The Miry Clay in the Potter's hands goes through the sculpting of His hands and the furnace of His fire to become His jar of clay. For noble purpose or the ordinary, He alone rightfully decides. Of grime and mud, only the Loving Potter will take & create, only the Skillful One will make a masterpiece, only the Faithful will strive to keep it soft till the end.
“Yes,” said Queen Lucy. “In our world too, a stable once had
something inside it that was bigger than the whole world.” – The Last Battle,
C.S. Lewis
Christmas has been made special this year by Hidden Christmas
by Tim Keller, Pastor Tom’s sermon series on John the Baptist who came to
prepare the way, getting to know Henry Wadsworth Longfellow better through “I
heard the Bells”, Dallas Jenkin’s “The Best Christmas Pageant”, Angel Studio’s “David
and the above quote by C.S Lewis.
I read a quote recently that “we suffer more in imagination
than reality” by Seneca the Younger, a Roman philosopher. There is much truth
in that, especially recently, as I ran through multiple scenarios of what-ifs
with my work situation. But, yet, what have we without imagination? Without the
ability to enter another world, to dream dreams, to contemplate the cosmic
unseen reality.
The stable, the manger, the virgin They held something within bigger
than them Someone who veiled His glory God who put on flesh The angels, the magi, the shepherds They proclaimed news that rang
through the ages Someone who laid aside His deity God who came to save Herod, the innkeeper and I Had no room for Him we say Someone who threatened our kingdom God whom we displaced Faith, hope, trials Lifts our eyes to the life beyond Someone has made a way back to God our Father Creator King Love, joy and
peace We’re given
something bigger this world Someone who was
and is and is to come Jesus Christ
our Lord and Brother
Happy 12th birthday! I remember 12 being such a
significant milestone in my childhood as I was Primary 6 and in my final year
of elementary school. You, on the other hand, started middle school at Station
this year!
What a shift this year has been. You’re riding your bike to
school and home, made new friends, figured out your school locker, ran cross
country, played basketball and cello, started youth group, went on your first
youth retreat and on some days came home later than me! My little bird is fluttering
her wings outside the nest now. And I’m excited, nervous, proud, happy, all at
the same time. Oh my nerves, my poor poor nerves!
You’re also wearing your teenage sass so tall and proud. Whether
it’s having to bribe you for hugs “lemonade!”, being reminded by you that “the
little girl is gone”, or putting up with “we’re not going to be close”
comments, or saying I’m so Pollyana… you’re my beautiful spirited teenage
queen.
Your love for Jane Austen, Anne of Green Gables, Wicked and
K-pop demon hunters; your ability to memorize lyrics and songs, your whackyness
and sense of humor… Oh the books you have read – so many that I’ve not in my
life, my avid reader. And I’ve so loved enjoying romantic comedies with you,
whether its wandering into the Chicago neighborhoods in While you’re sleeping,
or breezing through the streets of New York in You’ve got mail, or exploring
London and the California vineyards in The Parent trap. How I wish some day, we’ll
get to stomp around in those cities together!
I think we can safely say that we have “our restaurant” and “our
meal” now. Our dates at Viet Taste over pho are precious to me. Going through
Sex Ed Reclaimed is also meaningful. We even went to our first Christian conference
together – Fly through the Bible. And in the year to come, we’ll get to
experience SIX the Musical, and the Ellie Holcomb concert together. I’m so
excited for the many experiences we’ll get to share and memories we get to make
together.
This year, we got to celebrate your birthday with Aunt Katie
and the Dickersons. You were so sweet to Emma
Oh my dear, dear girl. You know that you’re
loved for who you are, don’t you. No need for perfect scores or being right, it’s
not about winning every fight – you’re mine, you’re ours, you’re His! And that’s
why we love you. No conditions, no requirements. You’re part of our tribe, now
and forever, always. I love you, Mya. Daddy loves you, Elliot loves you. King Jesus
loves you most of all.
Happy 9th birthday! We celebrated your birthday by going to a Virtual Reality Experience and Gordon Ramsay's burger - where you got to indulge both your love for burgers and football. Happy birthday son, you are so precious to us.
