tithing in full
48. start every day with family prayer
49. do Family Home Evening
50. organize baby calendars and save
51. keep up with grading
52. go on a family picnic
53. organize files for medical reimbursement
54. install screen door for back porch
55. plant entire garden
56. keep up with weeding
57. create a budget
58. post one book review per month
59. create an emergency fund of $5000
60. write a short story
61. perform 20 Random of Acts of Kindness
62. loose 30 pounds
63. create a front porch “room”
64. email grandma ones a week for a year
65. take kids to fly kites
66. host a dinner party/game night
67. make a major chore schedule and stick to for 3 months
68. Re-do kitchen
69. Re-do Bathroom
70. go horseback riding
71. do a book pass
72. learn to make Challah
73. do a full Spring Cleaning
74. save $5000 for a new car
75. Learn SQL
76. Create a curriculum map for AP Classes
77. Sew a new dress
78. do a craft project with kids 2xs a month
79. Update first aid card
80. complete foster care training
81. learn to cook healthier dishes
82. pay off student loans
83. get a safety deposit box
84. get Lala a passport
85. Go to Shakespeare Festival
86. Keep up with laundry
87. use reusable bags for shopping 10xs
88. drink 8 glasses of H2O for 31 days
89. Teach Lala to snow ski
90. Visit yosemite park
91. start project 395
92. organize pantry
93. complete unfinished craft projects
94. submit an article for publication
95. save $5000 for moving expenses
96. Repaint the cuddler’s bedroom
97. Get a design plan for the living room
98. create a flower garden in front yard
99. write blog post every week
100. go on 10 hikes
101. take Lala camping

Vomitous

I'm one of those lucky moms... illnesses never show up around here until after 5 pm on Friday.

Yesterday it started with diarrhea yesterday, although not bad. Then, after a lunch of toast and applesauce, the cuddler awoke from his nap covered in vomit. Oh, yes... let the fun begin. I went to bed praying that this would just be a 24 hour bug. The cuddler was vomit free this morning until he has milk. And it started all over again. He's gone through about 5 shirts, 2 pairs of pjs and three sheets. Plus half of a jumbo sized lysol wipe container and I think I might just be on a Lysol high. Oh, and at least one melt down because Lala got to eat snack and he didn't.

Watching the first snowfall

I hate cleaning up vomit. It's so.... gelatinous. And smelly. Other than the vomit, he's acting like his normal self. Into everything, demanding that someone play with him, opening the gate, climbing the furniture.

Holiday Fun

When you are two, a gingerbread house may be a bit intimidating. Ok, when you are 40, a gingerbread house IS intimidating. All that precarious stacking and royal icing. Pastry bags! They never work like they do on TV!

A stackable tree shape on the other hand is eminently doable. Just plop down the cookie and some icing. No pastry bag required.

If you buy the kit, no cooking required. You do get tons of childhood memories and when you are two or 40, that is what’s really important.

What memories are you making this year?

Kids Play Kitchen Hack

Saturday I bit the bullet and headed up to Ikea. It’s about an hour and half drive – more if you miss your exit… twice.

I did however get some good stuff. I picked up some kids kitchen ware, new plates and bowls for the kids, silverware for the house, new curtains and a rug for the cuddler’s room, some stocking stuffers for the cuddler, some toddler safe tree decoration (at 25% off… they were so cheap that I saved a whopping $1.25!) and two new sheet sets for me. I also looked at the play kitchens. They did not have the cheaper one from the catalog and the one they did have was very short. The perfect size for the cuddler who is a normal 18 month old height. Lala, however, is about the size of your average 3 year old. She would have towered over it.

Just behind the play area I found this! The Trofast system of storage. It was the right height for Lala and with a sink placed on the and some burners, it would be a great kitchen. Plus all the food and dishes could be stored in the bins underneath.

When she grows out of it, we can return it to it’s natural storage system state for clothes or shoes or something. Kids always need more storage. It’s a twoferone buy.

This is recently played with end result. The sink was purchased online from somewhere I don’t remember. In fact, I purchased it last year… it’s one of the gifts that I was never able to give Lala and has been sitting in the closet forgotten. The burners are wooden plaques I got at JoAnns. I used a sharpie to color on the rings. Right now, they’re duct taped to the top of the cabinet. I told Lala, that they had to stay on the top. We’ll see how long it takes for the cuddler to rip them off. The cabinet was about $50, bins included. (Ikea sale item). The sink was $5, plus shipping and the ‘burners’ were $1.79 ea.

So far, it’s been a bit hit. I decided to give it to her, since A. I probably wouldn’t have time later this month to put the cabinet together and B. I’m sure as heck not driving it across the state and back while we are on our holiday pilgrimage.

We just have to find a place to put it. There will have to be some furniture shift tonight to find a new home.

Contests

Have you entered one those blog give aways? Have you ever won?

I, seriously, almost never win any raffles. In fact, my luck is so bad that I taint those around me. I did have someone tell me a trick to winning ticket raffles, but it only ever worked the days she told me… so perhaps her luck countermanded mine.

I do enter them. All the time. I’m usually commenter number 8,976 by the time I can get around to it, but I still do. It’s supposed to random right?

Today, I entered a contest win a Dyson D25. To enter, you comment why you would need this super expensive piece of household equipment. I wrote, “have two babies and a dog.” I think that pretty much explains how often I vacuum, sweep, mop and swiffer. Oh, yeah. That dog hair is insidious. I honestly believe my dog sheds an entire dog a day. I need super sucking vacuum!

I annoy myself!

Several months ago, there was a blog post by someone(?!?!?) about someone who did interior design consults using photos of your existing furniture and decor... it was way cooler than I'm describing it. The problem is that I don't remember who it was and cannot figure out where it was or even how to search for it.

I want to find it again but can't! Annoying!

Adoption Update

Lala is at a standstill. Her court date was postponed and has not been rescheduled. Will it happen before Christmas? Who knows... as the title says, "slow plodding". Some days it feels like this process will never be over. Other days I forget that there is even a process and just go on with life. The biggest lesson I've learned from this whole process is that life goes on; if you try to put it on hold waiting for something that you have no control over to happen, well... it's not a pretty picture. So we're just continuing on as if everything is done and hope that it will go that way at some point.

This weekend I'm heading to Ikea for Christmas gifts and hopefully a Lucia crown. If I can find a star boy hat I'd be really happy, but that's probably stretching it a bit. And I could probably make one pretty easy. I'm really luckyI'm still struggling as to what to purchase the cuddler for his stocking. Most of my ideas are objects that are too small for a kid who still puts everything in his mouth. Or will be eaten, like crayons. I just hope he doesn't graduate to paste eating.

Christmas Traditions

Kelly’s Korner “show us your life” request this past week was to show off your holiday traditions. Since this is my first holiday with kids that are ‘mine’, I read through dozens of the blog posts looking for ideas. And then I decided to most stick with what is familiar. A traditionalist at heart.

~ I usually put the tree up during Thanksgiving weekend. Since I have such busy little hands wanting to help this year, my brother held them off while I re-fluffed the branches. The lights are on it, but no ornaments. I’m not sure the cuddler could be held back… I might just stick with the wooden/reed ornaments.

