Playing Catch Up With 2014

I'm ashamed to admit I haven't updated my blog since October 2013. Wow. There's sooo much to update, but I don't really want to. Haha. Maybe I'll just highlight the big stuff that's happened since then?

October 2013- I made a vision board. It's legit. Since I made my board, I have been able to get a lot of items on my board! It's really works! Here's a little peek at the amazing vision board. It may not make sense to many people since it's just photos, but I know what they represent! If you haven't made one before, do it! Help your kids make one, too! It's awesome! :)

Christmas 2013- We were able to spend Christmas with my sister, Lesli in Utah! I was soooo happy to be there! It was such a great time and all the kids had fun together. We had 7 kids and 4 adults all under one roof! 

 


January 2014- I made New Year's Resolutions again. I seem to have the same type of list every year! I'm actually really impressed with myself that I've been able to cross quite a few off my list, but like most of us, some of the list goes untouched. Maybe next year?

February 2014- I made Josh a fort for Valentine's Day complete with rose petals. It was fun to live like a kid again! He loved it! The fort looked totally lame though, because our furniture was terrible for fort making! I also made him super fancy grilled cheese sandwiches. That might seem totally lame, but you have to understand how much that man loves his grilled cheese! ;) I also got Etni a present for Valentine's Day. I had never done that before because I thought it was silly, but I did it anyway and she loved it! 

March 2014- Katie turns into a crazy monster baby. Well, she was already that, but it got crazier. She's so fun! She loves her daddy...and loves attacking him!

 

I also ran the Moonlight Run 6K again with my good friend, Angela Truman. She was super pregnant and was amazing! We were able to improve our time from last year by a few minutes! I had a great time and can't wait for next year's race again! 

April 2014- Our wedding anniversary is April 16th and I gave Josh the BIGGEST surprise ever. That man was spoiled to death, lemme tell ya. He got a new flatscreen tv and XBOX ONE. I was about to hyperventilate from spending so much money on him, but I knew how happy he would be. He took his new tv up to the cabin with him for work. He is working at Chief Mountain from May-September this year. It'll be a long summer without him around much! At least he'll use his gifts a lot! He probably won't get any other gifts for a few years now. HA! (Look at that face!) 

I ran another race in April, but this was a 5K. It was so hard. Oh my gosh. I was so out of shape and tried so hard to run as fast as I could, but my time wasn't what I was hoping. BUT I FINISHED! That's all the matters, right? My goal is to improve my time for next year and be a little more in shape so I don't die! I was pretty sad to be alone at the finish line since Josh and the kids didn't come, but I couldn't really talk or breathe after the race anyway! I had planned to run 2-4 more races in 2014, but sprained my ankle while training for my next race. I was devastated! I'm finally all healed up and hoping to get at least one more race under my belt before the end of 2014!

Can't forget about Easter! The girls wore the cutest matching dresses! They also had tons of fun at the Easter Egg Hunt and decorating sugar cookies. Katie preferred to lick her sprinkles off the table. Classy baby, eh? 

May 2014- I went to CALIFORNIA! I was able to have 6 nights HUSBAND AND KID FREE to spend with my bestie, Amy for my 27th birthday! It was a verrrrry much needed trip. We drove down to San Diego to see and do some work in the temple and it was the most amazing sight! I had so much fun shopping and relaxing in the hot sun, too. Ah, California. I miss it. May was also Etni's 7th birthday! She was lucky enough to get a new bike! Her party was going to the pizza place, arcade, and movies, and frozen yogurt afterward with 3 friends! (Never again will I do that! Talk about exhaustion trying to do that with 4 girls and KATIE with me!) 

 

June 2014- Well, we, um...BOUGHT A HOUSE! SAY WHAAAAT! I know!!! It's crazy! But ya know what? Remember how I mentioned my vision board I made in October 2013? Well, guess what was on it?That's right! A HOUSE! Just EIGHT MONTHS after I made that board, we bought a house. We were "kinda" thinking about buying around the last few days of May and then somehow- BAM! We bought a house SO FAST and moved in on June 25th! I mean, come on, seriously! If that doesn't convince you to go make a vision board RIGHT NOW, you're crazy! :) I don't have photos of the inside of the house just yet since we're still getting settled and the decor hasn't exactly found itself onto the walls just yet! But I do have a SUPER CUTE photo of Etni's room with the girls on the bed. Packing was not fun AT ALL, but Katie did try to pack herself in a tote which was adorable. I also have a photo of Josh and Etni sitting on the back porch eating their smelly hard-boiled eggs together. You can kinda see our awesome back yard!

