A new year, a quarter way through this century that I’ll not see the end of. I’m still feeling my way out of this spiritual fog – which perhaps is to be expected since I’m not hearing His voice from His Word for a few weeks now. I need my train time back!
The second half of 2024 was super intense work-wise. Taking on 2.5 teams, working on reorgs, planning for the new year, trying to wrap up the year, putting out client fires, doing a leadership development program, travelling, building relationships, etc. It’s a LOT. But very satisfying too. To hear Pat say that he sees me reflecting Christ with my work, was perhaps one of the most meaningful compliments I’ve ever received. To have team members trust me and want to stay with me and confide in me. Jesus is why I care so much about work, too much – some might say. He is who I want to bring glory to. Jesus is who I want people to see - that's why I care about the people I work with. 2 Peter 2: 12 “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” But I’m worried that I’m pouring myself too much into things that might turn to chaff, will they? Or is that truly my mission field? I'm worried I'm identifying too much myself with work. And I’m worried that it’s done at the expense of what I could be doing for His bride or my family.
It feels like I’m slipping away in my relationships and
commitments at church. I don’t feel particularly connected to the LIFE Group,
especially with my delinquent attendance and not having a lot of energy to build
new relationships. I’m not growing spiritually or in my knowledge of Him or His
Word particularly. I don’t feel too bad or guilty per say, just foggy.
And then I’m not feeling too swell as a wife or a mom either.
I’m not doing much for Arthur, other than cooking; or with Arthur for that
matter. I’m barely aware of the kids’ activities or school schedule; and time
with them often means breaking up fights or “fighting with them” instead of
helping the grow or develop character. And no one else likes hosting, and
hosting takes time away from the family too – so use less the hospitality gift?
I just don’t know what good I am to them these days. I love them, I do! But I’m
feeling like I’m not very good for them these days, or what I’m supposed to be
doing with them.
Feeling a little sick physically too.
Riding from the 2024 year end high, it’s perhaps where I
need to start 2025. Feeling a little small, a little low, a little needy –
needing to hear from my Lord. I wish I had clearer goals outside of work. Where
is the list to check off? Where is the roadmap? I don't know where else to go Lord, and I can’t do much else Lord, I can
only come…
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and
burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke
upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you
will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is
easy and my burden is light.”