~ This weekend I’ll tackle the outdoor display. I love outdoor displays. The more ostentatious, the better. Every year I buy something new to build the display. Last year, I bought timers and extension cords. Exciting, no? This year, a mechanical deer. I am exited about how the kids will react to seeing that.

~ The cookie making will have to start soon. I can’t wait to introduce Lala and the cuddler to exploding cookies, buckeyes and papa’s cookies. I’ve always made tons of cookies to give away (and eat!). Lala had such fun making the halloween cookies, I know she’ll love this tradition.

~ Dec. 13th is Saint Lucia Day. We will be getting up early, eating some buns and reading stories. At this point, Lala is a bit young for the lighted crown and I’m pretty sure that her CW would not approve.

~ We open presents on Christmas Eve. Plus the huge family party… it’s a smorgasbord of food, paper and people. Santa’s presents are left for Christmas morning, but that’s mostly stocking presents. Christmas day is more like a quiet family day, where we play and eat leftovers. We also track Santa’s progress via NORAD during the day. It’s possible that sleigh bells will be heard at night.

~ Stockings hold small presents like games, books, candy and an orange in the toe. No electronics.

~ The kids will be getting new Christmas jammies. I think it’s a cute tradition to start and everyone can use an extra pair of jammies!

~ A co-worker will be writing a letter to Lala from Santa. As her children have outgrown this particular tradition in her family, she sought out new recipients.

All in all, it’s going to be a fairly relaxing holiday season. The shopping is pretty much done, there’s plenty of time to bake, decorate and travel. My sister was even able to pick up a DVD player for the car ride on Black Friday.

It’s exciting, but everything is so new for the kids that anything I do is fantastic. That’s what makes the holiday the best time… seeing it through the eyes of a child.

Play Kitchen

Lala is really into pretend play these days. I want to encourage this, as it gives me some free time to pee solo while the TV isn’t on, so I’ve been perusing play kitchens online. She plays with one at church and seems quite happy with it.

Have you priced play kitchens lately? Almost all start over one hundred dollars! That’s without utensils. Now, I love Lala… but $100 for a first holiday present? I thought she’d be at least nine before this happened. Heck, she hasn’t even discovered American Girl yet.

There is one that is quite reasonable in price, but apparently the reason for the low price is that you have to finish the manufacturing process. Not just assembly, but also cutting the pieces out of the plastic. According the hundreds of reviews online, it takes at least four hours to assemble, a wire cutter, razor knife and several different sandpaper grits. I’d like to think that I’m handy… but four hours of assembly on Christmas Eve? My plans were more like cookies, hot cocoa and a movie that included my Christmas wish… a really hot guy.

I’m thinking that I might go to Home Depot and purchase a short cabinet upon which I’ll paint kitchen like things. You know, burners and a fake window. Does that sound cheap?

What Time Do I Put The Turkey In?

For some reason, I’m really excited about cooking Thanksgiving dinner. All the work and planning, and I can’t wait. I’m guessing it’s because I get to chose what to make… you know, the great stuffing debate and all that. My stepmother loves to cook – and don’t get me wrong, she is a great cook – but holidays are not times for experimentation. I’m a traditionalist. To me, holidays are about connecting to your family and your history.

That means we have oyster stuffing, sit on the ‘davenport’ and talk or play games. We don’t watch TV because it’s rude (although given that it’s just us, we may watch the parade). There will be a jell-o salad. If we were at ‘ol homestead, we’d probably be sledding at some point and hoping that there is “store-bought” milk somewhere. And darn it, I think it’s important for kids to have that consistency, so my kids are eating the same Thanksgiving dinner I ate, that my mother ate, my grandmother ate and my great grandmother ate.

I think the other reason I’m so excited is just because I didn’t make it this far with Lala last year. It was the beginning of a very sad and disappointed time. I was planning on going to the Black Friday sales, but ended up buying toys for Lala that are still sitting in the closet – and the thought that they will be given this year is thrilling. Not only those presents, but stockings and cookies… oh yeah. I’m a little excited.

Quick Update

• Lala’s dog bite is healing. Explained the situation to her CW and so far, the dog is not going to be in “doggie jail”. I already have a “safety plan” in place, but it’s not one that the dog loves, so I am looking for a new home for her. Had lots of conversations with people about it and if a better home can be found, it would probably be the best. Or, it may be a really long winter.
• Most of my holiday shopping is done. Unfortunately, the cuddler seems to have gotten the raw end of the deal… his poor little stocking is nearly empty. However, I’m not going to buy anything more until the gifts from the state arrive as I have no idea what will show up. Also have no idea when anything will show up.
• I decided to return one of Lala’s gifts I ordered. First, it’s on sale somewhere else for about half the price and second, I’m not so sure I want it any more. I’m wondering if I should create a pretend kitchen with a wooden crate and shelving. That way, it could be recycled into something useful and it supposed to ‘pretend’. How realistic does ‘pretend’ need to be?
• Cards were ordered and are on their way here. Hopefully, they will arrive by Thanksgiving so that I can get them done on Friday and sent out.
• Turkey is currently thawing in fridge in preparation for Thanksgiving. If you’re wondering about the process, it’s here.
• The cuddler will be here over the holidays. No reunification plan has been set.

How to End a Really Sucky Day?

After all my angst about who would actually show up for conferences, I only made it to one session before I collapsed into a fever crazed sick person. There was supposed to be a sign up sheet to leave phone numbers, but either few could be bothered or, as one parent claimed, the paper was hidden somewhere that only special parents could find. I do have about 15 to call next week.

In the meantime, I’m still trying to recover from said illness. And get caught up on grading. Usually, I get tons done during conferences since I’m forced to sit in the cafeteria for hours with little entertainment. I had it planned… and, it didn’t work out. Instead, it was a marathon session today.

So what made the day suck? It should have been great. Only one class, tons of time to get stuff done, get qualified for my energy rebate without having to take time off, maybe even grocery shop… well, I did get one class all caught up with grading and will be getting my rebate check.

But! am apparently broke, discovered that out of 45 students, only 15 did the project assignment that was due today… and only two were from the class I actually saw, forcing me to give the annual “if you sit around watching life go by, all your going to get is a view of other people getting a life” speech. (as a side note, I think it’s getting better… there were no rolling eyes this year. Then again, this isn’t a class with much of a backbone).

After school, I was really too wiped out (speechifying is tiring!) to shop, so I didn’t get that done. Or pay the garbage bill or deposit a check, hence the bounced check fee… and the dog bit the two year old. So, I’ll spending the weekend finding her a new home (the dog, not the two year old)… which sucks, but I’ve tried everything and the dog is just not accepting them and yet, freaks if not with me.

I should have bought some calgon.

Wet

After three very wet storms, I’m really wishing I had bought a mini-van this summer. It’s only November, so I’m guessing this winter is going to be very, very wet.

We may have start wearing floaties to bed.

Photo Done

The holiday photos were taken today… I’m really hoping that one turned out good. I was sent the one that “looks the best” and half of my face is squished into the cuddler. Lala is actually looking at the camera, though. I’m looking forward to seeing the other photos… maybe another one came out.