 

Now we can't forget the big event- FIRST BROKEN BONE IN THE CLARKE FAMILY! Etni fell off her bike and got a tiny break in her arm. She was excited to get a cast...until about 20 minutes after they put it on! Luckily, it was only on for 2 weeks! Just before she got her cast off, though, Etni and I ran the Cardston Kids Marathon together! It was fun!

July 2014- We went camping in Waterton with Josh's family for a few days. It was a ton of fun! While we were there, we took the kids and hiked Bear's Hump a.k.a. HIKE FROM HELL! It was BEAUTIFUL once we got to the top, but holy cow, it was a TOUGH hike! Most of the way I felt great and was happy to be exercising, but there were times I wanted to just curl into a ball and wait for someone to carry me! So glad I did it though! I definitely don't regret it! We got to feed some friendly chipmunks up there, too! It was my first time ever feeding a chipmunk! :) 

Katie's birthday was July 13th! She's TWO YEARS OLD! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN SO QUICKLY?! She's the craziest monster baby and we love her to death! We also got to go to the Raymond Pool for the first time since moving to Raymond! That was long overdue!

Well, there's the update! I'll update about August in a few weeks! 

TIPS FOR A WORN OUT MOM

I've been trying to stay as calm and happy as I can while being trapped in my home. Luckily, I've been able to just take it easy and not clean frantically everyday. I might let it go a few days, and then tackle it all in one day. It seems to work better for me like that. There's a list of funny things a lady came up with that's floating around Pinterest and Facebook and I'd love to share it. It's funny and makes me so happy!

TIPS FOR A WORN OUT MOM:

1. Lower your standards for cleanliness and order.

2. Did that? Lower them even more.

3. Your house will never look like a magazine spread, period. Embrace that.

4. No matter how many baskets you buy to contain toys, they will always be visible. Embrace the Toys ‘R Us/ frat house-chic decor….

5. You can never have too many Popsicle in the freezer. How many bad moods have been fixed by a simple Popsicle?

6. If you can’t change them, change your perspective. For example I read recently – probably on Satan’s website Pinterest – that toothpaste is great for cleaning things like faucets. So now when I go into the bathroom every day and see toothpaste splatter all over the bathroom faucet I think about how my children have done half the chore of cleaning for me. How considerate of them! Then I wipe it off while cursing.

7. Those chores that no one ever wants to do. Decide if you would rather do it yourself, badger your child to it, or let it go. If you are confused about what to do, see Number 1 on this list.

8. No one cares what is stuffed under your child’s bed, why should you. Unless it is old food. In that case, you should get a dog.

9. If you have boys, your bathroom will always faintly stink like pee. Invest in some Febreeze and count down the days until they move out and you can go visit them and pee on their bathroom floor.

10. Don’t buy white furniture. Unless you enjoy screaming at your children every time they go near it.

11. However bad a situation might seem, one day it will be funny. I have a few for which I am eagerly awaiting for the funny to kick in. Any time now….

12. When your child is a young teen there will be nothing more embarrassing than your very existence. Use this to your advantage. Start planning early.

13. Do not paint any walls in your house with flat paint.

14. Be okay with letting your kids stumble sometimes. Whether that is turning in an assignment late because they didn’t do it or wearing an outfit so hideous you have trouble looking at them without laughing.

15. Noise cancelling headphones are great for blocking out whining, bickering and the endless episodes of Sponge Bob.

16. Socks do not have to match. Every day is Crazy Sock Day at my house, which is infinitely better than Crazy Mom Day.

17. The crayons will break and it is okay to throw them away rather then save them to make some sort of craft that involves the hair dryer. In fact, I give you permission to not feel guilty about all the crafts you know you will never do.

18. Your children will not die from eating the occasional hot dog or frozen pizza. And by occasional I mean more than you are really willing to admit.

19. If your children are driving you crazy arguing with each other, start an argument with them. Then your children will bond over their mutual hatred of you and be quiet.

20. Children do not appreciate top sheets or high thread counts. Buy neither.

21. Homework time is the worst time of the day. Help your kids and yourself by having a designated time and a quiet place to do homework. Preferably in a neighbor’s home.