These years seem to be getting more and more difficult, and I find myself helpless on how to parent you. Whether it's your flippant attitude, piercing words, cheeky twerks, anger outbursts, hurtful actions, disrespectful behavior and unknown triggers of shame... I'm struggling. Perhaps i am overly critical or annoying, or that I try too hard. Between not wanting to over-react, but also not wanting you to think that these things are ok because they are not, and wanting to hold you to a high standard to the man you can be - I find myself most worried about how both you and Mya would turn out, and whether I would fail you as a mother. I worry about relinquishing too much authority or responsibility.
Thankfully, you have a father who is ever so patient, compassionate and loving. He lets you be you. He knows you deeply and shows compassionate, unconditional love. Yet, he also disciplines you. I know you love him so much and fear him too. And we have a God, who is my only source of hope at the end of the day - who made you, formed you, and holds you in His hands. And so if the best thing I can do is to be so weak so His strength can be made perfect in my weakness, then that shall be my boast.
You've made so much progress in dealing with being in the tornado zone. You know when to step away to calm yourself down. You get over things faster and you don't let things fester. You speak your mind and wear your heart on your sleeve. I love how this is so evident in your prayers.
And despite all that you say about and do to Mya, I know that you love her, look up to her and tries to keep up with her. You delighting in Wicked before the movie came out, belting out to Backstreet Boys songs, reading books that Mya did; all show Mya's influence on you.
Your love for sports and natural athletic abilities marvels me. Coming home from the book fair with the NFL posters for your wall and ceiling, all the stats and names you have in your head, and how your day high and lows are tied to your games at recess.
I love you son, so much. I cannot wait to see how God will continue to mold and shape you, to His glory and praise. I pray God will make you His own, that you will come to know and love and serve Him with all your heart, and that He will help me love you well.
A new year, a quarter way through this century that I’ll not
see the end of. I’m still feeling my way out of this spiritual fog – which perhaps
is to be expected since I’m not hearing His voice from His Word for a few weeks
now. I need my train time back!
The second half of 2024 was super intense work-wise. Taking
on 2.5 teams, working on reorgs, planning for the new year, trying to wrap up
the year, putting out client fires, doing a leadership development program,
travelling, building relationships, etc. It’s a LOT. But very satisfying too.
To hear Pat say that he sees me reflecting Christ with my work, was perhaps one
of the most meaningful compliments I’ve ever received. To have team members
trust me and want to stay with me and confide in me. Jesus is why I care so
much about work, too much – some might say. He is who I want to bring glory to. Jesus is who I want people to see - that's why I care about the people I work with. 2 Peter 2: 12 “Live such good lives among the
pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good
deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” But I’m worried that
I’m pouring myself too much into things that might turn to chaff, will they? Or is that truly my mission field? I'm worried I'm identifying too much myself with work. And I’m worried that it’s done at the expense of what I could be doing for His
bride or my family.
It feels like I’m slipping away in my relationships and
commitments at church. I don’t feel particularly connected to the LIFE Group,
especially with my delinquent attendance and not having a lot of energy to build
new relationships. I’m not growing spiritually or in my knowledge of Him or His
Word particularly. I don’t feel too bad or guilty per say, just foggy.
And then I’m not feeling too swell as a wife or a mom either.
I’m not doing much for Arthur, other than cooking; or with Arthur for that
matter. I’m barely aware of the kids’ activities or school schedule; and time
with them often means breaking up fights or “fighting with them” instead of
helping the grow or develop character. And no one else likes hosting, and
hosting takes time away from the family too – so use less the hospitality gift?
I just don’t know what good I am to them these days. I love them, I do! But I’m
feeling like I’m not very good for them these days, or what I’m supposed to be
doing with them.
Feeling a little sick physically too.
Riding from the 2024 year end high, it’s perhaps where I
need to start 2025. Feeling a little small, a little low, a little needy –
needing to hear from my Lord. I wish I had clearer goals outside of work. Where
is the list to check off? Where is the roadmap? I don't know where else to go Lord, and I can’t do much else Lord, I can
only come…
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and
burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke
upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you
will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is
easy and my burden is light.”
We celebrated your golden birthday yesterday, how can you be
11 already! At your annual exam with Dr. Chen today, we heard a baby cry next
door. It seemed like yesterday, when Daddy and I were bringing you here for check-ups
as an infant. And as the days and years tick by, we know that the day when you
will fly out of this nest is drawing nearer and nearer.