Thirty years from now, my children will ask why there are so few photos of them as young children and I will have to explain that they refused to sit or stand still for any photo to turn out attractive.

Relaxing Weekend Upcoming

Photos

As the holidays get closer, I’m thinking more and more about the holiday photo card. Yes, I’m one those people… and not only do I send out photos of myself, kids and dog, but I also send them out Thanksgiving weekend. Cheesy and early. Actually, it’s really the only time I have to write out the cards, address them and get stamps to mail them out. Waiting until December means they probably won’t be sent out.

To accomplish this Thanksgiving weekend task, however, means that the photos have to taken, proofed and sent out the the printer soon. At this juncture in time, I have no idea what is going on with the cuddler’s case. Really, I haven’t a clue. I won’t know until late next week, maybe. I can’t wait that long to hold off to have the photos taken.

So the question becomes, do I include the cuddler on the hopes that he will be here for the holidays? Not include him, because he might be gone by then and if he does become a keeper, he won’t know that he was left out for at least another ten years.

I’ve really tried to philosophical and ‘understanding’ about the lack of information regarding his case, but he’s on his 4th CW in 9 months. I live in a poor rural area. It’s not like there is a lot of people moving in and out… even with this economy. Exactly where are these former CW going? And who is replacing them? Or if no one is being replaced… well, I guess that would explain the total lack of information.

Another Meeting

I finally received a letter informing of an upcoming meeting for the cuddler. Hopefully I’ll get more information on his future – I think these past few months of no information has really set me up for an emotional fall. My mind has been moving into “permanent” mode, even though nothing I’ve ever seen or heard has pointed to that direction. The meeting is next week.

In the meantime, it’s been very busy around here. This week is a huge fundraising event (actually 10 days of events!) at work. It’s for a good cause and raises much needed funds… but it’s a lot of work. Last night was a “talent” show in which I performed twice. Sadly, no one recorded it on camera. I had a lot of people tell me that my rendition of Red-Hooded Sweatshirt was quite funny. Tomorrow night is the dessert auction. That’s the event I’m in charge of and I think that I might actually be experienced enough not to freak out this year. At least I haven’t freaked out yet. Tomorrow night I will probably be sweating it out waiting for the donations to show up.

I tried to help out in the dessert donation part by making cookies tonight. I should have known… I cannot make no bake cookies. The whole cooking the sugar for just the right amount of time does not work for me. Even when I have directions, it doesn’t work. I’d post a photo of them, but it’s just too embarrassing. I’ll have to hit the grocery store tomorrow before the auction. Sad.

Long Weekend

It was a busy weekend, as usual… but this coming week will be even busier. Two of our local high schools have a major fundraising competition for the area food banks. It’s a huge deal. Mind blowingly huge. The kind of huge that really should be on the Oprah show. In honor of this fundraiser, I’ll be singing tomorrow night not once, but twice. For the record, I can’t sing. I do, however, love to sing and signing in front of an audience where people will applaud no matter how bad – oh yeah, nothing better.

I’ll be part of team singing Mahnahnahnah and doing red hooded sweatshirt solo.
I am really excited about it. Really. If only I wasn’t so tired… and had so much still on my to do list. Plus, this Wednesday I’m the advisor for another event and even though Wednesday is officially a holiday… I’ll be at work bright eye’d and bushy-tailed at 8 am. Maybe I’m just to tired from today.

Current To-Do List

• Find someone to remove moss from roof
  
• pay bills
  
• figure out if this is water bill month or garbage bill month and pay
  
• pick up mail from post office
  
• weigh in for biggest looser at work; try not to cry
  
• finish cleaning the living room
  
• vacuum
  
• sweep
  
• train the dog not to growl at the kids or stay in another room without going crazy
  
• clean kitchen
  
• finish the laundry, wash new clothes
  
• sleep
  
• hang shelves
  
• make cookies for Wed. benefit
  
• find pink hair spray
  
• wash red hooded sweatshirt?
  
• get milk

maybe I need to prioritize a bit, but still it’s all gotta get done.

11 Days

Is it just me, or do things just seem to going by faster and faster? And I'm getting more and more tired... I think it has to do with the lack of sunlight. We're leaving at dark-thirty every morning and I only see the sun through my classroom windows. Of course, it doesn't help living the rainiest region in the US. I have to say that I am still disgruntled about the moving back of daylight savings time switch over to November. Seriously, only rich Texans with more golf clubs that brain cells needed more "daylight savings".

Halloween happened. I wish I could say that it was the stuff Disney channel movies are made of, but this is real life. Lala wore her costume for approximately five minutes. Once she saw the Cuddler's cheetah outfit, she immediately wanted to be a monkey with a tail. Sadly, we did not have any monkey costumes lying about. The princess dress was doomed from then on. The Cuddler's costume did not make it through daycare. It came home ripped, without a working zipper and covered in chocolate. To be honest, he's grown a bit in the last month and is now fully into 18 month clothes. Anyways, costumes were not really happening. Add that to Lala's incredible shyness with strangers... and Halloween does not translate into one of the top holidays. They did enjoy getting pumpkins, playing in the hay at the pumpkin patch and patiently watched while I carved the pumpkins. Lighting up the pumpkins was pretty cool too! And we all enjoyed the "cookie walk" at the Trunk or Treat at church. Plus they had thousands of Halloween stickers and crayons to make your own treat bags - an activity that Lala happily worked on for nearly 20 minutes, while I chased the cuddler all over the gym. - and the fishing booth resulted in the attainment of two (not one, but two!) bead necklaces.

Ok, on a scale of one to ten - ten being "meanest mom ever!", how bad is it that I gave all the candy the kids got from trick-or-treating the CW's office to the trick-or-treaters who came to our door? They each got a couple of pieces, but they forgot all about the candy by the time we got home (no eating in the car)... so I just never reminded them. 3? 6? 10?

It's On Again!

Tonight, Lala sat on the potty without a diaper on.... and pee'd!!!! I was so shocked!

Since the last attempt, there has been barely any potty sitting and none without diaper on. And while it makes for good lunch time conversation (hey, I work with a bunch of moms...), I really haven't even thought about it. Lala has enough going on to really be worrying about using the potty.

Her court case has been pushed back to Thanksgiving and lots of upheaval has been going on. Much clingyness has ensued and I am praying for all of this end soon.

The cuddler, not to be outdone, also sat on the potty. He thinks it's quite fun and I have high hopes that one day, I too, may brag at the lunch table that potty training was "soooo easy!" In the meantime, he is charming the pants off of everyone and getting cuter by the minute. He gets away with too much by turning on that thousand watt smile.

The Re-Open Window

Maggie is back! Well, for one post anyways... if you haven't visited The Open Window
to read about her journey in adoption, then you need to, especially if you are in the
midst of a long wait. It is inspiring, touching and funny.

In the meantime, please vote for her in the Good Mood Gig contest to get a job!
In this economy any job is worth it - and honestly it's a good way to find a good
blogger with a following. She got into the contest a little late, so she needs to
catch up! Please go vote and urge all your friend too!