22. Just say No to ironing.

23. Last, but not least, some chocolate and some really bad TV makes everything seem a little better.

My Apology To The Perfect Mom

Well, it's time for someone to speak the truth, and for me, it's time to admit something to myself. We see articles, posts, and all sorts of rants about "the perfect mom." I will now be admitting that I used to judge the crap out of "perfect moms" because of my own insecurities. I always thought that if mothers had their kids dressed in expensive clothes, perfectly parted and curled hair, and also made themselves look like models, that it must mean they are superficial women who only do that to get attention from the public for their own personal gain, and need to get their priorities straight. Wow, kinda harsh, eh? Well, I know I'm not the only mother that has had that thought, so stop acting like you're innocent, too. I am writing today to sincerely apologize to every woman I ever had these unkind thoughts about. Let me break this down:

I started the first 4 years of my motherhood as a single mom. Many of those years, I was a failure. Literally. Thankfully, my mom was around to keep my daughter afloat while I acted like an immature, selfish 20-something year old. Once I took a step back to actually see what kind of mom I was, I started to feel like I was a terrible mother who was worthless and again, a failure. I put every other mother on a pedestal and said I'd never be as good as them. Well, that wasn't fair to all the mothers of the world. That's added pressure that no one needs. So, because I compared myself to everyone else on a daily basis, I set myself up for a miserable life. Telling yourself that you're a bad mom and that you won't amount to anything only does one thing...it ensures that's what you'll be. As the Law of Attraction says, "your wish is my command." I told myself over and over that I was bad, so guess what? I acted badly. I failed.

A mother shouldn't avoid church or the public because her family doesn't look like the model family in a new picture frame at the store. That's not realistic, for most. Now, some women are extra patient and very good at handling all her kids and making the time to get everyone looking their best. Good for her. Really. No need to say, "I hate her" or "she's a faker" or "she's so worldly to care about that." Now it's time for me, and frankly, most mothers to stop attacking those women who have more energy than us! I COULD make my family and home look AMAZING at all times, but I don't have that fight in me. I'd rather use my little energy for other things, and that's okay, because I am my own person. The mom down the street with the perfect house, kids, clothes, vehicles, and all of the above is her own person, too. We don't know what it's like for her behind closed doors. Maybe she appears perfect, but spends her Sunday mornings screaming and sweating while running around her house. Maybe she says a little prayer to "just get me through the morning" and yet all we see is her perfection and judge her for being what she wants to be and allows herself to be. If she can make that work, then all the power to her. We know how hard that is so let's give her a round of applause for surviving each day of motherhood.

Okay. Let's discuss birthday parties. Yes, I went there. Now I know Pinterest might be the most self-loathing website in the world, but let's admit that we all still love it. No mother needs to feel obligated to have every holiday and birthday party at a Pinterest-worthy level, but if you want to, then DO IT! Again, I thought moms only did those birthdays so they could take pictures and add them to Instragram and Facebook to brag and make themselves look more amazing than all the other moms. Okay, maybe some do that for personal gain, but I'm thinking now that most moms who do that are just so happy with the end result and want to share it with their friends and family because it's so dang cute and exciting! A LOT of work goes into those kind of parties and if I spent hours and hours on a fancy party, heck yes, I'd want to show someone how it turned out! Now that I'm out of my "wo is me" mind frame, I can actually see this clearly. Again, I'm sorry for judging.

I hate that I was so insecure that I had to judge others because I wasn't making my life what I wanted it to be. And I'm sorry. Now some of you might be wondering what sparked this post and my attitude change. Well, I've decided that all the crap I had in my life, I attracted it there. Yep, I'm a firm believer in The Secret or Law of Attraction. I won't get into it, but if you haven't watched the film, you deserve to watch it. You can have all that you want in this world if you ask, believe, and receive. Faith, effort, and work.

So in conclusion, it's time for me to start saying what I WANT in this life and not what I don't want or don't have. No more looking at the other moms who have gorgeous expensive homes, clothes, and "perfect" lives. If that's what I want, then it's time to STOP COMPLAINING and go get it for myself. If I can offer any advice to any mothers that have been like me in the past, here ya go:

- STOP COMPLAINING. If your life sucks and you have no money, time, material things, or anything else you don't have, STOP DWELLING on it. That will only keep you miserable.

- START BELIEVING YOU DESERVE MORE. If you want that life, then will it to yourself. Tell yourself and the universe that you want that life and that you WILL have it. Believe you can have it.

-STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF. You have the ability to be anything in this world. If you want to host Pinterest parties, then have them. You CAN do it.

- STOP JUDGING. You DO NOT know what that other mom's life is like. It might be hell. Her only happiness in her day might be seeing her kids all dolled up, or her living room spotless until the kids destroy it again. Maybe her marriage is on the rocks. You don't know. Focus on yourself, not others.

-STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK. It doesn't matter. If you love yourself and you feel like you are worth it, it doesn't matter what he or she thinks. You can't control other people's thoughts so stop acting like you can. Please yourself, your family, and God. No one else matters when it comes to pleasing.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO STAND OUT. If you are one of the moms that usually get your kids looking fabulous, don't be afraid to keep doing that. All the insecure moms out there and go pound sand. Do what makes you happy.

My final note is that you all remember I am only writing this and giving the advice because I HAVE BEEN THE ONE IN THE WRONG. I, ME, CARMEN, have been the one complaining, judging, thinking I don't deserve it, doubting myself, and obsessing about what others think. It's time for a change and it's time to start loving each other and letting each mom live her own life.

Motherhood is difficult, challenging, and exhausting. Support each other, dang it. We all need the support, and you know it.

Depression. Let's talk about it.

It's May!

I'm hoping that this month will be a better one than April. I know blogs should be all happy and perfect, but I'm gonna speak real truth for a minute. I have depression. No, it's not just a bad day or hormones. I'm not just sad. It's real. I think that most people shy away from talking about depression because it is frowned upon in society. It's not dominant in my life all the time, but when it shows up, it doesn't play nice. My husband likes to tell me to "just be happy" or "choose to be happy." Sigh, honey, if it were only that simple. In dealing with this life-long challenge, I decided to do whatever I could to make it better. Here's a few of my attempts:

- Attending the temple often (2 times last month)
- Reading the Book of Mormon daily
- Family, individual, and couple daily prayer
- Attending church regularly
- Drinking green smoothies packed with veggies daily
- Telling myself over and over that I'm going to be happy (didn't work)

Well, in my mind, I've been doing as much as I can to help myself. I have so many good moments, but then the bad outweigh the good during the day. I'll be happy as can be and within about 5 seconds I can be screaming at Etni and ready to punch a wall. I sure am fulfilling the perfect Mormon mother role, aren't I?

The first time I noticed a "problem" with my "sadness" was in 7th grade. I can't tell you how much I HATED middle school. It's absolute hell for a not skinny Mormon girl who tries to keep her standards. I was made fun of constantly for being a "goody goody" and my friends weren't exactly loyal at that age. I had had enough and figured being alive wasn't really the best option for me so I decided to try and relieve myself from the hurt of the world. Luckily, my friend, one of the actual friends, called me just as I was "attempting." He knew something was wrong, I cried to him and he convinced me that I was loved and that I needed to remember that. Thank goodness for Paul that day. I hadn't experienced anything so drastic like that day until October 2008 when I filed for divorce. My now ex-husband called me and told me all about his girlfriend he'd been living with while we were still married (on the weekends when I thought he was with family) and that they were planning on getting married a few months later. It's safe to say that was one of the lowest points of my life trying to accept that he didn't love me even though I gave up my entire future and family to dedicate my life to him. Again, thankfully, I had a friend that I called and within about 3 minutes she and her mother were at my house to help pull me out of what could have been a fatal outcome.

Now, I'm not telling you this to be grim and dark, but to admit that this crap happens. We aren't perfect, but sometimes we try to put on an act that we are. Sometimes life just sucks. But, I'll tell you this much, I won't give up. I won't let dark and scary thoughts take over my life anymore. I am depressed and I'm trying to fix it, but I won't let it win. I do feel overwhelmed almost the entire day, but those few minutes when I can read the Book of Mormon and hug my husband when he gets home from work are the highlight of my day. Now, you'll probably ask why I don't just read more often if that makes me feel better, but it's not so easy. I have to work very hard to convince myself to sit down and read. It's a battle, but again, I'm trying. I won't give up.

I guess this post could seem very odd coming from me, but I just wanted to express how I feel. I want other women to know that if they suffer from depression, don't be ashamed and embarrassed, just remember this:

DON'T GIVE UP. DON'T STOP TRYING.

