What would you call a blessing?

How would you answer this question?

What would you call a blessing? 

For the majority of the population they would probably answer as follows:

Family, Friends, Health, Home, Vehicle, Food and Water, Clothes, Money to pay bills. The list can be fairly long.

My children are my blessings. Straight from the hands of God, placed in my womb to grow and be nurtured. There is no greater joy.... for me anyways.

I had told many people about my current pregnancy, and it never surprises me of the few negative people out of the bunch. "Why do you want another kid," was stated by someone. I don't know that I just woke up one morning and said to myself over a cup of coffee,  " I think I should have another kid."

It is built in me to be a mother. That is my passion. Not a doctor, lawyer or some other profession that requires endless hours away from my family. I can remember back in the first grade and drawing a picture of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I made a picture of a mommy. 

With the passing of Isaiah, I'm sure people are really wondering, "why would she want another kid?" Well,  how can I explain to another person how I felt the day that I loss my son. There are no words that can sum up the loss of a child. To me, there is no greater loss, no deeper pain.  A huge hope dies with your child. All of the preparations that you have put together to get ready for your little one. Then............ to be wheeled out of the hospital with a swollen belly, no baby, and your child is leaving on the opposite end of the hospital in a box with a complete stranger. Need I say more?

So having another child is a blessing to me. To leave the hospital with a child this time, will be an answered prayer. 

In conclusion, it probably isn't a good idea for a person to ask the question, "why do you want another kid," to a bereaved parent.

Missing My Precious Son

I Love You
♥ Isaiah ♥

God Has Blessed Me Again

I just found out about two hours ago that I am pregnant!!!!!!! I am so happy and thankful for God blessing me and my husband after the great loss of Isaiah. I thought that if I ever got pregnant again that I would feel an overwhelming sadness. I don't though. I feel like God has given me a little piece of Isaiah back with this baby. Not as a replacement, but Isaiah is his/her brother and they share the same parents. After I loss Isaiah, I would put my youngest son Parker in bed with me at night and watch him sleep for the longest time. I felt like I had a little piece of Isaiah with me because they are brothers and even though they are separate people, they still share similar characteristics and genes. They are me and my husband. 

I like to think that Isaiah and this new baby inside of me played together on the streets of gold before God had placed him/her in my womb. I sit and smile quietly picturing Isaiah whispering to his brother or sister..... "give mommy all of my love and let her know how much fun I'm having. Let her know that I'm with her and watch her with my brothers and I will be here waiting to greet my mommy with hugs and kisses when she comes home to heaven. Tell her I love her."

Please keep me in your prayers. Fear creeps up and I get scared that something bad is going to happen again. I am choosing to pray immediately when that fear enters my mind, and trust the Lord with my life. I have let Him use my life to bring Him glory, and I will continue to do so. God is the only way for me. 

The pregnancy books tell me that I am due on November 5, 2009. I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Picture Worth A Million Words

Confidence In Pain

Today I felt so comforted and strong throughout the day. At church my best friend came up to me and we were talking for a little bit, and then she mentioned that she just got done holding one of  the newborn babies in our church. She said she kept thinking of Isaiah and how much she wish that he were here with us. She apologized very quickly, afraid that she may have made me feel bad about not having Isaiah with me. My response was quite shocking to me. I said, "he is with Jesus, alive and happy!" Wow, did someone put something in my coffee? That was the first time that I replied with a real positive attitude! Unlike all of the times that  I "fake it up" with my children, when they miss Isaiah and have questions about heaven. 

I was so proud of myself.  As time goes on, and I continue walking in faith and putting complete faith in my God, I get strength. It's not a strength that can be explained in words, but something that grows  deep within my soul. I trust the Lord, and all that He has allowed in my life. 

By the time evening rolled around, I became a crying mess. (Yes, I am laughing at this.) Talk about going through emotions, the guys do put up with a lot, at least at my house they do. I am the only female in our house, I think I deserve a little slack.

I ended up getting out my special little box of  Isaiah's pictures, hand and foot prints and all other treasures, and had my very own private crying shindig in my room:) That is until my husband came in and tried to comfort me. I'll just say that it did not work because I had let the pain brew deep inside me for a few weeks. 

When I was finished I had a pounding headache and a river pouring out my nose, but I felt better. That's all that matters....... Right? 

 So in concluding,  when I think I am feeling really confident about how well I'm grieving, I just might want to count the days from my last "crying shindig." 

 With that said, I continue on my journey.............

~Jenny~

Snowman For My Little Boy

Directed By Jesus

I was waiting in the car for my husband the other day, and it was so quiet. The children were at school and I actually got a quick taste of what quiet "sounds" like:) I looked out my window and watched the world just going, going, going. People walking, cars driving, even the birds going about their business. I sat and thought on my own life for a moment. I feel stuck in my own world.

 I go through the motions of life, usually with a smile on my face, but don't put "Jenny" into life anymore. I know that a huge part of me died the night I lost Isaiah. I mourn the loss of who he would have become, and I miss who I used to be. Their was a spark I carried around with me. I could just lighten up the day for anyone at the snap of a finger. I feel so empty inside now. Like I have nothing left to give. 

I'm figuring that what I am feeling is just a part of the road of grieving. It's an endless road with lots of bumps and turns, but it will take me through this life until the Lord brings me home. I don't want to take any detours and make my own way down the path that God has already written for my life.

While I was sitting in the car watching the world turning, I could hear the Lord telling me that everything is going to be alright and to keep holding onto Him. I could feel His love completely wrapped around me. His way is perfect, and I will continue to let God navigate me through this life. I will have to continually make the choice to "Let Go and Let God." The Lord is so real to me, He is alive, JESUS LIVES! 

Jeremiah 10:23

O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that

walketh to direct his steps.