Good Mood Gig from SAM-e

Feed the Dog

After telling Lala that she could not feed the dog french fries, she got down
from the bench, picked up the dog bowl and said "doggie hungry!" So cute!

Celebrating Everyday Life is having a giveaway! Check out the super cute
dress that is in the offing! If I only had time to sew... or money to purchase.
Too cute!

Upcoming...

Yesterday I had to attend a class to my teaching credential current.
It's the culimination of a class I took in 2006-2007. Everyone was supposed
to bring a photo that showed the changes in their life since we had last met...
my original photo was a copy of a christmas card I had made of me and my
dog wrapped up in Christmas lights and me with a wine glass in hand.
Contrast that to the one I'll sending out this year and it's quite a change in three years.

Have you noticed the recent backlash against holiday cards? I can't b
elieve the number of people who've told me that they really hate
them... how do you hate a holiday card? I realize that the annual
holiday letter was never a big favorite, but I liked them. Nowadays,
you can simply upload a photo to some site, choose a frame and order
away. They'll even send them out for you if you just upload your address
book. And yet, people seem to think they are this huge bothersome
task that no one appreciates, so why do it all?

Maybe it's just the people I know... Are you planning on sending out holiday
cards? Has the number of cards you received gone down over the years? Is
it just me?

**just wanted to add that this morning we had to stop at WalMart to pick up
mittens before heading out to the pumpkin patch. It was that cold this morning!
Winter is on it's way.

Cuteness Galore

The camera is charged up! We're headed out

to the pumpkin patch tomorrow morning.

I'm obviously more excited than the kids...

Lala doesn't remember going last year (although

she's seen the movies) and the cuddler has never

been. There will be hayrides and pumpkins. Maybe

even spicy cake donuts.

There's been a couple of developments in Lala's court case - not necessarily

positive ones. She'll start visits with BM next week... and I have no idea as to

how they will go over, but I'm worried for her. She's just starting to settle in and

all this chaos returns for her. It also meant that her court date was rescheduled

much later. In the meantime, nothing is going on with the cuddler's case. I

haven't heard from his cw since early in September. So, I guess no news is

good news for now.

Date Night

I left the kids tonight and headed out on a blind date. It lasted an hour.
I looked at my watch three times... yah, that great.

Actually, it wasn't horrible. Just no connection and slightly awkward.
At least I can say I did something without kids this weekend.

Pumpkin patch on Sunday!!!

No Joy in Potty Town

Apparently, last night's potty experience was a little more freaky than I thought. Today, Lala did not want to sit on the potty sans clothing. If there was in peeing while sitting on the potty, it went into the diaper. Also, we had yet another "accident".

This is not going to be easy. Actually, I'm pretty ready to pack it in on the whole thing. I wasn't exactly thrilled about starting now - she just seemed to be wanting to do it. Asking to sit on the toilet, etc. I guess, she just never figured on pee actually coming out. Oh well... maybe next month.

We did it!

Today I had my first mammogram. I had prepared myself for a long waiting room wait, as is usual in this town... but I was out of there in there in 30 minutes. So now that's done and I've hit another mark of the aged... later in the afternoon I got a new haircut that apparently makes me look ten years younger.

We also had another first tonight. Lala went peepee in the potty!!! She was a little freaked out about it to be honest. Is she ready? I think I've given up on finding a definitive sign. Suffice to say that she really likes sitting on the potty, wiping and flushing the toilet, so what the heck. If she doesn't really want to do it, she won't. Tonight she sat on the new pink potty for nearly an hour. Apparently, it's very comfortable, especially with mommy sitting next to you reading story after story. Anyways, I was about to give up - actually, I did give up because it was bed time - and was in the bathroom starting the good night routine when Lala suddenly stood up and say "ahhhh!" while peeing. She is still shocked by the construct of peeing. I sat her back down, trying to keep her calm and not get upset by the pool of pee surrounding her. She was really thirsty today and had several cups of water and milk, so when I say pool, I mean pool.

After we got everything cleaned up, I grabbed the camera. I wish I could post the photo of her proud "big girl" smile. Hopefully, tomorrow it will be just as cool to peepee in the potty.

We're into it, I guess...

Tonight I ordered a potty, a doll that wets and pull-ups. If anything, I'm hoping that Lala gets the connection between drinking and peeing or decides that pull-ups are cool, because diapers are NOT.

Yeah, I had to order them from Amazon because I don't actually have time to go to the store. How crazy does your life have to be when you can't find time to go to WalMart?

What she can do now

This morning, while putting Lala into her car seat, it suddenly dawned on me how much she's changed in just the few months she's been with me. It's kind of amazing, when I think about it.

• She now knows many animal names and can tell you what they sound like.
• She definitely knows "ABCD" and will join in at various points if someone is singing the ABC song.
• Knows to say "please" and "thank you"
• Can flush the potty and is not scare of it!
• Can identify body parts in English and French
• Can go down a slide by herself
• Knows the difference between "river", "harbor" and "ocean"
• Knows the difference between "bus" and "camper" (large RV)... yah, we live near a resort area.
• Knows what a hamper is and will put her dirty clothes in it.
• Will attempt to clean up anything she spills by herself.
• Can get undressed by herself.
• learned how to whisper when the baby is asleep
• knows that shoes have a right way and a wrong way - the wrong way feels yucky
• If the baby wanders too far down the hall during church, she will go find him and lead him back.
• Will fold her arms when told it's time for the prayer
• wants to brush her teeth every night

We're still working on vocabulary, coloring and few other things. It still stuns me on somethings she's apparently never heard of - that look of utter confusion. Like "cow" or "chicken" or "prayer" (didn't her bm tell the SW that they went to church twice a week?) And potty training is looming. She loves to flush the toilet. She likes to run around without a diaper on. She'll even sit on the toilet, purely at her own request. But she has yet to actually use the toilet for it's designated purpose. Yesterday we tried on a pair of "big girl panties" (just to see what it felt like) and she hated them. I don't know if it was because they hadn't been washed (fresh out of the package) or if she had to actually pee and decided that they weren't a diaper. Right after that She asked for a diaper to be put on.

I think the whole potty training conundrum on my part stems from a whole behavior conundrum. I spend a significant amount of time trying to figure out what is normal two year old behavior and what is adjustment behavior. We're averaging at least two temper tantrums a night... which is pretty typical for a two year old. One is always because the baby gets a bottle before going to bed, but she has to stop drinking at 6pm. Otherwise her diaper will leak in the middle of night... believe me, I've tried them all. I'm sure from her point of view, the baby is getting something she's not. However, in a regular family situation the siblings just have to get over it. Lala has only been the older sibling not even for two months. I can't get all logical with a two year old, but neither can I convince her that anything that big girls get is better at that moment. So is the tantrum stemming from a recent past where scarcity of food may have been an issue? Or is it due to usual two year old logic that "everything is mine and noone gets anything I don't get first, because it's all mine?" It's all a learning process, isn't it?

