“Our days may come to seventy years or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass and we fly away... Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom... Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” Psalm 90:10-14
God willing, the second half of my life is just about to begin. I am thankful to Him for shaping this blob of miry clay, to who she is today. Still lots of molding and chiseling to do, but He has done a mighty work in me in the last 40 years – and for that I want to praise Him with joy.
From my early childhood years of not knowing my Creator, He used Sunday School to show Himself to me. From a girl who was prone to steal and lie, the Holy Spirit used guilt to convict me of sin and my need for His light in my darkness. From a school girl standing by a pond, He gave me a yearning for the eternal – that there is “no point”, if this life was all there is.
From one who shocked herself at what her unchecked rage can make her do – scratch up her sister with broken glass and sweep things off her table; He showed me how ugly and depraved I could be, a danger to others and myself. From a teenager who struggled with body image and so many insecurities – He showed me that He is the One who makes me beautiful. From an adult sitting in a cab in Beijing all by herself in a city where no one knows her, He became my defining reality and sufficiency.
He redeemed my broken heart, and gave me Arthur. He brought me to a foreign land to teach me lessons that I would not have learnt otherwise. He deepened my understanding and faith through Trinity and the lives of the spiritual giants I get to hear from. He made me a mother to Mya and Elliot, and showed me what an abounding-in-love Heavenly Father I have. He made me learn forgiveness, and how Jesus paid it all. He blessed me with an imperfect church that I love and community. He entrusted me with responsibilities at church and at work, at such a time as this. He continues to bless me with my MooMoo who speaks blunt truth to my heart like no one else does, and my parents whom I pray I can love better in person than from afar.
Some women, when they reach 40 say that they are finally “comfortable in their own skin”. I think I can say that on most days… It’s not because I have reached a state of perpetual contentment (I wish!). But when His Word is my truth, He knows and loves me for who I am, He defines me; it has all been said and done. I just pray that I will continue to abide in Him, keep my eyes on Him, serve Him and live for Him… May He help me stay faithful and true to Him, and ready me to meet Him face to face when that day comes.
