Silence

It's been a really long time and I guess today is just one of those days - a day with some time such that thoughts are flooding into your head, asking you questions after questions about stuff that increases doubt exponentially. It's weird.

Why does today's silence feel deafening for once. It has been a long time. Where u realise that the cracks that were slowly building around you have started to let the earth beneath it tremble. Perhaps it is just fear playing tricks on me. Perhaps the storm is truly brewing.


I wish that I can provide the answers to the thousands of problems in the world. But I have also came to realise that what is not to be, is not to be. But who shall decide what is to be or not to be? You? I? or We? Can we? Together as one, make this world a better place? At least for you, I, he, she. Who has the power to make that decision? Or do we let multiple single ripples rock the boat?



I still wish things could be simpler. I wish our values coincide. I wish we could be back as one.

I am curious

So tell me - why are relationships so hard??
What exactly is love? or like - at all? does it even exist? Then what about hate? and anger? and disappointment and sadness..

Why does hate seem to prevail more than love? Why does hate or anger seem to be easier than love?

Is it really that hard to love? Are we humans really that hard to love?


Trying to come to terms with the events that has been happening the past few months. Just picking on one relationship that exists at home - and expanding it - and suddenly you realise that the same attitude, the same situation, the same observation seems to be everywhere.

Why exactly do we love? or rather, why exactly do we always seem to hate while loving? is it true that hate is a part of the love experience? or that it is necessary to hate in order to know that we know? or is it that sometimes we can hate so deep that we forget about having ever loved?

ok, i don't really mean hate in the way of extreme hatred/detestation, not in the i-want-to-kill-you-if-i-see-you kind of hate, no okay yea, maybe some parts are that kind of hate. But mostly, no.


Questions i ask myself and don't really know how to answer.

Wellll, ya. it's easy to be angry and upset at the person you love. But mostly it's because your expectations are not met - which can go either way: that your expectations are too high, that the other person is not performing up to expectations - which to each their own.

But why is is not easy to love?

If it is said that having expectations is a natural human tendency, but so is the human need for love and affection; the longing for comfort and companionship.

So when it is that two people fall in love, how is it that they should stay in love?



I don't know and so do I know that it is not for me to say what you all should be doing (to make things better), but I do know that from the sidelines, it is a very painful episode to watch and I just hope that it will all be over soon.

Goalball reflection #1 (26/02/16)

Due to the rain last week, training was cancelled and we attended our first training this week instead.

It was interesting to see the way they met each other and recognised one another. 

It took me a while to get used to the way things were, but I was more aware my environment after that. Within the first hour of arriving at meeting the athletes, I became aware of the daily actions, movements and way of doing things that I have taken for granted. Even simple things such as giving instructions like "go for your water break" are some of the abilities that I take for granted. It may be a something that is easy for those who are sighted, but without the use of sound and touch, it is a challenge for the blind. This piqued my interest at the beginning of the session.

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On a side note, it has been about close to a month. Everyday has been packed with activities, it feels like time has never stopped and things have just been moving rather quickly. Have had so much time to meet up and reconnect with old friends, given new friends time to bond and form new connections. Time to actually live and put myself first, to really explore and expose. Life has been different. 

Looking back sometimes and asking myself what would have been if 30th January didn't happen. Perhaps it was a good change and an even better timing. A time where both of us were subconsciously feeling very tied down and embittered by all the unsaid expectations. Some things still don't change, like my expectations in other's character and behaviour, but this liberty, this freedom that we give each other - space and time away (that which i have wrongfully thought i was not guilty of previously) - now, is really rather priceless. 

Although there may have been good times, and good feelings that abound previously and am still attached to, it is also nice to think of them as a once has been. Too many a times we may miss the person who could have been. But this, this time, to have had is enough for me.

To better times forward.  

New year, New mind.

Somedays

Somedays are tougher than others
Today happens to be one of those days


Perhaps what the palm reader said yesterday about having large fluctuations in my hormone level is true, accounting for big changes in my mood and feelings
But regardless, about time to set new goals for 2016 and to make things right

Tomorrow all will be better when you wake

Always remember

That even if life looks so lonely and feels like there isn't anyone around to trust with your heart, there are still always people who care.

Moments like this come so unexpectedly and just glad to be blessed.

To better moments ahead

Y3W3

Settling the heart and mind and taking new steps again. 

Every damn year, every single damn time. 

Time to knock it off, girl.