Love has never been an easy word to comprehend, from strangers to inseparable couples. The whirlwind of emotions, thoughts and memories that pulls us apart and brings us together. One can be in love yet not know how to love, while others understand love when they have never been in one. Everyone's perspective of love is different which makes love unique in their own way.
For me, love has never been easy, neither has loving me been any less complicated (haha)
Fear has been a constant emotion in my life, and me being me it always ends up consuming me - fear of being independent, growing up, being alone, having a long distance relationship.. Imagine my fear upon knowing that I have to spend the next half of the year on my own, being miles apart from my loved ones, only to be communicating via a computer screen at unearthly hours :'(
They say exchange is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, it forces you to grow in ways you never thought you would, throws you in unexpected situations and makes you think from different perspectives. I never knew how true these sayings were till I experienced it for myself, yet what amazed me the most was learning to love someone despite being 13,891km away and 7 hours difference - his nights were my days, time was never really on our side. My 'definition' of love changed, things that I thought were important were now insignificant, yet somehow, our love grew :')
Space
No matter how inseparable a couple may be, space / privacy should always exist between one another. We all need time alone, whether you're married or single. However, what happens when you have too much space between two people? They drift.
I used to fear having too much time apart, well, not anymore. Truth to be told, time apart really allows one to treasure the time that they are together, be it short texts, 5 minutes Skype sessions..
You become less concerned about nitty gritty stuff - like how long he takes to reply a text, how he always gives the impression that he's ignoring you. (oh you get what I mean, haha) And consequently, you learn to be grateful for the little things, respecting the space between each other and unknowingly, your love grows stronger :')
Trust
Space and Trust have an intertwining relationship. With Space, Trust is always needed to prevent a shaky disaster. Yet trust is hard to give / get, us being humans, we complicate things by overthinking the simplest gestures. Our mind runs wild with thoughts that only occurs in our brains.
I used to have a love-hate relationship with trust, never being able to fully embrace this concept - always having bad thoughts in my mind :/ Till now, I have no idea what changed me during this period on exchange such that I am now able to (somewhat, haha) fully entrust my heart to someone who was once a stranger to me. Well, absence makes the heart fonder isn't it? :)
It's been god-knows-how-long since we saw each other, and each and every day I think of the day that I'll be back in his embrace :') Penning these words down is like reaffirming the thoughts in my head and reminding me of what goes through my brain most of the time (apparently I'm like a goldfish cause half the time I can't remember the things I say)
Thankful for the chance to embark on this amazing journey, putting our love to the test yet gaining so much more from the experience. It's during times like this when life throws you in the most unexpected environments that you grow in ways you never imagine - discovering the part of yourself that you never thought you had.
So, here it is babe, my most valuable present to you this birday - my heart ♥ (finally!!!)
I wish with all the pixie dust I can find that I can be there with you, watching you make your birday wishes and having that silly smile on your face :') I'm sorry I can't be there physically, but I'm sure that you'll have one of the best birdays in your life even without me ^^
Happy Birday my love, you're getting closer to being a fatty soon (haha) Won't love you as much if you become one! :P
