The Twins are Three!

It is so cliche, but I quite literally can't fathom how it has been 3 years since these two were born. It feels like we skipped a year somehow. The first year with twins was bliss, or at least I'll say I honestly loved it. I really, truly enjoyed having twin babies. I was a little sad that I felt like we were so busy that I didnt get to fully soak up all of their baby-ness, but what parent doesn't feel that way about each of their kids? The last year and a half or so so, however, has been hard. Really hard. I knew going into it that the toddler years would be harder than the baby years. That has certainly been the case with my other kids. Lately, it feels so hard sometimes that I have these fleeting wishes that we had stopped at 2 kids or that I'm really just not wired to be a mom. I've been pretty unhappy lately and I think I've been dragging everyone down with me. I keep thinking that I just have to make it to four years old with these two and then life will be so much more manageable. Unfortunately, I think I've missed out on a lot of simple joy because I'm just waiting for something better to come along. Whenever I stop and look at the twins, I am literally overcome with how amazingly perfect they are. They are seriously some of the most beautiful children I've ever seen, and i know exactly how self-serving that sounds. They are a unit. This perfect little team that understands each other, relies on each other, loves each other, and I'm the person aside from each other that they love most. It's not always going to be that way. One of my sadness over having twins was that I worried they wouldn't need me the same way their sisters did. I think someday that will be true, but for now, they still love me. Despite my crankiness, my impatience, my eyeball rolls and sighs, my constant distraction, my yelling. Yesterday I was so frustrated with myself for losing it with all the kids AGAIN and Britta told me "it's okay mom, everyone makes mistakes, except Jesus." Gosh, these kids are something special and I really want to be a good mom for them. I want to love being a mom and not just grit my teeth and bear it, like I've been doing for a long time now. So, even though 3 is definitely harder than 2, I don't want to just survive this year. I want to really enjoy it. It is the last time I will have toddlers (praise be!), and as much as I'm not a fan of toddlers, is there anything cuter than a tiny little voice saying grown up words or little sticky fingers or kids you can still carry on your hip? We call them "the babies" and they always will be my babies, no matter how big they get.

Summer so far

Our big vacation for the summer was to go visit my parents in Utah. I'm not sure why I thought that driving for 17 hours with 4 kids would be a vacation, but hey, I'm a lunatic. We only had to stop twice for Elodie to pee on the side of the freeway, only 2 kids threw up all over themselves and their carseat, and only every single kid barfed while we were there.

Aside from the driving, though, it was really a great vacation and I'm so glad we went. I hate that my parents live so far away, but i do love visiting Utah

 Chris, on the other hand, could never set foot in Utah again and be totally happy. He's convinced it had little to no redeeming qualities. I'd go just for the food alone. We ate put everyday and we ate well. From food trucks to kolaches to street tacos to.sugar cookies, Utah does food right.

We got to spend lots of time with Tommy and Tot, and Emma, who rode up with me  (it's becoming our summer tradition). We went to BYU and listed to the Carolian bell concert. Actually, every time we went to Provo, Elodie almost wet herself with excitement. "We are in BYU, sissy, we are IN BYU!", she'd yell when she saw Y mountain. I asked her if she loved BYU and she said "Yes!", but when I asked her if she was going to go to college there, she nonchalantly told me "No, I'm going to college somewhere else." That kid.

We did splash pad days, saw so many old friends, went to the children's museum, barbecued, hung out with Nik and Kaitlyn, and packed every day to the brim. No.wonder my kids were barfing by the end of it all. 

As much fun as we had, there's nothing like coming home, sleeping in your own bed, and seeing your other half again. Since we've been home, it feels like the vacation hasn't ended. We jumped right into the 4th of July with a huge bbq with lots of Chris's best friends from high school and amazing fireworks. And we've been boating and bbq'ing almost every night since. Haley and the kids came down last weekend and we celebrated Debbie's birthday. 

It's shaping up to be a pretty great Summer!

Nursing twins

During my pregnancy with the twins  one of the biggest worries I had was breastfeeding two babies. I love breastfeeding. I love the excuse to sit and hold and cuddle my baby. I love being the only one that can do something life sustaining and soothing for them. I love the feeling of tiny hands on my chest and the sound of big, satisfied gulps. I love the way a baby fits perfectly in my arms and across my body while I'm nursing.

