Mya in Greece

Dear Mya,

We celebrated your golden birthday yesterday, how can you be 11 already! At your annual exam with Dr. Chen today, we heard a baby cry next door. It seemed like yesterday, when Daddy and I were bringing you here for check-ups as an infant. And as the days and years tick by, we know that the day when you will fly out of this nest is drawing nearer and nearer. 

You bring us so much joy, love and pride as we watch you grow and blossom into this beautiful, creative soul. Your spark and spunk lights up every space you are in. In honor of your 11^th birthday, here are 11 of my favorite memories in the last year –

1. Watching you play soccer with your team. How you would play defense and assist your team mates
2. You learning to play the cello, ukelele and piano – I wish you’ll persevere in music, coz it’ll bring so much joy to your life in the future!
3. You going on a bike ride by yourself, with the family or riding to your friend’s place. It’s your first vehicle to independence!
4. Running together on the weekends. You can probably run faster by yourself, thank you for pacing me. I enjoy starting our weekends with a run with you!
5. Watching you play Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. You definitely have a flair for drama. “The moment when I met her, saw her…”
6. But also processing the disappointment of not getting a bigger role with Charlie and the chocolate factory. Hard as it is Mya, we have to learn to be content and faithful to play the supporting cast – because that’s who we are in God’s story, for the spotlight is to be on Jesus!
7. You being game to try new experiences like the speech contest, putting in the work to write the speech, practice and prepare, speak in front of judges, etc. It was difficult, but you overcame and did it! I’m so proud of you!  想象一棵美丽的柳树...
8. Your love for outdoors and adventure! Hearing your stories with daddy at Camp Paradise, watching you do the rope course in Singapore and Charlotte, what fun!  
9. You being a good friend is so precious. Whether its friends at school or at church, becoming closer with some of the Chinese girl friends in school; renewing your friendship with Emma in North Carolina, making friends with Aria at summer blast being “Bob”, making friends with Ellie and the gorilla gang in Albania,.. People love being around you my dear girl, as do I, as do I!
10.  Going on the mission trip with you to Albania, hanging out with the youths, and sharing about your knowledge about Jesus with your group – I look forward to you growing through youth group, wrestle through hard questions, and grow in your faith in Jesus!
11. All things Greek and Greece, baby! How your love for Greek mythology led to a “Greek-off” with Theo during the summer, and then us getting to go to Greece together. What a memorable few days, seeing the layers of history on this land – through ancient times, Christian time, the Byzantine empire, World Wars, till today.

• The Acropolis, Parthenon, Athens, Cape Sounion, Temple of Poseidon and having dinner at Varoulko  on Day 1.
• Island hopping on board the Cosmos to Hydra, Poros and Aegena; together with the Bennet sisters as we listen to Pride and Prejudice on Day 2. Hopefully Mr Darcy and Elizabeth is enough to soothe your angst about Jo and Laurie.
• Going to the Delphi on Day 3 and making our list about how the Greek gods differ from our true and living God.
• The museum of Acropolis on Day 4, culminating in an epic mother-daughter fight at lunch! Par of the course as a "Guo lady" my dear, but we fight and make up my dear, coz our relationship can stand it and is worth it. 

 

I love you Mya, and always will! 

Turning 43

Dear Jesus,

As the calendar turns yet another year in my mist-like life, I pray that you will clothe me with kindness and compassion (Eph 4:2). To not be too much in a hurry to be kind. To see the soul within the other, and treat others with Your compassion – not with haughty eyes or judgment. 

In dealing with the world, may it be that I have conducted myself with integrity and godly sincerity in all these relationships, relying not on worldly wisdom but on Your grace. (2 Cor 1:4) Especially as I grow in my responsibilities, help me not forfeit my soul, for what is fleeting - for these things will pass away. Help me in the work I have to do, but help me work less. That i might live according to my priorities Lord. First as Your child, then as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend; and then servant-leader, worker and all the rest.

