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Saturday, January 3, 2015

In 2015

In 2015

A year of no words left unsaid.
I don't believe nor fancy new years resolutions, it's just not something that excites me to do but i guess we all have our own goals in the new year or from time to time where we draft our plans.

I felt like i've spent 2014 knowing and being myself again, and really just focus on being me.
like how easy it is to say it, but when life throws you a ball in the face, it will hit you. So being hit in the face in 2013 wasn't that great but if that didn't happen I wouldn't be who i am today.

Sometimes when you think you are smart, God sends someone to remind you that you still have much to improve. I was so intimidated by his logical thinking that nothing came out of my mouth made sense to him, speaking of "a year of no words left unsaid" I did what my heart wanted me to do, not to confess my love of course! but just how I truly feel. 10 years ago, he was parting and i didn't do anything about it, 10 years later, the same situation happened, he's leaving again and i just thought, what is there to loose for being honest about how you truly feel? so i wrote a card to him. And he hasn't replied since...oh well, i'm not expecting any reply, but at least an acknowledgement or something?

TBC. . ..

Friday, December 26, 2014

I'm afraid to fall.

A pleasant day at the beach, so good to have you here with us today, hope you enjoyed yourself as much as we do having you.

Been practicing not "over-thinking" lately. it's not impossible, you just gotta die trying. haha
It takes someone who has been there to tell you how hard it is not to over-think something/anything when you're so used to the lifestyle. It gets harder when your heart is beating crazy over someone you're unsure of.

removing my brain out of the picture
putting the heart to test this time round
I'm gonna take one day at a time, one moment, and i'll remember all the good times for the next 12days.

#wishmeluck

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Best Christmas/NYE?

It's so good, I can smell it.

Coffee that is!

Delighted to be back in sydney, it has been such a great year for me and i feel extremely thankful for all the opportunities and obstacles along the way. Nothing came easy, but all the hard work paid off.

I'm such a fan of God's work and word, they are like pillars in my life, structured and built upon foundations in my system.

So yes, how exactly would the next 13 days be like here?

#gooddaymate

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Taking a break from the work desk

Sometime in october i decided to take a break, just for a day in november
I figured it's been a while since i've spent sometime alone on a weekday.

Weekend is just too short!
so here it is, me time. sitting at wisma's starbucks with my favourite drink
Not squeezing with the crowd and waking up only at noon.

Feeling extremely useless!
I though taking a break would be a good idea, but it seemed like i don't quite need this break yet.
Maybe it's all in my head, being jobless for 6 months last year didn't taste that awesome and this, kinda reminds me of that. i mean, it's totally okay to not feel okay sometimes or to be reminded of days where you didn't felt good about your life. But i guess from time to time, once you've looked back and be reminded of how far you've come, it kinda motivates you for the road ahead.

2013, was rock bottom for me
i made some choices, and it didn't turn out as planned but everything has changed since then!
Remember, it can't rain forever :)

Monday, October 6, 2014

Well hello 2014

Last quarter of the year, my oh my.

1. I've graduated! (yay!)

2. We finally took our family portrait

3. There's very little to complain about my job except the salary

4. Finally let go of what isn't mine, and it feels great

5. I have feelings for another person, but it's never going to workout

6. We both have goals, we're not in the same continent, we're of unequal status in the society

7. Talking myself out, so far it's working

8. I don't have a lot to ask, but i'll do anything/everything to make the last quarter of the year a good one

9. Somedays, i still feel crappy. (But I know it's okay to feel that way sometimes)

10. GA Season 11 is ON!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Bitterness writing in my last entry.

Perhaps all these while i didn't had the courage to pursue what really brings contentment
i wouldn't say its a dream job, but it's always at the back of my mind.

of course the feeling gets stronger whenever I get in touch with related materials, like books or even tv shows. it's funny because you find yourself constantly struggling between how you felt and then reality always hits you right back in the face. ( what if )

going back to my hideous and tedious writing which i know someday i'm going to miss
just did a back up of whatever i've done, can't imagine if the computer suddenly crashes, a thesis of 10,000 word count isn't funny to mess with.

sleepy/cranky/but still have to go back to writing.

I CAN DO THIS!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

You set out to achieve the things you wanted as a kid till adulthood and now that i've arrived at adulthood it's time to plan what not from here on.

I remember as a child, the year i turned 10 that i began to think of what i wanted to do until i'm old enough to be called "adult" it was funny because we all have that turning point in our lives that makes us reflect about ourselves, things to do or decisions to make.

At 10, I knew the importance of education and just about what i needed to do to make sure someday I could graduate with a degree. Sure, i gave my best shot in the local educational system and believed that maybe with the input of hard work would get me into one of the 4 local universities. At 14, it was clear to me that it's not going to work out because it's going to take forever to graduate from a local uni, i'd fall behind and would very much lack working experience. So i thought, why not do the alternative way? get into a recognised degree program and work while i study, killing 2 birds with 1 stone! It was what i wanted to do, and i believed in it. with all my heart, with all that is within me I know God would provide, and I convinced myself that somehow everything is going to work out for good.

I also remember how I had to convince my parents into believing the decisions i've made about taking the alternative route, the path that people (then) would less consider.
It was tough because my parents didn't believe that I could do well academically, sometimes even in life. I was deemed stupid and they're often very worried about how i would fare in the society.
Hence I knew that I had to proof them wrong, I'm better than stupid. So I came out with a bullet proof plan that worked out so well, I completed my diploma and started working full time. That alone, convinced them to lend me the support i needed as a normal child.

And i wouldn't be able to complete my diploma without the scholarship. It was them who first believed in me, and i'm forever grateful to these 2 people who make and mould me as a youth. To my spiritual parents, thank you for believing in the 13 year old me.

I had everything planned out inside my head until I hold that piece of paper (degree) in my hands.
now that i know the days are counting down, it's scary and filled with anticipation altogether.

whats going to happen from then on?
I better start planning :)

*Plans don't go accordingly, but it's always good to have one.

Never let what the society says shape you as a person, nobody is stupid.
If you don't believe in yourself, who will?