I’m probably being presumptuous here
That this would be of remote interest
But as a writer, responsible and queer
Here’s an account to my readers dearest.
Have been so squashed by work lately
Something I don even understand
It’s not that I need to honestly
I don care about the management’s hand.
Time just disappears
The moment I sit at my computer
Not daring to move away for a second
Not even to get myself some water.
My nerves are tense
Closely knitted are my brows
My brain is dense
Looking much like a panda now
But my team is there you see
I want to stand by them
Pitching in my best as can be
Fighting alongside as a friend.
Anyhow I’ll have my break this week
As I fly off to Beijing
So no more entries from this geek
Till I return to Sing.
YAY!!!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
High Society...
Extracts from BBC: A lavish funeral has been held for Hong Kong's richest woman, Nina Wang, who died earlier this month.
Casino magnate Stanley Ho and Asia's richest man Li Ka-shing were among the mourners who gathered for the funeral.
Hong Kong leader Donald Tsang and his predecessor Tung Chee-hwa paid their respects on Tuesday.
***
What intrigued me as i read the report was how on earth do the big names know each other? are they then obligated to attend each other's funeral because they belong to the same class- even if they do not know each other very well?
***
Think of diamond rings, gold bars, balls, parties. Think of political agendas, secret motives, arranged marriages. Lots of drama, romance and foul play.
Think of Pride & Prejudice, the lonely hero misunderstood.
Think of the widening income divide- discimination, racism, oppression, big bullies. Hypocrisy, humanity in its ugliest garments.
Think of the girl who gave up her riches for rags, just to be with the man she loves.
***
I find the pompous pitiful. i'd wish i despise their airs- but i have only sympathy for them. but to the down-to-earth rich men- i wished there were more of them to show the rich and poor alike, there is no big deal having more money in your bank account honestly.
***
The high society intrigues me. Intrigues - not tempts, i have no wish to be part of them. But the web of relationships, strategic alliances, drama really intrigues this commoner that looks in from outside the glass ball.
Casino magnate Stanley Ho and Asia's richest man Li Ka-shing were among the mourners who gathered for the funeral.
Hong Kong leader Donald Tsang and his predecessor Tung Chee-hwa paid their respects on Tuesday.
***
What intrigued me as i read the report was how on earth do the big names know each other? are they then obligated to attend each other's funeral because they belong to the same class- even if they do not know each other very well?
***
Think of diamond rings, gold bars, balls, parties. Think of political agendas, secret motives, arranged marriages. Lots of drama, romance and foul play.
Think of Pride & Prejudice, the lonely hero misunderstood.
Think of the widening income divide- discimination, racism, oppression, big bullies. Hypocrisy, humanity in its ugliest garments.
Think of the girl who gave up her riches for rags, just to be with the man she loves.
***
I find the pompous pitiful. i'd wish i despise their airs- but i have only sympathy for them. but to the down-to-earth rich men- i wished there were more of them to show the rich and poor alike, there is no big deal having more money in your bank account honestly.
***
The high society intrigues me. Intrigues - not tempts, i have no wish to be part of them. But the web of relationships, strategic alliances, drama really intrigues this commoner that looks in from outside the glass ball.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
6 mois
some say we live not for the present nor the future
but for memories and things we live behind
you've not only given me treasures i'll always remember
more so the greatest joys every today & tomorrow can ever find
merci misseour :)
but for memories and things we live behind
you've not only given me treasures i'll always remember
more so the greatest joys every today & tomorrow can ever find
merci misseour :)
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The Constant Gardener
We want people we love to give us a greenhouse to grow in. We want to grow up in a greenhouse. If I can keep you in the greenhouse forever, I will try my best to be the greenhouse for you. But if you are going to be out there on your own some day, I want to be to you sometimes the sunlight, sometimes the rain. Sometimes the wind, sometimes the soil.
God is the gardener.
In my sinful nature, I am the rain and wind that makes life so harsh.
By His Holy Spirit, I am sometimes the sunlight and the soil that gives life warmth and support.
At times, I choose to be the scorching sun and it hurts for me to burn and hurt.
At others, I choose to be the gentle rain and end the drought.
But in all and through all, He uses ALL for the rose to bloom and bring Him glory.
Its amongst the thorns that roses bloom.
Its in rejection that acceptance is cultivated.
Its through trials that faith is strengthened.
Its from hardship that the heart grows.
Decide who you want to be amongst the thorns, how you want to respond to rejection, if you will persevere through trials and bear the hardship. Embrace the environment the constant gardener has prepared for us to grow to the likeness of His Son.