It's okay to talk to friends about how you feel, if they are willing to listen and are friends that can handle that type of topic. If not, that's okay. Not everyone can openly discuss such a sad subject. I've also had to talk to Heavenly Father a lot. I used to get so angry that He was allowing this to happen, but it's okay. We all have trials and this is clearly one of mine. I'm not dead. I may feel dead inside, but I know He's still there. I know that if I can convince my stubborn mind to get on my knees that He'll comfort me when asked to do so. I am so thankful for the Atonement. There is nothing greater in this life or the next life than the blessings of the Atonement. I know that I'm suffering at the moment and I very well may suffer with depression for the rest of my life, but in the end, all will be well. Christ sacrificed His life so that I could be happy and clean and pure. Some might gasp at me when I say that my testimony and obeying commandments and praying for help isn't enough. Yes, I might need actual medication, but I won't stop using my faith to ask for help. I am currently taking herbal pills that have apparently worked wonders for others. We'll see how they work for me. In the meantime, I'm going to try my best to cope and take care of my family. I'll try to stop crying when I take the garbage out and the bag gets stuck in the can. Yes, I dropped on the stairs and bawled over a stuck garbage bag. Pretty funny, eh? Maybe I should look at this from a humorous perspective? Hmm, I could always try that!

Now, if you've cringed while reading this and are in awe that I would write such an honest and "depressing" (no pun intended) post, I'm sorry. I most definitely am not wanting friends and family members to be embarrassed that I would write such a thing, but hey, it's my blog and I needed to speak my mind. hehe :)

Keep in mind that I'm not always a sad mopey hunk of lard. I still sing and laugh and even CLEAN during the day, but I'm not my true self. She's hiding away and I'd love for her to come back! In the meantime, I'll continue to love my family and my life here in Canada because despite how my mind is acting, life is getting better. Things are looking up for my family and I'm grateful to live here.


So to end my post, I'll ask those who don't suffer with depression to remember this:

Depression is real, please don't downplay it. Don't tell us to "just be happy" or "choose to be happy." Don't tell us to stop whining and complaining. Don't tell us that everyone has problems, not just us- we know. We do not WANT to feel this way, trust me!

And to those who also suffer from depression:

Don't let it win. Keep fighting. You're not alone. Find an outlet. Ask for help. Keep trying and NEVER stop asking Heavenly Father for comfort.

Crawling Katie!

Oh, how I love my little Katie bug! She's so dang cute, I can barely stand it! She's recently mastered the art of crawling! We love watching her slide around the floor. We have laminate floors instead of carpet so it's pretty entertaining! It's so different to have a baby in the house! It's been ALMOST 6 YEARS since I've had a crawling baby! It sure was a long wait for baby #2, but Etni is, and will continue to be, an amazing big sister! She's so helpful! Sometimes a little "too" helpful, but we are grateful for the help!

I made the big mistake of not writing down all of the little achievements throughout Etni's baby years and now I'm totally regretting it! I think that happens to the first kid a lot, especially when the mom is only 20 and is still trying to figure out all the new responsibility in her life! I told myself I wouldn't let that happen with the rest of the kids! Sorry, Etni! I'll make it up to you somehow!

Here's the monthly updates I've typed up on my phone for Katie:

8 weeks: -Grabbing pacifier
               - Smiling back
               - Drooling
               - Sleeps straight from 11pm-7am (I know, I'm spoiled!)
               - Cooing
               - Loves to stand up

3 months: - Screeches lots when excited or wants attention
               - Sleeps straight  from 9pm-7 or 8am
               - Loves sucking on her fingers
               - Drools A LOT
               - Super smiley
               - Spits up ALL THE TIME

4 months: - Still spits up constantly
                - LOVES her big sister, Etni
                - Watches tv for a long time
                - Sleeps straight from 9pm-7:30am
                - Weighs 13lbs 9oz
                - Got her ears pierced on November 23rd, 2012 (Dad's birthday)
**Side Note: Josh literally can't handle seeing Katie in any sort of pain at all so he had to walk to the other end of the mall while I got her ears pierced. He even shed a few tears when we discussed her getting her ears pierced. He said, " I won't let you hurt my baby." He survived. Katie fell asleep within about 2 minutes after the piercing! She took it like a champ and never showed signs of pain. :)