Ouchies

Tonight was not Lala's night. Somehow she snagged a cheap picture frame off of a shelf in the living, ran into the cuddler's room, hid under the crib and ripped it apart, injuring her index finger in the process. Then she discover thant mommy will not place an endless supply of band-aids on said injury after you pull it off repeatedly. An hour later she slipped and hit her mouth on the side of the tub. Luckily, the cuddler was nearly in bed, so she did get to sit on mommy's lap for about an hour afterwards, while occassionally holding a bag of frozen peas to her mouth.

Somehow I managed to get through 2008 without a single injury for Lala and now that 2009 is coming to a close she's decided to make up for lost time.

Home Visit and School Visit

Tomorrow is my final home visit for the home study. I'm predicting
that the homestudy report will be done just before my fingerprints to
expire. Hopefully, that means I will not have to do them again! It
will be such a relief to have everything done!

Last night was our school open house. My babysitter crapped out on me
at the last minute, and I could not find another. Every back up
already had plans - two were planning on actually attending said Open
House. So, as any good single mom, I brought them with me. All was
well until the third group of parents. By then Lala was comfortable
and the cuddler had run into his second wind. While I was trying
explain the class requirements to parent, I had a little boy sitting
in a stroller chattering away (or rather "bok-ing" away... he really
does sound like a chicken trying to lay an egg!) and a little girl
rolling on the floor under my feet saying "momma" over and over.
Luckily, the scene reminded all the parents of when their children
were young AND those were happy memories. I know it was certainly
memorable for me!

New Room

Over Labor Day weekend, my family installed a new laminate floor in the spare/storage room. It was completely cleaned out and made ready for a new occupant... the cuddler. It was easier to move the crib than the bed that Lala is in. Plus, if the cuddler goes home, it will be easier to turn that room into a playroom. Does anyone remember when children did not need a "playroom"? Well, I don't know how they did it - because I feel like I'm drowning in a tidal wave of toys! Lala only got a few new ones for her birthday and it's still overwhelming. Anyways, the room was completed and it is awesome to have the space. Now the kids can actually run around without crashing into anything else.

That weekend also meant trying to figure out what to do with the kids. The only safe space for them was a blocked off living room where they tripped over each other and got into hair-pulling fights. Not fun. Instead we went to the zoo, for the entire day. And when we got home, no new floor. Crap. Next day, church for three hours. No new floor. Double crap! Labor Day itself - thankyoujeasus! the children's museum is open! New floor done. I wonder if I can claim the $100 I spent keeping the kids occupied as part of total cost of the floor for tax purposes?

The next day, school started. I fell asleep about 10 minutes after getting the kids in bed every night. On Thursday we were running out of fresh food and I was dreaming of grocery shopping. I knew how exhausting the start of school is for me... but somehow I always think I'll do better.

Saturday we went to the parade for the local festival. Lala was very scared of the motorcycle drill team and I had to teacher how to cover her ears when there is a loud noise, but the kids really liked it. At least, the cuddler sat in his stroller the whole time without screaming to get out... which is a good sign. Luckily, he has experienced candy at my house because the frickin' clowns kept trying to give the cuddler tootsie rolls. Who gives a baby tootsie rolls? Lala won't take anything from a stranger, so all the candy ended up in the diaper bag for mommy to give away at school. Perhaps I should start thinking about plans for Halloween... Lala won't talk in front of strangers, so I'm think that saying "trick or treat" 10 to 15 times might be a bit difficult.

Moving Along

First, I talked myself out of the new car. I really do not need one and I may need that car payment money sooner than I thought.

This morning was the meeting with Lala's CW. TPR has been filed and has a court date in Nov. Her BM is MIA. No BF was ever identified. This means that the court notices have to be published for several weeks in a newspaper. For this means, I need to get cracking on that adoption homestudy (still haven't had 2nd meeting with AW) and probably find a lawyer. Having never been this far in the process I'm a little unsure as to what I need to do right now. Probably a good question for the AW.

In the meantime, I'm trying to clear out my "sewing"/storage room for the cuddler. Seriously, we are all happier when he has a lot room to run around in and it will start raining in a matter of weeks. One of the joys of this are is rain from October to May. Like, non-stop rain. While finding new homes for all the stuff is a challenge, the floors in that room are going to be even more so. They are wood, but not in good shape. In fact, I think one spot may actually have mildew in the wood... I'm waiting for the ONE wood floor guy in county to call me back about re-doing them. Hopefully, it's something I can actually afford. Prices in this area are kinda steep and since he's the ONLY guy in the entire county who does this, he's probably more than a little pricey. And if it is mildew issue, I can't just carpet over it.

In the meantime, I'll be working on finding more storage in a house that doesn't really have any. I think I'm going to try to create a faux built in the living room to store books and such. Or at least coral all the toys... I'm already wondering how I will be able to handle Christmas toys.

New Car

For our camping trip last weekend, I rented a small SUV. Man... it was so much more roomier than my current compact car. It felt open and breezy. I could fit the new double stroller in the back, and put other stuff there too! In the same back space! The only thing I didn't like about it was that the driver could (and did!) lock the keys in the car. Luckily, the rental company could unlock it remotely, but that's still a problem for me.

I lock myself out of tons of stuff all the time. My house, my classroom, etc. I would be really screwed if my car wasn't configured to make it nearly impossible to lock without keys being in your hand.

Anyhoo, I'm really loving the idea of having this small SUV. Enough that I actually looked it up on Costco and made an appointment to look for one (did you know that you can buy a car via Costco? It apparently knocks several thousands of dollars off the price... they wouldn't tell me how many, but rumor has it that it is a big number in car salesman speak), plus the sales people are desperate for a sale. I've been trying to talk myself out of it for the past three days. As someone who will soon be paying over $500/mo for daycare, it seems like a rather silly move to put myself in debt. Plus, who knows if I'll have a job next year? Please, help me pray for strength to resist. I really want a new car.

The Cuddler

He's still here... even if he's been slightly overshadowed by Lala on the blog. He's a firecracker, that one.

His favorite toy is plastic shape-sorter box. No, he can't put the shapes in, but he does like to carry it around shaking the shapes inside. So far in the past two weeks, he's fallen while dragging it around and hit his chin on it creating a rather nasty looking bruise and another one just above his belly button. Today, he shirt was removed at day care (super hot!) and when I picked him up, we discovered a block shaped bruise on his back. He is such a boy! I'm documenting all the falls, but my poor calendar is getting full.

I can picture him in another five years with permantely scabbed knees, surrounded by random mechanical parts as he tries to put his bike back together. He will, of course, still have that little elvish grin that melts even the hardest heart.

Sick Day

Yesterday, Lala threw up at day care. I picked her up and she seemed a little down, but otherwise fine. We all came home and had naps and then dinner. Lala did not eat, but then again, she hasn't eaten dinner for the last three days (breakfast, lunch and snack are all eaten)... so, was it because she was sick or because she just wasn't hungry?