God is the gardener.
In my sinful nature, I am the rain and wind that makes life so harsh.
By His Holy Spirit, I am sometimes the sunlight and the soil that gives life warmth and support.
At times, I choose to be the scorching sun and it hurts for me to burn and hurt.
At others, I choose to be the gentle rain and end the drought.
But in all and through all, He uses ALL for the rose to bloom and bring Him glory.
Its amongst the thorns that roses bloom.
Its in rejection that acceptance is cultivated.
Its through trials that faith is strengthened.
Its from hardship that the heart grows.
Decide who you want to be amongst the thorns, how you want to respond to rejection, if you will persevere through trials and bear the hardship. Embrace the environment the constant gardener has prepared for us to grow to the likeness of His Son.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Breakaway
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Growing pains
Pain: Failing someone’s expectations or that someone else failed mine.
Growth: Realizing that you aint as fantastic as you made yourself out to be, nor as big-hearted as you think you are.
Pain: i am no longer in the center of my own universe.
Growth: Realizing that you exist in a bigger world and allowing the others to come and play a part in your world.
Pain: Not getting what i want all the time.
Growth: Realizing that the receiving is in the giving sometimes. Rejecting the game of life that cheats us of our soul if we want to insist on having the world all the time.
Pain: Losing, falling, failing.
Growth: Accepting the propensity of failure but never allowing it to defeat you. Pick yourself up and carry on.
Pain: Why don people understand or listen to me?
Growth: Understanding that others also have their battles to fight and no one owes you an obligation of a relationship to listen. Step into their world only if you want.
If growing can really happen without pain, perhaps we wont have to tread the paths of this earth for that many years really. God willing, may we get there by His grace in the end.
Growth: Realizing that you aint as fantastic as you made yourself out to be, nor as big-hearted as you think you are.
Pain: i am no longer in the center of my own universe.
Growth: Realizing that you exist in a bigger world and allowing the others to come and play a part in your world.
Pain: Not getting what i want all the time.
Growth: Realizing that the receiving is in the giving sometimes. Rejecting the game of life that cheats us of our soul if we want to insist on having the world all the time.
Pain: Losing, falling, failing.
Growth: Accepting the propensity of failure but never allowing it to defeat you. Pick yourself up and carry on.
Pain: Why don people understand or listen to me?
Growth: Understanding that others also have their battles to fight and no one owes you an obligation of a relationship to listen. Step into their world only if you want.
If growing can really happen without pain, perhaps we wont have to tread the paths of this earth for that many years really. God willing, may we get there by His grace in the end.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Remember ME this way
I wonder if the church goers got tired of the church always trying to “make them feel for the cross” each year.
Perhaps the drama on the crucifixion worked the first year, perhaps the film on the second, perhaps the sermon on the third year. But the emotional connection seemed to get diluted with each passing year. Perhaps it has all gotten too predictable. And perhaps it might have even gotten to a point of resentment- reminding me of the cross I have forgotten. Or perhaps a sting- telling me of the failure I had been over the past year, because the conviction that arose last Good Friday had evidently not stayed with me for long. Perhaps I am tired of feeling, and feeling for the cross.
Good Friday became a holiday- part of a long weekend too good to miss. Good Friday became a routine- going to church in the morning and a day to hangout with friends. Is Good Friday even good anymore? Does one even consider about “preparing for Good Friday” in the most personal sense?
Think about a birthday of a loved one. Consider the lengths you would take to prepare of an anniversary celebration. Count the number of hours, weigh the efforts you have taken to plan for a special event for a special someone. Then look back over the past month, how much time have we taken to prepare for Good Friday?
We will be missing the point if we are looking for an emotional experience. Whether or not we feel for the cross or not- a man still died on it for us.
Whether or not we feel for the man or not- He still is God who became flesh.
Whether or not we feel for God or not- He still is God and He loves us.
Good Friday is a day we remember Jesus and what He has done for us. Whether or not we feel for it, the Day was accomplished for our sakes. The starting point of this day is Him, not us. Its about remembering Him, not our emotional highs. The church is not in the business of making us feel for the cross- the church exists to tell us the good news that God has paid the price to bring sinful man to His side.
Good Friday is Good because God is Good. Good Friday is God’s Friday.
Perhaps the drama on the crucifixion worked the first year, perhaps the film on the second, perhaps the sermon on the third year. But the emotional connection seemed to get diluted with each passing year. Perhaps it has all gotten too predictable. And perhaps it might have even gotten to a point of resentment- reminding me of the cross I have forgotten. Or perhaps a sting- telling me of the failure I had been over the past year, because the conviction that arose last Good Friday had evidently not stayed with me for long. Perhaps I am tired of feeling, and feeling for the cross.