I was so worried about how it would work with the twins. Juggling two babies sounded impossible, exhausting, and like it would rob me of the experience of really stopping and breathing in my babies while I fed them. I'll admit,  this time around breastfeeding has been harder. It's been fraught with way more worry over supply,  weight gain,  reflux,  and ultimately supplementing.  The twins have been hungrier,  needing to eat every 2 hours for most of their lives. Before I mastered tandem feeding, I felt like I sat on the couch all day and fed babies. Netflix and I got really close during those first few weeks. 

Then I perfected the tandem feed in a way that works for us. We became expert breastfeeders and it really didn't take much more time than just one baby. In the middle of the night I was only up for 15 minutes feeding them. Still, every now and then I would feed one baby at a time and I'd relish the one on one time,   thinking "oh,  this would be so much nicer!" 

But now the twins are 9 and a half months old and are drinking more bottles and less breastmilk because I just can't keep up with their needs.  I still nurse them 3 or 4 times a day,  but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the breastfeeding tunnel and all of a sudden I'm longing to remember every moment of feeding twins.  How many people get the experience of two precious babies looking up and smiling at you when they are done eating? I love the feeling of four frenzied little hands fluttering across my chest, playing with each other's hair and mine, so comfortable being one big pile of arms and legs and mouths.  This whole twin experience is something so special. It's a club I never wanted to join,  but I'm so glad I did. 

Tess

Nora

Pooping

The twins are horribly constipated and have been from day one. With the introduction of solid food,  things have only gotten worse. The other day I was massaging Nora's tummy to try and help her go.  She was straining and crying and I was trying to soothe her.  "I know honey,  pooping is the worst," I said.  Britta happened to be walking past and she replied "actually pooping is awesome. It's my favorite part of the day,  mom."

Just look at that adorable,  little poop-loving face.

Just another Friday

We found out yesterday that Elodie has had an ear infection basically since Christmas. Turns out she wasn't being willful, she just legitimately couldn't hear me. So we got her an antibiotic which she didn't want to take. I had to literally pin her down and shove it down her throat, while she kicked and screamed and tried to spit it back out.

The twins were sick and Tess cried unless she was in my arms. That's tricky when she's only one of four kids.

I hid behind the front door when Britta got home from school,  thinking it would be fun to jump out and surprise her. I scared her so badly she burst into tears.

Despite it all,  I loved today. Elodie and I laughed about her medicine meltdown afterwards. Britta and I played cards. Tess gave me the sweetest snuggles before bed and Nora laughed at all my jokes today (what a gem).

Spaghetti Sundays

We eat spaghetti every Sunday at Grandma's house (aka the basement).  It is Elodie's favorite meal of the week.  She eats at least three helpings without batting an eye. The twins are following in her footsteps. They chomped down big time tonight.

Sunny Days

The Moana soundtrack plays on a  constant loop at our house these days.  I lie awake at night,  the songs running through my head as I try to fall asleep. It's like the echo of my girls as the backdrop to my dreams.

The sun finally came back out today so we went to the park and got some use out of the tiny trampoline in the backyard.  Elodie took turns pulling her friend,  Lindy,  on a snow sled up and down the grass in the backyard. It was slow going.  I'm hoping for more sunshine tomorrow.

Peeing in a Peach Cup

Today we went to Costco.  Always an adventure with three kids three and under. Towards the end of our trip Elodie told me she had to go to the bathroom.  I told her to hold it.  Then I promptly forgot about the whole thing.  After I had both babies back in their car seats and half of the groceries unloaded, Elle reminded me she has to go  by screaming that she's about to have an accident.  It's going to take a miracle to get her back inside in time so instead we improvise.  The best thing I could find was a Peach fruit cup,  the tiny kind you put in a lunchbox. So pants down, costco parking lot,  peeing in the peach cup it was.  This is when I found out the hard way that a tiny fruit cup is smaller than a toddler's bladder.  Pee running over the edge,  Elodie sighs and says "whew,  that was close."