You bring us so much
joy, love and pride as we watch you grow and blossom into this beautiful, creative
soul. Your spark and spunk lights up every space you are in. In honor of your 11th birthday, here are 11 of my
favorite memories in the last year –
Watching you play soccer with your team. How you
would play defense and assist your team mates
You learning to play the cello, ukelele and
piano – I wish you’ll persevere in music, coz it’ll bring so much joy to your
life in the future!
You going on a bike ride by yourself, with the
family or riding to your friend’s place. It’s your first vehicle to
independence!
Running together on the weekends. You can
probably run faster by yourself, thank you for pacing me. I enjoy starting our
weekends with a run with you!
Watching you play Gaston in Beauty and the
Beast. You definitely have a flair for drama. “The moment when I met her, saw
her…”
But also processing the disappointment of not
getting a bigger role with Charlie and the chocolate factory. Hard as it is
Mya, we have to learn to be content and faithful to play the supporting cast –
because that’s who we are in God’s story, for the spotlight is to be on Jesus!
You being game to try new experiences like the speech
contest, putting in the work to write the speech, practice and prepare, speak
in front of judges, etc. It was difficult, but you overcame and did it! I’m so
proud of you! 想象一棵美丽的柳树...
Your love for outdoors and adventure! Hearing
your stories with daddy at Camp Paradise, watching you do the rope course in Singapore
and Charlotte, what fun!
You being a good friend is so precious. Whether
its friends at school or at church, becoming closer with some of the Chinese girl
friends in school; renewing your friendship with Emma in North Carolina, making
friends with Aria at summer blast being “Bob”, making friends with Ellie and
the gorilla gang in Albania,.. People love being around you my dear girl, as do
I, as do I!
Going on the mission trip with you to Albania,
hanging out with the youths, and sharing about your knowledge about Jesus with
your group – I look forward to you growing through youth group, wrestle through
hard questions, and grow in your faith in Jesus!
All things Greek and Greece, baby! How your love
for Greek mythology led to a “Greek-off” with Theo during the summer, and then
us getting to go to Greece together. What a memorable few days, seeing the
layers of history on this land – through ancient times, Christian time, the Byzantine
empire, World Wars, till today.
The Acropolis, Parthenon, Athens, Cape Sounion,
Temple of Poseidon and having dinner at Varoulko on Day 1.
Island hopping on board the Cosmos to Hydra,
Poros and Aegena; together with the Bennet sisters as we listen to Pride and
Prejudice on Day 2. Hopefully Mr Darcy and Elizabeth is enough to soothe your
angst about Jo and Laurie.
Going to the Delphi on Day 3 and making our
list about how the Greek gods differ from our true and living God.
The museum of Acropolis on Day 4, culminating
in an epic mother-daughter fight at lunch! Par of the course as a "Guo lady" my dear, but we fight and make up my dear, coz our relationship can stand it and is worth it.
As the calendar turns yet another year in my mist-like
life, I pray that you will clothe me with kindness and compassion (Eph
4:2). To not be too much in a hurry to be kind. To see the soul within the
other, and treat others with Your compassion – not with haughty eyes or judgment.
In dealing with the world, may it be that I have
conducted myself with integrity and godly sincerity in all these relationships,
relying not on worldly wisdom but on Your grace. (2 Cor 1:4) Especially as I grow in my responsibilities, help me not forfeit my soul, for what is fleeting - for these things will pass away. Help me in the work I have to do, but help me work less. That i might live according to my priorities Lord. First as Your child, then as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend; and then servant-leader, worker and all the rest.
Help me remember Your gentle and lowly spirit each morning, and live each day seeking to be more like you. Help me cast my burdens on you, and carry your light yoke. To rest in You when I'm weary (Matt 11:28-30).
Thank you Lord for being my light. To live in Your loving kindness, steadfast love and faithfulness to Your people. In Your Name I pray, Amen.
This is my and our family’s first mission trip – a 2 weeks
summer kids camp in Durres Albania. Days of our lives come and go. Sometimes
they slip right by like sand in an hour glass, but sometimes they become stones
of remembrance that we go back to again and again. This will forever be a stone
for me, and I pray that it would be one too for the family in the days to come.
