How do you define success?

Absolutely irrelevant to what's on my mind or what you're gonna read later...

Obviously i'm being kept up by insomnia, as you can see from the title of this entry.

Or should i say i brought it upon myself by watching Grey's Anatomy at night when i know it gets my brain working and heart pumping harder every episode?

Man, the adrenaline... it's like taking a swim in the ocean, diving into it...

well at least by the end of the episode the reality kicks me hard in the face and well that sucked.

Can't wait to visit NY, check out Seattle and LA...

I've been wanting and dreaming to go there since i was a child, even if it's just to take some photos, have a cup of coffee, or to breath the air there would satisfy my soul.

Cheer up! I will get there some day, if not one day. It's not that hard, i'll just work my a** there!

If not work there! oh well, you never know if such opportunities arise yes? I mean anything can happen in this world! Sometimes i think of NY like a little tiny piece of heaven, it's like coming back from that big city will make me brand new when i'm back to our small island, or at least being inspired by the big lights and all... and and.. time square, central park... the museums ect..

It's all gonna be amazing, i can't wait. As i imagine myself being in NY my vision didn't include anyone else, or should i say it's gonna be a journey of inspiration to the west alone?

well, that's not what i should worry about! I believe God have already had all that covered(:

Can't wait!

In the mean time, i shall get back to my research.

All good things work out for those who loved Him.

Apologies for my previous emotional entry, blame my hormones alright?

I'm back and doing well, as may's coming to an end after June half of the year would have gone by drawing 2012 closer. I can't wait!

God has been really good and kind to me in 2011.

I'm very thankful, grateful and blessed in every way, I've no lack in any area of my life.

Even if there is, every morning there's new hope and strength to draw from to fight for another day.

If anything bad ever happened to me, I've no money to delegate for anyone

but my only wish is to get my parents saved so that i may see them in heaven.

And for all my friends to get saved too (:

My birthday wish for 9 years.. the one and only wish. is to have momsy n dad saved.

I love ya'll with all my heart, but i loved God with all my mind, my soul and even more of the heart.

He has always been the number 1 in my life, He will always be.

I hope one day, you too will know how much He loves you.

ok, i think that's all.

I'm feeling so shitty from this flu, just want to get well before i fly.

bye sg!

It makes people happy

I hope i'm in their league with alittle more heart and purity.

the independent in me has disappeared somehow.

Much anxiety, heart is racing and negative thoughts are rushing from the right

For the first time in my life, i had a meal with a doctor, we chatted for 2hrs straight..

I think i talked too much, or rather i was talking most of the time, bombarding questions and all.. I replied a text and asked to meet again after i'm back from bangkok and he's back from kL and he didn't reply...

you have no ideal how embarrassed i am feeling now...

The price to pay for being a girl who is so bold sometimes... BOOOHOO!

I think he'll never want to meet me again man. i'm scary. BOO!

So thrilled to see nice bags, recently i'm quite hooked onto Manhattan Portage bags

and i'm considering if i should buy one before flying...

gosh, i'm just so hyped out on the inside that i can't settle down to sleep in the cold room

next door. should i buy the bag?? $139 you know!

should i just buy anw? i have the ultimate urge to buy it tomorrow already.

WASTE MONEY LEH, HOW AR?

I'm constantly out with couples, you can call me the light bulb?

as much as i envy them and feel happy for them a small part of me feels broken

and questions why the hell am i still not attached.

They'll throw at me, it is not that no one liked you.

It's you. you're rejecting them!

Some asked if i'm lesbian, lately even more asked..

My answer:

I'm not willing to invest my time and heart in a man whom i don't feel enough for.

Maybe you'll say, i'm just too afraid to love and will never know if my relationship would work out unless i've tried.

you're actually right, i'm still afraid to try.

I promise i will when it felt right, i know he's somewhere out there.

I'm hopeful, but i do not yearn, i'm happy being this independent girl that i'm wearing.

life is great, and i'm loved in every possible way already.

stupid girl saying hello to everyone reading this entry.

I actually have feelings for someone who's not of my race

who is a skater boy, plays guitar and smokes.

please don't get me wrong, i'm not being judgmental here yes?

I'm just trying to describe to you who i'm talking about here.

He's not exactly tall, has big gorgeous eyes, really know how to win girls heart with his words

Sometimes he complains that i'm too independent.

he complains that i always reject his good intentions... like sending me home via train/cab

but he lives in pasir ris!!! i'm just being thoughtful by saying no right?

Those days were good, glorious and very satisfying.

Most of them are in the medicine, had became nurses if not doing other

stuff in the local universities.

What the hell am i doing? this question appears 14936476937 times in my head everyday

sometimes very demoralizing to answer, especially when the mind

is constantly at war with my heart.

Even after so many years, i still cannot come to a decision to what i want to do in life but i know i'm not alone. Not everyone knows their calling and destiny in life. We work hard everyday to hope that one day we'll know what we're finally doing is right.

I didn't know why i'm not into medicine or why i didn't became a nurse or paramedic.

I didn't know why i didn't want to lay my life down, and humble myself to the very end, go back to the kingdom of God and live my dream for Him.

I didn't know why i didn't work hard enough in my drawings so that i could earn a place in the arts school.

Everyday i live in a cage of dreams waiting to be released, waiting to fly, waiting to flourish.

Yet, all in all. i don't know what i want in life.

When you don't search for love, they'll come knocking at your door.

Tonight is just one of those nights where i don't feel like talking

I just want to cuddle up and sleep, i just want to feel loved with nothing said

but everything felt.

Who said love isn't a feeling?

If it isn't, then you haven't been in love enough.

1. Sleep in on a sunday

2. Woke up with breakfast

3. Left for lunch with wendy

4. Went to church, learnt so much. more than that, my faith grew a little.

5. Night shift at RM, disaster at first and then sweet closing

6. Got home, freaking hot...

7. Sitting before my com, eating yogurt with expired blueberries (ibelieve?)

Emotionally tired, physically awake. hot night. grateful and thankful to God for everything i'm blessed. He is a good God.