Help me remember Your gentle and lowly spirit each morning, and live each day seeking to be more like you. Help me cast my burdens on you, and carry your light yoke. To rest in You when I'm weary (Matt 11:28-30).

Thank you Lord for being my light. To live in Your loving kindness, steadfast love and faithfulness to Your people. In Your Name I pray, Amen. 

Albania

This is my and our family’s first mission trip – a 2 weeks summer kids camp in Durres Albania. Days of our lives come and go. Sometimes they slip right by like sand in an hour glass, but sometimes they become stones of remembrance that we go back to again and again. This will forever be a stone for me, and I pray that it would be one too for the family in the days to come. This stone shall bear witness to –

·       The Dancing Gelato – comprising of Samuel, Lidia, Katerina, Amaris, Mateo, Kristi, Isabel, Kristi, Alteo and Luena. Before this camp, we were strangers living on different continents; but now you have a small piece of my heart. Whether it was beach time, group games, Bible lessons, snack time or bus rides – thank you for cheering, dancing the macarena, singing, swimming by me, getting increasingly comfortable with me, sticking with the group, holding my hand, talking to me and coming back for the Bible. I am entrusting you all into the Lord’s hands, and will be praying that He will reveal Himself to you and call you by name. And may you who have His Word will hear His voice.

·       The Powerful Way-Maker – to be reminded anew the desperation of the people when faced with the insurmountable Red Sea before them and the galloping chariots of the Egyptian army behind them, God made a way for them. Where the chasm between God and sinful man was too wide to cross, God made a way for us. Where the cross brought life to those who trusted in Jesus, it also brought condemnation on His enemies. Hallelujah to our God, the Almighty, the way maker for His people! In the past when I read the story, this was done by the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob for His people Israel, to keep His covenant of old. The story became strangely personal this time for me – that’s my God doing that! And like the Israelites, I can remember the Exodus as His covenant keeping, faithful, powerful and personal act of salvation.

·       The Sweetness of talking about Jesus – evangelism to me was often more a command to obey than something I desired to do. But through the camp, I felt a new sadness for the Muslims and tasted afresh the sweetness of telling unreached ears about Jesus. He’s not just a prophet, He’s Creator, Provider, Savior, Healer and Way Maker! Lord, refresh my heart and renew my fire to bear witness to you in every situation.

·       The Refreshment of Friendship – Our Father has spoilt us with the unexpected blessing of time with the Rushitis. It was like soul nectar to see Kujtim and Arthur serving alongside and hanging out with each other (Eurocup!), getting to chat with Lauren, seeing Ellie and Mya hang out like sisters, Paul and Elliot playing soccer together and hearing sweet Kate talk. Such precious memories. It is bittersweet to know that these dear friends are laboring in the Gospel work so far away and not being able to do more for them. But it fills me with unspeakable pride to know that their labor and sacrifices will not be in vain, as they give their life to bring God’s kingdom to Albania. Great will be their treasures in heaven!

·       The Joy of doing His work – It was a much needed and welcomed mental break from my corporate job. It confirmed what I already know – that I will not miss the corporate hustle bustle when I finally have the chance to do something else some day. There was also a simplicity in waking up, and going to camp each day. Even though planning, juggling schedules and coordinating calendars are inevitable in every day “real life”, my prayer is that the simple joy of being present in each moment and let “tomorrow worry about itself” will not be lost.

·       The Body of Christ working together – There is work that Arthur and I used to be able to do, but now cannot given physical limitations, we praise God for the youth in our group who play tirelessly with the little ones. There is work that we might still be able to do, but it is time to let the next generation take over. There is work that we are gifted to do today that we were not able to when we were younger, and that we ought to lean more into. The Body of Christ works together – with different spiritual gifts, with different generations, what joy!  