This stone shall bear witness to –
·The Dancing Gelato – comprising of Samuel,
Lidia, Katerina, Amaris, Mateo, Kristi, Isabel, Kristi, Alteo and Luena. Before
this camp, we were strangers living on different continents; but now you have a
small piece of my heart. Whether it was beach time, group games, Bible lessons,
snack time or bus rides – thank you for cheering, dancing the macarena,
singing, swimming by me, getting increasingly comfortable with me, sticking with
the group, holding my hand, talking to me and coming back for the
Bible. I am entrusting you all into the Lord’s hands, and will be praying that
He will reveal Himself to you and call you by name. And may you who have His
Word will hear His voice.
·The Powerful Way-Maker – to be reminded anew the
desperation of the people when faced with the insurmountable Red Sea before them
and the galloping chariots of the Egyptian army behind them, God made a way for
them. Where the chasm between God and sinful man was too wide to cross, God
made a way for us. Where the cross brought life to those who trusted in Jesus,
it also brought condemnation on His enemies. Hallelujah to our God, the Almighty,
the way maker for His people! In the past when I read the story, this was done
by the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob for His people Israel, to keep His covenant
of old. The story became strangely personal this time for me – that’s my God
doing that! And like the Israelites, I can remember the Exodus as His covenant keeping, faithful, powerful and personal act of salvation.
·The Sweetness of talking about Jesus – evangelism
to me was often more a command to obey than something I desired to do. But
through the camp, I felt a new sadness for the Muslims and tasted afresh the sweetness
of telling unreached ears about Jesus. He’s not just a prophet, He’s Creator, Provider,
Savior, Healer and Way Maker! Lord, refresh my heart and renew my fire to bear
witness to you in every situation.
·The Refreshment of Friendship – Our Father has
spoilt us with the unexpected blessing of time with the Rushitis. It was like soul
nectar to see Kujtim and Arthur serving alongside and hanging out with each other (Eurocup!),
getting to chat with Lauren, seeing Ellie and Mya hang out like sisters, Paul
and Elliot playing soccer together and hearing sweet Kate talk. Such precious
memories. It is bittersweet to know that these dear friends are laboring in the
Gospel work so far away and not being able to do more for them. But it fills me
with unspeakable pride to know that their labor and sacrifices will not be in
vain, as they give their life to bring God’s kingdom to Albania. Great will be
their treasures in heaven!
·The Joy of doing His work – It was a much needed
and welcomed mental break from my corporate job. It confirmed what I already
know – that I will not miss the corporate hustle bustle when I finally have the chance to do
something else some day. There was also a simplicity in waking up, and going to
camp each day. Even though planning, juggling schedules and coordinating
calendars are inevitable in every day “real life”, my prayer is that the simple
joy of being present in each moment and let “tomorrow worry about itself” will
not be lost.
·The Body of Christ working together – There is
work that Arthur and I used to be able to do, but now cannot given physical
limitations, we praise God for the youth in our group who play tirelessly with
the little ones. There is work that we might still be able to do, but it is
time to letthe next generation take
over. There is work that we are gifted to do today that we were not able to
when we were younger, and that we ought to lean more into. The Body of Christ
works together – with different spiritual gifts, with different generations, what
joy!
·Moving towards God as a family – we have heard
the triangle analogy that as the couple moves towards God, they also move
towards each other. I believe this is true of the family as well. We think
about teaching the Bible, modeling Christ to the children and investing in our
relationship with them, all of these are good and important. But more
importantly still, is us moving towards God and nudging them to do the same. This trip
is a small attempt to do that, to choose Him first – with our time and money. We’re
on an adventure as a family, to lay aside preferences and do whatever it takes.
To be on mission together, in whatever form it takes in our various life stages.
I am proud of the kids sharing their parents, enjoy being with the team,
playing well with the Albanian kids; I am overjoyed that Arthur is refreshed; and
I am thankful that we got to do life together (meltdowns and all) in a foreign land.
Thank you Lord for this gift, this adventure and the many lessons. Please continue to increase in us and our family.
1 Sam 7:12 "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, 'Thus far the Lord has helped us.'"