Good Friday became a holiday- part of a long weekend too good to miss. Good Friday became a routine- going to church in the morning and a day to hangout with friends. Is Good Friday even good anymore? Does one even consider about “preparing for Good Friday” in the most personal sense?
Think about a birthday of a loved one. Consider the lengths you would take to prepare of an anniversary celebration. Count the number of hours, weigh the efforts you have taken to plan for a special event for a special someone. Then look back over the past month, how much time have we taken to prepare for Good Friday?
We will be missing the point if we are looking for an emotional experience. Whether or not we feel for the cross or not- a man still died on it for us.
Whether or not we feel for the man or not- He still is God who became flesh.
Whether or not we feel for God or not- He still is God and He loves us.
Good Friday is a day we remember Jesus and what He has done for us. Whether or not we feel for it, the Day was accomplished for our sakes. The starting point of this day is Him, not us. Its about remembering Him, not our emotional highs. The church is not in the business of making us feel for the cross- the church exists to tell us the good news that God has paid the price to bring sinful man to His side.
Good Friday is Good because God is Good. Good Friday is God’s Friday.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Reflection
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
~
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
~
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
~
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
~
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
~
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide
~
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Finding me
A walking contradiction roaming the face of this earth.
***
I am a pretty “easy” person to be around. Wrong. Discovered through several incidents lately that I have a pretty strong personality. Not a bad thing I know, only that the expression of such a character can be pretty brash and callous at times. A crazy and difficult woman to be around, when I am in one of those moods. Eeeky cactus. To those who have been on the receiving end of my mad antics lately, please pardon me. Give me some time to work this out with Him k? Sorry :p
***
Contented and restless. Can both be true? I want to say I don have big dreams nor ambition- I really don’t. Isn’t this an expression of contentment? Thought I could settle in the mundane things of this world- especially since it ought to be the eternal things that drives my passion. But I have discovered recently that I am bored easily at work, and my heart is aching for a change. What is wrong with me? Why cant I be contented where I am? Sigh :(
***
Practical idealist. Realistic dreamer. Cant figure if I want excitement or stability more. Extroverted introvert. Simple-minded AhQ aware of the shrewdness of the human mind. Want to have wings to fly, but yet also feet that touch the ground. Desperate to “find me”, but yet I honestly enjoy being a contradiction. Hahaha…
**
Dear Jesus,
have me be a wide-eyed wanderer in your creation, as I discover more the marvels of the created being you have made in everyone. Peeling slowly the depth of layers to each soul. Lead me on “finding me”- the one you have made to be yours.
I don want to conform to the pattern of this world, nor have only practical voices leading my life- I want to be on a journey with you and discover day by day the life you want to have me live.
Give me courage to fight tooth and nail, and pay the cost to keep the spirit you have made inside alive. Give me wings to pursue the dreams you have placed within this heart of mine.
***
I am a pretty “easy” person to be around. Wrong. Discovered through several incidents lately that I have a pretty strong personality. Not a bad thing I know, only that the expression of such a character can be pretty brash and callous at times. A crazy and difficult woman to be around, when I am in one of those moods. Eeeky cactus. To those who have been on the receiving end of my mad antics lately, please pardon me. Give me some time to work this out with Him k? Sorry :p
***
Contented and restless. Can both be true? I want to say I don have big dreams nor ambition- I really don’t. Isn’t this an expression of contentment? Thought I could settle in the mundane things of this world- especially since it ought to be the eternal things that drives my passion. But I have discovered recently that I am bored easily at work, and my heart is aching for a change. What is wrong with me? Why cant I be contented where I am? Sigh :(
***
Practical idealist. Realistic dreamer. Cant figure if I want excitement or stability more. Extroverted introvert. Simple-minded AhQ aware of the shrewdness of the human mind. Want to have wings to fly, but yet also feet that touch the ground. Desperate to “find me”, but yet I honestly enjoy being a contradiction. Hahaha…
**
Dear Jesus,
have me be a wide-eyed wanderer in your creation, as I discover more the marvels of the created being you have made in everyone. Peeling slowly the depth of layers to each soul. Lead me on “finding me”- the one you have made to be yours.
I don want to conform to the pattern of this world, nor have only practical voices leading my life- I want to be on a journey with you and discover day by day the life you want to have me live.
Give me courage to fight tooth and nail, and pay the cost to keep the spirit you have made inside alive. Give me wings to pursue the dreams you have placed within this heart of mine.
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