Parenting is so fun.

Dear Tess and Nora, Eight Months

Dear Twins,

Nora, the queen of nicknames, you go by all of the following: Norberta, Eleanora, Norma, Nors, Nordy, Norsky, and of course, just Nora Beth. You are my little finger-sucking cutie. You have always been the more mellow twin. You sleep better and I think your finger-sucking has made you a better self-soother. You love any and all food. You took longer than Tess to learn how to roll over, but have learned to roll as a means of getting places sooner. You are still not sitting and don't really like your jumper either. You are content to spend time on the floor, or more preferably, in Mom's arms.

Tess, my sweet little, miniature Britta. You remind me so much of your oldest sister. I know it sounds crazy because you have an identical twin sister, but I think Britta was your first twin. Your round little cheeks and big noggin remind me so much of Britta. You are the slightly bigger and more active twin. You have always been a tad bit fussier than Nora and not quite as good a sleeper. If someone is crying in the middle of the night, I can be sure it's you. You are also the pickier eater. Baby food? Forget about it. You spit that right back out at me; you want the real stuff. You have recently started sitting and I think you will be so happy once you start crawling. Every now and then something (usually Elodie) strikes you funny and you have the most adorable belly laugh.

Words can't describe how happy I am to have you both in our family. I was far from excited to have twins. In fact, I was downright terrified and actually a little mad that I was being asked to take on this huge undertaking. I could not have been more wrong. When you and your sister arrived, I was so overcome with love and gratitude for the two of you. You bring such a spirit of joy to our home. You are my most mellow babies. I wonder if that's a byproduct of being a twin and learning from the get-go that you have to share everything, including Mom's attention, or if you just came hardwired easygoing.

I still can't tell you apart when you're crying and you are so in sync that when one of you is crying, usually the other one is too. It amazes me the ways in which you seem to be completely identical. Your schedule is eerily synchronized (which I love). You both want to be held at the same time, eat at the same time, and sleep at the same time.

Even strangers seem to be as enamored with you as I am. I get stopped all the time by people who just want to fawn over you. Your big, blue eyes just melt people. You just might be the cutest duo there ever was. I know we all can't get enough of you.

We love you!

Love, Mom

Dear Elodie, Age 3

Dear Elodie,

Oh, Eller-Beller, my sweet, spunky, naughty little girl. You definitely keep things interesting around here. When you set your mind to something you do it, no matter the consequences. Unlike your older sister, you don't fear getting in trouble or hurt; rather, you want to experiment for yourself and learn the hard way. I admire your resolve, but I also anticipate your independent streak will lead to some battles of wills in the future.

The biggest thing to happen for you this year was the arrival of your new little sisters. Boy do you love them, but boy do you like to torture tham as well. I don't think I could count the number of times I've said "No, Elodie, don't do that to the babies!" in the past months. I'll admit, my patience with you has been thin more often than not since the twins were born.

I feel badly sometimes that you really are getting the brunt of middle-child-dom. Oftentimes the only attention you get is when I'm getting after you for something. When I do take the time to spend one-on-one time with you, it makes all the difference in the world. I love reading stories with you and being silly with you. Where Britta just gets frustrated by my sarcasm, I feel like you roll with it pretty well. Overall, you are a pretty easy-going three year old. You've never been one to throw tantrums, which I really appreciate. You are much more physical than your older sister was, though. You don't shy away from a fight, and you're not afraid to pick one either. We're teaching you to be gentle with more than just your baby sisters. You also have a girly side that manifests itself in your love of "pwetty dresses" and playing with dolls.

Another big first for you this year was preschool. We have teamed up with three other little girls in the ward and do a rotating joy school, which you looove. On the first day, you could barely contain your excitement at the prospect of going to school just like your big sister. You are a very good little student and I love watching you learn.

Having Britta in school has given me the opportunity to spend some more time with you the past few months and I love getting to know you better. You are really easy going, which I truly appreciate. You love being with me and crave my cuddles and attention. You also love wrestling with Daddy. You love playing with water and doing anything sensory. I think you express yourself and learn through touch. We sure love you and can't imagine life without you--it would certainly be duller.

Love, Mom