·       Moving towards God as a family – we have heard the triangle analogy that as the couple moves towards God, they also move towards each other. I believe this is true of the family as well. We think about teaching the Bible, modeling Christ to the children and investing in our relationship with them, all of these are good and important. But more importantly still, is us moving towards God and nudging them to do the same. This trip is a small attempt to do that, to choose Him first – with our time and money. We’re on an adventure as a family, to lay aside preferences and do whatever it takes. To be on mission together, in whatever form it takes in our various life stages. I am proud of the kids sharing their parents, enjoy being with the team, playing well with the Albanian kids; I am overjoyed that Arthur is refreshed; and I am thankful that we got to do life together (meltdowns and all) in a foreign land. 

Thank you Lord for this gift, this adventure and the many lessons. Please continue to increase in us and our family.

1 Sam 7:12 "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, 'Thus far the Lord has helped us.'"

Productivity Idol?

On weekends or on a holiday, I start the day wondering "What can we do today? Let’s make a checklist together on what we are doing today” (homework, cleaning, etc.) It’s a good day when I feel productive. One Saturday Elliot asked me, “Why are you scheduling so many things over the weekend? I just want to rest. Why can’t we just have a Saturday when we’re doing nothing? Why can’t we just have a weekend where we are not going places and doing things. I just want to sit and read.” 
His question got me thinking.. Why do I feel the compulsion to make a checklist? Why does checking things off the list make me feel so good and accomplished? Why do I want to fill the weekend with doing things? 

Rest is not doing nothing. Right? I've settled in my mind that rest is doing something else other than the usual work; just as retirement is just about picking seashells. Weekends are precious times when I don’t have to be doing my day job, and I want to make the most of it! What's so bad about that?

The other side of the coin however, is that I can also feel like a day is wasted if I’ve not checked things off the list, and frustrated with the kids of my expectations of what the day looks like is not met. I feel most productive when I have a checklist and get things done. It’s almost like the worth of a day or my perception of what is a good day is tied to accomplishing things. My identity and worth seems to be tied to accomplishments and productivity, more than i'd like to admit. This causes me to waste moments to rest with and enjoy being with the family. 

If I just don’t know how to rest, and I have to fill my time with activities, then my identity is more in the doing and checking off lists rather than the being.. And with this productivity idol, I wonder if I may be functionally believing that my value comes from being able to do something, contribute or be of use to someone else. That I am defined by what I do instead of who I am. It’s sometimes hard to not tie my self worth to what I can do. In the corporate world, you have to list the ways you’ve hit your OKRs (objectives and key results). In each meeting, I think about what I can bring to the table. In each conversation, I think about how I can make a difference. But God is more concerned with who I am rather than what I do. And this extends beyond a weekend checklist, it goes to the core of how I view my identity.

Jesus’ interactions with Mary and Martha often speaks to me here. This is the account in Luke 10 where Jesus was at Mary and Martha’s house. Mary was sitting by Jesus’ feet listening to what He was saying, while Martha was distracted by all the preparations. And Martha, overwhelmed by all that she has to do, came to Jesus and said “Why don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” Jesus gently replied Martha, “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed… Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.”

This account contrasts the busy Martha and the restful Mary who chose listening to Jesus over working. The doing vs. being. What would I choose if I were in their shoes? As much as I would like to choose like Mary did, and I’m definitely more Martha than Mary. Again serving and doing all the preparations is not a bad thing, but it’s clear that Martha started to get frustrated with Mary for not helping her, and even upset with Jesus for not caring enough about her to do something about that. Have I been in those shoes? Yes! 

Jesus gently teaches Martha that she is distracted, worried and upset about the many less important things, that are unnecessary. Is it nice to prepare a nice meal or space for Jesus, yes sure! But it is far better to spend time with Him, sitting by His feet and be with Him. What Martha does will last for a while and the moment will pass. But what Mary gains by listening to Jesus will stay with her forever.