5 months: - Hair is slowwwly growing in
                - Still has hair on her ears (my little gorilla)
                - Still loves to stand as much as possible
                - Getting chunky legs
                - Sucks on her thumb occasionally which is against the rules!
                - Does a super cheesy smile with squinted eyes and mouth (sooo cute!)
                - Bites pacifier like an animal :)
                - Grabs her toes
                - Rocks like crazy in her exersaucer
                - Moved from bassinet into portable crib

6 months: - First tooth!!
                - Grunts
                - Still sleeps all night long
                - Eats solid foods
                - Loves bananas/peas

7 months: - Second tooth!
               - Rolls over in bed
               - Squeals LOUDLY
               - Won't let us rock her to sleep anymore
             
8 months: - Started crawling/sliding around March 26, 2013
                - Puts herself to sleep in her crib
                - Still only two teeth
                - Squeals A LOT
                - Prefers dad over mom quite often
                - LOVES Ritz crackers
                - Hair is still slowly growing in
                - Shakes, breaths heavily, and freaks out when food is in front of her. She literally acts like we never feed her EVERYTIME she eats! It's hilarious!
                - Turns when her name is called with an adorable smile on her face every time. It's the cutest when she's crawling to something she shouldn't be and I say, "Katieeeee...noooo." She gets her cute little smile on her face and, of course, ignores me. :)

Well, that's my Katie update! I've gotta stay on top of things and keep updating on all the kids regularly! I know I'll regret it if I don't! :)

Playing Catch Up For 2013!

Alrighty....2013. Here we go. I'll start with January!

Josh and I spent New Year's Eve with our good friends, Curtis and Ashley. We always love spending time with them, especially since it doesn't happen too much these days because of busy schedules! We got a babysitter for the kids so we could "party" all night long, but really we got home at 1 : 15 AM! haha! We played card/board games all night with yummy snacks and "Mormon champagne," also known as, "sparkling cider!" Tasty! I honestly barely even remember January! The year has flown by and I can't believe it's almost April! This is nuts!

I DO remember that on January 4th, Josh and I were able to go to the temple and do sealings and initiatory. It was amazing. Being able to look into Josh's eyes and know that we were becoming closer together as an eternal couple and also doing temple work for other couples who have passed on. It's an amazing feeling knowing that couples are being reunited and sealed for eternity because of the 30 minutes we took to do sealings. I can say the same thing for initatory! I. LOVE. THE. TEMPLE. It's the most amazing place on this earth. Can't we just live there? hehe :)

After the temple, Josh dropped me off at my friend, Megan's. We had a CHOCOLAT GIRL'S NIGHT! That's right! We had every chocolate treat on the planet while we watched, excuse me, I meant "drooled" over Johnny Depp in Chocolat! Ohhh, yes! That night was supposed to be like any other girl's night, but it was different from the rest. Now, it was already special to me because it was the one year anniversary of me meeting my new Canadian friends! But, the night turned out to be special for another reason, as well. As we sat around and talked to each other, we started to open up about our deepest feelings, fears, hopes, joys, faults, mistakes, etc. We talked about the REAL FACTS when it comes to being a Mormon mother and wife. After all of us cried like little babies all night long, we finally went home around 5am. Yes, 5 o'clock in the morning! This is what I got out of that night:

LIFE IS HARD. WE ARE NOT PERFECT. WE MAKE MISTAKES. BEING A MOTHER IS THE MOST DIFFICULT JOB ON THE PLANET. ALL MOTHERS HAVE MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS, STRUGGLE, FEAR, AND DISAPPOINTMENT. I AM NOT ALONE. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS LIKE A FAILURE. I AM DOING MY BEST. I AM DOING JUST FINE. STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

On to February-

Oh, my! Well, my husband decided to abandon me for 3 weeks to go play with guns. While that is somewhat true, here's the real story. Josh works for CBSA (Canada Border Services Agency) and they are now all required to take a firearms training so they can carry a gun at work. He left February 3rd and came back on February 23rd. :( Yeah, it was brutal, but the outcome after the three weeks was great for our marriage! Josh missed Valentine's Day, so I made him a little dinner in the middle of our kitchen before he left!