This morning we dropped the baby off at daycare and took off to the beach. She has never been and I figured it would be something fun to do rather than sitting around the hot house all day. The waves on the beach scared her, but she had no problem in walking through the little streams or pointing out every fragment of sand dollar she saw. We also examined a small jellyfish and the difference between various animal tracks, including our own. It must have been exciting because she fell asleep on the way home. I wish I had taken photos, but I was so excited to show her the beach, I never got it out of the car. Plus, with a child and dog, I didn't really have a free hand. For those who are wondering, dry sand "hurt", but wet sand was just fine.

Change of Seasons

Since this area really only has two seasons... dry and wet, I figure I can set my own change dates. We returned from my family's annual reunion last night. Surprising, the cuddler made pretty good progress for sitting in the car all day. I think it's because Lala was in the back seat with him and could be entertaining when she wanted. Also, I rented a larger vehicle (a CR-V) for the trip, so they weren't so packed in. I'm really thinking about buying a CR-V. It was comfortable, did pretty good on gas milage and had tons of room.

Last week I had a meeting with some of Lala's people and it looked like they were planning on her being here permantly. I told my mother, who immediately got excited and asked why I wasn't... because we all know how this rollercoaster rides, don't we? This morning I heard a rumor that a wrench was thrown into the works. Does this mean a change in plans? Will we all soldier on with the first plan? Once again, I find myself in the unknown. Fun, fun.

Names

I've been thinking about Lala's real name. It's not a name I normally would have chosen... but is sort of a family name. It's definitely not a popular name with this generation (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) and does have somewhat ethnic connotation. Is that a good thing or bad? I'm not sure... names are tough. For the rest of her life, every application, resume and business card will introduce her with that name and all of it's baggage.

Which then leads to the whole thought process about changing a child's name after adoption. Is it the right thing to do? Is the child loosing something important or is a name just a name? If the child was named after a grandfather who was a child abuser/alcholic, is it still an important family tie? What if the name is crazy, like 'Formica' or 'baby boy'? Those are real names!

It's hard to know what is the right thing to do.

Long Weekend

Man, with two children under two (or just passed it), I am exhausted
by the time Sunday night rolls around. To much screaming, crying and
general toy fighting. I have to come up with a new plan or I may just
go insane.

Lala turned two on Friday and celebrated by saying over 400 times that
day. We also had cake with her older sisters. Or at least they did...
I was too bust trying to keep the cuddler from running behind the
counter and into the bread overs. That kid is so goal oriented!

Weekend Recovery

most common phrase spoken this weekend: "Did you poop?"
second most common phrase spoken this weekend: "Get back in the bed."

It was a loooooooonnnnnnnggg weekend. Not that I'm complaining - this is what I signed up for and desperately wanted... I just wanted it without so much poop.

What a difference a day makes...

Slowly getting used to having two kids. Yesterday I saw a woman walking down the street with three kids under five and couldn't understand how any one could sign up for that kind of punishment... yep, getting used to having two.

Lala is sleeping through the night and now has a bed rail to keep from falling out of bed. Yesterday she didn't even start her bedtime screaming until she was actually in the bed - it's a definite improvement sign.

Or it could be that it's finally starting to cool down. Two days of nearly 100 degree heat in a town that almost never goes above 70 has the baby all discontent. Of course, we don't have AC - why bother for the three days a year when it's over 80 degrees - I survived NYC with out one for many summers. Of course, I was an adult in NYC from a relatively hotter climate, not an infant who has only experienced cool weather.

In the meantime, Lala's stay has been extended, as I'm sure many of you knew would happen. It's possible that her stay will be permanent. I'm cautiously optimistic, but given the ups and downs so far, it's hard to get excited.

Tired... very tired.

Lala isn't sleeping through the night. Not that I blame her, but this means that the cuddler isn't either. But we are starting to get a routine in place for going to bed and she didn't fall out of the bed at all (she did twice the first night) - she and cuddler share a bedroom and it's been a bit difficult with her screaming at the top of her lungs when she gets into bed. Which wakes the cuddler up and then they're both screaming... and the cycle begins again at around 2 am. I'm hoping this will lessen soon. I've gotten nothing done for the past two days trying catch up on sleep while the "kids" are in day care.

Yah... they're in two different daycares. Lala is going to one about 20 miles away so that she can see her siblings every day. I didn't realize what a huge time suck it would be when I agreed to it. It's like half my morning gone. Or maybe just my fuzzy lack of sleep logic.

About the baby - I'm not going to get her. I have to assume that she's gone to another family. It's disappointing, but I couldn't say no to Lala. After hearing everything from the foster family she was with for a couple of days and the case worker, it's obvious that having someone who knows her is much, much better for her. Her personality and the things she's experienced, even at the ripe old age of nearly two, make her more than a little confounding.

Busy Day

Well, things have settled down for the next hour or so... Lala will be arriving tonight. Apparently she's been in care since Friday at another foster home, claiming that they couldn't reach me.

Right now, the placement is for two weeks. That's right, two weeks. I can't really go into detail, but lets just say that Lala's parents aren't necessarily bad people, just people who make dumb, dumb choices. And while I want to be there for Lala, I can't help feeling a bit scammed. A two week placement is like walking around the casino and a placement where they tell you "it WILL likely be a termination" is placing an actual bet.

I'm also a bit worried about Lala. There are some things that the current foster mom told that while not suprising, seemed to have escalated. I realize that we will never truly know how psychological trauma and neglect will affect a child or for how long, but I have to wonder if she was doing great 8 months ago while in my care and now not so much even though "everyone is doing great!" what the heck is really going on when there is no one watching.

Holy Crap!

So, I just posted just 30 minutes ago and things may have changed again!

Apparently, Lala is coming back into care and they want to place her back with me. Conference call at 3pm to get more information. I am so confused!

Seriously, anyone reading this - if you had a child who was returned home and then placed back with after 8 months, please leave me any advice you can think of... like, will she remember me? Will she be angry with me? Will she just be angry? (duh...) What should I do with her to make sure she feels comfortable? Should I still get a crib? She'll be two next month, when do you switch to toddler beds? How big will she be? Will she get along with the baby? She is the baby of her family... now she'll be the oldest.

I am heartbroken that she is coming back into care. I mean, I love her with all my heart and will be thrilled to see her, but not at this cost.

Ok, now I really do need to clean the house because I can't thinking and walking around trying to figure out what needs to be done first.

OMG! OMG!

Could this be it?

I just got a call from the placement co-ordinator asking if I was interested in having a newborn infant placed with me... one that will probably be going to termination (this is the ONLY time anyone has EVER said this me!) and, in fact, the adoption worker had suggested my name as a placement option.

I am quitely freaking out.

The infant is currently in the hospital, possibly in the PICU... but the PC didn't call it that and really, he was talking too fast for me to get all the information written down. There will be a meeting with the CW to go over all the information, hopefully before the placement? OMG... I really know nothing about this child! (this would be the freaking out part!)

Can I handle what is going on with this child? This totally changes my plans for the next year for work - as in, there is no way I can do National Boards. Luckily, something has kept me from filling out all the paperwork and paying for anything. I wonder if I can get a refund on the money I've spent for co-hort class, even though it started already? Will I be able to get back into the pro-cert program? I have to do something in order to keep my job... and option two is waaaaayyyy easier.

