Mormon Culture: Articles of Faith

Ok, Mom sent me this, which was sent through the usual LDS channels. Too funny. Several of our family members fit. Where are you?





1. We believe in SUVs and minivans, as the form of transportation, and in knee length shorts, which are always nice, and in multilevel scripture marking.

2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.

3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice all casseroles can be saved through obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.

4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole, that is, if you have it.

5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name; that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historical figure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings and French prefixes only add to a name, and that when referring to the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.

6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes, namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth. (Me)

7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, family photos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.

8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; we also believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.

9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will now scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations. (Me, big time)

10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.

11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances with any visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the same privilege, and let them name drop the names of the Famous and general authorities how, where, or what they may. (Mom, especially when genealogy in mentioned)

12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses, and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining Glenn Beck. (Chip, Mom)

13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and being fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say that we follow BYU football. We believe rumors about famous people joining the church, we hope to meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after these things. (Emily?)

Help a Sister Out!

I have entered a proposal for the Limeades for Learning contest going on at Sonic. It is a request for new safety goggles and aprons for my classroom.

Please help me out by saving the stickers on your Sonic drinks. Go to www.limeadesforlearning.com and vote for my project. The easiest way to find me is to search "bacon".

Vote early, vote often. They are funding projects every week based on votes. My friend Nancy has already had one funded and has over 100 votes on her second project.

Thanks family! Let's make those caffeine addictions pay off! (I'm talking to you Donna!)

Matt's High Adventure

I feel the need to post this for Matt. The Monday after graduation Matt left with 10 other graduating senior Priests from our ward (and 6 brave men) on a High Adventure trip to Colorado. There they participated in 3 days of white-water rafting down the Arkansas River.

Day 1 - fairly easy. Day 2 - something called "The Numbers" (very difficult). Day 3 - Rafting under the Royal Gorge Bridge (very, VERY, difficult). All of them made it great. Not one person fell out of the boats. A very fun trip, but also very testimony filled. This was really the last time that this large group of boys would be together. Patrick leaves for Peru in 6 weeks, Heath is heading to BYU, etc. These boys have been together for a really long time and really strengthen each other. I am so grateful to them, their parents, and the leaders of these fine young men.

Graduation Plans

Graduation is almost here. Next Friday night at 8:00. For those who are planning on attending, here is the plans so far.

1. Please join us at our house around 5:00 for a quick dinner and cake. It will be a great time to actually SEE Matt.

2. We will caravan to the United Spirit Arena about 6:30 - 6:45. I know that's early, but we are a little concerned about handicapped parking and finding a good seat.

3. Speaking of parking, the handicapped parking is on the West side of the arena. It's probably a good idea to sit on that side as well. I'm aiming for section 101 or 123. If you are arriving later, look for us there.

4. We are all grateful that it's "Bacon with a B." We are suggesting that GiGi, Ma and anyone else who is so inclined to head home after Matt walks. It is a big class and it will be a long night. Chip and I are planning to see it through to the end.

I think that's it. If anyone has any questions, please let me know. Directions to the USA are easy to find on Google. (Basically, its on the west end of the Tech campus near 19th and Indiana.) Again, we all look forward to seeing you there!

Meet Bug.

This is Bug. She belongs to the Tombs Family, some very good friends of ours. Chip adds: "Up until this weekend.") They are on Spring Break in California this week. Elizabeth (the mom) called in a panic the morning they were to leave.

Elizabeth: "Can Bug stay with you this week? David will bring her over."
Me: "I thought ya'll had left already."
Elizabeth: "I'm working on it, he'll bring her food and stuff."
Me: "OK, no problem."

Five minutes later, David walks over and hands Josh a bucket of food and the leash. That's it.

We have learned a few things about Bug this week.

1. Don't leave jellybeans in a pretty Easter jar on the coffee table. Bug may be short, but she has a high jump.
2. The doggy door learning curve for Pugs is at least 36 hours. (See dump on Ma's bedroom carpet.)
3. Although Bug sleeps in a carrier at her home, the Tombs all sleep upstairs and do not hear the constant whining ALL NIGHT LONG.
4. Bug really prefers to sleep in bed with humans or on Chip's Dallas Cowboy woobie blanket.
5. There is a symphony of snorts, licks, and snores emanating from Bug at all times.
6. But her worst emanation is the farts. They give new meaning to the phrase "silent but deadly." She clears a room. You know where she is lurking by the green cloud. This was not mentioned during the frantic phone call.

There better be some sweet souvenir in the future.

What's New with the Bacons

Short and sweet.

1. Matt has new braces. He's not happy. He refused my attempts to take his picture.











2. Josh is into card tricks. He drives us a little crazy. "MOM, PICK A CARD..." I hear it in my sleep.











3. Chip has fallen in love with a red, 1968 two door Volvo he saw in a little car lot by Sams. He's thinking about selling Josh to pay for it.

4. I have jury duty on Wednesday. I am not as excited about it as Aunt Linda. I hope my student teacher survives the day alone.

5. Ma has turned her attention to FaceBook. And something called Dragon Wars. If you are her "friend," you might ask her about it.

6. Pa has his projects: Matt's finally paid for all the parts for the car he wrecked. They putter around on it some. I think there is something brewing in the shed. He and Lily go for rides.

7. One more week till spring break. Josh has tennis camp. Matt will work, work, work.

Short and sweet.

Mom's Tag

Vicki needs....

1. Vicki needs to pay the rent.
2. Vicki needs round the clock care.
3. Vicki needs to go!
4. Vicki needs some crack desperately. (there's a video to prove it)
5. Vicki needs new tires for her truck and an alignment.
6. Vicki needs a wake up call.
7. Vicki needs to learn some class and manners.

Chip needs.....

1. Chip needs a reality check.
2. Chip needs dentures.
3. Chip needs love.
4. Chip needs more UML like a hole in the head. (can Reed or Eric explain?)
5. Chip needs a third less power.
6. Chip needs a hug.
7. Chip needs time to recover.