On the topic of our marriage, I put 21 envelopes in Josh's bag before he left. I told him that he needed to open one envelope every morning he was at training in Montreal. Each envelope had a specific date written on it and inside was a little note telling him what I love about him. At first, I thought, "How the heck am I going to come up with 21 things I love about him?!" At the time we had been fighting often and just had hit a major road block in our marriage due to stress, etc. I started with the first note and then the second. After about 5 or so, the reasons I love him starting flowing like crazy! Once I finished with the 21 notes, I wished I had MORE days to write him notes! I had been focusing so strongly on all the negative things he does or doesn't do and couldn't see why I truly love him! If you ever have a hard time with your hubby, I suggest doing something similar to this! It was an amazing result! Josh showed more love to me through words while he was gone than he had for months. He finally felt that I loved him and he was ready to return that love! How nice, eh? Now, as far as being at home alone with the kids for 3 weeks with no break? I literally started to lose my mind and wanted to run away in order to get a moment of silence and relaxation from my kiddos! You can ask my friends! I was DONE by February 23rd. THEN Josh got home and had ONE DAY OFF and had to go back to work for 4 days and didn't get home until 10pm every night! I was devastated when I found out that was his schedule!

Luckily, on March 1st, we went on a much needed date! I planned a temple date with Josh to start off the "date night." It was my first time doing a session at the temple since my endowment session back in November 2012! I was sooo nervous, so the temple workers took good care of me. Remember how I said I was nervous? Well, when I got to the chapel to wait for Josh, we were asked to be the witness couple! I was quite hesitant to say yes, but how could you say no, right? haha. It turned out to be an amazing experience! I now feel more comforted and ready to go back again soon! Heavenly Father was definitely looking out for me that day and helped me exactly how I needed to be helped!

After leaving Cardston, we drove to Lethbridge. Josh thought we were just dropping the kids off with his mom for a typical date night of dinner and a movie, but I had another plan! We started out with dinner at Pizza Hut. Odd choice, I know, but I wanted pizza and salad so badly, so it was a perfect place! We went to go see "Snitch" at the theater after dinner. Once the movie was over, I drove to the other side of town while Josh tried to figure out where the heck I was taking him! I surprised Josh with a snazzy Jacuzzi Suite at a local hotel! I was spoiled with a free room from a friend who's family owns the hotel. She even decorated the room with rose petals and had sparkling cider chilled for us when we got into the room! It was an amazing night! We decided that we will save our pennies and get a hotel once a month to give ourselves some quality time alone! Each night we get a hotel room, we will start the day off with a temple trip! Isn't that the best kind of date anyway? :)

Time for March! Well, umm...let's see. Oh! I ran/jogged/briskly walked my first 6K on March 9th! It was my first race EVER! It's called, "Moonlight Run" in Lethbridge! I finished in 1:04 which is super slow, but hey, I finished! I'm working on training for more races right now! I went on a jog yesterday and went 3.36 miles! I even went on a little walk with Josh after the kids were in bed! I'd say 4 miles in one day isn't bad! My next planned race is in June. I can choose between a 5K or 10K, but I think I'll try the 10K! The big race I'm looking forward to this year is the Goose Creek Run in Oakley on July 20th! It's a race that most of my family members have been a part of over the years. My cousins are insanely talented runners! I....am not. I'm not sure why I didn't get that trait! I was robbed! Despite my lack of running skills, I'm going to do it! It's a huge goal and I'm going to achieve it!

Oh! I almost forgot to mention my trip to Great Falls, Montana with my girl friends! It was my first "friend road trip!" I had so much fun! (see photo above-I was so excited to see Tapatio flavored chips!) It's always fun laughing so hard you almost pee your pants! We went down on Sunday night, stayed overnight in a hotel (that was crazy!) and then shopped like mad women on Monday! I was so happy with my purchases! I can't wait for the next trip!

So, even though this year has already FLOWN BY, I'm ready for the summer! I HATE THE COLD WEATHER HERE! I can't wait for beautiful green colors and warm sunshine! Yayy! I also won't be pregnant this summer which is FANTASTIC! I was so hot last summer, I wanted to die! I can't believe that March is almost over! My mom and Kirby are coming here for Easter! YAYYYYYY! Etni requested that they be here for Easter and they said, "Yes!" I'll let ya know how March turns out!

**Last time I posted on my blog, I said that I was going to update often and that obviously didn't happen. So, this time I won't say a thing and see what happens! :)

No, I'm not dead!

HOLY COW! How sad that I haven't posted since February, 2012! Sheesh! So much has happened since then! I haven't even posted pictures of my baby! Blogger fail! I should probably post my Christmas Newsletter since it was a good update for the 2012 year! Here is some of it!