Where am I going to fit another crib? Where am I going to get another crib? Shit, I have to buy another car seat? I wonder the Cuddler can move into the other car seat I have? I think he's still too little... ok, just checked and he's just made it past the cut off (or past it depending on who is doing the weighing). Can I do too babies? What about the dog? She is not going to be happy. I should probably clean up the living room (or giant toy box as it should be known). What if the baby needs a hermetically sealed house? Seriously, I am not that clean. What if the baby has to be fed through a ng tube or something every two hours? Where does one even find day care for such a child? Should I take materity leave? I have like a month of sick time built up... I wonder if I can use it? I may have an excuse to buy that minivan now!

There are about a million things running through my head at the moment and I can NOT reach my mother by phone! She is my medical encyclopedia and I can't even figure out which unit the baby is in because the PC doesn't use the same terminology as they do on TV.

Good and Bad Days

We all have them... some days it's enough just to see the cuddler's sweet smile and that way he puts his hand under his chin and tilts his head when looking at you and nothing else matters. My gosh it's so cute, it's overwhelming. Then there are days when you realize that this may be the last time you see that look, because he doesn't do it all the time and one day he could be gone. I hate those days.

After the meeting with the CW last week, I was having one of those bad days. I know there is no comparison between placements, but I kept comparing the Cuddler to Lala. Where she was this time last year and where will the cuddler be coming November... should I start saving up for Christmas presents? Lala's are still sitting in the storage room from last year... I guess I'll donate them this year. Or if the Cuddler is still here, maybe he can "give" them away to someone else.

I tell myself that I have to just go with the flow and not try to figure out what's going happen next... that it's an exercise in futility and saddness, but I'm here I am, still keeping one foot in reality and the other in fantasy.

secrets of the clothesline

I've written about the joys of my clothesline before... how green it is, how it saves me tons of money (seriously at least $20/mo.), yadda, yadda. I didn't, however, really know how to work it... I mean, it's a clothesline right? Pin the clothes to the line and let the wind do the work. How hard is that? Except the underwear question. No one wants their underwear hanging out for everyone to spy.

I know you are thinking, lord-luv-a-duck, could you not figure it out on your own? And I couldn't. It wasn't until I attended an OSPI conference session led by an Australian using the book The Terrible Underpants (which is hysterical, by the way). While an amusing story, the speaker also described how in Australia, where everyone uses a clothesline, the underwear are hung in the center of the Outdoor Clothes Dryer while the sheets or large towels are hung on the outer line so that all undergarments are hidden from street view.

Never even occurred to me before.

Birthday Party

The birthday party was quite a success! It rained, so BBQ was out, but the food was still good - at least, there was none left over... so it must have been good.

Although the guests got a lovely chocolate cake with custard filling, the cuddler got plain old pound cake. I did make it look like his own bathtub duckie, which was recieved with a smile. It turned out pretty good looking if I do say so myself. Maybe I should try to become a cake carver?

I wish I could post the "after" photos, because someone was covered with yellow frosting.

The big present... a fire truckwith a small motor. If the cuddler ever figures out how to actually push the button to drive it, I may have a heart attack. I'm thinking that when the battery runs down, I might just leave it run down. This, however, will mean that I have to push the darned thing around the yard.

Homestudy Meeting #1

Was finally done! I'm amazed!

It was much more in depth than my homestudy for China and a bit more personal... I was a little unprepared for that, but it's done.

Hopefully, number 2 will be done before the end of the month.

Homestudy

I was going to post this evening all about my first homestudy meeting - the one I've been waiting and waiting for - and, of course, something came up and it was canceled. Of course it was.

I'm working very hard not to become jaded about this... and to be honest, I just had to shake my head and laugh this morning when the appointment was canceled. Because it was just too good to be true.

Maybe I'm being tested for some upcoming challenge that will drive a normal person crazy?

Summertime and we're so full of energy!

Well, at least one of us is...

The last few weeks of school, I was knocked out by some kind of weird illness. I had to give up coffee, anything with sugar or aspartame and eat every 3 hours to stave off waves of nausea. Every one kept asking me if I was pregnant. I told them that sperm does not live that long and I had no visits from angels.

I also started getting these hiddeously painful headaches. Actually it was one headache that seemed to last for almost three weeks. Through process of elimination, I've decided that my neck is somehow causing the problem. I couldn't get an appointment for the chiropractor until the coming week, so I've been spending a lot of time laying on the floor to help with the pressue.

Of course, none of this has affected the cuddler at all. He's practicing his walking all over the place and luckily getting much better so no large bruises. He's also spending quite a bit of time outside - he still doesn't like grass, but sitting on a blanket is quite entertaining for him. His mother seems to be getting it together, so I'm trying to prepare myself for him to going home soon. It seems like I'm stuck going no where with this whole adoption thing and I'm really starting to consider just giving up. I can't make it happen and every where I turn it just another road-block and delay.

Summer Time

Last night someone had his first taste of strawberry ice cream! Apparently, it was a hit because there was a lot of lip smacking and whining when it was all gone. I'll have to remember that because a first birthday party is coming up soon!

 

Sadly, that's something I never got to experience with Lala. All thin liquids (including popsicles and ice cream) were strictly forbidden because the aspiration issues. As far as I know, she still hasn't outgrown it. She did like chocolate cake though... :)

Food

I just wanted to update you that the "baby lasagna" was and is a hit. It freezes beautifully and reheats better than the original. Seriously, it is a great idea.  Also, the chicken nuggets were a hit as well. I knew they would be, given than the Cuddler loves chicken, but apparently fried is even better.

 

He had his monthly visit with the CW last week and I'm starting to plan for him to go home just before Christmas. The hints she was dropping gave me the idea that this was likely. I trying to put all the doom and gloom out of my mind and remain positive. Of course, I do have this "non-specific anxiety issue"... which means whenver anything goes wrong I immediately think it's the end of the world. As long as I don't think too far into the future or ponder the fact that apparently, I'm meant to live in uncertainty, it's ok.

 

 

The Zoo!

Today the Cuddler and I went to the Zoo. He's a little too young, but the weather is gorgeous and it's a holiday weekend... so why not. Most of the animals weren't all that exciting to the Cuddler, but he did really like the underwater viewing of the beluga whale. It kept swimming in circles that included a rub of the window we stood at. And someone got over his dislike of grass enough to play on the big lawn for a while.

The area we live in is fairly rural. The zoo is a bit of drive away, but really not that bad. Heck, I commuted longer when I lived in NY. Sadly, most of my students have never left this area. They've never been a mall full of stores - our local "mall" (and I use that term loosely) is nearly empty. They've never been to a zoo, museum or seen a ballet. Although he's only 10 months old, the Cuddler has visited the zoo. We've been to the mall (he wasn't impressed). I think, however, we'll wait another month or so before hitting a museum. A few more years before the ballet.

Baby Lasagna

The other day I found a great baby vegitarian lasagna recipe... and it claimed to freeze well. Since The Cuddler isn't quite up to eating the same thing as me, I'm always wondering what to feed him for dinner. Plus he loves pasta.