The Gospel and Jesus’ correction of Martha speaks to my self-centeredness when I get upset with my family for not meeting my expectations. What would I choose if I have time to rest with my family? Filling it up with activities or can I focus on just being with them? Is my heart and mind with them or the checklist I want to accomplish? Am I using the time to point them to Jesus or have them meet my expectations? 

In pointing out that Mary has chosen what is better, Jesus points out that being with Him and listening to Him, is more important than doing things for Him. The Gospel is so clear that my life is not about what I do for God, but what he’s done for me. It takes faith to believe that my worth is not tied to what I do. He does not see me and love me for what I can do for Him, but because of who He is!

He loves me out of his character and that love doesn’t change with me being less productive. My identity is not tied to the number of items I can cross off on that checklist, but as a child of His. He wants me to enjoy him and be with Him, to focus on the being than doing. It floors me every time to think of God saying to me, “Child, you do not have to prove yourself to me. You’re valuable to me, just as You are – I sent my Son to die for you. Your worth is defined by Me – I made you, formed you in your mother’s womb, chose You, saved You.”

And what wonderful news that is! The productivity idol is insatiable. I can keep doing more, the checklist can get longer. If my works define me, then I’m never good enough, I’ll never do enough. Hallelujah that my identity and worth is in Jesus, proven by His finished work on the cross. I can rest in that. Thank you Jesus! And help me to keep remembering that!

I still make my lists. But one difference now is that I don’t let that dictate my day, define the worth of my day or how I’m feeling. This means that when Elliot asks, “Mom can you play with me?” I can stop and play with him. I can choose that time with him, prizing that over what I want to get done. And if by the end of the day, I crossed off only 1 thing on that checklist, or nothing at all, that’s ok – to give myself grace and not feel frustrated about “a wasted day”, especially if I’ve chosen to being with my family or a friend, over doing something.

My life defined..  
Not by the lists i've made or mountains climbed
But by I've been crucified with Christ.

Lost in the woods

 I've been feeling lost of late. 

Maybe it's mid-life crisis - hitting the mid 40s and realizing that I'm halfway to meeting my maker and wondering if I've lived the life that He wanted me to. Maybe it's prolonged naval gazing and taking eyes off my Jesus, my family and my neighbor for far too long - not spending enough time digging deep into His Word and relationships. Maybe it's discontentment or the 7 year itch and almost time for change. 

And so I've been circling around the "Should I do my Executive MBA?" question. If it's the learning, there are other ways to learn. If it's the option to do something different in the future, that's kicking the can down the road. If it's just to check the box, why do I want to check that box? At the end of the day,  that's really a mask for "What do I want to do with my life?" Where do I want to be in 10 years? What are my gifts? What problems do I want to be solving? What is my Why?

The chief end of man is to enjoy God and glorify Him forever. 

But how I ask

There is no answer. 

Make disciples of all nations, feed my sheep, shine like lights.

But who and where I wonder

What if I don't want that enough

Am I to stay put forever.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and ye shall find

I'm asking and seeking Lord

Please answer.

I know I'm Yours and You know me

But what does this mean

Does anything else matter

Am I to just be content regardless

Is it always in the striving, and never the arriving

Is this me or is this you

I can hide behind my list of to-do's and do the next thing

I can skim the surface 

But a part of me is seeking and yearning 

It's time to dig deep.

What is my why?

A house and a yard is far too small

The next weekend?

Fun at the next vacation is short lived

A certain rhythm of life but to what end

It's not a certain job or title

I'd like to make a difference

I'd like to lead and inspire

But who am I that I should matter

All is naught if the Lord is not at the center

Who is my why? 

Mya, Elliot and Arthur

My family in Singapore and here

The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit

The church and my neighbor 

Perhaps that's where my energy is better spent

To seek my why not in what but who

To spend my energy building relationships that matter

He must increase and I decrease too

For the chief end of man is to enjoy God and glorify Him forever.