We’ve had a lot happen this year! The most exciting news is probably our sealing! Josh, myself, Etni, and Katie were sealed as a family for time and all eternity in the SLC, UT Temple on November 24, 2012! We were so pleased and honored to have so many family members be there to support us on our special day! It was a long road, but we made it! We hope that someday we can add Liam to our eternal family!

In December 2011, we moved into our current home in Raymond, Alberta. WE LOVE IT HERE! It’s such a wonderful little Mormon town! Canada has been an interesting adventure for me, but I’m finally feeling like this is home! I feel a part of the community and my ward and feel like I have a place here now! If any of you ever want to come and visit, get up here! We have plenty of room for visitors! We would love the company! 

Josh is still working for Canada Border Services Agency at the Coutts, Alberta port. He works there 9 months of the year. The other 3 months from June-August/September, he transfers to the Chief Mountain/Glacier National Park port near Waterton Lake. He stays there 4 days at a time and then comes home for 4 days. It’s not so fun for the family, but we love to go visit him at the cabin!  He works as an officer in immigration and traffic. He recently renewed his defense training and will leave us for THREE WEEKS in February to complete his firearms training. He is very excited about shooting guns for 3 straight weeks, but I am not ready for him to be armed at work! I fear a crazy person trying to grab his gun or Josh having to shoot someone in self defense! Yikes! Let’s hope not! Josh also turned the big 3-0 this year! He’s officially a grown man, right? Hehe

As for myself, I have been trying to master the art of being a stay at home mom. It’s not easy. I’m told that I am way too hard on myself, but I always feel lots of pressure to be the perfect wife and mom, never have a messy house, and have dinner on the table every night.  Well, that sure as heck doesn’t happen!  In the midst of all the mothering madness, I have started a new little adventure! I have started making and selling jewelry, along with other accessories. My little so-called business is “Carmela’s Rings & Things.” So far, it’s been so fun! I decided to find a way to make money from home, but also keeping in mind that I want to offer AFFORDABLE accessories for all those other moms out there who want to look and feel cute, but don’t want to pay an arm and a leg! I’m excited to see what the future holds for this little “business!” This year was also a very important year for my life spiritual life. I was able to be reinstated back into full membership in the church and take the Sacrament again after 6 years. I love having all the blessings restored back into my life!

Etni. Oh boy, where do I start with that girl? She’s now 5 years old, going on 16. She is sassy and smart and quick. She’s a handful, that’s for sure, but I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She is so sweet and loving and is very helpful! She loves Kindergarten. When we started school, she insisted that I “stay in the van” and let her walk into school by herself. That was the moment when I realized she isn’t my little girl anymore! She’s growing up so fast! She seems to have a few boys who love to be in her presence and they light up when they see her and she’s clueless. Someday she’ll notice boys! I will definitely let her take as looooong as she wants to start liking boys!

Liam is Josh’s son from his first marriage. We’ve had a very challenging year with Liam going between our home and his mom’s and also his grandma’s. Being tugged from house to house with little to no stability, he’s had extra troubles with simple things such as eating, crying fits, etc.  But, I am so happy to say in the last month or two; we have seen a whole new Liam! I’ve noticed that the more time he spends with us, the better he gets. It’s a lot of work being a stepmom, but as per the advice of my mother, we try to offer him nothing but stability, discipline, and love in our home.  He is going to be 4 years old on December 31^st. He is one cute kid! He talks and talks and talks! He’ll tell a story for 5 minutes without stopping and use more description and excitement than you can imagine! Liam loves to sing songs, usually ones that he makes up on the spot. His favorite things right now are trucks and tractors and race cars. Oh boy, don’t get him started on the topic of race cars!

We welcomed our perfect little baby girl into our family this year! Her name is Katie Lucille Clarke. She was born on Friday, the 13^th of July! She has been the most wonderful little addition to the family! She sleeps through the night, eats like a monster, and melts your heart with her smiles! She never cries unless she is tired, hungry, or needs a diaper change! We are spoiled and totally okay with that! She loves to stand in her exersaucer and smile and squeal. It’s been so nice having a baby in the house! A five year gap between babies is major! She loves Etni so much. Etni can get her to laugh and smile more than anyone. Hopefully those two continue to be close sisters in the years to come! It’s hard to believe she is almost 6 months old! They grow so fast! Before you know it, we’ll have another baby! But that’s probably not for at least a year or so! We want to fully enjoy all of little miss Katie before another one comes along!

So, that's the 2012 news! I'll update soon with the 2013 news!