 

The lasagna is made in a muffin tin. No lasagna noodles (does that mean it's not really a lasagna?), but there is the layering of foods. I used tiny seashell pasta and layered it with the sauce. The sauce was pretty basic. Tomato paste, chicken broth with grated carrot and zuchini. Even at baby stage we're sneaking those extra vegis in. Plus the zuchini was from garden last year, so I'm nearly self-sufficient! The sauce is layer with the past and some full-milk ricotta and mozzarella.

 

It was a little bland for me, but judging from the amount of sauce in the Cuddler's hair, it was a success. Tonight we'll be thawing out a frozen "cupcake"'s worth to try it from the freezer.

Adoption Homestudy

My prediction of getting the adoption homestudy done sometime in 2010 might just be true. I received an email today letting me know that it's possible that we may just get started in June.

At this point, I'm really hoping that this will be done before I my fingerprints expire- We're down to 10 months left on those expiring little suckers. Sadly, while the card may expire, my "porey" hard to get fingerprints won't actually change. Seriously, wouldn't it make more sense to dispense with the 12 month rule (saving the state millions) and instead have a computer flag a foster parent's liscense if they're convicted of a crime? Maybe alert the liscensor?

To Tell or Not To Tell

This Sunday, the Cuddler and I sat next to someone we hadn't met before... she remarked on how cute he was and how beautiful his eyes were and then said "he looks just like his mom!" For a moment I was a bit taken aback... because he does look his mom, who is not me. For about 15 seconds I was thinking "oh crap! did she recognize him? Is there going to be a scene?" before realizing that she was talking about me. Then I tried not to laugh because seriously, the Cuddler doesn't look a thing like me other than skin color - we're both pasty white. Then again, given that we live in an area where the sun shines less than a third of the year, almost everyone is pale and pasty.

I haven't told anyone at the church that the Cuddler isn't "my" child. I haven't been attending there for very long and when I walked in with him, many just made assumptions. I'm pretty sure that many believe I have a husband at home as well (a "church avoider"). No one ever asked and while there are people who do know, I'm guessing they're not gossipers.

How do you broach the subject with people who are aquaintences, but not really "friends"? Really it's none of their business and I don't want to breach the Cuddler's confidentiality by labeling him, especially if I do end up adopting him. Then again, am I "hiding" this information like it's something to be ashamed of... ?

Another funny story... I was talking to someone at the daycare about the Cuddler's huge feet. Like clown feet, is this kid. The consensus was that he's going to be very tall. Then her significant other asked "how tall is his dad?" as I was leaving and before I even thought about it I replied "couldn't tell ya" and walked out the door. Yah. I'm thinking someone went home scratching his head.

Food

The Cuddler is well into solid foods. In fact, he's almost refusing to eat babyfood... at least if someone else is trying to feed it too him. He's just starting to use a spoon - without much dexterity - but won't use a plate or bowl. They end up on the floor rather quickly.  The daycare has also reported that he often "feeds the dog" at lunch time (dropping food off the highchair tray and watching for the dog to eat it). At least at home, there actually is a dog so my mess is less.

 

Now that we're fully into the solid food stage, every night is a conundrum to figure out what to serve without too much crazieness or work. For myself, I'm a haphazard cook. I rarely see the meal as worth the dishes to complete it and sans child pretty much stick to frozen meals or random snacks. But I am trying to change that. Someone in my family has to have good eating habits and it might as well be the Cuddler.

 

I signed up for e-mealz just see if that would help. Basically, every week I download a new weekly menu with a shopping list. It's supposed to help with meal planning and food budgeting. While I don't follow it every day, it has made meal planning a little easier. As for the budget part, well some weeks are really cheap and others, not so much.

 

Last night was "spicy sloppy joes". I cooked the meat without the spices for the baby, but did leave the onions in for him. He also had his favorite (not!) green beans. Or rather, the dog had green beans. The dog's health is great by the way.

 

Tonight is home-made chicken nuggets with carrots. The cuddler does like carrots and loves chicken, so the dog might just have to settle for dog food.

10 Months Old

Tomorrow the cuddler will be 10 months old. He's standing up and squating down quite well, but still no walking. He's fully satisfied to walk on his knees or crawl where ever he needs to be. This has already caused him some consternation as one does have to touch the grass to crawl across it. You have to laugh when watching him balance on his hienny while desperately trying not to let any skin come into contact with the dreaded green stuff.

I also cannot convince him to drink out of a sippy cup for love or money. (ok, I never offered him money...) He's much more interested in dumping it out all over the place. He doesn't care about juice, water or even formula. He's also not that interested in drinking out of cups... I'm just dreading as to what is going to happen when the "ba-bas" have to go in a couple of months. Any ideas?

Another Month Gone By

Just another Saturday - that makes 25 months on the slow boat to China.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, it's raining again. We had a week of really gorgeous weather. It was so warm that I actually wore just a sweater to work, instead of the usual lon-johns-and-turtleneck-plus-a-coat-just-case outfit. Yes, it's really that cold almost all year 'round. Luckily, I stocked up warmer clothes for the cuddler. Otherwise he'd be freezing in sleeveless t-shirts and shorts... because that's all the stores are carrying. (and what is up with the fact that there are NO nice baby clothes for boys? No boy under the age of 4 needs anything but a onesie and jeans? Seriously wrong).

The cuddler won't be going anywhere soon. Apparently there aren't any relative placements in the works currently. So our vacation plans are off and running again. We'll be heading someplace warm (and get to wear those shorts!) and I'm literally counting down the days. It's also looking like there will be no summer school this year, so I'll have the whole thing off! It is a pay cut, but after this year, I soooo need the break from teenagers.

oh yeah! The cuddler is standing by himself! This may mean a summer camping trip!!! Walking babies are so much easier to camp with... trust me on this. Especially if you don't have an RV.

Cute Baby!

The other day, the cuddler and I were at the grocery store. As we neared the end of an aisle, I saw a gentleman quickly walking past - obviously trying to shop as quickly as possible. As he passed the aisle we were in, he screeched to a stop, turned around and said "cute baby!" and then speed off for the produce section.

A drive by compliment!

A Visit

Lat week, we had a visit with the cuddler's CW. Not much new information, but it's possible that a relative placement may have been found... apparently, this CW is sit back and wait for someone to tell me what's going on because "otherwise I can't be bothered" kind of person. The actual words she used were "I heard a rumor last week, but no one has contacted me with an update". Did I mention that every single thing this office does is completely compartmentalized? I can tell you that basically the CW is responsible for making sure that the cuddler is alive and well. Everything else is handled by someone else. Seriously.

This news isn't entirely welcome. I've always known that the cuddler was "temporary" but as time has gone by and no family member stepped up or appeared to motivated to do anything, I kinda let my mind think about the possibility of his staying. I suppose I should have kept myself on the fence for several more months.

Of course, it doesn't help that I keep reading blogs about people who find out rather quickly that they'll get to adopt their first placement. Seriously, isn't there anyone who rode the merry-go-round several times before striking it lucky?

I'm still on the list for a homestudy sometime near the beginning of the appocalypse. At least now I get to call every week to check on list. I can't decide if this means I'm moving up or what.